Meditation On The Meaning Of Dirt

A deeply personal poetic meditative take on what the meaning of dirt can be for you. Turning your old story into a new one. Seeing what you might have felt is dirt for a long time in a new and positive light, accepting even the darkest parts of you and your stories as being there and being loved. Recorded live (some slight background noises may occur).

Transcript

The meaning of dirt,

Dust,

Mud,

Trash,

Garbage,

Waste,

Stuff without worth.

What do I feel?

It makes me anxious,

Alone,

A feeling of no control.

I need to get rid of it,

Clean up.

I'm seeking for something to give my life meaning.

I'm holding on to old rules,

Being the caretaker,

The cleaner,

After others but myself,

An impossible job.

The more I clean,

The more dirt shows up,

A vicious cycle in my head.

Dirty windows,

Dirt in my youth,

No shower or toilet,

Broken bottles,

The smell of wine,

Surviving in a mess,

With no choice or self respect,

Living outside of society and inside of my mind.

This is no life but a prison of trash,

As I dreamed so many times before,

How my father died in dirt.

No water,

No food,

Everything was decayed,

A moment in the sun but with no warm embrace.

I've learned more about seeing things wasting away than watching them grow,

Giving it time,

Water and love to create something instead of destroy it.

What is my dirt?

My idea of failure,

My fears,

My thoughts,

My self destructiveness,

My lost family,

My lost relationships,

My lost jobs,

My lost self.

Dear one,

Dreams get stuck in mud,

Hearts get stuck in the emptiness of others,

Also lost and waiting to be found.

My idea of dirt is spending my life doing nothing,

Going nowhere,

Laying on the floor,

Intoxicated like dust on the ground.

Someone who doesn't care about how it all looks or feels after the storm is gone,

Cause there is always someone to clean up.

But all this dirt is not mine,

It never was.

It may be given,

I had to live in it,

I had to live through it,

But never became it.

Because my life is about growth,

Planting seeds,

Fresh air,

Healthier roots,

Self love.

I do care about my home.

I do care about my state of being,

Not pushing trash under the carpet.

So the meaning of dirt from now on is a reminder that I am never someone else's story.

I am not a story,

I just carry a story,

Transforming into whatever I feel is worth living for,

With no shame,

Guilt or regret about who I am and what my heart wants.

Now just breathe into this.

Reviews

Ontzettend mooi verhaal. Het raakte me diep van binnen

Beautiful. Thank you for sharing your experience. Very heartfelt. Wishing you a peaceful solstice