The Antidote To Anxiety

Anxiety and worry pull us out of the present moment and into fearful projections about the future. Practicing presence is important, but there is a surprising antidote to anxiety that nourishes our spirit at the same time it brings us peace, contentment, and hope.

Transcript

Welcome to Spiritual Psychology.

My name is Renee LaValley McKenna and I bring my 30 plus years as a recovering addict and ex-crazy person,

Turned therapist and shamanic healer,

To bring you snackable teachings on spirituality,

Psychology,

And all things personal growth.

And today I want to talk about the cure for anxiety.

And I,

Like many people,

Have struggled and suffered with anxiety my entire life.

Although I have usually presented with a lot of confidence,

My internal experience of myself and the world has been riddled with fear,

Pretty much as far back as I can remember.

And although my anxiety is quieter and less frequent than it's ever been in my life,

It can still creep in and bite me in the butt.

And once the anxiety has a hold of my ass,

Like a pit bull with its favorite bone,

It tends to not want to let go.

And like most forms of suffering,

And worry,

Fear,

Anxiety are absolutely suffering,

The seeds of the solution are found within the problem.

And like all distress and discomfort,

Physical,

Mental,

Emotional,

Relational,

Spiritual pain are information that something needs to change.

Pain and suffering are a call for attention.

And the problem with fear,

Worry,

And anxiety is that the problem is almost completely in our mind.

Unless you're in clear and imminent danger,

Like being attacked by that pit bull or in a war zone,

Fear is almost always a projection about the future.

In fact,

If you're being attacked or under fire or in some other kind of dire emergency,

Fear is often accompanied by intense awareness and presence that allows us to take the actions necessary to save or protect ourselves.

I live near Ocean Beach in San Francisco,

And there's a huge surfing community that can be found out on those big waves most days.

And the surf is really intense.

There's a strong undertow,

And at every stairway from the boardwalk leading down into the sand,

There's a sign that says,

Warning,

Dangerous surf.

People have drowned here swimming and wading.

About a year ago,

There was a terrible tragedy.

Two boys who were cousins were playing on the beach,

And the riptide pulled them into the water.

And the father of one of the boys ran into the water to try to save them,

But he couldn't swim,

So he got into trouble.

And a 17-year-old surfer who was out in the water heard the calls for help and jumped right into action.

He grabbed one of the boys,

Pulled him up onto his surfboard,

And paddled him in.

And once he was in shallow enough to be able to walk,

He looked back out and he sees the dad just bobbing up and down in the water.

And he asked the kid,

Can your dad swim?

And he's like,

No.

So he hands the kid he brought to safety a surfboard and swims back out to get the dad and drags him in by the arm.

And rescue crews searched late into the night for the other 14-year-old boy,

And they never found him.

And when they asked that heroic young man,

How did you decide to save these people?

He said,

I didn't decide anything.

I didn't think at all.

I just did the next right thing.

I didn't think about it till later.

There was no time for fear or anxiety.

He was completely present.

And I know for myself,

Like many of us in the Western world,

I've had to learn how to become present.

And although babies are naturally and deeply present,

I think that's part of the reason that people are so drawn to them.

Because true presence just emanates life force.

And I know for myself,

I'm so grateful that I was able to take the time when my children were very small and really be present with them.

It was actually before the advent of the iPhone.

In fact,

My daughter was two in June of 2007 when the iPhone was released.

And so there was nothing to distract me at the playground,

In the park,

Or even at home from just being fully present with my kids.

And that period is one of the most precious of my entire life because I was energy matching the babies.

They're seeing,

Discovering,

Interacting with everything in the world for the first time.

My daughter's first word was tree.

And her second word was fish.

So much for mama.

That girl was born independent.

I think her third word was higher,

To be pushed on the swing.

And everyone parents differently.

And I decided to adjust myself to my children's schedule rather than trying to get them to adjust to mine.

And so I would nap when they napped.

I would eat when they ate.

I would play when they played.

And they taught me how to be present.

And again,

That was probably the most peaceful,

Grounded,

Anxiety-free time of my entire life.

And then they got big and started moving into the world and had their own anxieties.

And although I am not an anxious parent,

I did my best to teach them to trust the world and themselves in it.

I have certainly had my share of sleepless nights worrying about my children for different reasons.

And if we look deeply at worry and anxiety,

They are almost always fearful projections into the future.

And those fearful projections into the future ruin our experience right now.

Because as Eckhart Tolle teaches in The Power of Now,

The future is a mental construct.

Fear about the future is a fantasy.

In fact,

Things rarely,

I could say almost never,

Come to pass the way that I imagine.

And in reality,

What is real is only the ever-present now.

And so how do we come out of our heads and into our bodies,

Our spirits,

In present time?

That's the work.

And prayer,

Meditation,

Yoga,

Really anything that gets us out of our mind and into our body and spirit can be a tool for presence.

Spending time with people,

Doing things that we love to do.

Dance,

Music,

Creativity,

Exercise,

Engaging with the world in real time instead of living through this mental filter of internal chatter about what's going to happen.

I find being outside incredibly helpful.

There's something about being in a room or on a screen that disconnects me from the experience of the life force and the perpetual motion that we're all a part of.

Just sitting outside for a couple minutes,

Watching the clouds go by,

Listening to the traffic,

Hanging out with my dogs is one of the best ways,

I know,

To kind of instantly come present.

I find it harder to do even meditating unless I'm meditating with other people.

I'm a very kinesthetic person.

I really feel the energy of things and being with other living entities,

Whether it's plants or the elements or humans or other creatures,

Is really grounding and connecting for me.

Being in a room where everything is non-living,

It's much harder.

That's why I usually light a candle because there's at least life force coming through the candle.

So presence is a practice.

And to really affirm,

As Thich Nhat Hanh says,

I am aware of the present moment and it is a beautiful moment.

And most moments,

If we really come present into them,

Are safe,

That everything is okay.

In fact,

You might want to take a moment right now and just notice the space and place that you are in.

Feel your body,

Whether you're still or in motion.

Notice the quality of the air and the quality of the light.

And notice that in this moment right now,

You are safe.

Of course,

Then for me,

Immediately my mind goes back to the future.

And that's why it's a practice.

Practice,

Practice,

Practice.

So that's the larger practice of presence.

It is the antidote to anxiety,

Worry,

And fear.

But there's a shortcut.

I love shortcuts.

And the shortcut to curing anxiety for me is gratitude.

My fears and worries are almost always about losing something that I have or not getting something that I really want.

And when I can be grateful for what is,

My whole resonance changes and the fear and anxiety fall away.

Gratitude as a shortcut to presence and the antidote to anxiety.

I have a client,

Lovely young woman,

Very high functioning,

But she really struggles with perfectionism,

The need for other people's approval,

And pretty chronic anxiety.

And she recently got into her first big relationship.

In fact,

She feels like he might be the one.

And their relationship is really beautiful.

She's done a lot of intentional work to be vulnerable and emotionally honest,

To share her difficulties and challenges,

As well as her strengths and beauty.

And they offer each other a lot of intimacy and joy and support.

And frequently when she's not with him,

She's overwhelmed with the anxiety that the relationship might end.

And she can't bear the thought.

And she's realizing that her reactions to her anxiety actually damage the relationship.

That it makes her want to pull back,

To maybe love him less,

To protect herself from the possibility of loss.

Sometimes even when they're together,

She'll get stuck in anxious loops of,

What if he doesn't really love me?

Or what if we break up?

And she's not able to be present for this deep and fulfilling connection that they have.

And so we talked about cultivating an attitude of gratitude rather than a perspective of fear.

To be grateful and appreciative for their time together rather than thinking about when it might end.

She's a deeply religious woman and the love and compassion of Mary is a tremendous source and comfort for her.

And when she makes a spiritual connection with Mary,

She says,

I feel a connection with my own soul self.

She drops out of her head and into her heart.

She's a tremendously kind and generous person.

And when she's in gratitude,

She feels this love flowing out of her.

And when she's in fear,

It's like a black hole of lack.

And so after a recent weekend together and this new gratitude practice,

She reported every time my anxiety came up,

I just look at him and think,

I'm so grateful that we have this time right now.

And sometimes I'd have to do it over and over,

But the anxiety pretty much went away and we had an awesome time together.

And over time,

It's become clear that worry and anxiety are not the enemy.

They're actually a misguided attempt to keep me safe.

That my mind is trying to guess what might happen so I can be prepared,

So I can protect myself.

And like my client,

My mind is often disconnected from my soul level experience,

Which is only available in present time.

And connecting our frightened ego and personality self that feels disconnected,

Alone,

Unloved or unsupported.

And connecting it with the experience that it is part of a larger system,

That whether we're aware of it or not,

We are always connected.

Breathing in and out every moment,

Held to the earth with gravity,

Taking in and expelling food,

Interacting with others.

But that seems to be the existential or evolutionary work of being a human here in the middle world.

This core wound we all have of feeling disconnected.

But on the deepest levels,

It's not true.

And being able to integrate and really feel our connection with the larger consciousness system is transformative on every level.

It has been for me,

And it's really what my entire book is about.

Allies and Demons.

Working with Spirit for Power and Healing.

The first four chapters are about experientially connecting with the divine,

With God,

With nature,

With our own highest self.

It's an experience beyond the intellect.

And when our soul is connected and grateful,

Then our mind can relax and do its work.

It has a place,

But in the Western psyche,

Most of us,

The intellect is panicked because it has lost that soul connection that it so deeply needs.

And for me,

Presence,

And particularly a practice of gratitude,

Is a shortcut to that connection.

So gratitude is a cure for anxiety.

Blessings on your path until we meet again.

This is Renee LaValley McKenna for Spiritual Psychology.

Reviews

I love your way of communicating. Translating challenging behaviors into manageable, bite sized responses. Thank you. I’m gonna send this to my adult daughters raising young children, and buy your book

Hi! This really resonates for me. And I love your humor. 😀Thanks so much-I’ll definitely revisit this talk.

Loved it! Thanks so much for your kind words full of wisdom.