No more waiting now.
Can't you see it's the waiting that's killing you by stopping you from really living?
There is nothing to wait for.
It will not get any better than this and it won't get worse.
You will not become more certain of what you believe.
You will never know for sure what or if God is.
You will not learn to live in a way that dodges discomfort.
You cannot outrun or out eat the gnawing,
Aching,
Needing inside you.
This,
This is what it feels like to be alive.
This free fall,
Free flow.
What is going on?
What is it all about?
Who am I and how shall I live swell?
You are not doing it wrong.
There is no puzzle piece or spiritual practice or personal habit that just needs to be slotted into place for everything to finally feel right.
Because truly,
What's so wrong with this?
Aren't you here?
Aren't you breathing?
Don't you love in feeling and in action day by day by day?
Yes,
Even with the floundering,
Hurting,
Becoming.
So please dear heart,
Please stop waiting.
Not tomorrow,
Not after this visit or when you finish that book.
But now,
Now is waiting for you.
Her hands are wide open,
Naked,
Tender palms outstretched to you.
She is nothing more or less than she is and she asks nothing more or less of you.