Truth Is Power. Love Power.
Describing truth as power is just another way of saying 'truth is the Creator'. That is why admitting the truth sets us free (although it may make us miserable temporarily). Indeed Jesus asked us to build our homes on rock rather than sand because living in truth is safer finally. It is also the key to being remembered. Truth outlasts trends. Books written in truth are read for centuries. Just look at The Bible, The Bhagavad Gita, The Koran, or even works by poets Rumi or Hafez, or by Hldegard von Bingen in the 9/10 th Century. Why are these works and people remembered? Because they expressed the eternal Energy within, and something inside each of us feels this. Mostly, we are captivated by it. Even centuries later. Premasudha's greatest joy is to help others embody the truth within. Her personal struggles with her own ego have left her with the great gift of being able to identify ego machinations and help activate the truth/Creator within us.
Transcript
Creator's grace,
Alma's grace,
The grace coming from your own soul.
You live in your soul energy.
You live in grace.
You might not feel that,
But that's where you are.
Yeah.
So when you ask for grace,
Pray for grace,
You're showing your willingness to open to the truth of you.
Yeah.
Okay,
Good.
Just before we open for questions,
I just want to talk about truth.
So truth is God,
You guys,
You know.
What's that expression?
Truth will set you free,
But first it will make you miserable.
So truth makes the ego miserable.
But it's the building your house on a rock,
Not a sand.
So it's challenging to be true in this culture,
But it's safest.
It is safest.
Because then you're lodging more in the powerhouse of your being,
In the truth of your being,
In the eternal nature of your being.
And that is what gives us a kind of fearlessness that happens.
Once you start getting in touch with your being and understanding how to live this way,
You become very fearless because you go,
Okay,
I felt this fear before.
I moved through it into truth.
I can do it again.
And you do it over and over and over.
But first of all,
You have to have the experience of doing it.
And this is where the rub is for many of you.
And it's very understandable.
But just again,
Before we start,
If you just observe,
Bring your attention to the level of your truth-telling.
If somebody says what you're doing,
What are you doing?
And maybe you're sitting eating chocolates,
And you feel like,
Oh,
I shouldn't do that.
So you jump out of that.
You could say,
Well,
I'm just eating.
But if we're scared of the truth where we feel we have to protect ourselves,
We'll make up a little lie and go,
Oh,
I'm reading a philosophy book.
Yeah.
Do you see what I mean?
And every time we do these things,
It reinforces your ego.
And many of us just do it.
We don't even notice.
We just lie all the time,
Really.
So I want you to please bring your attention to it.
It's a very,
Very powerful thing to do.
It is a form of meditation to do this.
And you could see that it wouldn't be that useful if you're doing spiritual practices and you're lying all the time,
Even if it's subtly.
Because if you're lying to others,
You will be lying to yourself and lying to God.
And lying to God is useless,
Because it's like we know if you've spent any time around Amma,
That she knows everything anyway.
The thing that's heart-rending is that we do it out of feeling a distrust.
We don't think it's safe to just be ourselves.
We think we have to,
Like,
Be like puppets or hide.
So,
You know,
I know I've spoken about this before,
Just finding the will to notice if you move away from the truth and then just notice.
Don't berate yourself,
Just notice.
Because if you're just noticing,
What will happen is you will start to be more truth-telling.
You know,
With premasuda,
I used to feel kind of anxiety if I started lying after a certain point.
When I was at my worst,
If people questioned my lies,
I would get more righteous than anything.
I would be defending my,
You know,
Lie,
Like,
You know.
But once I got over that,
I started getting anxious if I lied at all.
So,
Yeah.
Because to move out of truth at all is to move away from the creator,
From mama.
And it's rampant in our culture.
And you don't have to be brutal with the truth,
You know.
It's like with eating the chocolate.
She could say,
Oh,
I'm just eating,
You know.
You could even say,
I'm just getting some nourishment,
Which the person is less likely to say,
Oh,
What are you eating?
Right.
Now,
Remember,
There's a lot of love here.
It's like premasuda is just wanting to give you permission to be yourselves,
To make it safer for you to be yourselves.
I mean,
You don't need permission from premasuda to be yourselves.
Just your existence gives you permission to be your true self.
But premasuda just wants to make it support you doing that.
So,
One of the things that happens to premasuda,
If somebody is speaking with me and they're not really coming from the truth of them,
Premasuda will start feeling this confusion.
And then I'll say,
Hey,
What's going on here?
And then if the person is still unwilling to put their cards on the table,
What will happen is premasuda will start getting,
Will start comprehending what they're not wishing to speak about and what's being avoided.
And then premasuda doesn't see it as like,
Oh,
This is them doing this.
It just seems like a global thing.
It's just what's happening in this moment.
And probably all over the world,
If this person is doing this,
Also reflecting part of premasuda,
Do you know what I mean?
It's not like a terrible thing.
It's just that as you proceed,
You will start feeling more and more comfortable with truth.
I showed somebody a picture of me when I was 55,
And I think I'll bring it to Germany.
Because I think,
Well,
You will look at this and go,
This person looks like a completely different person.
It doesn't look like premasuda.
And I look older than I do now.
And I had far less energy.
And yet I was a sincere seeker.
I was doing my best,
But I wasn't able to get the level of depth that is currently there now.
But really,
I just,
It's just like a completely different person.
This is the power of moving into truth.
Yeah.
It's total.
Your physical change,
Your emotions change,
Everything changes.
Okay.
Oh,
This is what I wanted to,
And I hope,
You know,
If you have a question,
Please keep,
If you were going to speak,
Please don't let yourself be turned away by what I've just been talking about.
Just come forward.
Yeah,
Please.
You guys are sometimes like orchids,
Like,
If I touch you,
You groove.
And it's like,
Don't do that.
Yeah.
You want your freedom enough that you dare to come forward.
Yeah.
Veronica,
What did,
Okay,
You've decided to speak.
Good.
Yes.
Hi.
Hi.
I hope that everybody's doing well today.
Happy Easter.
Yeah.
I'll just give the backstory.
So,
Veronica contacted me and said she wanted to speak with me.
And I said,
Sweetie,
The whole point of satsangs is to bring it forward in the satsang.
So,
You know,
Premasuddha speaks,
It's easiest for Premasuddha to speak with all the people that come really regularly,
Because I know the level of sincerity is high.
But even so,
Often more healing than even speaking to Premasuddha is speaking to the group,
Because you get an experience of a group's compassion.
And this is what we need so much,
Like a loving community in our lonely cultures.
And that's why it's so healing.
Yeah.
So anyway,
Veronica,
Let it rip,
Sweet one.
Okay.
When I contacted you,
I was going through what felt like some real psychological attacks on me.
You know,
I have been doing these little video recordings every day.
And on YouTube,
I,
Long story short,
Discovered somebody who was mimicking me and copying me.
So I put out,
You know,
More content that addressed it,
And noticed that it had stopped.
But,
You know,
Seeing a reflection of myself with that type of negative frequency attached to it made me really take a step back and look at myself.
And I was really grateful for the redirection that the universe had gifted me in that moment.
So I went through a few days of struggling with trying to come to terms or come to some sort of understanding about it.
And ultimately,
I landed on Amma's grace and forgiveness,
Forgiving myself for acting out of ego and trying to represent myself with a voice that was not as.
.
.
It was like a more shallow voice of me,
If that makes sense.
And yeah,
It felt,
It feels really good.
I've been talking to Amma in spirit every day,
All day.
I've noticed a big change in my life since then.
I've noticed that my chest is opened more,
Like my shoulders.
I'm able to feel my,
The back of my neck.
I'm able to feel parts of my head that I haven't felt before,
Which is crazy.
Good.
It's coming out of nothing.
That's good.
Becoming more conscious.
You feel more of your body.
Yay.
Yeah.
It's good.
Yeah.
We all get shocked into it,
Right?
So I have empathy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I have empathy for the person who thought that they could eat my light,
But I believe in the power of love and the power of God.
And moving forward,
I just want to embody more of that.
But that was my takeaway from the trials and tribulations of this past week.
I had to walk away from a lot of people and like withdraw my energy from a lot of the more toxic online spheres.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
So I wanted to share that.
Yeah.
It's kind of the only place ever to go is to get more devoted,
You know,
Seeing our,
Seeing the darkness that we were in and correcting,
Allowing a correction.
Yeah.
That's it.
I mean,
This is,
You know,
Over and over again,
Sweet one,
Really,
These kind of shocks.
And then you get more and more,
Less and less attached to the storyline,
And you get quicker and quicker.
But this sounds like you've handled this very well.
It feels like it.
Okay.
It feels like it.
Yeah,
I feel really great about the whole thing overall.
And I received a message from Spirit to go to a sacred site today.
So I'm about a half an hour away from there and I'm going to go pray.
Good.
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah,
Sweet one.
I mean,
You know,
If one wishes to become a spiritual teacher and a spiritual guide,
The universe gives a very comprehensive training for it,
You know,
Like that you're going through.
As soon as you want this,
The universe goes,
Okay,
Well,
You know,
Are you,
Are you willing to clear this thing?
And it is actually how everybody who steps forward as a teacher gets this intense training.
So it is kind of a safety,
A check and balance from the universe.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yes.
Right.
I feel like I've been prepared since the day of my birth for this moment.
Right.
Well,
That's,
I mean,
Your soul will be,
Yeah,
Happy with your response,
Your innocent response,
Being able to move past the storyline and go to the heart and help this experience drop your shell and become more aware of your body.
That's what happens.
It's like I say,
I'm aware of my whole body 24 seven,
What my clothes feel like on all parts of my body,
All at the same time as I'm speaking to you.
Yeah.
Also what's going on inside my body.
Yeah.
That's,
That's being present.
Yep.
It's beautiful.
It is beautiful.
It is.
It's wonderful.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Good.
Thank you.
Good.
I can feel you're receiving a transmission.
Yes.
It's very good.
It's strengthening your high heart.
It's very good.
Well,
Strengthening your whole self,
But that's it.
Sweet one.
Yeah.
It's coming to all of you guys as well.
That's it.
Oh,
I'm happy,
Veronica.
This is what I wished.
Thank you.
You see,
We just almost grace.
We just bumble into it.
We kind of just,
We get a shock and we take it back.
We bumble away,
You know?
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's it.
That's it.
And you know,
When something like this anger and fear and even hate can come up,
But then you decide you,
You just watch it.
You don't want to play in it.
So you just keep,
Yes,
That's the key.
You just don't want to play in it.
So you keep aiming for higher ground.
That's it.
And it comes.
That's it.
You're receiving this transmission beautifully.
This is what I wished.
Okay.
Good.
Good.
There are a couple of you that are really beginning to open in your high heart.
And that's what this work is all about.
It really is high heart work.
It's soul work.
And that's your high heart,
Just between your heart and your neck.
Yeah.
And that's your soul gift.
And we have to feel safe enough to be able to express that.
And some of you guys that you,
Where you have conflicts with Pramasuta,
It's just around that.
Where Pramasuta is wishing more of this high heart to move into the high,
Help you move into the high heart.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And some of you are going,
Pramasuta,
You're being mean to me.
No,
No,
No,
No.
I'm just trying to help you into a higher vibration.
You know,
That is what this work is,
You guys.
It's high vibratory work.
You know,
That's why you want to be here.
That's why it feels good.
Yeah.
Okay.
Blessings.
Thank you,
Veronica.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right.
And I just want to say the innocence,
It's the innocence of the fool in the fairy tale.
The innocence of the guy with the constant prayer of that pilgrim.
Yeah.
That's what works.
Okay.
Yeah,
You're very dear.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We've just been trained out of it,
But it's the truth of us so we can find it again inside us.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I love what you just said there.
And it's like,
You gotta lose it to find it,
Right?
You gotta go a little crazy to get a little sane.
That could be like a pop song,
Right?
You gotta go a little crazy to be a little sane.
It's true.
And in a way,
That is what's going on in the world right now.
It's going a little crazy and hopefully we find our sanity,
A deeper sanity.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay,
You guys.
Anybody else got something on their mind?
I'll go.
Good.
Erin.
Good morning.
I'm Erin.
I'm Drew and I've been listening to the satsangs on Insight Timer,
Which has been such a gift.
So I'm grateful.
I'm grateful.
So everything that you've been talking about the last few weeks,
I'm being developed in and tested in forgiveness and learning about truth.
So the question that I have right now is Amma is new to me.
Yeah.
I'm learning about her.
So I'm just wondering how I best call her into my life and help me with what I'm struggling with.
You know,
Just,
You know,
Anything,
You know,
Look at a picture,
Call on her.
Sweetie,
If you think of her,
She's sort of there showing us what our souls,
The truth of our soul more.
Do you see what I mean?
She's like a symbol of your own soul.
Okay.
So the love that she embodies here on earth is the same love that is present in your own soul.
So you are that.
In fact,
You are that and just asking for it,
Asking for the love,
Asking for her grace.
That's why I start off these groups with asking for grace that's opening the door to her.
Yeah.
You know,
I can feel you feel separate,
But you're not.
Just,
Yeah,
Just this.
How are you feeling physically?
How's your body?
Not great.
Yes.
I've been struggling for a while.
I think it's lifting,
But not great.
What do you think is lifting?
What's I've had some issues in my pelvic area and they think they figured it out,
But I'm just going through like this morning.
I feel nausea.
I just don't feel great.
So it's been going on a while.
Okay.
Okay.
So nausea is often associated with when we're clearing the way to embody our divinity.
Okay.
Okay.
So it seems like a bad thing,
But it's actually means that you're moving into more truth.
Okay.
Yeah.
Even if it's a symptom of an illness.
Okay.
Okay.
This is what I,
Premasutha feels bulimia is about,
Is around refusing to be strengthened,
To embody one's truth,
To keep one sort of starved and weak,
You know,
And the throwing up.
Right.
Yeah.
And if you do that,
There's a,
You know,
You can,
You can feel there's a kind of a very,
It's almost like silence right after you've thrown up.
It's kind of like your,
Your ego is,
It's the opposite of mobilized.
It's vulnerable.
Yeah.
It's not silence.
It's not the real silence,
But it's a little bit of a facsimile of it.
And a woman can feel very feminine right then.
Wow.
Yeah.
And this is all part of,
And actually she's,
She's refusing to embody her truth,
Female nature.
But anyway,
That's a whole,
I don't want to overload you with this.
I want to go to your heart,
Sweet one.
And it's,
Oh,
Sweet one.
Yeah.
You know,
I'm really glad that you had the courage to join satsangs.
It's,
It's,
It's rare that people make this bridge,
But I,
I,
I want to give you permission.
It's like,
There's a feeling that you've been blocked for a long time.
And yes.
And,
And this is what Prama Sutta is working with.
It's,
It's for you to realize that it's no longer necessary.
It's like that.
You're going to,
It's just kind of going to dawn on you that you don't have to do this to yourself anymore.
Yeah.
And part of you would like to like,
Keep the status quo going,
Keep it going.
Yeah.
And just be aware of that,
You guys,
Just be aware.
It's like,
Yeah.
And,
But it feels safer in a way to to move into truth.
It's like,
It's like you have a very deeply intuitive part and you know that it's safer to flow with this because the whole universe is going this way.
And this is what the universe wants.
And you don't want to be stuck with a nihilistic viewpoint in the next life.
What do you mean by nihilistic?
Nihilistic.
What does that mean?
Yeah.
It's interesting.
You're going,
What does this mean?
Because people do this.
They'll say,
What does this mean?
Or if they're doing German translation,
They'll go,
Oh,
What's,
What's,
There's no German word for this.
It's okay.
This is what we like.
What do you think nihilistic means?
Sort of fatalistic.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's kind of like meaninglessness.
Yeah.
Oh,
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Meaninglessness and kind of a little bit of a contaminated towards an orientation towards death kind of,
You know,
It's sort of like,
Oh,
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
This is the heart of what's bothering you.
Okay.
And you have permission to grow beyond it.
This is so sweet because part of you go,
I'm not sure I want to.
Now,
Look,
It's okay because,
You know,
As soon as Premasuddha starts talking,
It's like,
It's,
We get,
Like,
Reminded of our mother or whatever,
You know,
It's like,
It's okay to,
It's okay to,
For the resistance to come up.
It's just something to keep in mind.
Right.
For you consciously about whether you really want to outgrow this or not.
And I'll tell you,
Premasuddha is testament that you can outgrow this and that there's a whole other way of experiencing life.
This is what Premasuddha wants to share.
Great.
I'm going to ask for Amma's help for you.
Thank you.
Right.
This is what you really need,
Right?
And this is what you're really wanting.
It's like,
I'm going to help make a bridge between you and Amma so you can feel her grace.
That's it.
Your problem was that you were trying to make a bridge from your head and you can't make it that way.
It has to be a full body bridge,
Like a bridge from the heart that affects the cells of your body.
Sometimes we try to bridge,
Build a bridge to God,
To the Creator with our linear mind and that's just,
We just get caught in religiosity.
Erin,
You're good enough.
You deserve this.
Just turning up week after week will be like an IV.
Okay.
And it will just do the work for you,
Really,
In a way.
Nice.
Yes.
Yes.
Okay,
Good.
Thank you.
It's like if you go to another country,
Especially if you're young enough,
You just pick up the language.
It just happens organically.
This is how we actually learn,
More organically,
More like a child does.
That's it.
Right.
Okay.
Your soul really wants to give a gift this life and this nihilistic patterning has gotten in the way,
But your soul really wants to come forward this life and you must feel this.
I do.
Yeah.
That's why you're here.
Really,
Just sincere people come.
Yeah.
Good.
Thank you.
How do you feel right now?
Better.
Good.
Good nausea.
Better.
Clear.
Yeah.
Good.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Jai Ma.
Jai Ma.
Thank you,
Amma.
Thank you,
Amma.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm seeing her with a big smile.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Great.
Yeah.
And just keep reminding yourself,
Even when you start feeling separate,
Just keep reminding yourself that the grace is coming to you.
Okay.
Okay.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Thanks for coming forward,
Erin.
Thanks.
Of course.
Yeah.
Sweetlands,
Come forward.
Somebody got.
.
.
Hello,
Pramasuta.
Marianne.
Marianne.
I'm just looking for you.
Yeah,
There you are.
Okay,
Good.
Sweetland,
How are you?
Hello.
Better than yesterday and better than the last week,
So yeah.
Good.
You told me to meditate and I really wanted it,
But I couldn't do it.
I did it twice,
Though,
But something just didn't let me do it.
And I don't know.
So I went through.
.
.
That's what I wrote you.
I went through shame,
Through the whole stuff,
Not being good enough,
Yes,
Anger and grief,
Patience.
So I just,
I don't know,
I just have to learn how to be patient,
Obviously,
Or I don't know.
So this is probably the way to learn to be patient and learn to love myself,
Not to struggle that much,
Not to be so strong.
Yeah,
I'll try.
I'll try.
There it's again.
I'll try,
You see.
Okay,
Sweetland.
You know,
This is very,
Very good work you've done.
You might not think so,
But what you're talking about,
Everybody in the group will know,
Because they too will have had trouble with meditation at some point,
If not currently.
And there's a real innocence with coming forward with this and being so upfront about what you've gone through with it.
It's very good.
The innocence is very good.
Yeah.
Sweetland,
It's just,
You know,
Your ego doesn't want you to,
Right?
And we've been so trained in the head.
So this is the sad thing.
It's like,
So just a little bit of movement into truth can make the ego go red alert and go,
Not allowed,
Not allowed.
I am hoping that your association with Pramasutha will help move your center of gravity out of your head into your heart.
Right.
And,
Sweetie,
You have the innocence to do this over time,
But it will take time.
And the really good news is,
I mean,
You're actually containing it very well.
It's like Pramasutha acted it all out,
You see?
So that didn't help.
So you're containing it.
It's good.
You're feeling it.
You've got your arms around it.
You're talking about it,
What you've gone through,
All the ego fuss.
That's good.
Okay,
Marianne,
Here's the key.
It's like you are a beloved member of the human race.
There is part of you that just feels so separate,
That you're not even part of the human race,
And that somehow you have to figure it out.
Yeah,
You're very scared to face this part.
This part is very scared.
That's why it feels so separate.
It's like there's part of you,
Like as a kid,
With whatever was going around,
You went,
What is going on around here?
What is this?
And you sort of went so far into your head to try to figure it out,
Because it made no sense to your heart at all.
Right.
You're smiling.
Does this use a hint of recognition with this?
You're going,
Yeah,
I like.
Bullseye,
Right?
Right.
Right.
Okay,
Good.
Good.
So,
We've embraced where this came from.
That's it.
This is the self-understanding,
Self-awareness that I talk about,
That you understand yourself emotionally.
You kind of get what you did as a little kid to cope.
Right.
So,
Marion,
What you did is very much what Premasuddha did,
And what others have done,
But you did it with the same kind of strength that Premasuddha did it.
So,
I know the kind of separation this creates,
But it's very healable.
You just have to learn not to believe it,
Not to believe the storyline.
Okay,
There's part of you.
Without my storyline,
Who would I be?
You would be God.
Marion,
That's who you'd be.
You guys,
Without your storyline,
You would be self-realized,
Living in God energies.
Yeah.
So,
Marion,
I feel like you need to come up with something to help you.
I,
Premasuddha used the focus on self-compassion,
Which came from a very deep place,
This focus on self-compassion,
Because I knew there was nobody else could do it for me.
Yeah.
I feel like you're drowning in my words a bit.
How are you doing?
I hear it,
What you're saying,
But I don't feel it all.
No.
No.
And your ego will really not want you to feel it,
Which is okay.
Just small steps,
Small steps.
Just you coming forward in the group will do a lot for you.
That's it,
In a way.
Yeah.
You don't have to worry about the content of what Premasuddha said.
Just let things percolate.
You guys,
Really,
Often Premasuddha feels like I'm working with abused children for the level of the disconnect,
Truly,
Even in you guys that had normal upbringings.
So,
It's very,
Very delicate,
Delicate work.
And it's not to be pushed or,
You know,
I push sometimes when I feel the soul really wants it to happen.
But mostly,
It's just like working with abused kids who are going to need time to realize that they're in a happy family now.
And it's all okay.
Right.
Yeah,
Sweet one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So,
Just just it's going to be gradual,
Sweet one.
What you,
The shifts you made in the past few weeks are huge.
And there's going to be a period of integration needed.
So,
Just use that for your heading of,
Oh,
I just need time for integration.
Premasuddha says I'm right on track.
It's all okay.
Yeah,
It feels like it,
Actually.
Yeah.
It feels like,
It feels like what,
Like I,
I couldn't run after it if I,
If I really got it to meditate.
That's,
That's maybe what you meant by maybe being scared from it.
I don't know.
It's,
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean,
Last,
Last week at the Satsang,
I was listening to the Satsang.
I was there,
Saturday and Sunday,
But I,
I couldn't turn the camera on.
I was hiding.
So,
Weird.
It's okay.
No,
Just notice these things,
You guys.
Just notice them.
It's okay.
Look what happened today.
Fantastic.
Yeah.
Yeah,
I saw it and I can,
I wrote it to you,
Now I can spell it out.
So,
It's,
It's beautiful.
That's good.
It's all good.
As you,
It's all good.
It's all good.
It's all good.
Yeah.
Slowly.
Yeah.
Yeah,
You guys,
This is the key.
You know,
Amma says that even a really bad person is good,
Like even a clock will be accurate.
A stop clock will be accurate two times,
You know,
In 24 hours.
It's the same with any bad person.
There's going to be good in them because this whole world is actually intrinsically good in the big way,
In the loving way.
And all of us are that too.
When you get that,
You get more forgiving of yourself.
Yeah.
It's good.
Thank you.
Oh,
Maren,
Thank you.
Very good work.
One of the things that can happen is,
Like I said,
People can get the,
The journey emotionally and move quite quickly even if they haven't been seekers.
Yeah.
That's it.
Very good.
Good,
Good,
Good.
Okay.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Premasuddha feels really happy with what's going on in this satsang.
Yeah.
You're all,
You're all God,
You guys.
You're God.
God,
Learning about God through the human experience.
Sivamayi,
You look like a stone rock.
Sweetie,
Your face looks very stony.
What's going on with you?
I don't know.
I,
I'm kind of meditating,
Kind of,
You know,
Just sort of listening.
But yeah,
I,
I,
I was thinking about talking.
But I talk every,
You know,
I talk too often,
I think.
So I thought I was just gonna,
Gonna wait.
But I don't know,
I've had just tons of anger.
Just,
My sister is,
Got a total hip and,
And she's not recovering very well.
She's,
And I'm worried about her immensely.
So I,
She doesn't live in my city.
So I've been spending time with her.
And I came back home,
Mainly because I felt like I should.
And anyway,
I've just had so much anger at my husband.
You know,
I,
It's,
It's out of proportion.
He's not doing anything except being kind of this pitiful thing that loves me.
And I've just been wanting to just beat the crap out of him.
It's just been really rough.
Just not knowing where my,
You know,
I just have had a lot of anger,
And I'm ashamed of it.
And I,
I don't want to be all angry and mean,
But I have been.
And that's where I am right now.
I'm trying to,
I have this way of wanting perfection,
Total perfection,
And always be kind and always be nice.
And I mean,
I guess we all do.
We always want to be so,
So wonderful.
And,
And then when we're not,
It's Yeah,
It's terrible.
It's hard.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Good.
I've just been,
I think it's,
It's,
My problem is all this feeling.
I mean,
I don't really have all this responsibility.
You know,
I mean,
I'm not responsible for,
For all the things that are really going on.
I'm not responsible for my sister's arthritis.
I'm really not responsible for my husband's deafness or confusion,
You know,
And yet it sure feels that way.
And I get a massage and just the pain in my shoulders and in my neck,
You know,
From feeling like the weight of the world's on my shoulders.
And when I know it's,
You know,
I know it's not,
But it feels like it is.
Yeah.
So your pain in your shoulders and your neck,
It's,
It's all this stuff coming up,
Right?
The habit of taking responsibility rather than letting Amma,
Right?
And our necks shift with our perspective.
We,
We get stuck in our perspective and this is what is lifting.
And it's like,
It feels to me,
It's like,
There's this,
The whole thing about the vulnerability is upsetting you.
Like lots of times you guys,
We can have a real kind of fear of vulnerability.
And so we move into anger because we don't want to feel vulnerable and we,
And we don't want to see the people we love being vulnerable.
But this isn't,
It's kind of it,
But it's not the bullseye that,
Yeah.
Funny,
Sweetie.
I'm feeling like underneath you're very scared to come from your true soul energy.
Okay.
This is it.
I can't see your face.
I can just see half of your face,
Sweet one.
Can you,
Can you shift your camera so I can see your full face?
Yeah,
That's it.
Yeah.
This is where,
You know,
Where this is hard for you.
I know that.
I think a lot of it is just,
It's fear of the future.
You know,
I,
I,
I can,
I can foresee the people that,
Yeah,
I'm 75 and I just can foresee being alone.
You know,
It's just this fear of losing my sister,
Losing my husband,
Losing all the stuff that means so much to me.
Right.
It's fear of your own vulnerability this way.
Exactly.
Yeah.
And,
And,
And,
And,
And in this,
I guess it's just this lack of acceptance of my imperfections too.
You know what I mean?
I just want to be able to keep it all together and,
And I obviously can't.
Yeah.
Which again is kind of running from vulnerability.
Do you know what I mean?
It's going like,
Oh,
I have to ace it.
I have to organize it.
I have to like,
You're,
You're fighting me a little bit on where Premasutha is wanting to steer you because I have to say it again.
You're really scared of your true energy,
But this is what this group is for to help free it.
So when you get in the hot seat like this,
This is,
This is where,
You know,
Premasutha can do a bit of scalpel work.
And lift the resistance.
Yeah.
Even if you don't understand fully what she's doing.
Okay.
I want to tell,
I,
You know,
I got together with my son,
John,
And he was complaining about a sore back.
Now,
Ever since with the leukemia thing,
Where he was dying,
I've always experienced a kind of cutoff with when he spoke about physical vulnerability.
It's always kind of hard for Premasutha.
I would want to cut off a bit.
Move away from it.
I would notice this.
And this time I could fully be there with him in his feelings of vulnerability.
I moved into almost Madonna-like love and compassion.
Yeah.
And,
You know,
It's been some years of work to be able to do that.
And it's a,
It reflects a deeper level of soul freedom on the part of Premasutha.
You know,
Sweet one,
You,
The love in you is so powerful,
Transcendent,
And,
You know,
Beyond compassionate.
And it's so want expression,
This lifetime,
And you just made a mistake.
You just thought that your ego is you.
That's your misunderstanding,
But you are this love.
You are this endless compassion,
Endless knowledge.
I mean,
It can't even be expressed in words.
And you just learned to be very scared of it.
But just as we're talking,
Some of it is getting out the door.
It's escaping.
It's beginning to communicate with your body.
Right.
And this is going to help you come into a bigger understanding and more peace.
And you've been such a fighter in your time.
I know you really fought Premasutha for some years.
And it's like,
Yeah,
Right,
I know.
But this light and love inside you is invincible.
It's like it can't be walled off any longer.
It's like coming into your cells.
Yeah.
And this gives us a bigness.
You just get a bigness to you.
And everybody will feel it.
But they're kind of no words for it.
Yeah.
You just get bigger and you keep allowing yourself to get bigger.
And you see how much religiosity has got in your way.
Find a false understanding of what the spiritual journey is.
This is true for many of you here.
We can start off with a kind of a false understanding of the journey,
A false understanding of how to evolve.
But it's this.
It's this letting your true energy communicate more deeply with the cells of your body.
It's like strengthening your soul.
It's like your ego gets a bit weaker just as a byproduct of your soul being strengthened.
And there's a lot of creativity in you and a lot of understanding that's never been expressed.
It's like you've had capacities that you haven't expressed fully.
This is like many of us.
It's not a fault.
Your true nature is invincible,
Shivamayee.
The true nature of everybody is invincible.
Everybody here and beyond,
It is invincible.
You just give it the right of way.
Right.
How do you feel,
Shivamayee?
Honest.
I feel calmer.
I feel like you said the truth.
I feel like that is my fear.
I guess my ego,
I'm so afraid of hurting people.
I feel like if I really follow my ego.
You hurt them already.
You hurt them by not allowing your soul energy.
That's how we hurt other people,
By staying in our ego.
This becoming free will solve everything.
Oh,
Sweetie,
I have huge compassion.
I can feel how much your soul wants to express.
I can feel how hard it can be to let it.
I can feel how hard you are on yourself.
Like there's a kind of sweet one.
There's been a grinding self-hatred.
It's much better,
But it's been a grinding self-hatred.
I'm going to ask for Amma to come right in here and work with this.
You know what?
Other people in this group will know exactly what this is.
But,
Sweetie,
It's terrible.
It's terrible what we do to ourselves,
You know?
Okay,
I'm seeing Amma pick up these little bits of this black self-hatred,
And she's lifting them off.
She's just picking them up.
Yep,
She's taking them away,
Bit by bit,
Just lifting it off.
Okay,
That's it.
So you have permission to grow.
It's like,
This is a big deal,
Even what Amma's doing.
It's huge.
Okay,
I give them to her.
I give her those pieces.
She has my permission to take them.
Yeah,
Right.
So it is.
Good work.
That's it.
That's the heart of it.
It is,
You guys,
This grinding self-hatred and allowing it to clear.
And,
You know,
Our religiosity is sometimes based on grinding self-hatred.
It's like,
Marion talking about how hard she was on herself for having trouble meditating.
It's the same kind of thing.
Now,
This stuff will be lifting from all of you.
Just give permission,
You know?
Just say,
Okay,
Amma,
Lift it from me,
Too.
It's the whole point of these satsangs,
You guys,
Because this is what's really wrong with our world,
Is our hatred and intolerance of ourselves manifesting politically,
Socially.
It's very good work.
Thank you.
Oh,
Thank you,
Sweet one.
Thank you,
Amma's grace.
It's all Amma's grace.
The whole thing's Amma's grace.
But,
You know,
She's showing us our souls,
You guys.
She's showing you your true self.
She's not separate from us.
We are that.
That's it.
Amma Sudha.
Yeah.
Is that Jenna?
It is.
Yeah.
Sweet one.
How are you?
Well,
It just bubbled up to say some words of encouragement for Shiva Mayi,
Actually.
Shiva Mayi,
I just wanted to say that you remind me a lot of my mama.
You're about her age,
And you're from Missouri,
And I'm from Missouri.
And so I just wanted to say having you a part of this group and the fact that you're an Amma devotee and that you show up every week and that you're doing this work,
It helps me a lot.
So I just wanted to say that to you and Om Namah Shivaya and lots of love.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Can I just ask where in Missouri?
Yeah,
We're from outside of Kansas City.
Okay.
I live at Lake of the Ozarks.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Thanks.
So you see,
Just our beingness helps.
Like Shiva Mayi helped Jenna,
Especially for those reasons that she gave.
You see,
We never know how someone's mind or their emotional climate sees us.
We never know how important we are.
Just for this kind of thing,
We've all got this idiosyncratic viewpoint.
So you never know the good that you can do just by being yourself.
That's good.
Good.
There's some gentleness and peace coming in.
All shame,
All guilt is ego.
But the only way it works is to go to the roots of where it came from.
Because if shame comes up and you go,
Oh,
Shame's just ego,
And you repress it,
That's no good.
That's no good.
That's no good.
The stuff has to lift at the root level to be gone.
So you work with it level after level after level,
Until finally you get down to the roots of where it came from,
And you pull it up.
But maybe at this time,
We can,
You know,
It's more easier to just go to the roots and not do level after level after level.
Is there anybody who really wishes to speak?
Yeah,
Michael.
You know,
You talked before about innocence.
And I really appreciate Marion for bringing up what she did.
Because it made me realize that,
You know,
Deep,
Deep down,
I'm very innocent.
But,
You know,
That's pretty buried.
And,
You know,
It's probably the white male syndrome that just,
You know,
It gives me an air of superiority that I think that innocence,
Well,
My head tells me innocence is really not important.
And at the end of the day,
That's really what I am.
And I just wanted to ask,
How can I bring that out?
Yeah,
Michael.
You know,
You and I've hit this snag.
It's like,
You know,
It's kind of like,
I,
You know,
Everything I've said to you for the past two years has been answering that question.
So,
Sweet one.
It's like,
I don't feel there's a response.
No,
It's good.
Good.
Keep doing what you're doing.
Keep doing what you're doing.
The deepening is good.
If you really want innocence,
You'll find it within yourself.
It's kind of,
If we want it,
We get it.
If we don't want it,
We don't.
So,
How do you feel right now,
Michael?
Pardon?
Pushed down.
Yeah,
I'm not pushing you down.
I am actually giving you a reflection of what you do to yourself.
Hmm.
Okay?
Please,
Please understand this.
Please really get that teachers will reflect back to you what you do to your own self.
I understand that intellectually.
Right.
But not emotionally.
Right.
But I could speak for days,
And it won't,
It still won't compute.
What will compute is just the realization that Premasuddha will keep reflecting back to you what you're doing to yourself.
So,
There's no way out of it,
Like,
Apart from real movement.
It's like I told you,
Abraham used to forget my name when I was off.
He was reflecting back what I did to myself.
It's really all a teacher can do.
I mean,
You know,
Sure,
Coming together like this strengthens our souls,
But you know,
Michael,
The good news is,
You know,
Just turning up for satsangs,
And I know it's like you do,
And you do,
You know.
But,
You know,
Again,
Like,
Working with people,
Premasuddha's come across so much,
Like,
So somebody goes like,
Oh,
I want to grow,
And then they do.
They really want truth.
I want truth and everything.
Then we get to a point where it's like,
It's really threatening part of their ego they don't want to let go of.
And so,
It's like with Premasuddha,
Then we get a bit of a standoff,
Because I'm responding to the truth of it,
That the person doesn't want to let go of this part of their ego.
And the person who's in it goes,
What happened?
She was so nice.
What happened?
And it's like,
This work is really high level self-realization training,
You guys.
There's no kind of easy way to do it,
Apart from becoming really wanting to know truth and being willing to let your ego die.
And that's what's facing you,
Michael.
It's like,
You'd have to let more of your ego die,
And you're working full-time.
And there are a lot of stress points of insecurities with the economics.
And so,
That even makes it harder to surrender,
You guys.
And I feel so for you,
That it is this way.
But,
You know,
To really grow,
We have to see our corruption and let it go.
We do.
We have to see how corrupt we are.
And if you don't want to see that,
It's really hard to let the ego die then,
Because the part of you that doesn't want to see your corruption is your ego.
That's why the spiritual ego is so hard to penetrate.
People go,
Oh,
I've got the truth,
I've got the right way.
And so,
They torture people in the Spanish Inquisition,
Because they think they're right,
They're true.
They're not wanting to see how corrupt it is,
What they're doing is.
So,
On subtler levels,
This is what we do.
You know,
Finally,
You get to the,
It's,
You know,
You see that you're nothing.
You see that you're nothing separate from this reality.
You're nothing separate from God.
That who you think is an individual is just this one out of eight billion,
Who are all God.
Everything you look at is God.
What you're in is God.
If you can't see that,
And you don't feel it,
That's showing you your ego.
Because it takes years.
There's nobody doing anything wrong.
This is what we're like.
But,
You know,
The white male thing can make a guy want the women around him to kowtow to his ego.
And this one's never going to.
But I'm kidding you a bit.
It's just like,
Just see,
Get down deep enough to really feel the corruption inside,
Michael.
But,
You know,
Don't go looking for it.
Just go,
You know,
Just be with all this.
Even if you think,
Oh,
Screw Prema Sudha,
And you go through,
Oh,
I don't know,
Who is she?
What is this?
That's all good.
Just go through it all.
Just be with it all.
But keep steering.
I don't think I have to look too far.
Yeah,
But you see,
You would want to do it with your mind and make it an exercise in self-hatred.
You see,
It's not solvable that way.
It's solvable in a deep,
Just a deep,
Heartfelt experience of how you've been in your,
How you've been corrupted.
Yeah,
You see,
Another way to say it,
Michael,
Is just the answers are not in your head.
And that's why you're having trouble with Prema Sudha,
Because I can't play there anymore at all.
You know what happens is Prema Sudha gets like a time,
Like I get a feeling for a level of patience with someone,
But then there's a point where I get like,
Okay,
The patience has to stop,
Because I'm getting the message from the soul that the shift needs to happen.
So,
I just reflect that back.
Teachers just reflect back the truth of things,
If they're authentic teachers.
Right,
Right,
Good,
Good.
So,
Remember,
Prema Sudha is very patient with sincerity.
So,
I will respond to deep sincerity.
Yeah,
Michael,
Your ego will just be like putting this in a self-pity box.
I really want you to wake up to a deeper understanding and a deeper way of hearing what I'm saying to you.
And this has been very good,
Because this has actually given everybody a shake a bit.
You know,
I have to say that Prema Sudha gives herself her own shakes.
It's not this stuff,
You know,
There's always,
No matter how far you go,
There's still the need for great vigilance.
It just never stops the self-correction and the moving into truth more deeply.
Yeah,
Don't think that there's a place where you go like you're flying around and it isn't like that.
As long as you're on earth,
You have to stay vigilant.
What makes it easier is there gets more experience of the connection with the divine within you,
With the eternal nature.
You become that,
So then you notice every little black speck.
Oh,
You guys,
Yeah.
This is why nobody wants to do my journey.
It's not very comfortable.
But,
You know,
We're here to graduate.
I mean,
The thing is,
You see,
The thing that we don't get as humans and could make us extinct,
That our whole job here is to become self-realized.
So,
This is the gig.
We've just been so deluded that we haven't realized.
We haven't realized it.
So,
We have to learn a whole new language.
We have to learn this language and this way of being.
Just pray to become more deeply open to learn,
You guys.
Just pray to trust yourselves,
You know.
It's this mix of having self-confidence and trusting yourself and being willing to see corruption,
You know,
And allow it to dissipate.
Yeah.
And all of us want somebody else to do it for us.
That's just human.
That's just humanity.
So,
Michael,
How are you?
But I really appreciate you telling me that again.
Telling you?
Well,
Just telling me like it is.
Because I don't notice it sometimes.
Yeah,
Your will is not set for it.
Lots of us,
We want it so we'll be more comfortable,
Want it for abundance,
To give us abundance.
That's a big Western one.
Just want it,
No matter what.
And then you'll get it.
Okay,
You guys.
So many blessings.
So,
Thank you for coming.
Thank you.
May your souls just feel,
May you feel your souls.
May you feel the strengthening.
May you feel Amma's grace.
Will you feel good enough?
Yes,
You're children of the divine.
You are divine.
Blessings,
Blessings.
