Setting Boundaries – Meditation For People Pleasers

Do you struggle to say no without guilt or feel drained from constantly putting others first? This gentle yet empowering guided meditation supports sensitive, caring people who are ready to reconnect with their needs and personal space. Through calming guidance, you’ll be invited to see boundaries not as walls, but as healthy expressions of self-respect and inner balance. This practice is especially supportive if you tend to over-give, feel overwhelmed, or have difficulty honoring your limits.

Music by Mikhail Smusev from Pixabay

Transcript

Welcome to Whispers of the Heart,

Guided Meditations.

I'm your host and the voice behind the meditation,

Noriko Tanigawa.

Today's meditation is called Setting Boundaries,

Reclaiming Freedom,

A meditation for people-pleasers.

This space is for the tender-hearted,

For the ones who've said yes when they meant no,

For those who've given more than they had,

Hoping that it would bring peace,

Connection,

Love.

But real peace doesn't come from shrinking.

It comes from honoring your own edges.

This meditation is not about building walls.

It's about learning where you begin,

And choosing truth over guilt,

And reclaiming the sacred yes to yourself.

Now,

Take a breath that belongs to no one but you.

And let's begin.

Gently,

Powerfully,

By remembering your boundaries are the ultimate form of self-love.

Find a comfortable seat or lie down.

Allow your body to melt completely onto the floor and feel the gravity supporting you.

As we settle into this practice today,

Let's take a deep breath in and out three times.

Take a deep breath in.

And breath out.

Let's take another deep breath in.

And breath out.

Ah.

Let's take another deep breath in.

And let it all out.

Breath out.

Ah.

Allow your breath to return to normal.

Witness your breath coming in and out.

And feel your belly coming up and down like waves of the ocean.

This is your me time.

A very sacred moment where you get to be you.

So today's practice is for setting the boundaries.

For some people,

This concept might be new,

Something that is a little bit unfamiliar,

And it's totally okay.

This practice is for everyone,

Even for those people who may or may not know if they are or aren't the people-preservers or if they know what that means to set boundaries.

Because I was one.

I used to be a people-preserver.

I didn't know that I was a people-preserver.

And I had no idea what it means to set boundaries.

So if you're like me,

Hold the space for not knowing.

And just because you don't know doesn't mean you cannot do it.

Not knowing just means that we get to learn something new.

And no matter how young or old you are,

How smart or not so smart you think you are,

Each and every one of us are totally capable of doing this.

So wherever you are in your journey to self-love,

And setting your own boundary,

Totally accept it.

It's okay wherever you are in this moment.

You're perfect.

I want you to gently allow yourself to go back to your childhood.

Just think about some memories,

Things that happened to you,

Things that people said,

And things that you were asked to do by your parents,

Teachers,

And all these adult figures that guided your way when you were little.

And I'm sure some of it was to listen to your adults,

Especially your parents and teachers,

Right?

And follow the rules.

Do what they ask you to do,

Not what you want to do.

There are many times in a day where you needed to suppress what you want so that you can do what you were asked to do by your teachers,

Or your parents,

Or other adults who were in your life.

And while those were beautiful lessons then,

And we all needed it,

Right?

I mean,

Otherwise,

How do you learn how the society works and when it is appropriate time to do things?

So you needed it then.

But now,

If you look at yourself,

You realize that you are adult,

Adult,

Fully capable of making your own decisions.

Navigate this ship,

Which is called your life.

You're the captain of that ship that navigate your life.

And you can go anywhere you like.

And only you get to know where you want to go.

But then,

If you focus too much on what other people want,

It's like blocking the wind of the sail,

Letting the crowds obscure the sky and not able to see the stars for your guidance.

And sometimes,

Your judgment and what you want to do gets so crowded that you just make tiny increments of movement based on what you think other people want.

And because you think you're pleasing other people,

You tell yourself that you're happy because other people are happy.

Does that sound like you?

Then you're a people pleaser just like me.

I'm on the path of recovery,

So let's join together and see how to bring the power back to you.

So I want you to take a moment to just step back and see your life.

When you visualize a typical day that you spend,

How much of it do you spend on doing something just for you?

And how much of it do you spend on things that's for someone else?

And especially if you're a mom,

In any form of caregiver role,

You can probably say 80 to 90% are dedicated to caring for someone else,

Something else.

There is no right or wrong number for it because every one of us is different,

Right?

So after assessing your life,

I want you to let go of your need to be right because a lot of us help other people or serve other people because we feel that's the right thing to do.

And I want you to let go of that,

Okay?

And we're going to take a deep breath in and out to just let go of being right.

Let's take a deep breath in and breath out,

Let go of being right.

I want you to be super honest about this.

Now ask yourself a question,

Are you happy?

Are you happy with the amount of time you spend helping or serving or doing something for other people?

And when you compare that with the amount of time you spend for yourself doing something just for you,

Does that make you feel happy or sad?

And what does that say about you?

What does that say about your inner child?

Does it show that other people are more important than your inner child?

A lot of us might say that,

Well,

We have to do it because this is my responsibility and I get it.

I'm a mom too,

So I know exactly what you're talking about.

I know,

And it's tough.

And sometimes we also need to deal with things that we don't want to do or deal with people that we don't want to deal with in order to get through with our life,

Right?

But this is where the boundaries comes into play.

And the boundary setting is nothing more than setting up your non-negotiables so that you can have this safe,

Sacred place for your inner child and for you to be you.

Because when you serve others and do something for others,

You want that to come from the most loving space of your heart,

A way to spread love instead of resentment.

Resentment and frustration and grudges.

We don't want to do that.

So,

Let's see if we can come up with some basic boundaries together.

So,

I want you to imagine you are mom or dad of your own inner child.

And you want to make sure that your inner child is safe,

Protected,

And loved.

So,

If a bully enters into this house of your inner child and starts bullying,

Pushing,

And yelling at your inner child,

You as an adult or you as your inner child's parent,

Would you allow that?

Probably not.

So,

That's your boundary right there.

So,

I know it's hard to look at yourself that way.

Sometimes we make a lot of excuses,

Especially if someone who's really close or very close family members are the ones crossing the boundaries.

It's really hard,

And I know.

I've been there,

And I get it.

But let's remove all the excuses that we give to other people to allow them to cross the boundaries,

To harm you,

To rob you of your peace and respect.

So,

If you wouldn't let your own child be bullied by others,

We owe it to ourselves to not let ourselves be bullied.

And if someone is trying to bully you in any way or form or trying to emotionally manipulate you,

Coercing you into doing something that you'd rather not do,

You have 100% right to say no.

It's safe for you to say no.

A lot of us are so afraid to say no because we think it might damage our relationship or make other people not love you anymore.

But you know what?

If saying no from the place of self-love makes this relationship break or make this person not love you anymore,

Maybe this person doesn't deserve to have a relationship with you.

Because if someone truly loves and respects you,

They will respect you saying no.

And they will be working together with you in creating healthy relationships.

But you see,

You have to be this brave person to say no first.

Otherwise,

This whatever the unhealthy cycle that you're going through right now will never break.

And if you're in any of these abusive relationships or unhealthy and toxic relationships right now with anyone,

Always remember that relationship is a two-way street.

Meaning that it takes this person to try to manipulate or abuse you.

But it also takes the receiving end,

You,

To accept it and allow it to happen.

And this is where the power of no starts.

If you're brave enough to say no and start changing that dynamics,

Even if this particular relationship with this person may fall apart,

You will learn to find someone who will truly honor you,

Accept you,

And love you for exactly who you are.

And you will start to accumulate relationship of love,

Trust,

Respect,

And acceptance.

But that has to start with you.

So we must be the one to love,

Accept,

And respect ourselves.

So setting boundaries just means that we give more love and acceptance,

More love and respect to ourselves and not allowing other people to violate your love and acceptance you give to yourself.

So let's visualize this.

If a total stranger comes to you asking for something that you don't really want to give,

What would you say?

Probably you'll be able to say no very easily because you don't know this person,

You don't see any repercussion of saying no that will affect you.

And setting a boundary just means that taking that how you would say no to a stranger,

To your other relationships and be consistent about it.

If someone asks you for something that you don't really want to give,

But this person is very close to you and you don't really want to lose this person,

You'll most likely say yes.

But then if you really,

Really love and care about yourself,

You would say no.

So can you say no?

Because it's your boundary.

Can you be consistent with your behavior when you say no?

So making sure that every time you want to offer help or offer something to someone,

It always comes from the most loving place of your heart and you can really give it as a gift and not tainting that spirit of service and gift with your feeling of resentment or regret.

Don't hold yourself back.

You see,

Most of us people are pleasers because we constantly think about others and what other people might want or might need.

We assume a lot about other people and we kind of get lost in truly understanding that person.

So how about we shift our focus to ourselves and get in touch with what we want and what we would like.

And even if you are really busy caring for someone or something all the time,

Let's start by saving ourselves maybe five minutes where you get to do anything that you want or would like to do.

Start rekindling your relationship with yourself,

With your inner child and to see if you could start cultivating healthy relationship with you because all relationship you have with other people is just a refraction of the relationship you have with yourself.

So if you want to learn what it's like to have healthy relationships or you want to cultivate your own definition of having a healthy relationship with someone,

Start with you.

Have a healthy relationship with yourself.

Have very healthy boundaries so that you won't let other people walk all over you all the time.

Give yourself the respect and dignity that you deserve.

And setting boundary doesn't mean being mean or rude to other people.

We're just being firm when it comes to doing things that we don't want to do or when we feel that other people are not treating you with respect or manipulating you.

It's okay to say no.

It's totally safe to say no.

And no matter who it is in your life,

No matter how close this person is to you biologically physically or otherwise,

The closeness in relationship does not give a permission slip for them to treat you wrong.

You deserve to be loved.

You deserve to be respected.

You deserve to be treated with dignity.

You deserve to be accepted.

You deserve to be not judged.

You deserve healthy relationships.

As we slowly wrap up this practice,

Let's let's affirm together.

I love and respect myself.

Let's affirm 10 times together.

I love and respect myself.

I love and respect myself.

I love and respect myself.

I love and respect myself.

I love and respect myself.

I love and respect myself.

I love and respect myself.

I love and respect myself.

I love and respect myself.

And one final time.

I love and respect myself.

Do you feel the fire within you?

The fire that allows you to stand up for yourself and keep this sacred space.

Keep that fire going.

And every time you say no,

You're feeding that fire.

Let's take a deep breath.

In.

And breath out.

Slowly.

Wiggle our toes and fingers.

Rotate our ankles and wrists.

Shake your head yes and no.

And whenever you're ready,

Open your eyes.

Welcome back.

How do you feel?

Setting boundaries is a very essential part of self-love.

This is where you get to define what is healthy and not healthy for you.

So maybe next time you have a moment to yourself,

You might want to journal what your boundaries are.

What you would not want other people to do under any circumstances.

Basically,

You're trying to define your non-negotiables.

And once you set that non-negotiables,

You are going to have to enforce it by saying no when someone tries to cross that line.

And it's not an easy journey.

It will take some practice.

And you'll do great one day and you'll feel really,

Really bad another day.

And that's part of the journey.

It's okay.

And just like when we were little,

We practiced how to stand up and how to walk when we were babies.

This process of setting boundaries is the same thing.

You got to practice every day until you get better and you're able to stand on your own and walk around places.

So give yourself a break.

And when things don't go in the direction you want to,

It's totally okay.

That doesn't mean that you cannot do it or you will not cut out to do it.

We all can do it.

It's hard and it takes some time because this is something completely new.

Something that no one ever taught us how to do.

So take one tiny baby step at a time and I'm totally supporting you on this journey.

Thank you so much for listening and being part of this.

And let's heal together.

Let's be strong for each other.

Let's give this space of respect,

Love,

Acceptance and dignity.

Thank you so much for joining and I will see you next time.