Hello.
This talk draws on the wisdom of stoicism and we'll explore how you can find your calm.
By focusing on what you can control.
And using this as an antidote to stress.
My name is Jackie Wright and I'm otherwise known as the Cockney Coach.
And I love to share the wisdom of NLP,
Which is Neuro Linguistic Programming,
And Stoicism.
And it's to help you manage your everyday challenges in the same way as it helps me.
Now it's very much our life experience that's stressed.
Quite often feels like a pretty much constant companion.
So whether it's the pressure of deadlines,
Financial worries.
Relationship challenges.
Or even just navigating the daily news.
We can often find ourselves feeling overwhelmed and anxious.
And so much of that anxiety stems from a fundamental misunderstanding that we have.
And that's us thinking that we can control things that we're simply not in our power to control.
So this is where the ancient wisdom of Stoicism comes in.
Offers an incredibly powerful and practical tool.
For managing stress.
The principle is that you will be focusing on what you can control.
Now why is this practice so incredibly important for stress management?
It's because the vast majority of our stress comes from Worrying and focusing on things that we simply cannot influence.
So let's think about it.
Our bodies are actually hardwired to respond to perceived threats to keep us safe.
And when we use our precious mental and emotional energy,
On external events.
Or the opinions of others.
Or past mistakes.
Our brains trigger that fight or flight response.
What we're doing is generating an internal emergency system for things that actually we're powerless to influence or change.
What happens then is it leads to chronic anxiety.
Feelings of frustration and an overall sense of helplessness.
And by consciously directing our attention.
To what is actually within our sphere of influence.
These are things like Ethel.
Our actions and the way we respond to things,
We can actually reclaim our power.
We shift from a reactive state of worry to a more proactive state of agency.
Now this shift doesn't make the external world perfect but it fundamentally transforms how we experience it.
And that significantly reduces the grip of stress on us.
So how can we practically apply this principle to our daily lives?
I have three suggestions for you.
The first is the traffic jam test.
So imagine you're stuck in a frustrating traffic jam and you're late for an appointment.
Your blood pressure might rise,
You might grip the steering wheel and start fuming about the drivers around you.
Or even the poor road planning,
All of those things are going on.
Now what you can't control.
These things are the traffic.
The actions of other drivers,
The weather.
The road construction that's slowing down the traffic,
You can't control any of those things.
For what you can control,
Is the way you react to it.
You might want to instead choose to listen to a calming podcast.
Maybe make a quick phone call to a friend or family if it's safe to do so,
And have a chat.
Why not practice deep breathing?
Or simply accept the situation and allow yourself to arrive with a calmer mind.
Ready to explain the delay politely.
The situation is the same.
But your internal experience is radically different.
My second suggestion is with dealing with others opinions.
So perhaps a colleague makes a critical comment about your work.
Or a family member disapproves of your life choice you've made.
I'm sure these things are familiar to you.
And it's very natural to feel hurt or defensive.
And what you can't control.
Is their thought.
Their words,
Their judgments,
Their intent.
You have no control over that.
What you can control is your response to it.
You might choose to listen calmly and ask clarifying questions.
Consider if there's any constructive feedback or just simply acknowledge their opinion without internalizing it as a definitive truth about yourself.
You can control how you process and respond.
And when you do this,
You're protecting.
Your own self-worth,
Which is really important.
My third suggestion is navigating unexpected setbacks.
So let's say a plan falls through.
Maybe a holiday gets cancelled or a project at work doesn't go as expected.
You may be familiar with these.
Now,
What you can't control.
The event itself.
The external circumstances that led to the cancellation,
They are totally out of your hands.
What you can control.
We're familiar with this now.
It's your attitude towards it and your next steps,
How you respond.
You can choose to be disappointed,
That's fine.
But then start to brainstorm alternative plans.
Focus on the lessons learned.
Or even see it as an unexpected opportunity for something new.
Instead of dwelling on the loss,
You actually direct your energy.
Towards adaptation and moving forward.
I actually have another track that is all about this as a practice.
It's an audio track.
And it's called the unfolding path.
Preparing for life's inevitable setbacks,
Which you might want to listen to.
So by consistently identifying what's within your power,
Which are your thoughts.
Your judgments,
Your effort,
Your responses.
And consciously releasing the need to control everything else.
You'll actually begin to build a profound sense of inner calm.
Now,
This isn't about ignoring problems.
Is about channeling your energy.
Where it can actually make a difference to you.
When you do this,
You'll discover.
A remarkable freedom.
From unnecessary stress.
And that's going to allow you to navigate life's challenges.
With much greater clarity.
And a sense of peace.
If you found this dip into the wisdom of Stoicism useful,
Please let me know when you rate the track.
By leaving a comment.
Or even a question.
I will always respond.
And if you want to see other tracks from me,
Remember to follow me and you'll be notified when new tracks,
Audio or video land.
Thank you.
And as always.
.
.
Much Love!
