How To Change A Habit With 4 Simple Questions

Habits are interesting things, and when a habit is not serving us well, then changing it can be as simple as asking 4 insightful questions. In this track, Jacci shares those questions and her own experience of using the technique to change an old habit into something that worked for her, instead of against her.

Transcript

Hello and thank you for choosing to listen to this track.

I'm Jackie Wright and I'm known as the Cockney Coach and here I share yummy chocolate chunks of NLP wisdom.

So this chunk is about habits and how we can use an NLP questioning technique to examine our habits and change them successfully,

Because aren't habits a funny thing?

So as I was thinking about this topic of habits,

I started to notice that I had more habits than I consciously realised.

If I am the sum of my habits,

Then I think I may be a very complicated sum.

It's an interesting thing that almost every behaviour we have is actually a habit,

An automatic response to a problem that we solved sometime in the past and is now almost totally unconscious.

So I decided to be really conscious of my habits and make it my job for a day.

Yes,

For a whole day.

I would make myself very conscious of what I was doing and notice what was going on.

I commented four simple questions to help me be the Sherlock Holmes of my habits.

A curious detective in a quest to understand the foundation of my responses and behaviours.

So the questions which come from an NLP questioning technique is,

What was I doing?

That's the first question.

Next one is,

Why was I doing it?

The third is,

Was it useful?

And the fourth is,

Could it be different?

So that's what I was doing,

Why I was doing it,

Was it useful and could it be different?

I can honestly say that my intention to do all this day almost fell at the first hurdle.

There is a reason why we have unconscious habits and that is for speed and efficiency.

Having to think about what I was doing all of the time made it almost impossible to get anything done.

I only managed to examine one habit,

But I'm now targeting my habits one at a time after having had this experience.

So here's a snapshot of what happened to me and how it was still a useful exercise and how you could go on to do that for yourself.

So with my curiosity hat firmly on,

I started with getting up in the morning.

After all,

It's the first thing I do and I was kind of aware that it wasn't the most efficient habit that I had.

So it was time to explore question one,

What was I doing?

Well,

What I noticed was that I woke up to an early alarm only to switch it off straight away.

Now you may have this experience too.

Then what I did was turned on the radio.

I prefer Radio 4 and that's a kind of talking station here in the UK and I let it play on in the background for the next 45 minutes with the daily news kind of like going on in the background,

Drifting in and out of sleep under a warm duvet until it was the very last moment that I could get out of bed and still be ready in time for the day.

I had lots of thoughts during that 45 minutes about how I could just stay there in bed,

During which I went through the process of sticking my leg outside and testing if it was ready to move the rest of me.

I also kept having a half sleepy worry that I wouldn't get up in time.

So I kept looking at the time and reassuring myself that I still had time to lay in bed.

I actually got out of bed at the latest time I could that still meant I could be ready for the day.

Now on this occasion I sacrificed washing my hair in the shower to spend an extra 10 minutes in the bed and by the end of all of this I found myself thinking why didn't I just get up when the alarm went off?

I was awake and I could have washed my hair.

Okay so that's what I was doing.

I've really looked into a lot of detail,

Really taken in what was I doing,

Making notes about it.

So the next question is why was I doing it?

Now all behaviour has a benefit so even though I'm waking up earlier than I need and going through this complicated ritual every morning before actually getting out of bed,

There has to be a reason why.

What can this possibly be giving me?

How can I possibly be benefiting from going through this complicated ritual every morning?

So I settled down with a cup of tea and really gave this some thought and then it dawned on me,

Excuse the pun,

I like to rise slowly and not start getting ready for the day until I've woken properly.

No talking,

No showering or dressing,

Not yet,

Just a cup of tea please.

So this method gives me that.

It's something left over from my days of getting up very early to take my husband to work at five o'clock in the morning on his morning shift days.

I would drop him and then go into the office.

On the days he was not on morning shift I would still wake up but laying bed,

Bathing in the satisfaction of not having to get up till later and that's how that habit got built and that's how it was benefiting me because I was almost celebrating that I didn't have to get up early just by lounging in bed.

Okay once that light bulb went on I moved on to question three.

Is this useful?

Well when I think about it yes it does mean that I can rise slowly but do I have to make it so complicated?

Probably not.

My husband retired two years ago so this pattern is no longer needed.

Simple.

I can now get up at any time I like.

There is no need for this complicated ritual that keeps me in bed struggling to work out when is the best time.

So the answer to question three for me is it's not useful.

It was but no more.

So moving on to question four.

What could I do differently?

So I've decided to set the alarm a little bit later then get up and make a cup of tea then sit in the living room for 15 minutes with my brew and then get into the shower.

So this gives me the benefit of a slow rise,

The time to sit quietly with a cup of tea,

No half sleepy thoughts of when to get up or worry of oversleeping,

Just a gentle move into the day.

And just to work it needs to acknowledge the benefits that the behavior gave you and incorporate them into the new behavior.

So the benefits that I had were having that slow rise but I'd made it so complicated that it really wasn't serving me at all.

So now that I've changed it to get up a little bit later,

That's fine,

I'm not on anybody's clock but my own,

Then just getting out of bed,

Not thinking about rushing,

Just get out of bed,

Go and make my cup of tea,

Sit in the living room for 15 minutes and then when I'm ready,

Get into the shower.

It gives me that benefit of that slow rise and you know what,

A much better start to the day.

So far it's working because what I really am enjoying is being awake with a cup of tea.

Now I've made that new habit attractive by having the tea,

I love a cup of tea and by getting out of bed,

I've made the old habit difficult.

So do you fancy playing detective with your habits?

If you use those four questions just to interrogate yourself over a habit and see if it can be changed,

Those four questions,

What was I doing?

Why was I doing it?

Was it useful and could it be different?

And my experience is to tackle one habit at a time because it can take quite a bit of time to really fill in question one and then to come up with the answers to the others.

So I hope you've enjoyed this little chocolate chunk of NLP wisdom and that you can feel equipped to go away and tackle a habit that you think isn't serving you well and could be changed.

So that's it from me now and thank you for listening.

I do have other tracks that you can listen to and I've got some that talk about behaviour change as well so if you'd like to go and listen to those that would be great and until we meet again,

All love.

Reviews

You had me at Chunks of Chocolate! 🤎☺️🤎 A thousand thanks, many blessings and “all love” from across the pond. Things are scary in the U.S. now and I’m always looking for the hope & gratitude. Looking forward to your offerings. You have a new follower.

Yes!
My morning routine serves something but the news just isn't a good topic for starting the day.
Thank you