Which Stage Of Self-Love Are You In?

Self-love is so much more than getting a pedicure, or soaking in a hot bubble bath. Sure, doing all the fluffy self-love things feels nice – but that is just the tip of the iceberg. In this episode of Celine's informal and educational self-love podcast, Your Time To Shine, we'll explore the 3 stages of self-love.

Transcript

All right beautiful people good morning,

Good morning,

Good morning you are tuned to Radio Kidnappers the voice of Hawke's Bay and you are listening to a program called your time to shine all things self-love and I am your host Celine Harlow and for the past four years I have been training women from all over the world to help them find self-love,

Yay self-love and also the courage to really own their gifts,

Own their skills,

Start their business if that's something that they want experience more of life in just a few short weeks.

So if that's something that you're interested in yeah welcome to the show then listen on.

All right so today I want to talk to you about self-love but before I start to talk about self-love I just wanted to quickly share with you that before I came to the studio this morning I had just you know packed my car and I was just getting myself ready to record this show and somebody knocked on the on the window of my car and I opened the window and and a lady who was standing beside me was asking me to park my to repark my car because somehow I was disturbing her own plans to park her car and you know it's something that is absolutely fine I would have been happy to do this but she did so she placed her request in a very very rude way she was so angry at me and she made me feel like I had consciously ruined her day and was responsible for everything that had happened in her life though anyway I just wanted to share that with you and you know what I think this is an invitation for us at this you know time where you know everything seems to be going really crazy in the world this is really an invitation for us to actually take a step back and really be kind to each other be kind to ourselves and really go back to the basics of self-love which is you know nourish your body take care of your mind and start a self-love practice and be kind to yourself be kind to each other so yeah she definitely triggered me and I have some work to do around that but let's not just delve on dwell on that dwell on that delve on that oh talk about that any longer and let's just dive into our topic for today which is the three stages of self-love I'm super excited to talk about this with you guys today okay so when people think about self-love and they don't really have a self-love practice just yet they mostly think about you know having a nice hot bath at the end of the day or having a glass of wine when the kids are in bed or you know going on holiday at the beach or having an extra slice of chocolate cake and you know people think that that is self-love and I want to tell you guys that that is just a tip of the iceberg that is self-love this is where my metaphor ends really but I want to talk to you guys about the rest of the iceberg today so if you imagine that this is fluffy blankets chocolates and bath this is the rest and what we're going to talk about today and so okay let's just do it so there are three main stages of self-love the first stage is self-acceptance I know it's not as glamorous as having a nice bubble bath but we still need to talk about it so what does self-acceptance mean self-acceptance means that you are consciously aware of two main things so first thing you know who you are and you're okay with that so there are parts of you that you like there are parts of you that you love like the way you're you're I don't know the shape of your mouth the shape of your nose the color of your eyes the shape of your ears or you know how good you look in that dress or I don't know this is very superficial or you know how compassionate you are with people who struggle with something and how you know you are how much you love making dinner for your family and your friends or blah blah blah there are things about you that you love and those are the easy parts of you the parts of you that are really easy to love and then there are other parts of you that sometimes we just tend to push away or buried deep deep beneath the surface in hopes that they will never resurface again so those are the parts of you that are you know jealous that are resentful that are angry that are sad that are deeply deeply deeply lonely that are grieving those are parts of you that are parts of you and that is such deserve to be loved and accepted and acknowledged as well so I know this is not a very glamorous topic but just yeah let's just keep going through it this is really important I'm excited to share this with you and so really what I want to share with you it is that you know it's not by burying these parts of you that you're going to be able to heal them sometimes you know things happen to us and they're so shocking they're so traumatizing that we don't really know how to heal them and so we just push them beneath we just push them away we just try to ignore them as long as possible because you know we need to have breakfast and have enough water and water the garden and we need to talk to our mom and we just need to go about our day-to-day life but these things are still there waiting for you to actually take the time to heal them and really the practice of self-love is to be able to look at all the parts of you the beautiful parts and they're not so beautiful parts and be able to say I love you and really mean it so yeah that is the first first step and now the second step obviously is to really acknowledge where you're at where sorry let me say that let me say that again is to really be able to acknowledge where you are at in your life I made this I said it correctly and to be okay with it as well so if you ask yourself okay where am I where am I in my life right now how am I doing in my marriage how am I doing at work how am I doing in my relationship with my parents how am I doing in my with my relationship with myself and this is you know when you ask yourself this question this is really an opportunity for you to take a step back and really observe what you have been doing in your life and to make any necessary changes if this if necessary if needed but this is your opportunity to really be honest with yourself about where you're at sometimes I find I do it actually with my finances sometimes I just lie to myself about where I'm at with my finances and then you know I just kind of let it fester a little bit and then you know when it's a little too late actually I kind of realized oh my god this has been going on for a while and I haven't been honest with myself so how can I do things differently and you know from a theta healing perspective you have created every single aspect of your life so you have created how your job goes how you behave in your marriage how your partner responds to you you have created every single aspect of your life as a result of your experiences and also as a result of your belief systems and so if you can understand what is going on in your life and really be honest about this then you'll be able to open a door into you into your mind I suppose you could say into your belief systems into your memories and really be able to I guess accept where you're at in your life without necessarily try to change it straight away but we'll talk a little bit more about that in the second stage and really what I wanted to mention before we get we dive into the second stage and that there's there's a lot of difference between wanting to change your life from a place of pressure because it makes you feel really sad it makes you feel uncomfortable you don't really like how much money you're making you don't like how you feel I don't know when you're with your partner or you don't really like when he says that to you and it makes you uncomfortable you just want to feel as joyful and happy as you possibly can straight away as soon as possible and you know this is wanting to change from a place of pressure from a place of resistance and wanting to change from a place of deep acceptance and self-love where you really are able to acknowledge where you're at in your life and from that space change it do you understand the difference can you feel the difference this is you know when you're really able to find self-acceptance this is really where your deep inner work is going to be powerful and efficient so it's actually something that I has taken me years to understand so I'm excited to share this lesson with you and hope that it will take you years to understand all right stage two so the second stage is in a work doing your inner work I know I know doing your inner work so this is actually a very delicious stage and this is something that I love love love diving into for myself and to help my clients go through as well so this is the stage in which you really get to really look at your stuff look at your s-word but I will not say that this is a public radio guys this is where you really get to look at your limiting beliefs look at that awkward and memory from your childhood and look at I don't know the way you speak to your mom when you feel I don't know lonely I don't know whatever and this is where you really get to look at all of this stuff and understand why is there heal it integrate it acknowledge the lessons and then move forward how cool is that you get to move forward when you do your inner work absolutely so now doing your inner work can really look like different things for different people so for me from from the very beginning it's been really looking at what really hurts me or triggers me or makes me angry and really understanding why it's making me so angry why it's making me feel so frustrated it could be that it makes me think of something else that happened that has happened to me years and years ago and that was really painful for me to to deal with and it makes me I don't know I feel like a child again or something whatever and this is where we can dive into into that whole belief system and really I can understand how it's keeping me safe what I need to learn from it and how I can move forward from it this is very exciting but now for other people it's not necessarily you know doing a third eye healing session on yourself it can also look like journaling a lot of people are really obsessed with journaling at the moment it could look like meditating it could look like doing yoga I have a friend who swears by yoga and doing your yoga as a form of self-development it can also look like going to self-development workshops or retreats it could look like sitting in silence for a few hours or a few days it is incredibly powerful by the way I would definitely recommend this to you it could look like anything that makes you aware of who you are and that gives you the space and the energy to heal it so there are different modalities healing modalities out there and if you are in a self-development industry or if you are starting to you know want to work on yourself and to and you have this desire to be happier and healthier and you're looking at all these modalities it can be really confusing and you know you have like I don't know Reiki and you have third eye healing and you have access consciousness bars and you have different types of massage and you have different types of meditation you have yoga and then within yoga you have all kinds of different types of yoga as well you have Kriya yoga you have a Yin yoga you have Kundalini yoga you have a Sthanga yoga and it can be really confusing to find the right modality for you so my advice if you really want to work with a practitioner or a healer or a coach or a counselor whatever if you really want to have external help as you move through your things through your stuff is to really find a practitioner and the modality that most most resonates with you and you know I have had clients who have come to me and said well I have tried so many different things Celine and I'm just not sure that you are going to help at all and I just tell them about what I'm going to do with them if they choose to work with me of course and you know the process and their results that my clients usually experience and what I have found you know since I have started to I practice it a healing on myself and blah blah blah blah and and sometimes you know I have these clients that just take a leap of faith and get I guess are attracted to my energy or how I am or how I behave and who I am and how I behave in the world and book a session with me and then at the end of session they can I have often heard this you know I have looked for you for years and I'm so so grateful that I have finally found you that we can finally I yeah work together and so that can finally move forward in my life obviously they don't need me to move forward in their lives but I've had having somebody who knows what they're doing and has gone through it themselves is actually incredibly helpful okay so let's just close that bracket and move back to our topic which is the three stages of self-love okay I guess what I really my next point is that there is a lot of power in being able to look at yourself with truth and I want to share an experience that I had a couple of years ago and I was doing a seminar a workshop called intuitive anatomy and it is taught within the theta healing technique and it is a three-week workshop quite intensive and and we were doing a lot of swaps you know between the students as during the course and during one of the swaps I was the client and my buddy was the practitioner so I was receiving a session and I saw a glimpse of a memory and it was like a three-second memory and I could replay it over and over again it was very blurry and there was no sound and neck and that was the only thing that I could remember about what had happened that day and it had been so traumatic so traumatic that I had you know buried the rest of the memory the worst of the memory I should say and really kept those three seconds and I suppose as a way for me to heal from it oh I'm so smart but anyway and I realized that this was something that had made me suffer that I had been struggling with for years and it took me a few more days to be able to deal with it and it was so confrontational I cried so much during that time because it really revealed a part of me that I did not want to acknowledge this is not something about me that I wanted to acknowledge but it was only when I was able to heal to really acknowledge what had happened to integrate what I had learned from it that I was able to move forward so if you're struggling with something that's really heavy I feel you I understand you I'm so sorry that you had to go through this but yeah when you're ready give yourself the chance to heal from it and and look at the reasons why it happened and I'm happy to help help you go through this as well if you need my help okay that was a heavy topic let's just move let's just move on okay I also wanted to share something something else with you so when you're truly healed from something this is what I have found this is my perspective on this and there'll be a room for discussion obviously but when you're truly healed from something then there's no need for you to mention it anymore I have I'm saying that because I I talked to a lot of people who define themselves by all those struggles and the difficulties and the challenges that have happened in their lives now you know I can come across as a happy bubbly person like nothing ever bad has happened to me this is not the case and and really but you know if I came to you and just introduced myself and talked about all the challenges that I've had to overcome in my life it just wouldn't be really a positive conversation I don't want to share this with you because I have done my inner work I have understood I have understood why this needed to happen in my life what I have learned from it and now I'm truly free from it so this is my this is my I guess some somebody needs to hear this I don't often share this publicly but somebody needs to hear this so you're welcome so my advice to you is really if you can connect with that part of you that is eternal so I often invite my clients to feel their hearts feel the beat of their hearts and then to start to journey deep within their hearts and find the light that is within their heart this is why my business is called my dawning light right and to really find that light for me this is the part of us that is absolutely eternal that is enlightened that is wise that is beautiful that is compassionate that is so incredibly eternal and enlightened if you can connect with that part of you then you'll be able to gain a different perspective on everything that has happened to you in your life and you'll be able to integrate everything that has happened as I said to you and for you and you'll be able to grow with much more ease and grace so yeah let me just put it out there yeah and if you have no idea how to do your inner work I got you I have a few tips for you you know what the universe God your higher self your soul whatever you want to call it and is constantly presenting you with opportunities to heal constantly presenting you with opportunities for you to heal so for example when you're on the highway and somebody I don't know cuts you and cuts in front of you you know it does a fishtail thingy I don't know how to say this in English I'm sorry but there's something that is you know really dangerous for both of you and potentially a lot more people involved or you know that snarky comments that a colleague just kind of you know mentioned in passing or I don't know anything that has happened or that is happening to you and that is making you feel uncomfortable or afraid or angry those are all opportunities that the universe or God whatever is presenting you so that you can heal and move forward in your life so take those opportunities and I wanted to share with you my process on dealing with my triggers so for me the first stage is acknowledging the trigger so acknowledging that something uncomfortable has happened and I can give myself the space and the time to deal with it and then don't tell the person who has triggered you so don't you know be crazily at the driver in front of you they know they're doing something naughty and they know that they're being rude but you know actually just keeping this within yourself and asking yourself the following questions so what is this trigger telling me that I don't like that is making me uncomfortable what side of me is it revealing is it connecting me with something that has happened to me years ago how is it making me feel how do I feel right now and then once you understand start to understand a belief system that is supporting the trigger then you can really choose to tell yourself a new story and you can choose to tell yourself well actually I can be safe on the road I can I am worthy I can feel peaceful I choose to feel worthy I choose to feel connected I choose to feel loved no matter what no matter what is going on around me and obviously keep yourself safe on the road and keep a safe distance between the car in front of you and behind you okay so that was the second stage and doing your inner work and now we're stepping into the most incredible and exciting stage third stage which is stepping into magnetism so I wanted to share with you how I actually I discovered about magnetism so I was working at a festival a few months ago called resolution NYE and I was offering Reiki and Theta healing sessions to my clients there and I randomly went to a workshop called feminine magnetism which sounds really good right and so I went there and normally you know I kind of think well actually I already know everything that you're sharing and I can just um maybe I don't know step out of the workshop and do something more productive with my time but actually that lady who was holding space for us and who had organized all these activities and who was you know talking and sharing her knowledge with us she had this most incredible incredible presence about her all the eyes on the room were fixed on her for the whole two or three hours of the workshop it was incredible and that's when I realized that I had been spending a lot of time doing my inner work and finding self-acceptance of stage one and stage two and that it was finally time for me to step into stage three which is you know being magnetic to your desires which is a very exciting stage obviously and it was really time for me to reap the rewards of my work I had been doing a lot of inner work a lot of yeah I had been really working on myself quite hard and it was time for me to to really reap the fruits the rewards of my work so this is the stage sorry where you really realize that you are worthy of all that you desire this is the stage where you get to really reframe your life get to reframe what gets to happen to you and for you this is where you get to acknowledge where you want to go in your life and really go after it after it because you have done your inner work you know that it's possible for you to live the life of your dreams you know that you're worthy of it you know that you're going to be supported in your work by the universe God whatever you want to call it your soul you know that you're you just know that everything is possible for you and it's a very exciting stage and suddenly you know life becomes a game and you get to write the rules so this is the stage where I'm kind of playing out at the moment and it's very very very exciting so I suppose I'll give you a quick example of how I became magnetic to something new in my life so I have been living in New Zealand for the past three four years now and when I first moved in New Zealand to New Zealand it was really my first experience driving on the left hand side of the road I'm French originally and driving on the left hand side of the road was really scary for me and so I started to drive eventually after my husband told me that he couldn't keep driving me all the time to wherever I needed to go and I started to drive and I realized that there was a lot of there was a lot of like it happened to me how can I say this let me rephrase this quite often when I would drive I would find a car like really stuck up my butt and not keeping a safe distance between me and them even though I was going at the speed limits and I was driving safely obviously and they were just like really stuck up my butt and I was really I was really getting triggered by this I was really getting triggered by this so one day I got really sick of it and I just made this prayer to the universe so I set an intention well however you want to call it and I said okay universe or God whatever from now on I want to have whenever I'm driving in my car I want to have a really safe distance between the me and the car in front of me and me and the car behind me and this is what has happened to me and whenever I drive since I made that prayer or set an intention so it's very exciting this is how I really got to rewrite the rules of how things get to happen for me and I feel incredibly safe and on the road I'm obviously a very safe and good driver but yeah this is how I got to rewrite the rules for myself okay oh that was the third stages the three sorry the three stages of self-love and obviously you know you are constantly moving through the three stages you're constantly you know finding more ways to accept yourself you constantly are presented you are constantly presented with more opportunities to your inner work and you're also constantly rewriting how life gets to happen to you and for you so you're obviously always in the third first and the three stages at all at the same time but it's often a stage that you're going to be I guess there's always going to be a stage that you focus on the most that's what I wanted to say the words weren't coming to me so all right that was a very exciting exciting recording and yeah for the rest of you I just wanted to really thank you for sharing your time and energy with me I really appreciate that you're joining me week after week and that we get to talk about self-love together this is something that I'm incredibly passionate about and I'm so so excited that I get to share this knowledge with you I'll speak to you soon bye not to really thank you for sharing your time and energy with me I really appreciate that you're joining me week after week and that we get to talk about self-love together this is something that I'm incredibly passionate about and I'm so so excited that I get to share this knowledge with you and yeah if you have any questions or comments and feel free to to share them with me I am my dawning light on Facebook and Instagram and yeah I'll speak to you same place same time I'll speak to you soon bye this program was produced by and first broadcast on radio kidnappers a community access media station thanks to New Zealand on air for making this type of programming possible