Greetings friends,
This is Mark Gladman,
Also known as Brother Frederick James,
Your friendly neighbourhood monk in dogs.
Welcome back to What Do You Want?
So far in this series,
We've been learning to listen to the desires within us.
We've asked,
What are you looking for?
We've wondered whether we really want the changes we say we want.
We've explored the desires for achievement,
Recognition and significance.
And with Bartimaeus,
We discovered the freedom.
Of being able to say simply,
This is what I want.
Today we're going to go underneath our desires because sometimes the thing we want isn't actually the deepest thing we're looking for.
Sometimes a desire is a kind of thirst,
And the question becomes,
What am I really thirsty for?
Now today's focus passage comes from John chapter 4.
Verses 1 through right through to about verse 46 if I remember right.
Quite long so we won't read it here but I'd encourage you to have a look at it after we've reflected.
And perhaps even come back and listen to the reflection again.
But that's a very,
Very famous story about Jesus meeting a woman at a well.
Now,
She's come to draw water.
It's a pretty ordinary thing to do.
It's what people did in those days.
She's thirsty,
She needs water.
And Jesus begins a conversation with her and eventually he starts talking about water in a completely different way.
He speaks about living.
Water,
Water that becomes something within a person and suddenly the conversation isn't really about water anymore,
It's about thirst.
And I think thirst is really a beautiful way to think about desire.
Because thirst isn't bad.
Thirst is good.
Is your body telling you that you need something?
It's a signal.
It points towards something.
The problem isn't the thirst.
The problem comes when we keep trying to satisfy one kind of thirst.
With something that was never capable of satisfying it.
Now think about some of the things that you want.
Maybe you want more money.
Or a better house,
Or recognition.
Maybe you want to lose weight.
Or you want more followers on your page.
Social media accounts.
Maybe you want.
.
.
A relationship ought to be successful.
Maybe you want people to respect you.
Maybe you want people to leave you alone.
Maybe you want to be needed.
Look,
None of those again.
Are automatically wrong,
But here's the question.
What do you imagine you'll feel?
When you finally get it.
Now that!
Is a more interesting question.
Because.
.
.
Maybe you're not actually thirsty for the thing itself.
Maybe what you're thirsty for.
Is what matters.
You believe that thing will give you.
Maybe you don't really want the promotion.
Maybe you want to feel that your work matters.
Maybe you don't really want the bigger house,
You want security.
Maybe you don't really want more money.
You want freedom.
Maybe you don't really want people to admire you.
You want to know that you matter.
Maybe you don't want someone to love you.
You want to know that you're lovable.
Maybe you don't want to be successful.
You actually want to know that your life has significance.
The thing we reach for,
Sometimes might only be the container.
The real thirst is underneath it.
And this is why understanding desire is such important spiritual work,
Because if we don't understand the thirst underneath our desires,
We can spend our entire lives drinking from the wrong wells.
We get what we thought we wanted and for a little while we're satisfied but then the thirst just comes right back so we try something else.
Another achievement,
Another purpose,
Another relationship,
Another project,
Another experience,
Another distraction,
And again for a while it works.
But again the thirst returns.
And again,
There's nothing particularly wrong with us when this happens.
It's what human beings do.
We're creatures of desire.
We're always reaching,
Always seeking,
Always wanting something more.
And so the spiritual question though is.
.
.
What am I actually thirsting for?
Because when we find that out.
.
.
That's how we stop.
All of the wanting.
Once we satisfy the thirst,
We'll find we probably don't want,
At least for that thing,
Anymore.
And maybe this is why the conversation between Jesus and this woman at the well is so powerful.
Because Jesus never shames her first.
He doesn't say you shouldn't want relationships.
He doesn't say you shouldn't need anything.
He meets her right in the middle of her complex and complicated life.
He knows her story.
He knows the things that haven't worked,
He knows the disappointments and still he sits with her,
He speaks with her and he offers her something.
And again,
This is so important because sometimes we think that God is interested in our desires.
Only so that God can correct our desires.
But maybe God's interested in our desires because they reveal something about us,
And when we bring them into God's presence,
We can begin to discover.
What they're really saying.
Maybe you've been,
Say,
Chasing approval for years.
Perhaps there's a deeper thirst underneath that.
Maybe you've spent your life trying to be useful.
Maybe you're thirsty to know that you're loved even when you're not.
Useful.
Maybe you've become obsessed.
With getting everything right,
But maybe underneath that,
There's a deep longing for safety.
Maybe you've kept yourself constantly busy.
But again,
Perhaps you're thirsty for a sense of your life.
Having meaning.
Maybe you've looked all over the place for the perfect relationship but Deep down,
Maybe what you're really longing for is to be completely known and still loved despite being completely known.
And this is where desire comes in.
Becomes a doorway to prayer.
Because then instead of coming to prayer and saying something like,
God give me this thing,
We begin to say things like,
God,
Help me understand why I want this thing so much.
What's underneath this?
What am I thirsty for?
What am I hoping this will finally give me?
And it's quite possible.
At the end,
Son.
Will surprise us.
Sometimes.
We'll discover that the desire is pointing towards something good.
Sometimes.
.
.
We discover that it's coming from a wound.
Sometimes.
.
.
It's a bit of both,
And sometimes we discover that the thing that we've been pursuing can't possibly satisfy the thirst underneath it.
Which doesn't mean we have to reject the thing,
It simply means we stop asking it to save us.
And that's a really important distinction.
You can enjoy success.
Without asking success to tell you that you're worthwhile.
You can enjoy having access to money without asking money to make you feel secure.
You can enjoy relationships without asking another person to complete you.
You can enjoy achievement without asking achievement to prove your value.
You can enjoy beauty without asking beauty to give your life meaning.
You can receive good things as gifts.
Without turning them into gods.
And that's part of what Jesus is offering the woman at the well.
Not elimination of thirst,
But a different source,
A deeper source.
A life within her that doesn't depend entirely on what happens outside of her.
And that's worth remembering as we talk about desire.
Spirituality,
And in particular Christian spirituality,
Isn't an invitation.
To become less alive,
But to become deeply alive,
To discover the desires beneath the desires,
To discover what actually satisfies,
To discover that some things we've been chasing were never large enough to hold the weight that we're putting on them.
So did I.
Think of something you really want.
Maybe something you've been pursuing for a long time.
Don't ask whether it's good or bad.
Don't ask whether it's right or wrong.
Don't ask whether you really should say it or think it.
Just notice it.
And then ask this question,
If I got this.
What do I imagine I would finally.
.
.
Feel.
And maybe your answer is something like peace or security or freedom or love or recognition or belonging or worth.
Or significance.
But then ask.
Why do I need to feel that?
And it's important that you don't feel afraid of the answer,
Because in the answer is where that deeper desire is.
And maybe you'll discover something that you've been thirsty for,
For a very long time,
And it could be something that no achievement or possession or person could ever completely give you.
Something that can only be received.
So here's the question to go with today.
Think about one desire that keeps returning in your life,
The one thing you keep reaching for.
And then ask,
What am I really thirsty for?
And go one step deeper.
What do I believe I'll finally have,
Feel,
Or become?
When I get what I want.
And then maybe,
Just maybe,
Beneath all of that.
.
.
You might ask the question and possibly even get closer to the answer,
To what do I really want?
And may grace,
Peace and love be with you as you hold that question.
And go through the day.
Until tomorrow friends,
Peace be with you.
