There was a time in my life when I was so caught up in saying yes to everyone else,
I couldn't even hear my own needs.
So I started to wonder,
What can a boundary be used for?
I spent years believing that being available to others,
Whether it was my family,
Friends,
Or colleagues,
Was the secret to being valued.
I thought,
If I'm always the one person that people can count on,
I'll be seen as reliable,
Dependable,
Maybe even irreplaceable.
But here's the problem.
I didn't realize how much of myself and my soul I was giving away in the process.
It wasn't until I was diagnosed with a work addiction almost eight years ago that I finally stopped and asked myself,
What is all this costing me?
You see,
I was living other people's values instead of honoring my own.
I was people pleasing to the point where I no longer recognized my needs.
I was over committing and constantly drained,
Telling myself I had to keep going because others depended on me.
And while I appeared strong and successful on the outside,
I was crumbling inside.
But something powerful happened once I started setting boundaries.
I realized that boundaries are not about keeping people out,
But about creating space for well-being.
And you know what else?
Boundaries don't push people away.
They often draw people in closer because they allow you to show up fully,
Without resentment,
Without burnout,
And with mutual respect.
I want to share three key lessons I've learned through my boundary setting journey.
These lessons changed everything for me,
And I believe they can do the same for you if you're wondering what a boundary can be used for.
Takeaway number one,
Your mindset is the foundation.
At the heart of boundary setting is your mindset.
The stories you tell yourself are powerful.
For the longest time,
My story was,
If I say no,
People will think I'm unreliable.
If I set boundaries,
They'll stop depending on me and I'll lose opportunities.
That's the lie I told myself,
And it trapped me in a cycle of overwork and exhaustion.
But the truth is,
Boundaries are a form of self-respect.
When I started to catch those limiting beliefs in action,
I realized how much they held me back.
The first step,
Awareness.
Simply noticing the beliefs that drive your decisions can change everything.
I used to believe that to be successful,
I had to say yes to everything.
Now I know that true success comes from living in alignment with my own core values.
Key takeaway number two,
Reframing your limiting beliefs empowers you.
One of the most powerful tools I've learned on this journey is reframing.
Once you identify a limiting belief like,
If I say no,
I'll disappoint everyone,
You can flip that belief into something that empowers you.
For example,
When I used to think,
If I set a boundary,
They'll think I'm difficult,
I began reframing that thought to,
By setting this boundary,
I'm showing others what self-respect looks like.
And when I worried that saying no would upset people,
I reframed it to,
By saying no,
I'm creating space for what truly matters for me and others.
It's not just about changing the words,
It's about shifting your perspective.
Once you do that,
Everything opens up.
Boundaries become a gift,
Not a burden.
Shifting your perspective can help you understand what a boundary can be used for.
Key takeaway number three,
Start with boundaries for yourself.
Here's the thing,
Before you can start setting boundaries with others,
You have to set them with yourself.
I know that sounds strange at first,
But trust me on this.
Think about it,
How often have you promised yourself you'd do something?
Getting enough sleep,
Going for a hike,
Or speaking up in a difficult situation,
Only to push that promise aside because something else came up?
I used to do that all the time.
I'd say,
Today is a day I'm going to prioritize my needs,
And then I'd let everything else take over.
I had to start practicing setting boundaries with myself.
That means committing to things that honor your well-being,
Even when it's hard.
It might be as simple as choosing to go for that walk,
Even when your inbox is overflowing.
Or it could be speaking up in a meeting,
When you'd rather stay silent.
When I finally started setting boundaries with myself,
Setting them with others became so much easier.
Why?
Because I was no longer relying on external validation to feel good.
I was creating space for my needs,
Allowing me to show up more fully in every area of my life.
Protect your energy.
As you reflect on these takeaways,
I encourage you to ask yourself,
What limiting belief has been holding me back from setting healthy boundaries?
How can I reframe that limiting belief into something that serves me?
Where can I start setting boundaries with myself today?
It might feel uncomfortable at first,
And that's okay.
Growth isn't always easy,
But it's worth it.
The more you practice,
The more natural it will feel.
Boundaries are a muscle.
You get to strengthen them over time,
And when you do,
You'll find that you can show up more fully,
More authentically,
And with more energy to do the things that truly matter.
You got this.
