When Afraid Of Telling Your Story In An Artistic Way

A short talk in which I share some musings on the question: what if I want to express my life experience in an artistic way, but feel blocked because of the persons involved or afraid to involve my family?

No copyright music by Liborio Conti

Transcript

Welcome to my musings on a seemingly unsolvable dilemma.

What if I want to express my life experience in an artistic way,

But I fear the reactions of people involved in that story?

Or,

What if I want to express my story,

But I don't want my children or grandchildren to know about it or be burdened with it?

This was a question someone asked during a creative retreat,

And for a reason I couldn't understand,

That question stayed with me long after the retreat.

Strange,

Because the person pondering that dilemma was a refugee with a deep wound,

And I am not a refugee and I don't consider myself deeply wounded.

I do have traumas,

Like everyone growing up,

But not of that order that I am blocked from expressing myself artistically,

So it seems strange that this question keeps haunting my mind.

What I didn't realize was that I have been integrating my past step by step while creating my artistic oeuvre.

I grew up in a family that encouraged creativity and valued artistic expression,

So I automatically reached for that to live through my problems.

I am neither a trauma healer nor a therapist.

I am an artist who found healing for my traumas thanks to my artistic work,

Reflections on it and the interaction with the right kind of people to help me along my path.

So therefore,

I want to touch on a few points that were helpful insights for me in finding my way to healing,

And I hope they are helpful to others.

What will not help is working under a pseudonym or camouflaging elements of the story,

However inventive.

There remains a fear of being unmasked and thus of an angry reaction from society,

From close relatives.

And if you can't tell your story honestly,

In whatever medium you work,

It can't heal you.

So considered from a practical point of view,

It seems impossible to bring that trauma into the outside world without the fear of being hurt again or hurting those you love.

It can go so far that you are even afraid to talk about the desire to express your life experience.

And the last thing you will provoke is a raking up of the situation in which you live now.

So then you are left with the burden and the feeling that you cannot live your life to the fullest because of that hidden story.

The entry I found helpful is the following.

The key is that releasing traumas in an artistic way must be accompanied by inner work,

And it has to happen in a safe environment.

When you express a feeling of deep wounding for the first time,

It will be very raw,

Whether in writing,

Painting,

Dancing or musically,

It will be a burst of emotion,

And that's very useful and a necessary beginning,

But I call it a journal phase.

It will be the expression of your reality of the past,

A reality that has been hidden for a long time and thus has lived its own life.

And because there is no such thing as an objective reality,

Your memory will be different from those involved.

And also,

Those who know nothing about that traumatic past will be faced with a story that contains unfiltered negative energy that then will be stored in their lives.

So expressing your emotions in a raw way will hurt and cause others to react,

And you may very well be unable to adequately deal with their reactions because you are very vulnerable.

What worked for me is the following double track.

Apart from the benefits that therapy or talking to a close friend can provide you,

An interesting approach is to connect with like-minded people.

I am referring here to groups that come together based on a spiritual interest,

Groups that are open to listening to each other's stories and holding space for each other,

That will encourage you to keep going.

And those groups function according to the rule,

What is said here,

Stays here.

And at the same time,

You can look for a safe place where you can express your story in an artistic way.

For example,

A retreat focusing on expressing personal traumas,

And if a retreat is not within your means,

Home sitting or staying in a vacation home or garden house of someone might be just as good,

As long as it's a place where you can stay as long as you need to express your raw version of the story,

And that you can be sure you can rely on personal backup.

Once you finish that draft,

There are two things you can do.

You can keep it or release it to the elements of nature.

Depending on the medium chosen to express yourself,

You can ritually burn it or perform it in a safe environment and complete it that way.

Another option is to store your draft or the recording of the draft in a public vault or a safe deposit box that you hide somewhere secure.

After you have expressed your traumatic experience for the first time,

It would be great to have an incubation period.

By that I mean,

Taking time to let it sink in,

To realize what you have opened and shaped,

To give your body and your mind time to recalibrate.

Perhaps you will start to experience a change in the way you look at that traumatic period in your life.

Perhaps it will be profound,

Or perhaps just a tentative step.

If necessary,

Find another opportunity for a follow-up session.

And also,

I encourage you to keep in touch with the people with whom you can safely share what you are experiencing.

Ideas about the format of the final form will come up from time to time,

Because your mind keeps busy with it even when you're not focused on it.

And just keep in mind that you will feel it when the time is right to express what you want to tell the world.

At the moment you feel that urge,

You will also know in what form it wants to be expressed.

That will be the moment when you experience that you're able to reflect on the story,

And that's necessary to find the right format,

To create,

Edit and polish it until it expresses in all its aspects exactly what is important to communicate.

Then you will be able to take the sharp edges of the story.

A rough version doesn't do the job very well.

And at that point,

You will also come to believe that there is a way to tell the story without fear of the impact in the outside world.

The offensiveness and the victim attitude will be discharged and the story embedded in a broader understanding.

Then it can also help others.

That's the way of the wounded healer.

But if you still don't dare to make it public,

There is always the option of sealing it with a will stating that it should not be made public until after,

Let's say,

50 years.

Doing the inner work in parallel with the experience of expressing your story will change the way you look at life.

It will certainly bring many things to the surface.

Your relationship to what you value in life,

The people you fear,

The dreams you once had.

And step by step,

You will discover how to heal your thoughts about the story of your life.

What happened in the past is part of your breathing ground.

You need to integrate to heal and go fully for your life purpose.

I am not saying this will happen at light speed.

And it's not an easy task.

This is about healing your one precious life.

Take your time.

The moment you take the first step,

Convinced to heal,

You are on your path.

And no matter what happens,

If you're determined to be able to tell your story,

You are moving toward that destiny and opportunities and help will come your way.

As Shonryu Suzuki says,

Even if the sun were to rise in the west,

The Bodhisattva has only one way.

It really is worthy effort.

First and foremost for yourself,

But also for your loved ones,

For the past and the future generations.

These musings are just honest reflections.

I hope they can help you find a way out if you face this kind of dilemma.

I wish you a wonderful journey toward healing and powerful artistic creations as a result.

Thank you for listening.

Many blessings.