Foundations Of Wisdom - Yes! I Am Worthy - Part 1

Feeling valued, feeling confident that we measure up and meet the expectations of ourselves and others is critical to our wellbeing.
In this guided talk we engage in a process of self-reflection to understand why we might feel that we do not measure up. What are the sources of our self-perception?

In this very distracted age, it is vital to feel that we are grounded in ourselves and this requires us to invest time in our inner well-being.

This talk is designed to support you on this journey.

Transcript

Hello and welcome to this talk in which we look at the issue of not measuring up the feeling that we do not meet expectations or maybe it comes to us in the sense that we're pretending to be somebody that we're not,

That our capabilities do not match up to what other people seem to believe about us.

In other words,

Maybe we suffer from a little of the imposter syndrome.

Now this is an issue which impacts people's lives,

Their relationships and the decisions that they make.

It definitely increases stress and possibly leads to burnout and addictive behaviours.

But through a process of understanding,

Repositioning and maybe through finding the right support,

Your life can be brought back to peace and balance.

Hello my name is Martin Crease-Morris and I have devoted my life to supporting others through providing understanding,

Providing insights and enabling personal empowerment for executives,

Colleagues and friends.

And in many ways this is as much about my journey as it is for yours.

So I'm saying that we are all involved in these problems.

No man is an island.

So treat this session as a two-way conversation between yourself and myself and maybe have a pen and paper ready.

So we will look at this topic of not measuring up in three sections.

There will be three separate talks,

One dealing with the internal issues and the second dealing with the external.

And the third,

The synthesis,

Looking at how do we move towards solutions.

So,

As I said,

This is the first session.

The first session is a process of aspects of internal reflection in terms of which we acknowledge what we're feeling and accept what we're feeling.

So the first thing we do is to set aside a time and a place.

So I would issue the usual advice,

A quiet,

Comfortable place where you can reflect without distraction and ensuring that other people know that you should not be interrupted.

And if you do not feel that you can do this,

Please ask yourself why not?

What's standing in the way of you doing this?

And this may be perfectly genuine practicalities of your life in its current form.

But then,

How can you deal with an important inner issue whilst avoiding the work at a time where you focus on the problem in front of you?

And as you settle into this place of solitude,

The first thing we can do is to acknowledge the feelings that you have of not measuring up,

Maybe feeling like an imposter,

That you feel that you are not meeting other people's expectations.

And just accept that you do feel these,

You have these feelings,

And the feelings are valid,

They have a cause,

And we will come to an understanding of the causes.

And it's perfectly fine to explore these feelings,

Maybe to write them down,

But without judgement,

Just,

If you like,

Take notes from your inner self as to what you do feel.

And it's fine to accept them,

But I think we would like to understand their causes and how to deal with these feelings,

The remedies for these feelings.

So maybe you're making a little list of the feelings,

And maybe describe to yourself,

Write down how these feelings,

What's the impact of these feelings,

What do you feel?

Do you feel panicky?

Do you feel guilty?

Do you feel depressed?

And just make a list.

And then the next step is just looking at triggers and patterns.

So reflecting on recent situations or events that triggered these feelings of inadequacy.

Just understand,

Write down or record in your own mind,

What were the triggering situations?

Was it a conversation?

Was it a presentation?

Was it a submission of a document?

Maybe it was,

As I say,

An event,

Maybe at work,

Maybe in your personal life,

Or maybe it was in both areas.

But what were the triggering situations?

So just getting a cool list of recent triggering situations.

And then looking at the thought patterns.

So if you reflect on these triggering situations,

What sort of thoughts did they produce?

What sort of feelings did they produce?

And what were the negative thoughts?

Maybe there was a negative internal dialogue associated with those situations.

And just write down those thoughts.

Get a clarity on your internal dialogue.

Just reflect on it,

Just clearly lay the dialogue out.

And maybe ask yourself at this stage,

Whose voice do you hear?

Good point for reflection.

Is it your voice?

Is it an inner critic?

Is it somebody from your current life?

Maybe somebody from your past life?

But whose voice?

And then the next step,

Let's examine the influences that you're subject to.

And maybe they're influences from the culture,

The culture that you are a part of.

And this can be,

If you like,

National culture,

That you feel treats you in a certain way.

Or is it your work culture?

The environment that you are in at work?

As you would know,

There'd be a very different culture,

Say,

Between investment banking and the medical profession.

And then there's the culture of the society that you're part of.

Even your family has a particular culture,

Maybe your neighborhood,

Maybe the town that you live in,

The city that you live in.

But do these influences,

How have they shaped your perceptions of your success and your worth?

Maybe they've influenced how you feel about yourself,

About your behavior,

Maybe about how you look.

Do they influence what you say?

And if you see these societal and cultural things as external,

How have these contributed to your feelings of whether you're living up to,

Whether you're measuring up to expectations,

Personal or professional?

Maybe you work,

For example,

In a male-dominated environment.

And how does that type of behavior influence you?

How does that impact you?

How does it make you feel?

But also,

I would throw in at this point,

How well do you understand masculinity and femininity?

And that's a big question,

A deep question.

But this can be,

Speaking from personal experience,

I've worked in industries with very distinct cultures,

Like banking,

As I mentioned earlier,

But forestry,

And education,

Very,

Very different cultures.

But how have those external influences impacted you?

And then,

Let's look at past experiences,

Past experiences of you growing up,

Your childhood.

Childhood has a tremendous impact on us.

So,

What were the most important external influences on you?

Especially the negative ones that might be influencing your self-perception today.

How do those experiences contribute to your beliefs about yourself?

And if we focus in on two main areas of your life,

As your childhood life,

If you were to describe your mother or your main female childhood influence in terms of archetypes,

And you might have to look up what an archetype is,

But archetypes can be a magician,

Can be an adventurer,

A hero,

It can be very negative,

A devouring monster.

But how would you describe your mother,

The main female influence,

In terms of three archetypes,

And just write them down without too much thought?

And remember,

A list of archetypes is endless,

But describing them and reflecting on how that might have influenced you,

And your expectations.

Were you never ever good enough,

For example?

It's a very common one.

What about then describing your father,

The main male figure in your childhood,

In terms of archetypes?

And consider how this impacted you.

Did you feel safe?

Did you feel secure,

For example?

Again,

Were you good enough?

Did you get your freedom,

Or were you always controlled?

And again,

Reflect on this and understand,

Does this give you any insights into why you feel that you might not measure up?

So having touched on past experience,

What about your own personal expectations?

Do you set realistic expectations for you in all areas of your life?

Career,

Relationships,

Personal achievements,

Or are these expectations totally unrealistic?

Maybe you can write them down,

Make a list,

Against each one of these expectations.

Just consider,

Write down,

Where do they come from?

I mean,

Are they yours?

Are they really yours?

Or do some of the earlier things that you have reflected on come to bear?

Are these expectations other people's?

Were you born into a family of high achievers,

But you were extremely artistic?

There's many things.

Then we will again look at this from different angles to try and help you come to an understanding of where these feelings come from.

And really under this unrealistic expectations or expectations,

Do you have a perfectionistic mindset?

Are your standards excessively high?

Or do you have a perfectionistic mindset because this is something that was expected of you?

Or do you have this mindset because you feel,

For example,

Loss of control,

A fear of loss of control?

Then again,

Ask yourself,

Where does that come from?

Does that tie back to earlier work that you have done?

And you may begin to get a sense of maybe there are themes,

Maybe there are patterns emerging,

Maybe there are linkages emerging between what you're feeling and your thought patterns and the origins of the thought patterns in your personal history.

So,

There's plenty of work for you to do in this section.

And as I said,

We will then move on to the external elements of what we look for outside ourselves,

What we can look for outside ourselves,

And also then bring everything together in terms of discovering solutions and resolution and synthesis of what we're doing.

So,

I will talk to you again at the next talk.

Thank you.