Is Childhood Trauma Stopping You From Manifesting?

If you withdraw your energy, becoming invisible to avoid attack when you were a kid... and that manifesting style worked, because it helped you survive childhood... Is it possible that when you're worrying/stressed/feeling emotionally unsafe now... that your manifesting style is still to withdraw and go invisible, instead of manifesting large and going big and getting big support?? Is this a key reason why children of narcissists find it hard to manifest when they are worried and stressed?

Transcript

Turn your power on with the Turn Yourself On podcast so you remember who you are.

I'm Marina Jay and I'm a number one best-selling author,

Psychic life coach and speaker who has helped thousands of people for over 24 years heal their life back to fabulous because you are fabulous.

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Your manifesting style when you were a kid is possibly stopping you from manifesting right now as the gorgeous adult that you are.

So I got this download just recently and I wanted to share it with you.

I haven't even had breakfast.

I literally I've had two glasses of lemon water and I'm like right let's just go.

I've got a really big day today and I want to get this in before I start my day so I'm probably my voice is going to sound a little bit sleepy and I just yeah this download really came in and it's really yeah let's see if it let's see if it resonates with you right let's see if it's somewhere in you too because I feel like it's in a lot of us.

So if you as a kid right as a child just think back to when you were a kid and the way in which you manifested safety may have been to stay small and need less.

So let me explain.

Let's say as a kid the attention that you often got was critical.

In order to survive that you are going to go small and perhaps you're going to shrink and give.

So you're going to shrink your needs.

You're going to give the adult the parent what they want right so you're going to adjust yourself to become what they want.

You might people please right you might just be an incredible support and a help to them in doing so you manifest exactly what you needed right because it was survival as a kid and what you manifested for yourself was safety.

You are safe.

You are safe from being critiqued.

You are safe from being attacked.

You are safe from being emotionally attacked.

You are safe from drama suddenly being created.

Let's say that you grew up and your parents were really argumentative or let's say your siblings would always get into fights.

You could avoid all of that by becoming a certain way by changing your approach and you're like well I tried speaking my truth that didn't work no one heard me.

I got really upset.

No one saw me.

So you know what?

It's easier if I just go small and sort of really neutral and don't do anything and then I'm going to fly under the radar right then I'm going to become invisible and if I don't do anything then I'm safe.

Now for a lot of us kids growing up that's what we did.

We did that at home.

We did that at school right?

How many of you flew under the radar at school so you wouldn't be singled out and bullied or you wouldn't be singled out by the teacher or you wouldn't be made fun of right?

Easier and actually really clever because growing up most of us I think didn't feel emotionally safe.

Most of us weren't in families that had emotional maturity because it really wasn't a thing on our planet this century.

This thing on our planet was to work hard and earn money.

That was people's focus to do well at school.

It wasn't really about self-reflection working through your emotions because when you can be with yourself you can be with another.

So if you grew up with a parent that didn't know how to be with their anger they're going to get angry with you because it's got to go somewhere right?

So as a kid we created what I call a safety style.

So what was your safety style as a kid?

If your safety style as a kid was to go small right?

Was to shrink and give right?

So you gave to get safety.

These are the over givers and the under receivers of today right?

If you shrank and gave you're the under receiver and over giver of today.

It's the same same.

So as a child what happens is we go okay this works this is going to keep me safe and as an adult you're scared that you're not going to earn enough money right now.

Let's just say that that's your thing or you're scared that you're never going to meet anybody or you're scared that it's never going to happen for you right?

And you know you need to take action.

If your safety style as a child was to literally become invisible to stop to withdraw yourself bring your energy from the outside world back into you.

It's a very high possibility that you're doing this right now.

It's a very high possibility that your safety style as a kid is now still your safety style.

Have a look when you're scared what do you do?

Do you focus and manifest like a ninja or do you actually go really neutral and nothing-y and scared and stop and withdraw your energy inwards?

If you're doing that that's your safety style from a kid and that's what you're still doing now and that's why your manifesting style as a kid might be stopping you from manifesting now.

So if we look at it there would have been some kids growing up that did it differently.

Some of those kids when they felt like they were under attack would have just gone really focused really focused on what they wanted wouldn't have let it go it would have been all they could think about and they would have just gone deeper and deeper and deeper into their world to create it.

Almost like blocking out people blocking out the attack blocking out the constant interruptions or whatever was going on at home or at school and they would have had that so their safety style is to do the same now right when they're scared of you know not earning money or not having money or being poor or they're scared of not meeting somebody or whatever it is right or a project goes wrong their safety style is to manifest like a ninja.

So looking at that right now I'm going to say that is a portion of the population but it's a smaller portion of the population because you know I feel especially like a lot of us grew up with parents that didn't know how to be with their feelings so they would project them onto us or onto the outside world and that's not emotionally safe not for any of us and there's no blame there there's just fact right there's honestly I can honestly say up to thousands of people I've coached I don't think I've coached anybody that's had emotionally safe parents I just don't think I have.

So thinking about you go back and go right did I shrink and give as a kid or did I shrink and escape as a kid right so maybe you escaped to get safety you still shrank yourself but instead of giving to get your safety you escaped to get your safety right so then this in this life maybe you're an avoidant type person so you you avoid right so you think maybe you think you think about what you want but then you're going to do be a big smack a big snacker and big tv watcher because you're going to avoid right or you're going to create drama in your life to avoid so however we dealt with fear as children fearful situations situations that made us really fucking scared how we dealt with them then is this also how you're dealing with your stuff now are you petrified to move forward are you procrastinating do you know what you want to do and you are maybe cleaning the house you are you're avoiding right you're totally avoiding what you actually need to do and if you're a shrinking escaper you're also going to in this adult incarnation want to escape the big in your mind heavy conversations because that's when you are going to get attacked or that's when you are going to get controlled if you grew up sort of in a situation in a in a you grew up understanding that support was control right so support wasn't really support it was a way of your parents controlling you and the outcome you're not going to ask for help either your your safety style as an adult is actually to do everything on your own which is going to make manifesting much slower so what if you change your safety style what if your safety right now as an adult wasn't in not doing anything and going small because you're not being attacked right now are you you're not where's the attack coming from it's you're in a different position a completely different position so if you can understand that you're not under attack I mean unless you are right you might be in a situation but let's just say that you're not then instead of drawing your energy in to keep yourself safe what if you right now imagined whatever colour you are right so you might be silver and blue your energy right this is like your energy signature what colour are you just pick a colour right now and imagine that you're going to send it out from the centre of you out to the world right in a huge circle around you you're going to do the exact opposite of what you did as a kid and you're going to send that energy out it's going to run through all of your projects out into the world so you can be seen you can be heard and you can be cheered and revered what if you did that instead what if you changed your safety style what if your safety style now was actually to be seen to be heard to reach everybody what if your safety style was to infuse your energy into absolutely everything that you do and what if your safety style was to speak up to say it because you're not having that attack around you anymore that's old school that's the old school you grew up in that's not this school now you've done a lot of work on yourself and so if you're finding that you are not manifesting just notice what have you been pulling through from your childhood into this moment that in your mind you may be unconsciously doing to keep yourself safe you notice that you've been doing that and what if you did the absolute opposite and what if you almost treated it as a story so you're like right well my old story I did that my old story right I shrank and gave right that was my reaction that was my response that was my way of dealing with my childhood but now instead of shrinking and giving I'm gonna go big and receive what if that is your new way of dealing with fearful situations for yourself what if you did that instead you go big you're gonna put your energy out there so you're seen and heard and you're actually gonna receive you can allow support in what if you had a completely different response to anything that's fearful in your life right now I swear to the goddess you're gonna come out of this smelling like roses slight caveat with that too some kids grew up in families that were maybe narcissistic or one-sided and instead of them shrinking and giving in order to stay safe they go big and narky right they have huge needs needy needy they're always like the victim and they end up becoming narcissists themselves right so we're talking about narcissistic families now so if you grew up in a narcissistic family it's interesting to look at how all the people responded to that energy in the family dynamic so if you had that growing up it's very likely that when you now have a fearful situation something's making you really scared you're going to be pretty extreme and you're shrinking and giving or you're shrinking and escaping right or whatever it is that you did so that's like a little caveat right for families where it was narcissistic or somewhere on that scale you're going to find that you're even more so that way so what if this week we really focused on this and every time we noticed ourselves shrinking in order to get invisible we just went nah that's my old story I'm not doing that anymore right because otherwise who do all the people around me become right they become my mum or my dad or my my brother my sister my cousins my teachers my school friends my caregivers whoever no it's completely different I've cleared and healed all of that I know so many of you have and if you haven't cool work through that too literally what if we took that beautiful energy and instead of drawing our energy in to manifest because what are you manifesting really with doing that absolutely nothing just we're of the same what if we realized that our safety style now was to be utterly ourselves out in the world rocking our energy living large and actually doing what we couldn't do as children which was really focusing really going in deep with what we wanted to manifest for ourselves and create really focusing without interruption without interrupting ourselves and going in deep and just getting it done or just going in deep and healing it whatever it is or just absolutely being so like having blinkers on as if you were a horse being so blanket that you're going that's it this is happening for me what if we did that now because we weren't able to do it as a kid because the noise from the outside world was too loud there was no room for us to do it right for so many of us if we did that it would have been like suicide it would have been so difficult in the families that we were in right because these families didn't allow for that it was literally survival there was no room for that right we would have been vulnerable to attack we weren't watchful enough for attack right if you're so in yourself who's protecting you you can't this is the logic obviously of a child right you can't something has to be out there right being on watch if you're on watch you're not totally in your own process you can't be totally with yourself so we learn to live a little bit outside of ourselves we learn to not fully be like fully be with ourselves to fully be loyal to ourselves right being on watch is being loyal but it's not really being loyal in terms of manifesting and getting what you want so really looking at okay where now my manifesting style can I change that instead of maybe interrupting myself all the time instead of maybe only only allowing myself a certain amount of time per day to manifest you know or I can't really get into it yeah no wonder look at how you grew up look at what you had to do to stay safe maybe now you can finally give yourself this time because you're finally going to compartmentalize because now you can now there's a difference between when you grow up and now and now's our time right if you are a healer will you classify yourself as a light worker star seed whatever we're at the start of a 20-year process the 20-year process now is to help as many people on this planet rise up to become the power and light that they are in order to do that we've got to have a clear vision and we've got a manifest if as a child you really there was no room for it there was constant interruption there was constant drama there was attack there was critique whatever okay can you now see you're safe it's not the same anymore you are ready let's do this let's really manifest this week let's go headlong into what we always wanted to do as a kid and actually really really focus and create let's have a different response to any fear that we're feeling right now because isn't this the ultimate in worthiness all my love have a great week and i'll see you next time bye thank you for turning yourself on with me please leave me a gorgeous review which helps me to serve you and come find me at marina j.

Net for support and at marina j coaching for instagram facebook and youtube for glitter bombs of inspiration because you're not on your own and if you have you by your side you'll never be on your own again give yourself a big hug wrap your arms around yourself and thank yourself for all that you are as you give thanks for all that you are becoming

Reviews

This is wonderful, thank you so much ❤️ I'm 39, finding my way, fully letting it go. Love and blessings to all 🙌 We deserve an amazing life xx

Wow, thank you so much for sharing your amazing perspective. Really eye-opening how the things we did as a child to feel safe, we are repeating now, and how those patterns are holding us back in manifesting. I never considered those things I did for safety as a child in terms of manifesting! What a different way to look at it and think about it and focus on becoming aware in our daily lives to work on breaking that pattern. Thank you 💜🌷💜🌷

So true. Thank you

That was so good, I got rid of so many blocks, I will definitely b

Very interesting! Thank you!

another great one Marina! thank you!!! 💖✨