The Enchanted April, Chapter 12

In the most wickedly funny chapter yet, Lottie's plan to invite her husband to stay at the castle is revealed over dinner to Mrs Fisher and Lady Caroline.

Don't forget to check out the Enchanted April playlist, where you can find all the episodes of Elizabeth von Armin's wonderful novel together!

Transcript

Hello there,

It's Mandy here.

Welcome back to the Enchanted April by Elizabeth von Arnim and we've reached chapter 12 now,

Which is the chapter I'm going to read to you tonight.

We're halfway through the book now,

But before I begin,

Please feel free to make yourself really comfortable and settle down into whatever surface you happen to be sitting or lying on and I'll begin.

At the evening meal,

Which was the first time the whole four sat around the dining room table together,

Scrap appeared.

She appeared quite punctually and in one of those wrappers or tea gowns,

Which are sometimes described as ravishing.

This one really was ravishing.

It certainly ravished Mrs Wilkins,

Who couldn't take her eyes off the enchanting figure opposite.

It was a shell pink garment and clung to the adorable Scrap as though it too loved her.

What a beautiful dress exclaimed Mrs Wilkins eagerly.

What this old rag,

Said Scrap,

Glancing down at it as if to see which one she had got on.

I've had it a hundred years and she concentrated on her suit.

You must be very cold in it,

Said Mrs Fisher,

Thin-lipped,

For it showed a great deal of Scrap.

The whole of her arms,

For instance,

And even where it covered her up,

It was so thin that you still saw her.

Who,

Me?

Said Scrap,

Looking up a moment.

Oh no,

And she continued her soup.

You mustn't catch a chill,

You know,

Said Mrs Arbuthnot,

Feeling that such loveliness must at all costs be preserved unharmed.

There's a great difference here when the sun goes down.

I'm quite warm,

Said Scrap,

Industriously eating her soup.

You look as though you had nothing at all on underneath,

Said Mrs Fisher.

I haven't,

At least hardly anything,

Said Scrap,

Finishing her soup.

How very imprudent,

Said Mrs Fisher,

And how highly improper,

Whereupon Scrap stared at her.

Mrs Fisher had arrived at dinner,

Feeling friendly towards Lady Caroline.

She at least had not intruded into her room and sat at her table and written with her pen.

She did,

Mrs Fisher had supposed,

Know how to behave.

Now it appeared that she did not know,

For was this behaving,

To come dressed,

No undressed,

Like that,

To a meal?

Such behaviour was not only exceedingly improper,

But also most inconsiderate,

For the indelicate creature would certainly catch a chill,

And then infect the entire party.

Mrs Fisher had a great objection to other people's chills.

They were always the fruit of folly,

And then they were handed on to her,

Who had done nothing at all to deserve them.

Bird-brained,

Thought Mrs Fisher,

Sternly contemplating Lady Caroline,

Not an idea in her head except vanity.

But there are no men here,

Said Mrs Wilkins,

So how can it be improper?

Have you noticed,

She inquired of Mrs Fisher,

Who endeavoured to pretend she didn't hear,

Have you noticed how difficult it is to be improper without men?

Mrs Fisher neither answered her nor looked at her,

But scrap looked at her,

And did that with her mouth,

Which in any other mouth would have been a faint grin.

Seen from without,

Across the bowl of nasturtiums,

It was the most beautiful of brief and dimpled smiles.

She had a very alive sort of face,

That one,

Thought scrap,

Observing Mrs Wilkins with a dawn of interest.

It was rather like a field of corn swept by lights and shadows.

Both she and the dark one,

Scrap noticed,

Had changed their clothes,

But only in order to put on silk jumpers.

The same amount of trouble would have been enough to dress them properly,

Reflected scrap.

Naturally,

They looked like nothing on earth in the jumpers.

It didn't matter what Mrs Fisher wore.

Indeed,

The only thing for her,

Short of plumes and ermine,

Was what she did wear.

But these others were quite young still,

And quite attractive.

They really definitely had faces.

How different life would be for them,

If they made the most of themselves,

Instead of the least.

And yet,

Scrap was suddenly bored,

And turned away her thoughts and absently ate toast.

What did it matter?

If you did make the most of yourself,

You only collected people around you,

Who ended by wanting to grab.

I've had the most wonderful day,

Began Mrs Wilkins,

Her eyes shining.

Scrap lowered hers.

Oh,

She thought,

She's going to gush.

As though anybody were interested in her day,

Thought Mrs Fisher,

Lowering hers also.

In fact,

Whenever Mrs Wilkins spoke,

Mrs Fisher deliberately cast down her eyes.

Thus would she mark her disapproval.

Beside,

It seemed the only safe thing to do with her eyes,

For no one could tell what the uncurbed creature would say next.

That which she had just said,

For instance,

About men,

Addressed too to her.

What could she mean?

Better not conjecture,

Thought Mrs Fisher,

And her eyes,

Though cast down,

Yet again saw Lady Caroline stretch out her hand to the Chianti flask,

And fill her glass again.

She had done it once already,

And the fish was only just going out of the room.

Mrs Fisher could see that the other respectable member of the party,

Mrs Arbuthnot,

Was noticing it too.

Mrs Arbuthnot was,

She hoped and believed,

Respectable and well-meaning.

It is true she also had invaded her sitting-room,

But no doubt she had been dragged there by the other one,

And Mrs Fisher had little,

If anything,

Against Mrs Arbuthnot,

And observed with approval that she only drank water.

That was as it should be.

So,

Indeed,

To give her her dues,

Did the freckled one,

And very right at their age.

Mrs Fisher herself drank wine,

But with what moderation?

One meal,

One glass.

And she was sixty-five,

And might properly,

And even beneficially,

Have had at least two.

That,

She said to Lady Caroline,

Cutting right across what Mrs Wilkins was telling them about her wonderful day,

And indicating the wine-glass,

Is very bad for you.

Lady Caroline,

However,

Could not have heard.

She continued to sip her elbow on the table,

And listen to what Mrs Wilkins was saying.

And what was it she was saying?

She had invited somebody to come and stay.

A man.

Mrs Fisher could not credit her ears,

Yet it evidently was a man,

For she spoke of the person as he.

Suddenly,

And for the first time,

But then this was most important.

Mrs Fisher addressed Mrs Wilkins directly.

She was sixty-five,

And cared very little what sorts of women she happened to be with for a month.

But if the women were to be mixed with men,

It was a different proposition altogether.

She was not going to be made a cat's paw of.

She had not come out there to sanction by her presence what used in her day to be called fast behaviour.

Nothing had been said at the interview in London about men.

If there had been,

She would have declined,

Of course,

To come.

What is his name?

Asked Mrs Fisher,

Abruptly interposing.

Mrs Wilkins turned to her with slight surprise.

Wilkins,

She said.

Wilkins?

Yes,

Your name.

And his.

A relation?

Not blood.

A connection?

A husband?

Mrs Fisher,

Once more,

Cast down her eyes.

She couldn't talk to Mrs Wilkins.

There was something about the things she said.

A husband,

Suggesting one of many.

Always that unseemly twist to everything.

Why couldn't she say,

My husband?

Besides,

Mrs Fisher had,

She herself knew not for what reason,

Taken both the Hampstead young women for widows,

War widows.

There had been an absence of mention of husbands at the interview,

Which would not,

She considered,

Be natural,

If such persons did after all exist.

And if a husband was not a relation,

Who was?

Not blood!

What a way to talk!

Why,

A husband was the first of all relations.

How well she remembered Ruskin!

No,

It was not Ruskin,

It was the Bible that said a man should leave his father and mother and cleave only to his wife,

Showing that she became by marriage an even more than blood relation.

And if the husband's father and mother were to be nothing to him compared to his wife,

How much less than nothing ought the wife's father and mother be to her compared to her husband?

She herself had been unable to leave her father and mother in order to cleave to Mr Fisher,

Because they were no longer when she married alive.

But she certainly would have left them if they had been there to leave.

Not blood,

Indeed!

Silly talk!

The dinner was very good.

Succulents succeeded succulents.

Costanza had determined to do as she chose in the matter of cream and eggs the first week,

And see what happened at the end of it,

When the bills had to be paid.

Her experience of the English was that they were quiet about bills.

They were shy of words.

They believed readily.

Besides,

Who was the mistress there?

In the absence of a definite one,

It occurred to Costanza that she might as well be the mistress herself.

So she did as she chose about the dinner,

And it was very good.

The fool,

However,

Was so much preoccupied by their own conversation,

That they ate it without noticing how good it was.

Even Mrs Fisher,

She who in such matters was manly,

Did not notice.

The entire excellent cooking was to her as though it were not,

Which shows how much she must have been stirred.

She was stirred.

It was that Mrs Wilkins.

She was enough to stir anybody,

And she was undoubtedly encouraged by Lady Caroline,

Who in her turn was no doubt influenced by the Chianti.

Mrs Fisher was very glad there were no men present,

But they certainly would have been foolish about Lady Caroline.

She was precisely the sort of young woman to unbalance them,

Especially Mrs Fisher recognized at that moment.

Perhaps it was the Chianti momentarily intensifying her personality,

But she was undeniably most attractive,

And there were few things Mrs Fisher disliked more than having to look on while sensible,

Intelligent men,

Who the moment before were talking seriously and interestingly about real matters,

Became merely foolish and simpering.

She had seen them actually simpering,

Just because in walked a bit of bird-brained beauty.

Even Mr Gladstone,

That great wise statesman,

Whose hand had once rested for an unforgettable moment solemnly on her head,

Would have,

She felt,

On perceiving Lady Caroline,

Left off talking sense,

And horribly embarked on badinage.

You see,

Mrs Wilkins said,

A silly trick that,

With which she mostly began her sentences,

Mrs Fisher each time wished to say,

Pardon me,

I do not see,

I hear,

But why trouble?

You see,

Said Mrs Wilkins,

Leaning across towards Lady Caroline,

We arranged,

Didn't we,

In London,

That if any of us wanted to,

We could each invite one guest.

So now I'm doing it.

I don't remember that,

Said Mrs Fisher,

Her eyes on her plate.

Oh yes,

We did,

Didn't we,

Rose?

Yes,

I remember,

Said Lady Caroline,

Only it seemed so incredible that one could ever want to.

One's whole idea was to get away from one's friends,

And one's husbands.

Again,

That unseemly plural.

But how altogether unseemly,

Thought Mrs Fisher,

Such implications!

Mrs Arbuthnot clearly thought so too,

For she had turned red.

And family affection,

Said Lady Caroline,

Or was it the Chianti speaking?

Surely it was the Chianti.

And the want of family affection,

Said Mrs Wilkins.

What a light she was throwing on her home life and real character.

That wouldn't be so bad,

Said Lady Caroline,

I'd stay with that,

It would give one room.

Oh no,

No,

It's dreadful,

Cried Mrs Wilkins,

It's as if one had no clothes on.

But I like that,

Said Lady Caroline.

Really,

Said Mrs Fisher.

It's a divine feeling,

Getting rid of things,

Said Lady Caroline,

Who was talking altogether to Mrs Wilkins,

And paid no attention to the other two.

Oh,

But in a bitter wind,

To have nothing on,

And know there will never be anything on,

And you are going to get colder and colder till at last you die of it.

That's what it was like,

Living with somebody who didn't love one.

These confidences,

Thought Mrs Fisher,

And no excuse whatever for Mrs Wilkins,

Who was making them entirely on plain water.

Mrs Arbuthnot,

Judging from her face,

Quite shared Mrs Fisher's disapproval.

She was fidgeting.

But didn't he,

Asked Lady Caroline,

Every bit as shamelessly unreticent as Mrs Wilkins.

Malish,

He showed no signs of it.

Delicious,

Murmured Lady Caroline.

Really,

Said Mrs Fisher.

I didn't think it was at all delicious.

I was miserable,

And now,

Since I've been here,

I simply stare at myself being miserable,

As miserable as that,

And about Malish.

You mean,

He wasn't worth it?

Really,

Said Mrs Fisher.

No,

I don't.

I mean,

I've suddenly got well.

Lady Caroline,

Slowly twisting the stem of her glass in her fingers,

Scrutinised the lit-up face opposite.

And now I'm well,

I find I can't sit here and gloat all to myself.

I can't be happy shutting him out.

I must share.

I understand exactly what the Blessed Damazel felt like.

What was the Blessed Damazel?

Asked Scrap.

Really,

Said Mrs Fisher,

And with such emphasis,

Really,

Said Mrs Fisher,

And with such emphasis this time,

That Lady Caroline turned to her.

Ought I to know?

She asked.

I don't know any natural history.

It sounds like a bird.

It is a poem,

Said Mrs Fisher,

With extraordinary frost.

Oh,

Said Scrap.

I'll lend it to you,

Said Mrs Wilkins,

Over whose face laughter rippled.

No,

Said Scrap.

And its author,

Said Mrs Fisher,

Icily,

Though not perhaps quite what one would have wished him to be,

Was frequently at my father's table.

What a bore for you,

Said Scrap.

What a bore for you,

Said Scrap.

That's what mother's always doing,

Inviting authors.

I hate authors.

I wouldn't mind them so much if they didn't write books.

Go on about Mella,

She said,

Turning to Mrs Wilkins.

Really,

Said Mrs Fisher.

All those empty beds,

Said Mrs Wilkins.

What empty beds?

Asked Scrap.

The ones in this house.

Why,

Of course,

They each ought to have somebody happy inside them.

Eight beds and only four people.

It's dreadful,

Dreadful to be so greedy and keep everything just for oneself.

I want Rose to ask her husband out too.

You and Mrs Fisher haven't got husbands,

But why not give some friend a glorious time?

Rose bit her lip.

She turned red,

She turned pale.

If only Lottie would keep quiet,

She thought.

It was all very well to have suddenly become a saint and want to love everybody,

But need she be so tactless?

Rose felt that all her poor sore places were being danced on.

If only Lottie would keep quiet.

And Mrs Fisher,

With even greater frostiness than that with which she had received Lady Caroline's ignorance of the blessed damsel,

Said,

There is only one unoccupied bedroom in this house.

Only one?

Echoed Mrs Wilkins,

Astonished.

Then who are in all the others?

We are,

Said Mrs Fisher.

But we're not in all the bedrooms.

There must be at least six.

That leaves two over,

And the owner told us there were eight beds,

Didn't he,

Rose?

There are six bedrooms,

Said Mrs Fisher,

For both she and Lady Caroline had thoroughly searched the house on arriving,

In order to see which part of it they would be most comfortable in.

And they both knew that there were six bedrooms,

Two of which were very small,

And in one of these small ones Francesca slept,

In the company of a chair and a chest of drawers,

And the other,

Similarly furnished,

Was empty.

Mrs Wilkins and Mrs Arbuthnot had hardly looked at the house,

Having spent most of their time out of doors,

Gaping at the scenery,

And had,

In the agitated inattentiveness of their minds,

When first they began negotiating for San Salvatore,

Got into their heads that the eight beds of which the owner spoke,

Were the same as eight bedrooms,

Which they were not.

There were indeed eight beds,

But four of them were in Mrs Wilkins and Mrs Arbuthnot's rooms.

There are six bedrooms,

Said Mrs Fisher,

There are six bedrooms,

Repeated Mrs Fisher,

We have four,

Francesca has the fifth,

And the sixth is empty.

So,

Said Scrap,

However kind we feel we would be if we could,

We can't,

Isn't it fortunate?

But then there's only room for one,

Said Mrs Wilkins,

Looking round at the three faces.

Yes,

And you've got him,

Said Scrap.

Mrs Wilkins was taken aback.

The question of the beds was unexpected.

In inviting Melesh,

She had intended to put him in one of the four spare rooms that she imagined were there.

When there were plenty of rooms and enough servants,

There was no reason why they should,

As they did in their small,

Two-servanted house at home,

Share the same one.

Love,

Even universal love,

The kind of love with which she felt herself flooded,

Should not be tried.

Much patience and self-effacement were needed for successful married sleep.

Placidity,

A steady faith,

These two were needed.

She was sure she would be much fonder of Melesh,

And he not mind her nearly so much,

If they were not shut up together at night.

If,

In the morning,

They could meet with the cheery affection of friends,

Between whom lies no shadow of differences about the window,

Or the washing arrangements,

Or of absurd little choked-down resentments at something that had seemed to one of them unfair.

Her happiness,

She felt,

And her ability to be friends with everybody,

Was the result of her sudden new freedom and its peace.

Would there be that sense of freedom,

That peace,

After a night shut up with Melesh?

Would she be able in the morning to be full towards him,

As she was at that moment full of nothing at all but loving-kindness?

After all,

She hadn't been very long in heaven.

Suppose she hadn't been in it long enough,

For her to have become fixed in blandness.

And only that morning,

What an extraordinary joy it had been to find herself alone when she woke,

And able to pull the bedclothes any way she liked.

Francesca had to nudge her.

She was so much absorbed that she didn't notice the pudding.

If,

Thought Mrs Wilkins,

Distractedly helping herself,

I share my room with Melesh,

I risk losing all I now feel about him.

If,

On the other hand,

I put him in the one spare room,

I prevent Mrs Fisher and Lady Caroline from giving somebody a treat.

True,

They don't seem to want to at present,

But at any moment in this place,

One or the other of them may be seized with a desire to make somebody happy,

And then they wouldn't be able to,

Because of Melesh.

What a problem,

She said aloud,

Her eyebrows puckered.

What is,

Asked Scrap,

Where to put Melesh?

Scrap stared.

Why,

Isn't one room enough for him?

She asked.

Oh,

Yes,

Quite,

But then there won't be any room left at all,

Any room for somebody you may want to invite.

I shan't want to,

Said Scrap.

Or you,

Said Mrs Wilkins to Mrs Fisher.

Rose,

Of course,

Doesn't count.

I'm sure she would like sharing her room with her husband.

It's written all over her.

Really,

Said Mrs Fisher.

Really what,

Asked Mrs Wilkins,

Turning hopefully to her,

For she thought the word this time was the preliminary to a helpful suggestion.

It was not.

It stood by itself.

It was,

As before,

Mere frost.

Challenged,

However,

Mrs Fisher did fasten it onto a sentence.

Really,

Am I to understand,

She asked,

That you propose to reserve the one spare room for the exclusive use of your own family?

He isn't my own family,

Said Mrs Wilkins.

He's my husband.

You see,

I see nothing.

Mrs Fisher could not this time refrain from interrupting,

For what an intolerable trick.

At the most,

I hear,

And that reluctantly.

But Mrs Wilkins,

As impervious to rebuke as Mrs Fisher had feared,

Immediately repeated the tiresome formula and launched out into a long and excessively indelicate speech about the best place for the person she called Mellosh to sleep in.

Mellosh?

Mrs Fisher,

Remembering the Thomases and Johns and Alfreds and Roberts of her day,

Plain names that yet had all become glorious,

Thought it sheer affectation to be christened Mellosh.

But Mellosh was,

As it seemed,

Mrs Wilkins' husband,

And therefore his place was clearly indicated.

Why this talk?

She herself,

As if foreseeing his arrival,

Had had a second bed put in Mrs Wilkins' room.

There were certain things in life which were never talked about,

But only done.

Most things connected with husbands were not talked about,

And to have a whole dinner table taken up with a discussion as to where one of them should sleep was an affront to the decencies.

How and where husbands slept should be known only to their wives.

Sometimes it was not known to them,

And then the marriage had less happy moments.

But these moments were not talked about either.

The decencies continued to be preserved.

At least it was so in her day.

To have to hear whether Mr Wilkins should or should not sleep with Mrs Wilkins and the reasons why he should and the reasons why he shouldn't was both uninteresting and indelicate.

She might have succeeded in imposing propriety and changing the conversation if it hadn't been for Lady Caroline.

Lady Caroline encouraged Mrs Wilkins and threw herself into the discussion with every bit as much on reserve as Mrs Wilkins herself.

No doubt she was impelled on this occasion by Chianti,

But whatever the reason,

There it was.

And characteristically,

Lady Caroline was all for Mr Wilkins being given the solitary spare room.

She took it for granted.

Any other arrangement would be impossible,

She said.

Her expression was barbarous.

Had she never read her Bible,

Mrs Fisher was tempted to inquire,

And they too shall be one flesh.

Clearly also,

Then,

One room.

But Mrs Fisher did not inquire.

She didn't care even to allude to such texts to someone unmarried.

However,

There was one way she could force Mr Wilkins into his proper place and save the situation.

She could say she herself intended to invite a friend.

It was her right.

They had all said so.

Apart from propriety,

It was monstrous that Mrs Wilkins should want to monopolise the one spare room,

When in her own room was everything necessary for her husband.

Perhaps she really would invite somebody.

Not invite,

But suggest coming.

There was Kate Lumley,

For instance.

Kate could perfectly afford to come and pay her share,

And she was of her own period and knew and had known most of the people she herself knew and had known.

Kate,

Of course,

Had only been on the fringe.

She used to be asked only to the big parties,

Not to the small ones,

And she still was only on the fringe.

There were some people who never got off the fringe,

And Kate was one.

Often,

However,

Such people were more permanently agreeable to be with than the others,

In that they remained grateful.

Yes,

She might really consider Kate.

The poor soul had never married,

But then everybody couldn't expect to marry,

And she was quite comfortably off.

Not too comfortably,

But just comfortably enough to pay her own expenses if she came,

And yet still be grateful.

Yes,

Kate was the solution.

If she came,

At one stroke,

Mrs Fisher saw,

The Wilkinsons would be regularised,

And Mrs Wilkins would be prevented from having more than her share of the rooms.

Also,

Mrs Fisher would save herself from isolation,

Spiritual isolation.

She desired physical isolation between meals,

But she disliked that isolation,

Which is of the spirit.

Such isolation,

Would she fear,

Certainly be hers with these three alien-minded young women.

Even Mrs Arbuthnot was,

Owing to her friendship with Mrs Wilkins,

Necessarily alien-minded.

In Kate,

Mrs Fisher would have a support.

Kate,

Without intruding on her sitting room,

For Kate was tractable,

Would be there at meals to support her.

Mrs Fisher said nothing at the moment,

But presently in the drawing room,

When they were gathered round the wood fire,

She had discovered there was no fireplace in her own sitting room,

And therefore she would,

After all,

Be forced,

So long as the evenings remained cool,

To spend them in the other room.

Presently,

While Francesca was handing coffee round,

And Lady Caroline was poisoning the air with smoke,

Mrs Wilkins,

Looking relieved and pleased,

Said,

Well,

If nobody really wants that room,

And wouldn't use it anyhow,

I shall be very glad if Melesh may have it.

Of course he must have it,

Said Lady Caroline.

Then Mrs Fisher spoke.

I have a friend,

She said in her deep voice,

And sudden silence fell upon the others.

Kate Lumley,

Said Mrs Fisher.

Nobody spoke.

Perhaps,

Continued Mrs Fisher,

Addressing Lady Caroline,

You know her.

No,

Lady Caroline did not know Kate Lumley,

And Mrs Fisher,

Without asking the others if they did,

For she was sure they knew no one,

Proceeded.

I wish to invite her to join me,

Said Mrs Fisher.

Complete silence.

Then Scrapp said,

Turning to Mrs Wilkins,

That settles Melesh,

Then.

It settles the question of Mr Wilkins,

Said Mrs Fisher,

Although I am unable to understand that there should ever have been a question,

In the only way that is right.

I'm afraid you're in for it then,

Said Lady Caroline,

Again to Mrs Wilkins,

Unless,

She added,

He can't come.

But Mrs Wilkins,

Her brow perturbed,

For suppose,

After all,

She were not yet quite stable in heaven,

Could only say,

A little uneasily,

But I see him here.

To be continued.

Reviews

More and more intriguing! Thank you so much Mandy💕🌟

The second half of the novel is keeping me guessing! Thanks for reading it Mandy 🙏🏻

Always delighted to see your new installments!! Oh my, what next? Thank you❤️🙏🏽

More of this delightful story and so wonderfully delivered by Mandy!! Thank you, Mandy!!

I awoke during the night and saw that we had a new chapter from San Salvatore! I listened, missed much of it as I fell asleep, and listened to it entirely this morning whilst knitting. Scrap and her chianti, Mrs Fisher’s “authority”, Rose and Lottie each with a conundrum, oh I can’t wait for the next chapter! Thank you, Mandy!

So excited this morning to see another chapter available. Thank you Mandy. I enjoyed listening to it 🙏