Diary Of A Provincial Lady, Chapter 2

Diary of a Provincial Lady, published nearly a hundred years ago by E M Delafield, is a direct ancestor of Bridget Jones' Diary. In tonight's episode, dear old school friend Cissie Crabbe invites herself to stay, and makes the catering difficult by being on a strict diet.

This gentle story of the daily ups and downs of domestic life has also been compared with George Grossmith's Diary of a Nobody, available narrated by me in Free Tracks.

Transcript

Hello there,

It's Mandy here.

Thanks for joining me tonight.

Tonight's reading is chapter two of Diary of a Provincial Lady by E.

M.

Delafield.

We've reached November the 14th.

As a very beautiful debutante,

E.

M.

Delafield came into society in 1909 and led that strange chaperoned ritualistic life ordained by fashionable Edwardian society.

Like Nancy Mitford,

A fellow aristocrat and humorist,

She endured rather than enjoyed the experience and must have watched herself with a certain detachment as she politely went through her paces in ballroom and house party.

So before I start reading,

Please go ahead and make yourself really comfortable.

Settle down into your chair or into your bed,

Relax your hands,

Soften your shoulders and loosen your jaw.

That's great.

And if you're ready,

Then I shall begin.

November the 14th.

Arrival of book of the month choice and I'm disappointed.

History of a place I am not interested in by an author I do not like.

Put it back into its wrapper again and make fresh choice from recommended lists.

Find on reading small literary bulletin enclosed with book that exactly this course of procedure has been anticipated and that it is described as being the mistake of a lifetime.

I'm much annoyed,

Though not so much at having made possibly mistake of a lifetime as that the depressing thought of our all being so much alike that intelligent writers can apparently predict our behavior with perfect accuracy.

Decide not to mention any of this to Lady B,

Always so tiresomely superior about book of the month as it is taking up the attitude that she does not require to be told what to read.

Should like to think of good repartee to this.

Letter by second post from my dear old school friend Sissy Crab asking if she may come here for two nights or so on her way to Norwich.

Query,

Why Norwich?

I'm surprised to realize that anybody ever goes to,

Lives at or comes from Norwich but quite see that this is unreasonable of me.

Remind myself how very little one knows of the England one lives in which vaguely suggests the quotation.

The quotation,

However,

Does not materialize.

Many years since we last met,

Writes Sissy,

And she expects we have both changed a good deal.

P.

S.

Do I remember the dear old pond and the day of the Spanish arrow route?

Come recall after some thought dear old pond at the Sissy's father's garden but I'm completely baffled by Spanish arrow route.

Query,

Could this be one of the Sherlock Holmes stories?

It sounds like it.

Reply that we shall be delighted to see her and what a lot we shall have to talk about after all these years.

This I find on reflection is not true but cannot rewrite letter on that account.

Ignore Spanish arrow route altogether.

Robert,

When I tell him about dear old school friends impending arrival does not seem pleased.

Ask what are we expected to do with her?

I suggest showing her the garden and remember too late that this is hardly the right time of year.

At any rate,

I say it would be nice to talk over old times which reminds me of the Spanish arrow route reference still unfathomed.

Speak to Ethel about the spare room and I'm much annoyed to find that one blue candlestick has been broken and the bedside rug has gone to the cleaners and cannot be retrieved in time.

Take bedside rug from Robert's dressing room and put it in spare room instead hoping he will not notice its absence.

November the 15th.

Robert does notice absence of rug and says he must have it back again.

Return it to the dressing room and take small and inferior dyed mat from the night nursery to put in the spare room.

Mademoiselle is hurt about this and says to Vicky who repeats it to me that in this country she finds herself treated like a worm.

November the 17th.

Dear old school friend Sissy Crab due by the three o'clock train.

On telling Robert this he says it is most inconvenient to meet her owing to vestry meeting but eventually agrees to abandon vestry meeting.

I'm touched.

Unfortunately just after he has started Telegram arrives to say dear old school friend has missed the connection and will not arrive until seven o'clock.

This means putting off dinner till eight which cook won't like.

Cannot send message to kitchen by Ethel as it is her afternoon out so I'm obliged to tell cook myself.

She is not pleased.

Robert returns from station not pleased either.

Mademoiselle quite inexplicably says this comment wholly unjustifiable as non-appearance of Sissy Crab cannot concern her in any way.

I've often thought that the French are tactless.

Ethel returns 10 minutes late and says shall she light fire in spare room.

I say no it is not cold enough but really mean that Sissy is no longer in my opinion deserving of luxuries.

Subsequently feel this to be an unworthy attitude and light fire myself.

It smokes.

Robert calls up to know what is that smoke.

I call down that it is nothing.

Robert comes up and opens the window and shuts the door and says it'll go all right now.

Do not like to point out that the open window will make the room cold.

Play Ludo with Vicky in the drawing room.

Robert reads the times and goes to sleep but wakes in time to make second expedition to the station.

Thankful to say that this time he returns with Sissy Crab who has put on weight and says several times that she supposes we have both changed a good deal which I consider unnecessary.

Take her upstairs spare room like an ice house owing to open window and fire still smoking though less.

She says room is delightful and I leave her begging her to ask for anything she wants.

Memo tell Ethel she must answer the spare room bell if it rings.

Hope it won't.

Ask Robert while dressing for dinner what he thinks of Sissy.

He says he has not known her long enough to judge.

Ask if he thinks her good looking.

He says he has not thought about it.

Ask what they talked about on the way from the station.

He says he does not remember.

November the 19th last two days very very trying owing to quite unexpected discovery that Sissy Crab is strictly on a diet.

This causes Robert to take a dislike to her.

Utter impossibility of obtaining lentils or lemons at short notice makes housekeeping unduly difficult.

Mademoiselle in the middle of lunch insists on discussing diet question and several times exclaims which I consider profane and beg her never to repeat.

Consult Sissy about the bulbs which look very much as if the mice had been at them.

She says unlimited watering and tells me about her own bulbs at Norwich.

I'm discouraged.

Administer unlimited water to the bulbs some of which goes through the attic floor onto the landing below and move half of them down to the cellar.

As Sissy Crab says attic is airless.

Our vicar's wife calls this afternoon says she once knew someone who had relations living near Norwich but cannot remember their name.

Sissy Crab replies that very likely if we knew their name we might find she'd heard of them or even met them.

We agree the world is a small place.

Talk about the Riviera,

The new waistline,

Choir practice,

The servant question and Ramsey MacDonald.

November the 22nd Sissy Crab leaves,

Begs me in the kindest way to stay with her in Norwich where she has already told me that she lives in a bed sitting room with two cats and cooks her own lentils on the gas ring.

I say yes I should love to.

We part effusively,

Spend entire morning writing the letters I have had to leave unanswered during Sissy's visit.

To be continued.

Reviews

Charming, hilarious and brings a smile to my face each night. Thank you Mandy, your stories take me back to my 2 years in the UK ♥️ Sending gratitude from India 🇮🇳

Nothing has changed when dealing with unexpected guests! Thanks Mandy 🙏🏻

I was laughing over life with Robert & Cissie. Thank you for this diary story.

You always pick the most interesting books to read. Thank you! 💗

Makes me giggle and smile. And took 3 times to make it all the way through the chapter! Thanks Mandy! 🙏🏻😊💕

I always love Mandy’s choice of books and the background about the authors. Especially, I love her the way of reading them. Thank you!

Sounds like we’ve all experienced this on one way or another. I’m enjoying the diary. You are the best story picker and of course #1 reader📖♥️

Oh my, strange and fun— you always pick good ones! Thank you ❤️🙏🏼

I am sooooooooo happy you have started another series Mandy! I am excited for the journey to unfold! 😉