Compassion Vs Self-Compassion Meditation

I start this recording with some wisdom that I learned from the founder of Compassion Focused Therapy, Paul Gilbert ... What compassion is, how do we interpret this word? How do we get to that point where Self-Compassion becomes so difficult? Where we can give others compassion, but when it comes to ourselves we struggle?

This meditation can help us to start to recognise and incorporate that compassionate part of us, and learn to ease into being that compassionate self for ourselves.

Transcript

Hello there. Thank you for joining me in this meditation. What I'd like to do to start with is to talk about compassion. And get you to just take a moment to think about. . . What comes into your mind? When I say the word compassion. What do you think of? Just take a moment to think about that. Maybe even pause the recording to write some of your ideas down. Many of the common answers when we think about the word compassion. Can be things like kindness. Caring. Giving. Understanding. Empathy. Sympathy. Amongst many others. So thinking about those words, Think about a time when You displayed compassion towards another person. Just think about what you did and how you behaved. What you said, If you said anything. What you did for that person. How you really leaned in to their suffering. And brought to them all those words that we just said. Bring that to your mind now. You can imagine yourself back there if you're. . . Able to imagine? Picturing yourself doing these things and saying these things to that person. Or animal. Or group of people. Or you can just remember and think in words if that feels better for you. Take a few more moments to notice. And as you notice Start to slow down your breathing slightly. Breathing deep. Into your diaphragm You feel as though your belly is expanding. Slowing down the breathing ever so slightly as you remember. This time when you showed all those qualities of compassion. And maybe more. That we've just mentioned. What we do when we do this is we actually light up a part of the brain. Compassionate part. Our nervous system starts to respond to those memories, Thoughts and words. And that kindness and care that we showed to that person or people or animal. In this activation of the parasympathetic nervous system. Really does actually cascade through the whole of our bodies into every cell. And every nerve. While it lights up that part of the brain. Just bask in this knowledge for a while and continue to Remember or imagine. Feeling. That compassionate part of you lighting up. It's at this point now if you want to you can pause the recording again. Write down anything that came up for you. As we continue now, Just notice any changes in your body. As you slowed down that breathing and you thought of this kindness and care that you showed to another. Helping. Leaning in. To someone or something suffering. Sometimes it takes a while to practice this before we can remember something and lean into it. It's always good to return. To these practices again and again. Sometimes many people say after doing it for years and years each one is still different. Try not to judge yourself on what happened or didn't happen. Sometimes different thoughts might have come up and that's normal too. But now I want you to think about that word again, Compassion. Remember some of the words that you thought of and some of the words that I said? And now add another word in front of that. Self. Comes up for you when you think of self-compassion? Giving compassion towards yourself. Again, You can take a few moments here if you want to pause the recording. And write some of your ideas down. And again here sometimes. Comes up for people quite a lot. Is completely the opposite to what we just said. Might still be some kindness and relaxation and joy. What people call me time in there. But also what might have come up and does for many people are things like laziness. Self-indulgent Selfish. Many more kind of negative words that might come up when we think about being compassionate towards ourselves. Mean. Huh, Sh- Non-deserving. That one comes up quite a lot. Non-deserving of compassion to ourselves. And yet think about how freely and easily we go around this world. Giving compassion to others. The way that we talk to ourselves inside can sometimes be completely the opposite to how we would talk to other people. When we stop and think about that for a while it's really interesting, Isn't it? Where does that come from? How does that happen? Where do we start to learn to be so hard on ourselves and give ourselves a hard time? Beating up on ourselves and being our worst inner critic. I did my Compassion Focus Therapy training with the Compassionate Mind Foundation with Paul Gilbert, The founder of Compassion Focus Therapy. And he talks a lot. About the evolutionary model. How the brain evolves and We take on these certain characteristics as we're evolving, As we grow up. So think about that and think about our society as a whole. You know every advert. And every post on social media. It's kind of designed for us to question whether we're good enough or whether we need more. Do we have the right hair? The right car, The right house? Do we feed our children the right food? Do we feed ourselves the right food? Do we look brown enough? Is her hair soft enough? Or curly enough? What makeup do we use and what trousers do we wear? Have we got these shoes? This deodorant. So on and so forth. And without social media. We've got that anyway where we want to try and fit in. And belong. So from when we're growing up, That's what we're constantly doing, Wanting to fit in and belong. And feel safe with the people around us, Feel connected in some way. And yet we get lots of messages as we're growing up, Don't we? Don't do this. Don't say that. Can't wear this. Don't eat this, Eat this instead, And so on and so forth. I'll let you think about that yourself. So what starts to happen is this questioning part of ourselves at some point during that development. Wasn't there when we were first born. We didn't think before we cried for food. Or to be held. We didn't question what clothes we were wearing or whether we were naked or not or what our bodies looked like or what our faces looked like or what we sounded like or what we owned. Or dead in town. That starts later. So I'm not suggesting that we go back to being like that, But it's just that understanding of how. . . We come to start to. . . Question ourselves and our own worth and our own value. We take on board what people are saying to us. All around us. Caregivers and. . . Friends, The media. Films. Podcast. And so on. So that's where this inability to have compassion for ourselves is rooted. Obviously if we've been through trauma as well as we were developing or even later in life. That has an impact too. So we develop this internal critic. This internal. Part of us that is constantly berating us and telling us off and saying we must do better we should do more we can't do this and we can't do that we mustn't do this and we mustn't do that we must do this do more of this not good enough try harder almost like a punitive teacher within. Or an angry parent. And every single one of us has got one of these and sometimes they have been helpful. But sometimes they become really hostile. So that's where. These other elements come from. When we think about self-compassion. It's that part of us that thinks, Well, We're not worthy of self-compassion. We need to try harder. We can't give ourselves a break. We can't be as kind to us as we would be to others. And it's really important to start to lean into that. So the beginnings of self-compassion. Or to actually start to recognize. How difficult it is to give ourselves that compassion. To start to notice what happens when we think about being compassionate to ourselves. That fear. Those feelings of worthlessness or not worthy, Not deserving. Just to notice them first. And again without judgement, Realising that everybody has got this. It's a natural thing. And it can just be even more pronounced when we've been through traumatic events. We shut down our emotions and we don't listen to ourselves anymore. When we feel sad or angry or fearful, We tell ourselves off. In a way that we would never tell somebody that we truly care deeply about. I'm just thinking about. . . Definition of compassion. It's a sensitivity to suffering. The suffering of others or ourselves. With a desire to want to lean in. To that suffering. And alleviate it or prevent any future suffering. Now of course we can't alleviate all suffering and we can't prevent all suffering. It's a human condition for us to suffer. To be alive means that we will suffer. Some of the time. But what we can do is alleviate that suffering by being able to lean into it. And give ourselves what we need during that suffering rather than a good telling off. Rather than I don't deserve. To be compassionate towards myself during this suffering. And just think about that for a while. Was the recording and Write down anything that comes up for you. If you feel that would be helpful right now. So we're going to continue now with the and meditation surrounding everything that I've just said. So settling down into a seated or a lying position where you feel really comfortable. Maybe with cushions and blankets. It's always good if you have pets. To meditate with your pets. I know they can disturb us sometimes, But. . . We calm their nervous systems down as well. And they can calm ours. Settling down in whatever way works for you. Allowing yourself to make yourself just a tiny little bit more comfortable than you were before. Moving your body if you need to. And slowing down your breathing ever so slightly. Breathing in slowly. And softly. Through your nose. And out. Through your nose. You can breathe through your mouth feels more comfortable. Noticing the rise and fall of your chest as you breathe in and out. Air is so gently noticing that rise and fall of your chest and your belly. As you breathe a teeny bit deeper. And so you're breathing down into your belly. Like a balloon expanding. And contracting. Allow thoughts to come and go. Noticing and then just letting them pass on by like leaves on a stream. Right here, Right now. This time is for you. To just come in to stone her. Slowing down. The Breathing End. Activating the parasympathetic nervous system. Without judgment, Remember these things take practice. I'm going to introduce some music. Play in the background. As you relax there. Take yourself back. To imagining. A time when you were compassionate. To somebody. Imagine yourself there. In that moment when you brought compassion and care. A person or an animal or a group of people. You as that compassionate being. Giving them what they need. Notice your body language. Where you are in relation to them. Notice the feelings in your body. When you lean in. To their suffering with this desire. To help. Think about your facial expression. How did you convey to them that you understood? You're validating. What they were going through. What words did you say if they needed words? What sounds did you make? Think about the tone of your voice. When you spoke to them. Make sound. I love you. Think about what you did for them, Wanted to do for them, What you brought for them if they needed anything. Or where you took them if they needed to go somewhere. Breathing deeply as you remember. Feeling that inner compassionate part of you. Fully activated. Feel that inner compassionate part of you. Cascading like ripples in the water through the whole of your body, Every cell, Every nerve, Every fiber of your being. So you can imagine yourself bathed in a wonderful energy or light that exudes from you. In this compassionate memory. Bye. In that glow. Of the energy or the light. This is you. Your compassionate self. Bring a smile to your face. As you think about your compassionate self. Notice any judgments that come up. Just let them pass on by like leaves on a stream as you smile. Smile at this compassionate part of you. The the Thank you. And as you feel this in your body, If you feel you can, I'd like you to just tap. Wherever your hands are resting. On your body, Very slowly right tap. And laugh. Right? Okay. I'm glad. Really slowly keep this going at that page. Tapping in. This compassionate part of you. Right. Yeah. Just one more on each side. And then just rest. Bye. Slowly and softly. Noticing the rise and fall of your chest. Would like you to present. This compassionate part of you. To yourself. Imagine this part of you can step out of you. In front of you in turn and face you. You can place them wherever you need them to be. They can be across the other side of the room or. . . Closer. Wherever you feel comfortable. This is your part that you've just connected with. Look at them. Thank you. They might look like you or they might look different. They have that same facial expression of validation and understanding. They know everything you've been through. They understand. They're really wise. That they make. Understand more. Than you think they do. They have all that stored information that isn't always readily accessible for ourselves. Her facial expression is warm and kind. And endearing. And nurturing. They really want to help you. A tone of voice is just what you need. And they bring you what you need. Nurturing. Calm, Gentle warmth and understanding. This is the part of you that you can start to develop more. The more you do this meditation. Whether listening or doing it on your own. The more easily you'll be able to access this part of you. When you're reflecting on something that has happened or when you're worrying about something that hasn't happened yet. Anything where you feel as though you're suffering. Kind, Nurturing, Understanding, Courageous. And why. And strong. Imagine their voice. Words that they might say. A tone of voice. Body language and their movement. Really bask. In what they're bringing for you and to you. One final thing to remember about this compassionate part. Is that they will give you. What you need. Which is sometimes not what we want. Is sometimes when they're being courageous and wise. They might advise us in a way that is opposite to what we were hoping for. But again, It's to help alleviate our suffering. Because sometimes when we're self-compassionate, We do have to say no to other people and disappoint others. So there might be a part of us that keeps saying yes and putting ourselves last. And we're afraid to say no because we don't want to upset people or disappoint them. That would cause more suffering. But in the long run this wise part of you. We'll say no, You need to say no. You need to say yes to you. More often. I'm going to leave you now for a few moments. To spend some time. With this compassionate part of you. Imagine that you're walking side by side with them. Might have some messages for you that you can take in as we go quiet now. You We'll be right back. You you as you're spending time. This part of you. You come to a resting point where you can both sit down together. This can be in a really special place that you know you'll both like. It can be indoors or outdoors. Everything about this place is exactly what you need it to be. The comfort. The sound. What you can see and feel. And hair. And you settle down and you smile at one another. And as you look at one another and smile. Actually move back into you because they are part of you. And you become amalgamated as one again. Again if you're wanting to you can tap. This image in. Tap them into you now. Tapping your hands slowly and gently right. A new body wherever they're resting. Right. Bye. Absorbing this part of you into you. You Two more taps. And then a really deep breath in. Breathing out any tension. Again, Deep breath in when you're ready. Breathing out stress and tension. And containing. That self compassion. Allowing yourself now to feel the surface beneath you. As I fade the music away. And feel yourself coming back now. Into your room where you are. Slowly opening your eyes and looking around. And the objects and the things that you can see around you. Stretching your hands and your feet and maybe stretching your body and your arms, Stretching where you need to, Like a cat waking from a nap. Allowing yourself to ease back. Into your day. Remembering to revisit and connect with your compassionate part. As often as you can. Thank you so much for meditating with me today. See you again soon.