If you struggle with worry or overthinking,
You have probably heard that you need to get better at tolerating uncertainty.
But what does that actually mean and how do you do it?
I'm Dr Liz White,
A consultant clinical psychologist based in the UK.
Uncertainty,
As we know,
Is part of everyday life.
Sometimes it's small,
Like when you send a message and you don't get a reply,
Or you make a decision and wonder whether it was the right one.
Perhaps you have a conversation and later think,
Did I say the wrong thing?
And sometimes uncertainty can come with real life stress.
Something unexpected has happened that's really difficult,
Or a relationship has changed,
Something has happened at work,
You've had worrying news,
Or maybe you're facing a situation where you genuinely don't know what happens next.
And in those situations,
There may be things that you need to think through,
Decide or deal with.
But worry can take you beyond what is useful.
It can pull you into trying to predict every possible outcome,
Prepare for every eventuality,
Or somehow think your way into knowing what happens next.
So,
You analyse.
You research,
You replay things in your mind,
You ask other people what they think.
You run through different possibilities again and again.
Because underneath all of that is often a wish for certainty.
If I can just work this out,
Maybe I'll feel safer and then I can relax.
And sometimes that works briefly.
But often another question follows.
Yes,
But what if?
And this is where tolerating uncertainty comes in.
It doesn't mean liking uncertainty and it doesn't mean assuming that everything will turn out well.
And it doesn't mean ignoring a problem that does actually need your attention.
What it does mean is being able to recognize the point where useful thinking ends and worry takes over.
So,
When you notice yourself getting caught up in overthinking,
Ask yourself this question.
Is there something useful I can do here?
Perhaps there is a decision to make,
Information you genuinely need,
Or a practical step you can take.
If there is,
Focus on that.
But if you notice that you're going over the same ground,
Asking the same questions in slightly different ways,
Or trying to predict something that you simply can't know yet,
That is different.
That's the moment to notice,
I'm trying to get certainty.
And perhaps also,
Of course I am.
Not knowing feels difficult.
And that little bit of compassion really matters.
You don't have to like the uncertainty.
You are practicing letting some uncertainty be there without immediately trying to get rid of it.
And then,
Rather than continuing to wrestle with the future,
Bringing yourself back to what you know and what you can respond to now.
Sometimes the most truthful answer really is I don't know yet.
And tolerating uncertainty is learning that you can feel unsure without having to keep searching for an answer.
You can let uncertainty be there and carry on with what matters to you.
Because you don't get better at tolerating uncertainty by finally finding enough certainty.
You get better at it by having those moments where you don't know.
And finding that you can cope with that a little better than you thought.
