I know this doesn't make sense,
So why am I still doing it?
If you have ever had that thought when you're doing your OCD compulsions,
Then you'll know just how frustrating it can be.
I'm Dr Liz White,
A consultant clinical psychologist.
Welcome to my London office.
So knowing that it doesn't make sense is not the same as being able to leave it alone.
You can know that the doubt is illogical.
You know that the compulsions just aren't going to help in the long run.
And still you keep getting pulled in to the checking,
To the mental reviewing,
To the reassurance seeking,
The list could go on.
But there's another part of the experience that I didn't really get into because it isn't just anxiety.
It can be frustration.
Frustration,
Shame,
Self-criticism,
Exhaustion,
Overwhelm,
And over time sometimes hopelessness.
You can find yourself thinking,
I know better than this.
I've read everything about OCD.
I know reassurance doesn't work.
I know this thought isn't logical.
So why am I still checking or why am I still doing my compulsions?
And sometimes for actually a lot of people,
Sometimes where they end up is maybe I'm just never going to get better.
And that's a really hard place to be,
Isn't it?
Now one of the things that I find really useful about inference-based CBT,
Or ICBT for short,
Is that it offers a different way of understanding this very experience.
Because from an ICBT perspective,
The problem isn't necessarily that you generally believe that the obsessional doubt makes logical sense.
You may be perfectly capable of recognising what is actually happening in front of you.
You may know that you locked the door.
You may know that there is nothing on your if you have contamination OCD.
You may know that what you're imagining doesn't fit with what you've actually experienced.
But then an imagined possibility enters the picture.
Yes,
But what if I only think that I looked at the lock?
What if I missed something?
What if there's another explanation?
And that possibility can start to feel really relevant and relevant enough that you feel you have to do something about it in the form of compulsions.
So two things can be true at the same time.
You can recognize that the doubt doesn't make sense and become pulled far enough into that imagined possibility that you feel you need to act,
To do something,
To do the compulsions,
To make absolutely sure.
And that distinction does matter because maybe the more useful question isn't why can't I make myself believe that this isn't true,
Maybe it's more how did I get pulled into this imagined possibility in the first place and pulled away from what I already knew?
And that question is right at the heart of the ICBT approach.
Now there's another consequence of finding yourself in the gap between what you actually know and what you find yourself doing.
It can give your inner critic a lot of ammunition.
I should be able to stop this.
I should know better.
Why can't I just do what I'm supposed to do?
Why can't I get over this?
And again,
There's that frustration.
So not only are you dealing with everything that comes along with the obsessional doubt and all the compulsions and everything that you feel you need to do because of that,
You're also dealing with judgment,
Negative self-judgment about how you're responding to the thoughts.
And that can make an already exhausting experience just unbearable.
A million times harder.
And this is where self-compassion can really help.
Self-compassion is sometimes talked about as the antidote to self-criticism.
But let me ask you this question and let's just take it out of the OCD sphere for a minute.
Let's say something's gone wrong in your life or you've had a bad day or something's out of your control,
There's a problem that's showing up in your life,
What do you need?
To help yourself with that situation.
Do you need self-judgement and self-criticism?
No.
You need compassionate understanding for yourself.
That is what is going to help you move through and navigate.
Difficult times in your life and that is no different to when OCD is showing up and bringing compassionate understanding into the OCD experience isn't about just dismissing or you know,
Making the obsessional doubts disappear.
It's about not adding an extra layer of suffering on top of what is already a really difficult experience.
