So,
Today our focus of our meditation is I am.
And when I say I am,
I'm referring to or pointing to the knowledge that you are.
I'm not talking about the facts or the inferred facts you have about yourself.
I'm talking about the I am prior to the concepts that are attached.
And our focus is presence,
Consciousness,
Aliveness,
I amness.
And our enquiry is,
Who am I?
What am I?
And we won't answer that question again with the mind,
With the intellect.
We won't ask that question at all in that way.
And we may not get any definite answer to that question,
Although the mind may throw up lots of guesses,
Lots of attempts to try to get a solid sense of me.
And really that's what we're focusing on,
Both the capacity of being,
The ground of being and the flow of identity and content which comes and goes.
So there is no doing here.
No striving.
Only being.
And resting into that beingness that you are.
There are no special techniques except the focus on the I am.
The I am is a portal into the truth of what you are.
So what's here right now?
What's present?
What can be perceived?
What can be known?
A play of experience.
Sensations.
Perceptions.
Thoughts.
Feelings.
Desires.
Fears.
Memories.
Expectations.
We look within,
As it were,
We see this play,
This flow of experience,
Which seems to come together and form a sense of me and my world.
It seems as if the body is sitting within space.
Like there's a difference perhaps between space and the density,
The solidity of this body.
So we'll begin by looking beyond the body in a space before we turn within.
And in this space around the body,
There are sounds.
Distant sounds.
Immediate sounds.
Harsh sounds.
Gentle sounds.
And perhaps it seems as if there is silence and noise.
As if silence provides a background for noise.
Is the silence at war with any noise?
Is the silence vast enough to hold all of the sounds?
Are there any sounds the background of silence would rather not hold?
It could be that silence is similar in a way to space.
The space around the body.
The space between the sounds.
No space holds the body.
And it's apparent in a world of thoughts,
Sensations,
Images,
Memories.
Just notice if you can be aware of that space.
That background of being.
Which like the silence holds every facet of experience.
Is there space in the body and mind?
And in a way that space,
That silence,
Is similar to the I am.
Almost as if the I am,
That beingness,
That presence,
Is a sort of holding quality which in itself is qualityless.
It can hold any self concept.
I am female,
I am male.
What self concepts are arising now?
What is the I am holding right now?
Notice the mind attaching to the I am.
Notice the I am at war with anything it holds.
And the I am is this permanent ground,
This permanent capacity.
Which allows the play of transient experience to pass through it.
You know that you are.
You know that you exist.
You're present,
You're alive.
Let's take a few moments to tune into that aliveness that you are.
That beingness,
That consciousness.
And looking within,
We find that play of experience,
Including the very simple sensory dance,
Even the contact between the body and the chair or whatever surface the body rests on.
That definite contact between body and not body.
That sensory display that maybe feels like a vibration.
The back against the chair.
Maybe the feet against the floor.
Is that not the aliveness you are?
That contact.
That vibration,
That energy.
Is that not the aliveness you are?
And then maybe discomfort in the body.
And look within that discomfort if there is any.
Even a slight niggle in the foot or some part of the body.
Let me remove the word discomfort or pain or unease.
What is that energetic?
Alive.
Force.
Is that not the aliveness you are?
Is that not the I am-ness you are?
And now bringing attention to sounds again.
The immediate sounds,
The distant sounds,
The loud sounds,
The quiet sounds.
Are those sounds not the aliveness you are?
The mind gives labels and meaning,
Names,
Qualities to the sounds.
But the rawness,
The rawness of the sounds.
Is that not the aliveness you are?
This primary,
Basic I am-ness animates every form,
Every mind-made concept.
And so in a way,
Even those concepts are the aliveness.
Is there anything that is not you?
And if you're everything,
Is there a possibility that you're in fact no thing?
You are that I am which knows that you are.
I am that which knows I am.
What is that which knows I am?
Can the mind even grasp that?
What is that which knows I am?
What observes this aliveness,
This I am-ness?
What witnesses it?
The I am holds experience.
But what holds the I am?
The I am is like a beam of sunlight,
Felt,
Known,
That immediacy of warmth and light.
But what is the source of that light?
What is the source of that light,
That warmth?
What is the source of this aliveness felt in the body?
You are that.
That source is universal,
Here and now.
Never not here.
Never not what you are.
You appear as a sunbeam.
And you appear as the apparent fixed knowing or knowledge of that translated in the mind as an I am statement.
You appear as a concept.
You appear as the holder of all concepts.
What is the source of your appearance?
Again,
The mind can't know.
Yet sitting with our inquiry,
A deeper knowing beyond mind becomes apparent.
What is the source of that light?
What is the source of that light?
What is the source of that light?
