When It's Better To Walk Alone

Are you someone who has been forced to let go of someone you love, because they hurt you, were toxic, lacked accountability, and often caused you to doubt your worthiness? If so, this episode of Breakdown to Breakthrough with Life Coach and award-winning author Lisa A. Romano is for you. Dear One, in this episode, you will learn why it is better to walk alone than with a fool by your side.

This podcast episode is not intended to bolster a sense of moral superiority; instead, it has been designed to help you come out of the denial of the consequences of unhealthy emotional dependencies. When you embark on the emotional and spiritual healing journey, you are required to confront unhealthy attachments for your personal growth and personal empowerment.

Transcript

Welcome to Breakdown to Breakthrough,

The podcast that empowers you to transform your life by awakening to your true,

Authentic self.

I'm Lisa A.

Romano,

Your host.

As an award-winning author and certified life coach,

I've dedicated my life to helping others understand the incredible power of an organized mind.

I believe that true empowerment begins with awakening to our false self.

My mission is to support you on your journey toward mental and emotional regeneration through conscious and deliberate awakening.

In this podcast,

I'll share insights,

Tools,

And transformative stories that illuminate the path to healing and self-discovery.

Namaste,

Dear ones.

So today we're going to be confronting the power of living alone,

The power of being alone.

I heard a quote that said that it is better to walk alone than to walk with a fool,

And it really struck me.

And those of us who are aware that we have some emotional dependency issues,

Otherwise known as attachment issues,

Abandonment issues,

And codependency,

The people on this planet that are becoming aware that they've lived their life detached from the self,

Seeking some sense of selfhood outside of ourselves,

We're waking up to the idea that there's something wrong inside of us in the way that we perceive the world,

And that is huge.

That is awakening.

That is part of the spiritual journey.

If you keep running into potholes and you don't recognize that that is why you can't get from point A to point B efficiently,

Because this pothole is why you keep getting flat tires,

You continue to run into potholes.

That's what happens with subconscious childhood negative programming.

When we don't know that we are emotionally arrested,

We keep attracting the same type of people.

When we don't know that we don't have a healthy,

Mature sense of self,

Meaning I look like an adult,

But I don't know how to set a boundary.

I look like an adult,

But I literally work myself to the bone figuring out how to keep the peace in my family.

Everybody else doesn't mind fighting and arguing and throwing criticism and giving opinions so openly without any consideration for how the other person feels,

But I'm just going to spend my life trying to hold my family together.

Meanwhile,

No one is considering how you feel.

No one is wondering,

Well,

How does Alicia feel?

How does John feel?

He's always trying to keep us together.

There's no consideration for that.

So in that sense,

You,

Dear one,

Are walking through life with a bunch of fools.

And so it is better to walk alone than to walk with a fool.

We can be miserable by ourselves.

Let's consider the wisdom of walking alone.

This is not to imply that we isolate ourselves.

We wall ourselves off.

We stop talking to people.

We have such rigid boundaries that we are incapable of communicating with others.

We are incapable of forgiveness and compassion and understanding.

Instead,

What it means is we move into a state of softened awareness where we recognize that all people are functioning.

In most cases,

I won't say all,

But most people are unaware.

They are unaware.

Most people do not recognize that who they are as an adult is the direct result of their childhood,

Which is the foundation of the building that they are.

If you think of yourself and every human being on planet Earth as a building,

Then you recognize there is a sub-basement,

There's a basement,

And there's a foundation.

And so here we are.

We're adults.

What happened in the basement matters.

It's the foundation of my adult life.

I can be married three,

Four,

Five,

Six times.

I have coached people who have been married up to seven times.

And each time this person has told me they attracted the same type of person.

But the person,

When they showed up in their life,

Seemed a little bit different than the person before.

However,

What didn't change was the attractor,

Was the picker.

What didn't change is the frequency that this person emitted.

What didn't change is the mindset.

All that changed were the people,

Like a revolving door.

And this is truly the way it works on a quantum field.

There's only cause and effect.

If I am the cause of what I am attracting,

Even though I'm not the original cause,

Childhood trauma would be the original cause.

But if I am the cause of what I'm attracting,

The effect is always going to be the same.

This is why the definition of insanity is doing the same thing,

Expecting a different result.

I would imagine getting married seven times and divorced seven times would make someone feel mad,

Would make them feel very unhappy,

Would make them feel a bit crazy.

Disordered,

Unhealthy,

Dysregulated,

Confused,

Like,

What's going on?

I thought this was going to be different this time.

Do that seven times in the span of 70 years.

And at 70 years old,

We have a very broken down,

Confused,

Depressed individual because What didn't change was the person doing the picking.

Once the person doing the picking changes,

Everything changes.

Reality molds to the new emotional state,

The new set of mental rules,

And the new order.

This is why I teach the powers of an organized mind through emotional reverse engineering.

We go back to the beginning.

We fill in those potholes.

If we're talking about a foundation,

We fill in all the cracks,

We waterproof,

And we make sure that whatever we build next is safe and sound with this new ordered way of thinking.

There could be no other way.

I will always attract what has been until I change the attractor I have been.

And that is magnificent because it means that there is hope.

You can do it.

So the power of walking alone implies I have the ability now to decide who is in my life and who is out of my life and to what degree.

Certainly when we're talking about family members,

It is so much harder not to get triggered by people that we have grown up with,

Siblings,

Parents,

Aunts,

And uncles who have significant impact in your life,

Even neighbors and friends and school age friends that you went to school with when you were younger.

There's this emotional enmeshment that has occurred.

So even as adults,

Our most difficult relationships will be with the people that we have been emotionally entangled with all our lives.

So when it comes to walking alone,

We have to recognize that sometimes it is better to put distance between us and the people that we've always been enmeshed with,

Who we've had troubled relationships with,

Especially if that person is not on the healing path and is not working on self-awareness and self-accountability and ascending the mind.

It's really important that you use the spirit of discernment to say,

I need to perhaps walk more alone than with this person,

Which means that in actual terms,

What it means is that I'm going to limit my contact with this person.

I don't need to put it out on Facebook.

I don't need to take a one page advertisement out in the New York Times and say,

I no longer talk to this sibling,

Or I no longer talk to this mother,

I no longer talk to this father.

It means that you,

Within your own consciousness,

Are deliberately deciding to spend less and less time with this person.

It means that you are going to be less and less affected by their opinions.

It means that you accept other people's opinions.

You accept that they have a right to their opinion of you,

Which,

By the way,

Is always going to be filtered through their impression of you,

Which is not something that we can always affect,

Especially when someone is rooted in a bias or an opinion of you.

I learned this by walking away from my mom,

My dad,

My brother,

And my ex-husband,

When it came to me to understand that there is nothing that I could do that would prove to them that I'm not who they think I am.

They formed an earlier bias of me.

My mom created that through our dysfunctional relationship.

She had true issues with her mom,

And I believe that she projected them onto me.

So I was labeled early as a problem child,

And no matter how I tried to be good enough,

Which is where my need to please came from,

The need to prove that I was worthy of you,

My codependency,

My lack of selfhood,

My thinking that myself was tied to you and how good I could please you,

That's where all that came from.

And that just bled into the narratives of my siblings,

The narrative of my dad,

And eventually my ex-husband,

Who was very much like my mom,

Who preyed on that narrative in a way to use a form of dominance over me.

Even your mother thinks you're this way.

Even your mother thinks you're crazy.

Even your mother.

And so it took me a long time to unravel this and see the multi-dimensions,

How early childhood trauma,

My mother's trauma,

Had affected me,

How my grandmother being a severe alcoholic to the day she died,

How that affected my mother,

How my mother could never do enough to get her mother to stop drinking and be a good mom,

And how all of this family trauma affected the way my mother mothered me,

And how it affected my perception of self,

How my ego formed this identity that said,

You're not enough,

And how my super ego came on and said,

You have to spend the rest of your life taking care of people.

You have to be needed because you're so unworthy.

And crack the whip.

Lisa,

Don't want that.

Don't think that.

That's selfish.

You'll never get what you want.

You'll never get people to love you if you say no.

If you make things difficult for them,

They'll leave you.

My super ego was immature.

It was about seven.

And it was only trying to help me.

It was only trying to get what it thought that I needed,

Which was external love.

And the fact that I have been liberated from that belief system has totally transformed my life.

And it is what my mission and my life's work is all about.

And it's more of a desire to help people awaken,

Like,

Dude,

You don't have to live like this anymore.

This is all subconscious,

Faulty,

Negative childhood programming.

You can reverse engineer this stuff.

You can heal.

You can deal with people walking out of your life and still feel good.

You can live alone.

You can say adios,

Mom,

Especially if mom has a true mental health disorder and she's cruel to you and she experiences a sense of joy by crippling you.

Yeah,

That's poison.

That's beyond toxic.

The human body can put up with a lot of toxins and clear them.

But when you're talking about poison,

That's poison.

And so,

Yeah,

You can let her go in love,

In light and wish her well.

You don't have to walk away angry,

Although anger does help you make that initial break.

And you as an adult daughter can walk alone.

You can look at family members and recognize that they're never going to see you the way you really are.

And especially if you're like the scapegoat child,

Then you have no shot.

Besides walking away,

Besides understanding there is power in walking alone,

That it is better to walk alone than to walk with fools.

And as you.

.

.

And it's scary.

Trust me.

I did it.

I remember when my ex came home from his last therapy session with our marriage therapist.

I feel like we really tried.

I will say that he went through the motions,

But I can say I really,

Really tried.

I didn't even want to,

But I really tried because I understood the consequences of divorce.

I understood that when I walked away,

I was destroying my family's fantasy,

The nice house,

The nice cars,

The nice vacations,

The financial security,

The wonderful school system.

I was going to move my children into a dilapidated house with a rotten porch,

And the windows were rotten,

And the roof needed to be fixed.

It was so.

.

.

And I didn't have a job.

It was so hard.

And I knew I wasn't going to be backed up by my family.

That in all of my codependency,

Here I was creating a life that I thought my parents would be proud of.

I married someone that they loved.

I tried so hard to be the perfect mother.

Guess what?

I lived with fools.

Nothing I did was good enough.

No matter how I tried,

It was not good enough.

And I recognized that that wasn't their fault,

That I was operating that way,

Seeking their approval.

And once I let that go,

And I accepted I'm never going to have their approval,

Once I faced the abandonment trauma and realized they've always abandoned me,

They've never been in my corner.

It's always been an adversarial relationship.

My mother,

From the time I was three years old,

I felt there's a problem here.

She doesn't love me.

And no matter what I did,

It wasn't enough to gain her love.

So here I was in my mid-30s,

Which is very common.

People with trauma begin to awaken in their 30s.

They start to understand,

Whatever I've done,

Whatever program or set of beliefs or rules that I've operated from are not working.

And we start to realize that something has to change.

And I think it's very poignant when we relate back to scripture,

And whether or not you're a spiritual person,

Or you're a Christian,

Or you're of the Jewish tradition,

When we're thinking about Jesus,

He had profound awakenings at the age of 12.

And he doesn't appear in the Bible again until he's 33,

Until he's in his 30s.

And to me,

I always thought that was interesting,

Because at 12 years old,

I had profound experiences,

Suicidal ideation.

And I even had spiritual experiences where I realized there's something else going on here besides me.

I had a faith after all those experiences that I have to hold on,

There's something more here.

I don't understand it.

I recognize now that that's because I had a 12-year-old brain.

My brain wasn't even wired yet for cause and effect.

That's why I didn't understand it when I was 12,

But I believed in it.

I knew something else was going on.

Maybe it was my higher self,

Whatever.

Something was activated at the age of 12.

And then something became activated when I was about 33,

Where I realized this is not working.

And I wanted a new program.

I wanted a new set of beliefs.

I wanted a new life.

And it was then that I realized it was better to walk alone.

It was better to face the financial instability and figure it out and to rely on myself than it was to invite a house full of fools.

Even after I moved into my new little house that was dilapidated,

I bought these cute little curtains and I was so excited.

I thought,

Here I was showing my parents I could do it.

I could do it.

I'm not going to rely on him.

See,

I'm not selfish.

I didn't take him to court.

I'm not suing him for more than the marital property.

I thought,

Well,

Certainly if they see that I could sue him for more and I could really cause him some trouble and I could fight for more,

And I had every reason to when I was entitled to it,

I got no health insurance,

No social security,

No benefits to a pension or annuity.

I walked away from it all.

Certainly my parents would say,

Wow,

Lisa's unselfish.

Nope.

Didn't change them.

And so even after the divorce and after the separation,

I was still operating from this codependent mindset.

It was still hurting me.

And my mom walked into the bedroom.

I was like,

Mom,

Do you like these curtains?

And she said,

I thought we were here to eat dinner.

And I remember I had a drill gun in my hand and I was so disappointed.

I was crushed because I had an unrealistic expectation.

My mom was a fool and I was expecting wisdom.

I was expecting compassion.

And that was such a hard thing to let go of,

To let go of that fantasy that my mom was going to see me.

And I had a drill gun in my hand and it bucked backwards and it banged me in the mouth and it hurt my tooth and it hurt my gums and it hurt my lip.

I was bleeding.

And I thought,

That's it.

That's enough.

I'm going to go downstairs.

I didn't even have a stove set up.

I said,

I'm going to go downstairs.

I'm going to order this fool pizza,

Make her a salad and say goodbye.

And with my ex,

I realized that the longer I stayed away from him,

The longer I did not engage with him,

The longer I shutty-shutty,

The longer I meditated,

The longer I journaled,

The longer I organized my mind and took the time to organize my life,

To flow my mind towards love and self-understanding and self-compassion,

The more I let go of the chains of the past.

Dear ones,

It is better to walk alone than to walk with a fool.

I hope that this has been helpful.

Reviews

💯💯💯agree. I did the same. Still do as needed with any toxics/fools. I divorced my family. Best decision altho a tough decision. It was my time….You cant heal where you got sick.

Always love Lisa & her programs are life changing for me. The 12wk Breakthrough Course is what started my awakening & I love her Breakthrough Membership as well. Great community also🤍

I needed this talk. I needed this perspective. I needed this encouragement. I’m 68 years old, widowed for two years and I’m terrified of being alone. But I’ve had to distance myself from certain people and family members because they say insensitive things and don’t even know they’re doing it. As always, thanks, Lisa.

Wow Lisa- thank you 🙏

Very helpful. Many thanks Lisa 🙏❤️💫

Exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you.

True story in some version, likely for most of us here. Thanks for sharing.

Yep. Thank you

For me this is the most profound talk from Lisa that spoke to me in a mighty way. Everything comes to us at exactly the right time!! This is the clarity I needed to move forward to be my best, healthy version of myself. Many thanks to you, Lisa! 🩵⭐️🩵⭐️

🙏🏼 Thank you 🙏🏼 Thank you 🙏🏼 Thank you 🙏🏼