Narcissism: Sign Help You Spot Predatory Behavior

When it comes to narcissism, there are physical signs that help you spot narcissistic behavior sooner rather than later. Narcissists often reveal their true nature through their eyes—cold, unfeeling, and devoid of empathy. This chilling stare is a red flag, signaling a lack of emotional connection and a potential for manipulation.

According to FBI profilers, such individuals prey on those with high empathy, low self-worth, and a strong desire to please. Codependents, in particular, may overlook these warning signs due to blurred boundaries and a history of emotional neglect.​

Transcript

Welcome to Breakdown to Breakthrough,

The podcast that empowers you to transform your life by awakening to your true,

Authentic self.

I'm Lisa A.

Romano,

Your host.

As an award-winning author and certified life coach,

I've dedicated my life to helping others understand the incredible power of an organized mind.

I believe that true empowerment begins with awakening to our false self.

My mission is to support you on your journey toward mental and emotional regeneration through conscious and deliberate awakening.

In this podcast,

I'll share insights,

Tools,

And transformative stories that illuminate the path to healing and self-discovery.

Narcissists and psychopaths walk amongst us.

Sex isn't about you.

Narcissists have dead eyes.

Nothing is about you,

And you will be used until nothing is left.

And if you were raised in an emotionally neglectful or dysfunctional home,

Your brain may have been conditioned to normalize these red flags or their red flags.

Narcissists just don't take up space in relationships.

They hijack the mental and emotional and physical world of the people they ensnare.

They have cold,

Unfeeling eyes.

One of the most unnerving physical characteristics of a narcissist is their gaze.

This is described as dead eyes or a predatory stare.

Their lack of warmth and true emotional depth.

It's the look of someone who sees people as objects,

Tools to extract admiration,

Control,

Power,

Or even validation from.

A narcissist's eyes will scan a room assessing who is the most vulnerable.

And once they've locked onto their target,

They use this gaze to either charm or intimidate people.

Number two,

You'll notice an exaggerated facial expression.

They can mimic your emotions,

Emotions they don't truly feel.

So you want to watch for overly dramatic reactions like wide forced smiles,

Exaggerated eyebrow raises or expressions that don't quite match the situation.

These are tools carefully crafted to elicit trust or admiration,

But the moment they no longer need to impress you,

Their face will shift often to one of irritation,

Boredom,

Or outright disdain.

Number three,

Often narcissists have a very polished appearance,

Especially those with somatic tendencies who tend to be obsessed with their physical appearance.

This person views their body as an asset and their looks as a means of control.

Whether male or female,

They often dress impeccably.

They work hard to maintain this polished exterior and demand admiration for their appearance.

But underneath the perfection lies deep insecurity.

They are only as valuable as the attention they receive.

Number four,

They have dominant body language.

So they take up space in a room.

Sometimes they lean in too close.

They hold eye contact too long and they use their body to assert control.

A narcissist might accidentally brush against you in a way that feels invasive or they might stand so close that you start to feel suffocated.

Their posture tends to be rigid.

Their presence is commanding.

Often their energy can feel overwhelming.

You just feel exasperated by this person.

If you feel physically uncomfortable around someone,

But can't explain why,

Do you want to trust that feeling?

So let's talk about some of the psychological games that a narcissist will play.

Gaslighting.

A narcissist will twist reality until you no longer trust your own perceptions.

They'll say things like,

That never happened.

Are you sure about that?

Or you are too sensitive.

These things,

These phrases are to make you question yourself,

To like stop in your tracks.

It stops the momentum of your own reality.

So gaslighting is designed to get you to distrust your own instincts so that you'll blame yourself instead of them when they betray you or when you challenge them.

Another thing that narcissists will do is they will fast track friendships.

They will love bomb you.

So nothing about a narcissist's affections.

In hindsight,

You'll recognize that it really never felt organic because it's a strategy,

Dear one.

So be cautious if someone showers you with excessive attention,

Insists on helping you with errands,

Or fast tracks emotional intimacy.

Remember that real connections take time.

Someone who is a predator will act like your best friend within days,

But this isn't kindness.

It's a manipulative tactic aimed to gain control over how you see them.

They will infiltrate your world quickly.

They'll know your mother.

They'll know your brother.

They'll know where you work.

They'll suddenly,

They're buying yogurt right next door to your yoga studio.

Like all of a sudden they've infiltrated you.

This is them positioning themselves as indispensable before their true nature emerges.

This is to get you hooked on them.

Be cautious of someone who you just met who rushes in to be your knight in shining armor.

The mother you never had,

The sister or brother that you always wished that you could have relied on.

Honest relationships don't work like that.

People who you can trust,

Know you,

And you have both invested time in the relationship long enough to make decisions about how much money you're going to offer this person and how they're going to pay you back,

For instance.

So these relationships,

Honest relationships take time.

Another tactic is projection.

Narcissists don't take responsibility for their flaws.

Instead,

They are going to accuse others of what they themselves are guilty of.

If they're cheating or if they're flirting,

They'll accuse you of infidelity and of not being loyal.

They'll even start fights so they can go bop their mistress and they'll accuse you of starting the fight and then they'll justify doing what they're doing because you started this fight.

It's crazy making.

If they are emotionally unstable,

They'll tell everyone that you're the one with this issue.

This tactic will keep you on the defensive,

Constantly trying to prove yourself instead of seeing them clearly,

Dear one,

This is why shutty shutty is so important.

This tactic is absolutely designed to fluster you and cloud your ability to hold them accountable and really see them and what they're doing to you.

And if you lack a healthy sense of self,

If you seek approval,

If you fear abandonment,

If you have been convinced that everyone is smarter than you,

Which codependence,

This is like our default,

You dear one may be the perfect target for this type of a tactic.

So consider the friend who accuses you of lacking empathy,

Who knew your dog died that day and talked right over you at dinner when another friend asked you how you were feeling and how you were doing,

Which is a trigger for a narcissistic friend because you're soaking up the empathy in the room.

And let's say you have the courage to confront her about it and she then turns the tables and accuses you of not having empathy for her because you did to confront her about it.

You're the one that's kicking up the dirt.

You will be banished from the kingdom when you confront the narcissist about their bad behavior.

That is a true red flag.

Another thing that they do is triangulation.

So dear ones,

They love to create chaos.

Chaos is like a sandstorm in your mind.

It misdirects your focus and makes it nearly impossible to see the manipulation clearly so then you can't make decisions about this relationship.

If you have a goal or a business venture you'd like to start,

Or you've finally begun a self-care routine,

Expect a narcissist to kick up the dirt as a way to create so much emotional drama within you that you cannot follow through with your goals.

This leaves you dependent upon them.

They need a whipping boy.

They need a whipping post.

A narcissist will talk about how much someone else admires them sometimes just to make you jealous.

Again,

Sandstorm,

They'll compare you to an ex,

Suggest that a friend of yours is interested in them,

Or suddenly put you down while praising someone else.

This is not accidental.

It's designed to destabilize you and make you work harder for their approval while you toil in the middle of night about what other people think and what's going on behind the scenes.

It's all made up.

The key here is to try to stay calm and find a pattern.

Does the narcissist act this way all the time,

Which in some cases they do,

Or does this tactic tend to rear its ugly head once you start pulling back the focus onto you?

Once I found my last therapist,

This is a personal story,

And he diagnosed me with codependency and depression,

I was off to the races.

Like a dog with a bone,

All I could do was eat,

Drink,

Think,

And sleep,

Healing the unhealed wounds of my inner child,

The wounds that kept me stuck in codependency,

These subconscious faulty patterns of feeling not good enough,

Seeking approval,

Settling for conditional love,

And allowing other people to basically push me around.

When I discovered the truth,

This meant that I started pulling back.

I started setting boundaries.

I started becoming more self-accountable.

So rather than argue with him,

I began dealing more appropriately with my emotions through journaling prompts and journaling exercises that I created to help me remain anchored,

And that's really what I needed through this process.

I needed to be anchored in my emotions rather than push them away or deny them long enough that I could activate higher thinking,

Metacognition,

And begin using different types of thinking than inner child thinking.

These were skills I had to cultivate to break through the chains of codependency.

Well,

That ticked him off just by pulling back and not engaging.

So I began buying self-help books and committed to waking up really early to read them,

And this is when he started using my children in triangulation tactics.

He'd say things like,

Look at your mother reading those books instead of taking care of you.

Look,

Look how selfish she's becoming.

She only cares about herself now.

Wow,

What a great mom you kids have.

And I mean,

That's just the tip of the iceberg.

This went on and on and on,

And he was putting doubts in my children's minds and even my mind that maybe I was doing something wrong by trying to better myself.

And unfortunately,

I think my son was the most impacted because our relationship was very,

Very strained because of his father's comments day in and day out and all of this triangulation,

Which was aimed at creating internal chaos within me as well as them.

So he was trying to get me to give up on my goal to become emotionally and mentally well and eventually remained stuck under his thumb where he was in complete financial and emotional and physical control over my life and the lives of our children.

Now let's talk about sex for a moment.

Now sex with narcissists is really interesting.

So sex is not about a connection for a narcissist.

It's about power,

Dominance,

And control.

If you become intimate with a narcissist,

You may notice some of the following patterns.

There will be a disregard for your boundaries regarding intimacy.

A narcissist may ask you to do things that make you feel uncomfortable,

Whether in the bedroom or even everyday life.

Now remember,

They don't see you.

You're not a 3D autonomous person.

You're a thing.

They could guilt trip you or act as if your discomfort is irrational.

If you say no,

They might sulk.

They might withdraw affection or even accuse you of being boring or repressed.

This happens.

And the more,

I think,

Insecure you are,

The more devastating,

Which is why I'm always harping on heal the inner child wounds,

Learn to believe that you're enough,

Get free from codependency because if you don't,

This is why you're going to attract this type of a person and stay stuck for decades.

Now intimacy with a narcissist lacks genuine emotional connection.

Now,

Here's the thing.

This is the hook.

At first,

Intimacy with a narcissist may seem passionate,

Even intoxicating.

It could feel addicting,

But over time you may feel like an object.

They're more concerned with performance and dominance than mutual pleasure.

And it feels disgusting after a while.

It makes your skin crawl.

But if they focus on you,

Offering you pleasure,

It is only a means to an end.

It is not about you.

It is about them thinking that if you can rely on them for pleasure,

They won.

It's not about your pleasure.

If a narcissist can't pleasure you or it takes too much time,

You will be shamed.

You'll be told something is wrong with you.

You need to go to a doctor.

They will take no accountability for the genuine spiritual,

Mental,

Emotional,

Physical partnership required to have the most pleasurable,

Intimate experience with a partner.

So let's talk about how narcissists will sabotage your dreams.

A narcissist does not want you to succeed,

At least not beyond them.

If you are married to a narcissist,

They will thwart your ability to succeed and not need them financially or emotionally.

Remember,

This is contractual.

You are a commodity.

They will derail your ambitions in subtle ways.

They will minimize your goals.

They'll laugh at your dreams,

Calling them silly or unrealistic or even childish.

They'll suggest that you're going to fall on your face and you should be afraid of failure.

They will demand your focus.

The moment you commit to something that fulfills you,

Don't be surprised if they start to create drama to pull your attention back to them.

This is the sandstorm they're creating in your mind,

So you can't see your goals anymore.

You can't make money anymore.

You can't support yourself.

They'll accuse you of not caring about them and making this thing more important to them.

The idea that a partner should support your goals goes out the window.

A narcissist can sense when you're forming other interests outside of them and their control,

And I'm telling you,

They will do anything to drag you back into the psychological grip into this trauma-bonded situation.

They may even feign concern,

So they'll pretend that they're worried about you failing under the guise of realism.

They'll say,

I just don't want you to be disappointed,

When in reality,

They don't want you to outgrow them.

They will act like they are concerned and like they're protecting you,

Like I said,

Through fake realism,

All while undermining your ability.

It's like key in self-confidence,

The confidence that you need to embrace failure as a natural consequence of learning.

Every successful person fails,

But a narcissist might use the fear of failure to control you and keep you stuck,

So they will sabotage your productivity by starting fights.

They'll exhaust you mentally and emotionally,

And they'll guilt you into prioritizing the need to accomplish this goal over them,

So you're going to start to feel guilty by the language that they're using,

And it's all a guise to get you off the track of you living an authentic life.

Once you start prioritizing your needs,

Once you start taking care of yourself,

Once you start pulling back,

The narcissist feels this as an attack,

And their ridiculous ego defense mechanisms kick in.

Their ego is on steroids,

So expect to be called a narcissist yourself when you start pulling away.

Expect to be accused of not being grateful.

Expect them to behave like a giant two-year-old when you start setting boundaries or you start going after your dream,

Especially if you set a boundary with them,

And if you dare to argue with a narcissist and accuse them of gaslighting you or misplacing your things or of being childish,

Dear one,

They've got you.

If you have a dream,

Whether it's a career or a business or a personal goal,

Watch how a person reacts when you talk about it.

A healthy person will support you.

They'll do everything they can to make sure that they're supportive as you go after your dream.

Now,

A narcissist will belittle you.

They'll distract you or subtly plant self-doubts in your mind,

So recognizing and protecting yourself from this behavior is crucial.

The ability to spot narcissistic behavior isn't just about avoiding toxic relationships.

It's about so much more.

It's about you seeing it so you can avoid them,

Yes,

But also reclaiming your power.

Healing starts when you understand that other people should not define you,

That your past should not have to define you,

And especially knowing that you're enough and that you're worthy and that you do have the freedom to step into a life that honors who and what you truly are.

So that's why sessions like this are so crucial and learning about narcissistic traits and codependency traits,

Emotional manipulation is so important because it cuts through the noise.

Analyze,

So analyzing is a different form of thinking than reactivity.

When you're getting a higher objective look at the way that you're processing,

A higher objective look at how other people are talking,

How other people treat you.

Reviews

More great info… Especially the part where they act like the brother or sister you never had. And the part where their outward appearance is always impeccable spot on. 💜🦋🩵🦋💜🦋🩵🦋💜

Another great talk that is ‘spot on’ Lisa. Thank you !

Thanks Lisa!

Thank you 🙏🏽