Calling A Narcissist Out

You might be tempted to call out a narcissist and take note of their bad behavior. If your loved one is involved with a narcissist, it might be incredibly difficult not to confront the narcissist they love. The problem is, narcissists, live in a fantasy version of reality and those who love them, are drawn into their fantasies. Confronting a loved one, or the narcissist they love may only make things worse. Lisa explains why you can't help a loved one until they are ready to make the break.

Transcript

Welcome to the breakdown to breakthrough podcast.

My name is Lisa a Romano.

I am a life coach best-selling author YouTube vlogger meditation teacher and expert in the field of codependency and narcissistic abuse I am a believer in the power of an organized mind My aim is to help people learn what it means to live above the veil of consciousness Rather than living a reactive life May your heart feel blessed your mind feel expanded and your spirit find hope as you spend time with me here at the breakdown to break through podcast if you've ever dealt with a narcissist loved a narcissist and were married to a Narcissist or raised with a narcissist one of the things that you would have consistently Experienced was this absolute rejection of your experience.

So a narcissist must reject your reality Because they live in a fantasy world inside their own reality they believe they are far better people than they actually are and when you offer them a Conflicting experience of their internal experience they reject it because they have let they lack empathy And so when you try to confront a narcissist you're going to be butt up against this reflex within them To reject your experience to reject your reality dealing with confirmation bias With a narcissist so a narcissist believes that they're right They are biased to this opinion and so what happens with confirmation bias when I'm experiencing confirmation bias I have a belief and My mind works to make that belief true and so any conflicting data.

I ignore it So if I'm a narcissist and I've hurt you and I really don't care I'm annoyed that you're complaining that I'm 15 minutes late I'm annoyed that you're not worrying about What I had to do all day and how hard it was for me to actually come out with you I'm annoyed that you're giving me any trouble I'm annoyed that you're not worrying about what it was for me to get in your car what it takes for me To get dressed and go to this party with you.

I'm annoyed that you don't appreciate in my head I'm doing you a favor the confirmation bias is Actually prevents me from being able to take in your information It prevents me from hearing you.

I'm not listening to you.

I was never listening to you I don't care what you have to say right so you are a minion in my world you live to serve me I Am dominant over you you should feel like it's natural for you to subjugate your experience to my experience So what it took you you had to leave your house an hour early To get to my house on time,

And I'm making you wait So what why are we worrying about your experience and we're not worrying about my experience you confront?

And you call out your narcissistic friend.

That's not going to work.

We'll end up happening Especially if you you struggle with low self-esteem when you struggle with struggle with setting boundaries the force By which a narcissist will defend their right to be late the force that a narcissist will use to annihilate your perception the force that a Narcissist will use to make sure that you are wrong,

And they are right is often times Absolutely intolerable it can be all-consuming I did a video a while back where I discussed that one of the things that's really troubling When you're dealing with a narcissist,

And it's it's it's it'll it's it's mind-boggling because they are so convinced that they're right and if you're someone who Checks yourself,

And who is willing to be wrong if you're someone who is willing to have an open conversation if you're someone who is willing to hear what the other person says and You're checking yourself right you're like well.

Maybe I'm wrong.

You know maybe maybe I am looking at this the wrong way If you're someone who is does that which most people most healthy people do?

Then what happens is when you're when you're confronting a narcissist They are so convinced that they are 100% right and part of their false reality or actually their reality in their head their fantasy is Everyone else is wrong.

I am unique My situation is unique it is more important than your situation Whatever,

I'm going through whatever my pain is whatever my experience is is far more important Than your situation my pain my discomfort level is far more important Than your discomfort level it cancels out.

It's like noise cancelling right they can't hear you right When you're calling out someone like this They are convicted.

They are like a pillar of steel and If you're someone who checks yourself you can find yourself being really really wobbly and their mind is going to work automatically Automatically confirmation bias.

I'm right you're wrong right and they will filter out any Information that you offer them that is in contrast to their their strong belief which is their right and you're wrong They are in control you are their minion You are supposed to be acquiescing to everything that they say whatever they believe you have to believe and they want you to believe That they are stronger than you Smarter than you more important than you more unique than you and whatever they want you to do They want you to believe you should do it in other words you are not entitled to your own 3d autonomous reality You're not you have to be a part of their fantasy you have to almost become Inward you have to become a part of their body their being and their mind in order to Withstand the demands of this relationship I know far too many people couples in which for instance a wife will Acquiesce to the needs of the husband anticipate all his needs her brain turns to mashed potatoes and her entire world is Built around what does he think what does he want?

What does he feel?

I can't upset him.

He's upset How do I fix this?

How do I fix this and the person in that relationship the wife in this situation and it could be it could be the other Way too it could be the husband playing the role of the wife And he is the one subjugating his needs for the sake of the narcissistic wife You know this goes back and forth this is not exclusive to men and so I've seen these Relationships in which the target actually becomes part of the narcissist's fantasy and in this fantasy Oh my lord the fantasy just gets solidified So now we have two people in a relationship and both people are Acquiescing to the needs wants desires fears anger you name it to the narcissist and where is the other person?

Where is the codependent person?

They're really not existing as a 3d autonomous being Literally their mind has been hijacked to take care of the narcissist when you confront Let's say you're a friend of this wife,

And you confront this narcissist and you call this narcissist out It's not going to work What ends up happening in lots of the cases when there's a trauma bond the target ends up defending the narcissist?

They're subjugating their needs this person.

They're living in fear and anxiety They're hoping that it's going to be better tomorrow like I get it Let's say you're a third party,

And you recognize that this narcissist is being cruel to your friend,

And you decide to open your mouth It's not going to work because the target most likely is going to defend the narcissist because they're not Really aware of what was really going on and until this person the target recognizes What's going on this dynamic continues?

And the narcissist is then going to want to now isolate you From the target because you have just really outed yourself as someone who is not going along with the fantasy You're not you're not seeing what the target sees you're not seeing what the narcissist wants you to see Which is they have a right to treat your friend or your mother or whoever or your your father or your brother or whoever?

This way and so when you confront a person as the three as the as the third party Then what they do to you is now they want to annihilate you So now your business gets trashed on a Google review.

They've never been in your business,

Right now They find people to write negative Google reviews for you now.

They start a smear campaign about you on Facebook It's an all-out war because what you said the narcissist is not interested in hearing Anyone or anything that threatens their ability to leech off this this form of narcissistic supply?

Has now become a threat to the narcissist and now what happens you trying to be an empathic friend?

You trying to help your friend you listening to your friend over the years talk about this situation And the various types of way that your friend has been treated you have enough and one day you decide to call the narcissist out You have to understand that that's a beautiful thing You're coming from a beautiful place,

But all that's going to happen is reinforce the trauma bond with your friend the friend May all not only defend the narcissist to you The friend will now feel the need to protect the narcissist and downplay What's really going on when they talk to you because now you've become a threat So now they don't they don't they're not going to trust you with this information Which is really difficult when you're the friend of a person who's being who is in this narcissistic relationship?

It's so hard to watch your friend your friend go through this and feel like you can't say anything It's so difficult to be a sister or a brother a mother or a father and know that your child for instance is in this Relationship this trauma bonded relationship this codependent enmeshed relationship,

And there's absolutely nothing you can do Until this person asks for your help and they're actually willing to make the break

Reviews

Great. Thank you 🙏🏻

Excellent description

Thank you Lisa for solid content. It's a game changer listening to your talks and meditations always gives me tools to and confidence to walk a different path than the programming. Forever grateful.❤️🙏💫💯

So needed. Thank you.

Totally resonates.

Thank you 🙏

Thanks for your words and wisdom 💛