#1 Reason Narcissist Discard You

The narcissistic discard can come on suddenly and when you least expect it. Often, discards occur in the face of conflict when a narcissist is in fear of being exposed. If you are a somewhat healthy person, who believes in fairness, and authenticity, in time, the narcissist's inability to go deep and to live with accountability will be revealed. If you are not prepared for what happens when you and a narcissist experience even a minor conflict, you might go down a rabbit hole looking for ways to resolve an issue they are incapable of resolving.

Instead, a narcissist positions themselves as a victim, demonize you, and relies on backward rationalization to help justify discarding them before their shortcomings become exposed.

If you have ever experienced a discard, this episode will undoubtedly help clear your mind from the tangled web of disordered thinking and self-preserving rationalizations of a narcissist

Transcript

Welcome to Breakdown to Breakthrough,

The podcast that empowers you to transform your life by awakening to your true,

Authentic self.

I'm Lisa A.

Romano,

Your host.

As an award-winning author and certified life coach,

I've dedicated my life to helping others understand the incredible power of an organized mind.

I believe that true empowerment begins with awakening to our false self.

My mission is to support you on your journey toward mental and emotional regeneration through conscious and deliberate awakening.

In this podcast,

I'll share insights,

Tools,

And transformative stories that illuminate the path to healing and self-discovery.

Today,

We're going to be talking about why a narcissist has to discard you in the face of conflict.

Narcissism is a complex personality trait characterized by an inflated sense of importance,

A deep need for admiration,

And a lack of empathy for others.

Individuals with narcissistic tendencies often exhibit behaviors that can be deeply damaging to those around them,

Particularly in interpersonal relationships.

One of the most perplexing behaviors exhibited by a narcissist is their tendency to discard people,

Especially during or after conflicts.

In this session,

We're going to understand and delve into the reasons for this behavior,

Exploring the psychological mechanisms at play,

The need to avoid accountability,

And the rationalizations they create to justify their actions.

At the core of narcissism lies an intense need for control.

Narcissistic individuals often view relationships as a means to bolster their self-esteem and maintain a sense of superiority or power.

When a conflict arises,

Their need for control and power is threatened.

Rather than confronting the issues or taking responsibility for their actions,

Narcissists may preemptively discard the other person.

This act serves multiple purposes.

It allows them to maintain their self-image,

Avoid accountability,

And shift the narrative in their behavior.

In a conflict,

The narcissist's first instinct is to protect their fragile ego.

They fear confronting the issues will expose their vulnerabilities and imperfections.

Discarding someone is actually a defense mechanism,

Allowing them to sidestep the emotional turn oil that comes with genuine introspection and accountability.

By removing you from their life,

They can reassert their dominance and avoid facing the consequences of their behavior.

So they fear being exposed.

Narcissists are acutely aware of the public persona and how others perceive them.

Their manipulation is tied directly to them wearing a false mask,

And it is not uncommon for a narcissist to have more than one.

Think of the narcissist that you know that claims to be religious,

Yet outside of the view of fellow churchgoers,

This person gossips,

Judges,

Devalues,

Condemns,

And is often envious of those who appear to be genuinely happy or are achieving what they are not.

Or consider the happy-go-lucky neighbor who can turn on the charm for others and who,

When there is no witness,

Scours at others when they walk away.

Personas are used as weapons of manipulation to control the narrative and thus the perception of these fragile,

Underdeveloped personality types.

Conflicts frequently bring to light their shortcomings,

Manipulation,

Or abusive behavior.

The fear of exposure is a powerful motivator for narcissists to discard others.

They are terrified of being seen for who they truly are,

And conflict can shatter the carefully constructed image they present to the world.

To their fragile ego,

Discarding the one who has the power to expose these shortcomings is a far less painful choice than it is to be exposed.

Their lack of emotional intelligence,

Integrity and accountability,

And self-awareness work to keep them stuck in deep fear regarding vulnerability.

Because narcissists carry narcissistic wounds from the past,

Wounds they have never processed or worked through,

There is a great need to avoid any potential now-experience of scratching the surface of what has been buried which is often mixed with tremendous shame and self-loathing.

It is as if they throw the baby out with the bathwater in future relationships with others when any hint of conflict arises and accountability is required to further the relationship or deepen its intimacy through authenticity.

For this reason,

Narcissists are truly incapable of having fulfilling,

Meaningful adult relationships with equals,

And rather the relationships they do have are rooted in some sort of dependency,

Such as financial or familial obligation,

Versus a true want.

Relationships with a narcissist will be superficial and cordial at best if one decides to accept that no real conflict resolution can be experienced if the narcissist does not completely destroy any chance of you being able to remain in a relationship with them at all,

As is the case when they take some action against you,

Such as a smear campaign or taking some other physical action that you can't ignore.

When faced with the possibility of being confronted about their actions,

A narcissist may choose to cut ties rather than face the risk of humiliation or vulnerability.

This reaction is particularly common in relationships where the narcissist feels they have more to lose,

Such as those where they are being challenged or held accountable for their behavior.

By discarding you,

They can maintain the illusion of being the victim or the superior party,

Thus preserving their self-image.

Their rationalizations will not be logical or true.

They will be one-sided,

Fabricated,

And the product of delusions.

It is important to remember,

It will not be possible to argue with someone's delusions about you or the situation.

It is best that when this facet of your relationship is revealed,

That you simply shutty-shutty and allow the chips to fall where they may.

So let's talk about backwards rationalization.

Once a narcissist decides to discard someone,

They often engage in a process of backward rationalization to justify their decision.

This rationalization is a defense mechanism that allows them to shift blame and avoid taking responsibility for the pain they have caused to others.

They might convince themselves that they are better off without you,

Or that your presence in their life was detrimental to their well-being.

This rationalization can manifest in various ways.

Number one,

Victim mentality.

The narcissist may portray themselves as the victim of the relationship,

Claiming that they were wronged or mistreated when in fact they were the one who started it.

This narrative allows them to justify their decision to discard you while simultaneously garnering sympathy from others.

Number two,

Demonization.

To reinforce their decision,

They may demonize you,

Focusing on your perceived flaws and failings.

By painting you as the antagonist,

They can absolve themselves of guilt and paint their actions in a more favorable light.

Number three,

Self-protection.

Narcissists often convince themselves through mental and emotional acrobatics that they are protecting their own mental health by discarding you.

This justification allows them to feel justified in their actions,

Even if it comes at the expense of someone else's emotional well-being and your long-term relationship.

So let's explore the cycle of discard and devaluation.

The discard is often part of a larger cycle of devaluation and idealization that characterizes relationships with narcissists.

Initially,

They may idealize you,

Showering you with affection and attention,

Complimenting you up and down.

However,

Once conflicts arise,

They quickly shift to devaluation,

Viewing you as a source of frustration or disappointment.

The discard serves as the culmination of this cycle,

Allowing them to move on to a new source of admiration while avoiding the uncomfortable feelings associated with conflict resolution.

This cycle can be incredibly confusing for those involved with narcissists.

The abrupt shift from idealization to discard can leave individuals feeling betrayed and unworthy.

It's important to recognize that this behavior is not a reflection of your value,

But rather a manifestation of the narcissist's internal struggles and need for control.

Let's talk about the aftermath of the discard.

For those who have been discarded by a narcissist,

The aftermath can be devastating.

The sudden loss of a relationship coupled with the emotional turmoil of being devalued can lead to feelings of confusion,

Betrayal,

And low self-esteem.

It's essential to understand that this behavior is rooted in the narcissist's psychological makeup and is not a reflection of your worth.

It is essential not to get caught up in trying to disprove the illusions narcissists hold,

As this dear one is a rabbit hole.

Healing from a narcissistic relationship requires time,

Self-reflection,

And support.

Individuals must work to rebuild their self-esteem and recognize the patterns that led to their involvement with a narcissist.

For instance,

Addressing your people-pleasing or your tolerance of what is intolerable or your level of agreeableness,

Recognizing codependency is also very powerful.

Healing from narcissistic relationship involves a self-check within ourselves.

We must understand what red flags we've missed and how we may have enabled these narcissistic relationships.

Understanding the dynamics of narcissistic behavior can empower you to break free from the cycle of manipulation and to seek healthier relationships in the future.

So,

Dear one,

In conclusion,

Narcissistic individuals often discard others as a means of self-preservation during times of conflict.

Their need to avoid accountability,

Fear of exposure,

And tendency to rationalize their actions contribute to this behavior,

And none of that has anything to do with you.

For those on the receiving end of a discard,

It's crucial to recognize that this behavior stems from the narcissist's internal struggles with their own fragile ego rather than a reflection of personal inadequacies of you.

By understanding the psychology behind the narcissistic discard,

You can begin to heal and move forward,

Armed with the knowledge that you deserve relationships that are built on mutual respect,

Empathy,

And accountability.

There is no relationship that can sustain the test of time without vulnerability,

Without the ability to come together and resolve conflicts honestly.

And I would say that most people can forgive others who understand the consequences of their actions on others,

But what people eventually realize,

Especially those who are interested in this work or that do inner healing work and are trying to really live with integrity,

There comes a time when someone,

Like a healed empath,

Says,

Enough is enough.

I cannot go on in a relationship ignoring how you discard me,

Ignoring how little my feelings matter to you.

I cannot go on ignoring the lines that you draw in the sand,

And in the many ways,

They could be microaggressive ways,

Microaggression,

These backhanded compliments,

These statements,

These passive aggressive behavior,

This treating me one way in public and undermining our relationship when no one is watching.

There comes a time,

Dear one,

Where those signs and those red flags become too large to miss and to dismiss.

I so hope that this information has been beneficial.

Namaste,

Everybody.

Until next time,

It's about the love and light that is absolutely in you.

Until next time.

Reviews

This is so helpful. Thank you.

Informative, thank you!

I love your shorter talks because the information is concise to the point… And that makes it easier for me to Learning grow from 🙏