Welcome to the Breakdown to Breakthrough Podcast.
My name is Lisa A.
Romano.
I am a life coach,
Best-selling author,
YouTube vlogger,
Meditation teacher,
And expert in the field of codependency and narcissistic abuse.
I am a believer in the power of an organized mind.
My aim is to help people learn what it means to live above the veil of consciousness rather than living a reactive life.
May your heart feel blessed,
Your mind feel expanded,
And your spirit find hope as you spend time with me here at the Breakdown to Breakthrough Podcast.
So today we're going to be talking about the top three habits all successful people have.
Thank you for being here.
Thank you for being a part of this vast community of those of us who are looking to seek healing through the conscious path.
There is no recovery without the elevation of consciousness.
All of us are born asleep.
All of us remain asleep below the veil of consciousness until there is an awakening.
Most people are 95% subconscious thinkers,
Meaning that their thoughts and their emotions,
Their beliefs and habits are really stemming from subconscious processes.
As children,
We are all in a theta brainwave state until the age of seven,
Which is a hypnotic brainwave state.
That's not bad news if you come from a family where people were fair,
They were loving,
Unconditionally loving,
By the way.
They knew how to forgive.
They knew how to set boundaries.
They knew how to reprimand you and offer you constructive criticism without shaming you,
Without embarrassing you,
Without withholding love from you,
Without trying to really destroy you,
Without gaslighting you.
But the rest of us who have come from less than perfect families with people and parents who were emotionally immature,
Perhaps narcissistic or emotionally neglectful,
Or perhaps we came from homes where there was tremendous financial hardship or maybe addiction like alcoholism.
For those of us who came from those types of homes,
Very oftentimes we are taught that we are not allowed to talk about our feelings,
We're not allowed to tell the truth,
We're not allowed to tell anybody what's going on inside our home.
We're taught essentially that we need to deny our inner reality for the sake of a facade.
And this creates tremendous problems in our adult lives.
It creates tremendous problems in our relationships.
It creates tremendous problems within our relationship with the self.
If you are codependent,
You don't have a self.
Codependency has been coined the loss of selfhood.
I call it the emotional dis-ease.
I am nowhere near mature enough or capable enough to handle my emotions.
I very oftentimes struggle with my emotions and I am hypervigilant.
I look outside of myself.
My agenda,
Albeit subconscious,
Is to make sure that you're okay.
If you're not okay,
I am quite anxious.
That causes me tremendous anxiety.
I take it on and then my agenda becomes to please you.
In that process,
I am ignoring myself.
I don't even realize it.
And I can actually become snarky or snotty or mean if you don't let me fix you.
I could resent you.
And in my head,
I'm telling myself,
I'm only trying to please you.
I'm only trying to take care of you.
I don't realize how dysfunctional it is.
I don't realize how annoying that could be to someone who just wants to be able to be annoyed sometimes without someone trying to fix it.
So if you come from a dysfunctional home and you were taught that it was your responsibility to take care of other people's feelings,
Maybe your mother was a codependent or your father,
Then as an adult,
You're going to struggle with your relationship with the self.
And you're going to not even realize that outside consciousness,
You are controlling your anxiety by controlling how other people feel.
You don't feel safe when other people are upset.
And this is destabilizing.
It destroys your chance at happiness.
And it really does destroy even the opportunity to have a wonderful relationship with someone who really doesn't need you to fix them,
Who just wants you to allow them to feel their feelings.
It's important that we recognize this.
And so today we're going to talk about what happy people do,
What successful people do.
And I think it is appropriate for this community because I have found in my own life that I wasn't looking for this type of information.
I didn't know I did not have a growth mindset.
I had no clue that I was stuck below the veil of consciousness.
I had no clue that Amy the amygdala and Harry the hippocampus were running my life.
I had no awareness about my thoughts or where they stemmed from.
I was someone who just had a thought,
Believed it as if it was a fact,
And then reacted to it.
I had no idea of the subconscious governing principles such as abandonment trauma,
Feeling not good enough,
Growing up feeling invisible,
And codependent habits that were really coping skills.
I had no consciousness that below the veil of consciousness my thoughts were tied to these maladaptive belief systems that I relied on as a child to survive a very lonely,
Very cold,
Very toxic childhood,
Even though from the outside it looked amazing.
And that's why I like to infuse these types of lessons into this community because I don't like to use the word unfair,
But I don't know what other word to use because when you don't know that there's a hole in your boat,
You don't look for the hole.
You just keep dumping the water off the side of the boat.
And that's like most of us.
Those of us who are adult children of alcoholics or those of us who had narcissistic moms and dads,
Those of us who grew up with abandonment trauma,
Maybe bouncing from foster care to foster care,
Home,
Or those of us who grew up and we were adopted into a family that wasn't very nice.
This happens in life.
This is what life is really all about.
It's not always rainbows and unicorns.
It's hard.
And when children are put into situations that they're powerless to control,
There are consequences.
The moral of the story is that when you grow up in less than perfect circumstances,
It affects you at the subconscious level,
Not your fault.
You're only trying to survive.
Nothing is your fault.
It also affects you at the neurological level because neurological pathways are created in response to what's happening in your environment.
Again,
Not your fault.
There are psychological consequences.
There are personality consequences.
You form your perception of self based on how other people treat you.
You create this idea of self-worth based on how other people treat you.
Now as a little bitty baby,
You don't know that the people who are raising you are dysfunctional.
You're just trying to survive.
You're just trying to get approval.
You're just trying to not be abandoned because that's tied to survival.
That's tied to death.
You feel like impending doom when you're a child and your parents are neglecting you.
And so the reason I wanted to talk about this topic today is because those of us who grew up like that,
There is a huge hole in our boat,
But we're just treading water.
Our nose is barely above the waterline,
But we don't know it.
We are so used to operating at this level of chaos.
We are so used to operating at this level of dysfunction that it becomes our norm.
So while Mary Sue and Tommy Jean or Tommy John are moving faster and faster and closer and closer to actualizing their dreams,
We sit back and we think,
Oh,
There must be something wrong with us.
There's nothing wrong with us.
Your responses are appropriate considering what you grew up with.
However,
In reality,
Tommy and Mary Sue or whoever,
If they're moving towards their goals,
It's because they grew up in a different experience than you or they've figured out how to do that despite a troubled childhood.
So it's important that those of us who come from alcoholic homes or abusive homes,
Neglectful homes,
We realize that we don't have a growth mindset most of the time.
We have a stuck mindset.
We have a survival mindset.
But dear ones,
All is not lost.
That is not the end of the road.
It was not the end of the road for me.
I've completely transformed my life.
I continue to do it every day through deliberate creation.
It is possible to turn this ship around if you know how.
And so when I started learning about personal development work in combination with recovering from my inner child wounds and codependency,
I was really understanding that the people that were making it in life,
They had pretty amazing habits.
And a habit was something that I could develop.
So I'm very fortunate and I'm very,
Very grateful that I had a sort of pragmatic viewpoint when I really began to understand what was wrong wasn't me,
It was my programming.
And shame lifted because I realized it really could be no other way.
Like I had her for a mom.
Those are my experiences with her.
I had him as a dad.
Those were my experiences with him.
Their codependent narcissistic relationship was modeled for me.
I was abandoned over and over.
They never connected to me.
These are facts.
So the codependent,
Frightened,
Empty shell of a person that I was just trying to survive by taking care of everybody made sense.
But now that I knew what was wrong,
It was up to me to fix it.
So that's when I got really involved in personal development work.
I was like,
I want some of that.
I want a piece of that.
It's not fair that people who didn't come from this background know how to do this.
I want to teach myself how to do it.
And I love teaching other people how to do it.
It's the way that we can change our total life.
But your success quotient is going to,
Just a little bit of tough love here,
Dear one.
It's going to depend on two things.
First you have to have the willingness to learn,
And then you have to have the willingness to invest or sacrifice to make a change.
Because listening to incredible podcasts,
You get an aha moment,
Your neurons fire in your brain.
But unless you act on what you've learned,
You're not going to change much.
So if you want to learn,
That's great.
That's better than someone who is not actively learning,
Okay.
Your life will improve a little bit,
Maybe 50%.
You'll hit 50% of your goal.
But if you take what I'm teaching you and you develop it,
You have 100% chance of reaching your goal.
And I just think that's cool.
So the first habit that successful people have,
In my opinion,
Is that they have a habit of continually learning.
They're incredibly curious.
They have this intention of bettering themselves.
They are striving to learn.
They see themselves as students first.
They understand that they can be someone else's teacher,
But they understand that the best teachers remain students.
So someone who is highly successful in their life,
The one habit that you're going to notice is that they're always striving to self-improve.
They're always trying to learn something,
No matter what it is.
If they have a website,
They're trying to improve it.
If they have a business,
They're trying to improve it.
If they have a relationship,
They're really encouraged to improve it.
They want to understand communication.
They want to understand empathy.
If they have a relationship with their child,
If they're a mother or a father,
They're trying to improve their parenting skills.
If they're an airline pilot,
They're putting in extra hours to learn and to cultivate their skills as a pilot.
There's this idea of learning,
Learning,
Learning.
They tend to also be not only learning about themselves,
But lots of times these people who have this idea of personal development and striving to learn,
They're also interested in big ideas.
Who am I and why am I here?
So this natural curiosity about themselves and about how to improve themselves,
They're truly taking accountability for themselves on planet Earth as part of a society.
And that's something that you can cultivate right here,
Right now.
And you already are by listening to this.
You already are proving that,
Wow,
I have that habit.
I'm continually trying to learn and try to strive.
So if that's you,
That's really a good thing.
So that's an amazing,
Amazing habit to cultivate and continue to cultivate.
What you can do is really look across all areas of your life,
Whether it's financial,
Whether it's relationship,
Whether it's your health,
What's going on with your blood.
Have you had a blood test lately?
What are your eating habits?
What are your sleeping habits?
Looking at your life objectively and asking yourself,
How can I prove each area of my life and take responsibility for that?
So that is the number one habit of people who are highly successful.
The next habit of people who are highly successful is this habit of resiliency.
So successful people possess a strong sense of resilience and perseverance in the face of challenges and setbacks.
They view obstacles as opportunities for growth and learning rather than insurmountable roadblocks.
This mindset allows them to bounce back from failures,
Learn from their mistakes,
And keep moving forward towards their goal.
So this is really important.
And mixed in this second key habit is this idea that successful people are also setting goals.
I didn't know I wasn't setting goals.
I was just waking up every day.
So every Monday was just like every other Monday.
Every Tuesday,
Just like every other Tuesday.
This idea that I was supposed to be setting goals was foreign to me,
And that's because I was living in survival.
My nose was just above the waterline.
I was operating below the veil of consciousness.
Life as a child was just about getting through the day without being picked on,
Without being abandoned.
And so this idea that I could set goals for myself was life transforming.
And so it's important that as we understand that while we're setting goals,
When we have a setback,
When we don't achieve the goal in the time that we want to achieve that goal,
We don't get the relationship,
Or the relationship that we're in falls apart,
Or we don't get that job,
Or we don't hit that mark or that milestone in our business,
Or we don't lose the weight that we wanted to lose,
Or our manager didn't really like the work that we put in.
These are what would be called setbacks.
But when you understand that every setback is a challenge to learn something about yourself,
What did I learn here?
What is really going on here?
I also feel that when it comes to relationships,
When they dissolve,
My opinion is they were supposed to.
They were supposed to.
I hate to be so black and white about it,
But if a relationship falls apart,
Whether it's because of you or because of the other person,
What that means energetically is that you're not supposed to be with that person.
If you can accept that,
And you could have faith in the idea that if this happened,
That means this was not meant to be,
And there's something greater on the other side.
Lots of times when relationships fall apart,
We get stuck.
This is where we can really cultivate this idea of resiliency and resilience,
That yes,
This happened,
Except how we feel.
It didn't work out the way our mind thought it would,
So it's like we have this movie going on in our head about the future,
And all of a sudden we're cutting the tape.
It's like,
That's not going to happen,
And that can make us feel kind of like panicked because the brain likes to know what's going to happen next.
And so now we have this blank screen,
But the good thing about that is that you get to create the next scene.
You get to create the next chapter if you can develop emotional resilience.
So when relationships end,
We have to accept all our feelings.
We have to allow ourselves to process them.
But having the mindset where,
Okay,
If this happened,
It was supposed to,
And in order for me to get to the other side,
This had to fall apart.
I can't get to where I'm supposed to be if I hold onto something that was never meant to be.
So developing this type of a mindset is crucial if you want to be a successful person.
The third habit is one of gratitude.
Gratitude will change your life.
And I don't mean gratitude when the guy shows up,
Or gratitude when the paycheck shows up,
Or gratitude when you get healthy.
I mean cultivating gratitude each and every day,
Pulling it into the fiber of your life.
Waking up,
I'm so grateful I woke up today.
Waking up,
I'm so grateful that I had a bed to sleep in.
Lots of people don't have a bed to sleep in.
Maybe that's you.
And if that is you,
Grateful that I can listen to this information today.
Grateful that the sun is in the sky today.
Grateful that I can see,
That I can hear whatever it is.
You lost one leg,
I'm so grateful I have the other leg.
You lose an arm,
I'm so grateful I have the other arm.
You just keep going.
You refuse to succumb to this type of negative thinking that will make gratitude impossible.
Successful people cultivate a habit of gratitude and appreciation for the people and opportunities in their lives.
We're even grateful for challenges.
When things fall apart,
When I notice something is amiss in my business,
Rather than throwing the computer across the room,
I'm grateful I found the hole in my boat.
I'm grateful for the opportunity to fix it and create ease.
Can you see how that's a much different mindset?
I coach plenty of entrepreneurs,
And oftentimes through the course of the mentoring,
They will explain to me that they're upset that this employee did this,
Or they found this was wrong,
Perhaps in an email automation,
Or something was wrong,
And they're upset that they found it.
But successful people and people who have incredible habits of gratitude are grateful that they found this out about that employee.
They're grateful that that hole and that problem has been resolved.
They're grateful that employee quit in three weeks versus three months.
So you really are milking this mindset of gratitude.
So people with this habit that have cultivated this habit,
They understand the power of positive thinking and focus on the good things,
Even in difficult times.
By expressing gratitude regularly,
They not only attract more positivity into their lives,
But they also build strong relationships and supportive networks that help them achieve success.
These habits are successful because they foster a growth mindset.
They foster resilience and a positive outlook,
Which are essential qualities for achieving success in anything,
In an endeavor,
In a career,
And in a relationship,
Even with your health.
By consistently practicing these habits,
Successful people are able to navigate challenges.
They stay motivated and maintain a sense of gratitude that propels them towards their goal.
Now,
One of the things about gratitude that I just love is that we all attract not what we want.
We attract what we are.
And if we could become supremely responsible for this truth,
The Bible says,
Every man shall reap what he sows.
We are sowing continually on a 24-hour basis,
Whether we acknowledge it or not.
Nothing is hidden under heaven,
Meaning that every thought,
Every feeling,
Every intention,
Every snarky remark you have for your so-called best friend or the girl down the block that just lost 15 pounds and your husband's checking her out,
Whatever,
Ladies,
You know what I'm talking about.
Nothing goes hidden.
So what I mean by that is we have to become supremely responsible for our intention,
For the way that we feel,
For our thoughts.
And we can call on the law of forgiveness.
So if you have a snarky thought in your head or a snarky feeling and you're not very proud of it,
You can retract it really quick and call on the law of forgiveness,
I'm really sorry,
And then milk gratitude.
Send that person appreciation or send the universe appreciation.
This morning I spent about 15 minutes in my backyard and I just marveled,
Just marveled at the sky with the sun coming up,
Which is really the earth turning.
The sun doesn't come up,
The earth turns,
Right?
So even that,
I was marveling at,
Oh my God,
This is just amazing.
Earth is amazing.
The sun is amazing.
These trees are amazing.
Why?
Because I'm a smart lady and I know that the more I cultivate gratitude,
The more I attract to me things to be grateful for.
And so walking around with a sour puss,
You're just going to create more things to upset you.
Walking around in a state of frustration,
Only going to create more frustration for yourself.
Walking around being someone who's annoyed because people make human errors,
You're only going to attract more people that disappoint you.
And this is just a fact of life.
Look at any time in your life and ask yourself,
When this thing was going on that you didn't like it,
If you're really honest with yourself,
You'll be able to see how you may have participated in it.
Now,
I'm not talking about when we were children.
When we were children,
We were completely innocent.
It wasn't our fault.
We were born to like alcoholics or narcissistic,
Abusive parents or really abusive foster parents or neglectful adopted parents.
That's not our fault.
As an adult,
We also have to understand that those experiences have created a resonance and an expectation,
Sometimes fear in us.
And that just doesn't get wiped away because we turn 21.
We have to work towards that.
And so I hope that you understand that by working these habits,
By deciding to have a growth mindset despite a painful past and putting the effort in it,
Just don't listen.
Be a doer of the word,
Not just a hearer of the word.
I promise you,
I give you my word,
Your world must shift because it is the absolute truth and it's absolute law.
