Cheating Narcissistic Spouse-How to Get Over The Affair

When it comes to relationships with narcissists and cheating, getting over an affair can prove incredibly challenging. Affairs with people who are not narcissists is hard enough. Add a cheating narcissist to the mix, and you might be wondering how you'll ever get passed the betrayal.

Narcissists tend to be indifferent to how others feel even when they've cheated. In this episode, we unpack some ideas that might help make your breakup a bit easier to tolerate.

Reviews

Very awesome talk! Thank you.

The best gift my narcissist ex-husband gave me after 11 years of marriage was to cheat on me. Seriously. After years of abuse it was the only thing that made me create a boundary and kick him out. I am thankful for his cheating every day of my life.

I needed this so much ! Thank you ❤️

Lisa, thank you. It’s like you knew exactly what I’m going through, what I’m feeling and what I’m thinking when no one else could relate - and therefore, help me. Thank you for validating the fact that the demise of my relationship with a narcissist is not my fault, I’ve just been conditioned and beaten down for so long that I believed the opposite. I didn’t recognize the traits and I was an empathetic and altruistic partner - the perfect target. So here’s to learning and finding the courage to be my authentic self but setting boundaries and paying attention to red flags before I end up feeling violated and raw from narcissistic abuse again.

Tysm, I NEEDED this so so badly, I was beaten up by my narcissistic ex partner last April when he realised I'd found his little black cheating phone with 20+ numbers on. He'd driven me to look through his phone because he always used to go through mine and question who people were, he stopped me speaking to my homosexual friend because he thought that he was lying to draw women to him by pretending to be gay!!!! And I actually broke off that friendship because of him, instead of saying NO! Anyway, he kicked me to the ground and kicked me in the face and head 3 times then left while I was dazed and our 1 year old was asleep upstairs. I called the police, we weren't allowed contact obvs. He wanted to see his son all the time apparently at court he kept asking the judge, so my stepmum said she'd be a go between for them to see each other. He turned up to see him, our sons 2nd birthday was the day after and he gave him a tenner in a card and said he'd send a present to my stepmums address, no presents came. Then he got in touch FIVE WEEKS LATER asking if he could see Alfie again. My stepmum said she didn't wanna do it so there was nothing I could do. I told her to tell him that but I don't know if she did. I know my dad hates him (obviously - he had to drive down to mine at 3am the night he beat me up and look after me because I had a mild concussion AND my son) so my dad may have said just leave it, keep him away. Now the case is over, I haven't heard off him, I don't even know if he still has my number or not, it hasn't changed and it won't. But I won't stop him seeing his son, my son doesn't deserve that. I forgave him or I thought I did, but I'm second guessing it. I definitely don't love him, I just want Alfie (my son) to have a chance in life and not have to come from a dysfunctional family system himself with only me to bring him up because I can never get out to meet a man now so I've pretty much given up on that. And I don't want Alfie to grow up and be like his dad because he has his genetics, I'm so scared he'll be the same. But he has a lot of love around him and we teach him kindness and I just hope he grows to be empathetic and loving and kind. Thats what we put into him so I'm hoping that's what the result will be and if Gaz gets in touch then he gets in touch, if he doesn't then fine, there's nothing I can do. At court, when he thought he was faced with a max 5 year custodial sentence, he pleaded not guilty, when they had no evidence for actual bodily harm (because they had no hospital records, because the visiting paramedics ADVISED ME NOT TO GO to hospital because there wasn't much they could do for a broken nose) and the charge was dropped to assault by beating, which carried a 6 month max custodial sentence, he pleaded guilty, knowing that would knock a third off of 6 months immediately, leaving 4 and he'd serve 2 at most. 2 months. In the end, he got away free with the courts taking more of his money for themselves in costs and surcharges than ACTUALLY compensating me; the victim. He stopped paying £35 a week for alfie. He abandoned us when I wouldn't have an abortion he flipped from hot to cold immediately and said he didn't wanna raise a baby 50% of the time and he didn't see a future with me, even though I noticed he told me he loved me all the time AFTER I told him I was pregnant. I knew he'd leave me after an abortion and I'd be left without my baby that I wanted and was only terminating for his benefit because he was 21 and 10 years younger than me. So I just went to the scans alone, had my mu .at the birth and then Gaz pulled me back in after he started seeing Alfie just before he turned one and that's when he beat me last April.. Alfie's 30 months old now....he now pays £7.50 a week after court finished. Because he wasn't there to register the birth, I didn't put him on the certificate. I protected us in that sense. But he did HAVE to do his little "I want a DNA test" stunt before he actually came to meet him, even though when the tests had been taken at home, he played with him and kisses him goodbye (him KNOWING he was his all along) I knew then that he was pulling that 'I think you cheated and that's why I walked away' move. I knew he'd call with the results but he never said sorry....but why would he, he's a toxic narcissist. He had a huge book of birthdays and it gave information on anyone born under that day specifically for all 365/366 days. He always said "I can meet people, ask when they were born and pretty much know most of their characteristics and weaknesses just by reading up on their birthdays.....says it all. He wanted to be the one who knew the most like you said....😞 I feel sorry for him now, he'll end up alone or with another one of me, who'll put up with it but he'll do the same to them. But can I ask? What if he meets and gets with another toxic narcissist just like him? Will they clash because they'll always be outdoing each other or will they respect each others intelligence and actually fall in love because of that reason?

Sorry for the long review. I just had to tell you why you were so important this evening. Because you were. And I thank you from the bottom of my heart. ❤️🙏🌹