Hi,
Karolina here and today I will be talking about Dark Night of the Soul.
The purpose of this video is to help you to understand what you're going through.
Because you may think that you're crazy or something is wrong with you or wondering actually what is wrong with you,
That nothing and no one can help you and maybe you are in emotional pain or physical pain and it seems like no one can tell you what is happening to you.
I've gone and I'm still on that awakening process,
The Dark Night of the Soul and my partner also is going through this journey and I know a few friends going or gone through that journey as well.
So I want to share with you how this may look for you.
Of course every journey is different so what I've gone through you may go through differently.
However I want to just share with you what you may expect on that journey.
So what is not the Dark Night of the Soul or the awakening is definitely not depression.
Even you may feel like something is broken within you or you may feel like you have no energy for doing things that are passionate or inspired.
However this is not depression,
This is not clinical depression,
This is not clinical anxiety.
This is truly the journey on soul level.
I remember when I was going through the first especially phase of dying,
Dying of the process.
It is hard,
It is really hard.
The whole journey is not easy journey.
However I want you to see that there is a gift with it because you really birth yourself through that journey.
And I'm gonna share my story here so this way I hope I will help you to understand the whole journey process.
So how this journey can start is normally when something big happen in your life,
Some big events.
In my case was when my.
.
.
Actually there was like lots of grief.
First there was we broke up with my one of my boyfriend,
Then my father died,
My granny died.
Most importantly this I felt like I was grieving.
However when my brother committed suicide this moment I felt like I died with him,
Like something died with me.
And for long time of course I thought that I'm just grieving.
However you know going through the process of awakening I realized that it wasn't only the grieving of course it was part of it.
There was much deeper process within me happening because I've transformed through this process.
So this process can last few months or few years.
My die off process lasts around 4 years and my partner now is going through the dying of process and he's already more than 3 years in this process.
And I just want to share with you how this looked for me and how it looks for him because completely different journeys.
So the first phase is a big pain and you may feel like oh my god this is enough when this gonna end.
I remember me saying constantly maybe next month I'm gonna feel better,
Maybe next week I'm gonna feel better.
I was like seeking something that can help me to ease the pain because for me my journey was a lot about soul level.
The pain was on soul level,
Was super deep.
With my partner it's a different story.
What affected him was the finance.
So that's why I'm saying big events.
For me it was I lost someone very important to me.
It can be for example break up,
Divorce,
Money issues like you've lost job for example or you've lost a lot of money.
This was in our case.
So we just started traveling and we've lost whole money and he got really stressed with that.
To that point that he couldn't get out of bed.
And this is how really this dying off process started for him.
So for my partner was very much about the physicality and he still have days that he can't get out of bed and now he has more and more good days.
Because this year we just realized that this is awakening process and nothing we can do and believe me we've tried so many things.
At the time we were in Bali and Thailand,
We were traveling around there and I was like all the time his supporter and finding different diets because of course we saw this first as a fatigue,
Chronic fatigue,
Maybe adrenal fatigue.
Some people were telling us that maybe this is fibromyalgia.
All these kind of names we've heard.
We went to doctor to do some checkups.
All was okay.
So again created even more confusion.
The test showing it's everything okay.
However he's not able to get out of bed.
So this is how has been showing up for him and he's still on this journey of dying off.
And I will explain more what it means.
So my was this emotional pain,
The pain on soul body.
Physically I was actually okay and for him was all about deep exhaustion,
Tiredness.
We've tried diets,
We went to see many healers,
We tried plant medicine.
Oh my god we could name it.
Many many things we've tried.
And this is why I'm sharing this video because you may feel lost on this journey.
I wish that somebody told me what I knew now that I would probably not judging myself so much because they would be understanding that this is a process of awakening and there is nothing to do then just accept that journey and surrender to that journey.
And I'm honest with you I have been learning so much patience on the journey with my partner because at the beginning of course I thought that it's gonna be lasting maybe few weeks or few months and it's over three years right now.
So I feel that he's just at the end,
He's approaching end of this dying off process but he's still on.
I don't know how long.
So this journey taught me being there next to him and supporting him patience and acceptance.
That is his journey and even if I find him the best healer in the world I will try to cook special diet for him.
He still needs to go through his journey by himself and I can only accept that as he needs to accept it and surrender to this journey and he's been very good on that point.
He's been always feeling and telling me that he feels that there's nothing wrong with him in terms of his physicality.
He's just going through some process.
So intuitively he already knew that and knows that.
It's just the understanding of that this is a dark night of the soul or awakening however you call that.
It's just help us to really relax with this whole process and surrender to that and trusting that when this will be over especially this dying off process which can be very painful on many levels he will come out of that as I did and there will be huge gift because normally huge transformation is happening on this journey.
So let me share my story.
So my dying off was a lot of about what is going on with me,
What's happened,
When this gonna end.
I was literally watching calendar and said okay it's April maybe in May I'll feel better maybe in June I will feel better.
And yes it wasn't easy you definitely on that journey later on you face facing all your fears you facing all the programming you facing your traumas you facing anxiety you facing beliefs.
So for me it was everything what I believed suddenly didn't make sense.
Everything its things like collapsed it felt like all collapsed like I didn't know anymore who I am what like what I want what I believe like huge confusion of what is happening with me.
I knew I changed and changing in many ways and yeah there's lots of unknowing.
I actually one day sat with myself like number one I realized wow I'm actually unhappy and this is where the magic started happening when I acknowledged and was very honest to myself and authentic and said I'm not happy with my life something has to really changed.
And then I've manifested or attracted my first spiritual teacher who she didn't tell me what I'm going through she just kind of supported me and helped me to put me on the path of self healing and self discovering which then started unfolding beautifully.
So yeah lots of for me was emotional pain and then lots of facing my demons my ego because this is the process of dying that your ego is dying on that dying off process and it wasn't easy.
It's still I have still day that I cried and still some patterns coming up or still things coming up for me to shift and transform and heal.
However of course is nothing like this now I am already in completely different journey but at that dying off process who really painful really painful I felt like the kind of ego those patterns those old way of thinking and being new that the time is over for them the time is over for this and they still try to do anything to pull you back in that old story or old patterns and so on.
In during this dying off process you may realize you are in wrong relationship and you may leave that relationship or the situation will be created during this process that basically they'll be over of this relationship there'll be breakup this happened in my relationship and during this dying off process that the relationship had to go basically because there was no alignment.
Suddenly I realized that I am former accountant so I realize I'm actually not accountant but who am I?
I suddenly started being bored with my job not inspired not motivated I felt so much guilt about this because I had really great job and great bosses I couldn't complain.
I was growing there I was studying towards my to become chartered accountant however on a deep level I felt uninspired every day I faced the office and I sat in front of monitor I felt I'm dying here I just can't any longer be here the conversation they were happening around me I was like I no longer want to hear that I no longer want to be part of it and I didn't know what is happening to me because I chose to study and work in accountancy field no one pushed me to that it was my decision and so many hours invested and of course money and suddenly what I'm like I felt that I no longer belong there so this had to go as well on this dying off process and there was huge questions what now seven years in accountancy and studying towards to be chartered accountant and now what what I supposed to do now?
So again this really pushed me into the energy of trust and surrender I actually had no other choice then surrender to that and yes things started unfolding I started having deeper connection with the soul spirit my soul universe whatever you call that whatever you can connect and asking them please support me please guide me what I supposed to do what now?
I no longer literally can't go in my office because I feel like I'm in prison on soul level but the new path is not open yet so as you see my career my relationship had to go and also I used to live in UK so this was as well the process of dying off that I realized the time in UK it's over and again where I supposed to go?
For sure not to my country I am from Poland so I knew that no I don't belong there there is not my energy so where to go now?
So can you see like in my case lots of things were changing and I had to release all of that and you may face lots of fear because there's lots of unknown you actually don't know anything any longer so this was my case with my partner last three years it's yes definitely he's facing himself in many levels because any patterns like pleasing people like definitely he always wanted me to be happy and of course he always and he still wants to me to be happy however he had to shift this pattern like pleasing people having better boundaries otherwise how he can shift and move forward and now he's still going through the phase of releasing this old patterns or beliefs old stories toxins from his system old energies and like his body and his system is being upgraded so this is how has been showing for him more in the physical however he's been shifting on every level he has grown so much on a business side on spiritual level he really reconnected with himself on so many levels however yes he's got days like I am shooting this video right now he's so I've heard also stories from my friend that when the dying of process started for them they woke up and they were like they had like a psychic attacks or implants and felt like they are attacked so there was lots of anxiety fear they literally freaked out because they didn't know what is happening to them they could see all this being that normally people don't see and that is real and then of course I can only imagine of course I'm just I can only imagine that that she must be questioning herself what the hell is happening to her is she going also crazy and then of course you scared to speak with some one because you don't want that judgment from others and you may feel like no one understand you so yeah I know that she was looking for a support for mentor to help her on that journey so yes you can see other beings you can open up on a multi-dimensional level you may go through this as well so that I'm just sharing different scenarios just in case you can relate to one of these stories and then when this kind of dying of process finishing kind of and you stepping into more reburfing yourself you really reconnecting with your soul with your purpose so then you know what you supposed to do like I said then you realize I'm a healer I need to work with people I need to support them to transform as I've transformed my life as I feel all my traumas as I've released all the belief system as I've awakened and open up for so many things in my life and I've changed every single aspect of my life so I realize I am a guide now for other people and this is how I reconnected with my purpose and of course on that journey still at the beginning of this new phase when you're really growing you still have days where you just on the floor and crying because you feel like you stepping to you moving step two steps forward and then three steps backwards you feel aligned and you feel like you are in your purpose but then you have days again that your traumas coming up these still things coming up for you what needs to be healed mother father issue any relationship issues so still any patterns beliefs still you shifting as you already on this new path you still going in and out with this kind of it's like a dance you feel empowered you feel amazing and then you have days okay this is coming up this is coming up let me shift that so and you still shifting this the eagle even though you feel like empowered you still going through the death of your ego as well on this phase and then it may feel like you start building good foundation so in my story was like I reconnected with myself I knew okay I need to work with clients then what so of course I've been I was searching and still working and searching for new teachers and mentors to grow to evolve to make it strong and this was what I was doing at the time I knew that I need help I need someone who can help me to grow to evolve to reconnect even on a deeper level and shift whatever I need to shift to really fully step into my power so like building solid foundation on that new journey so this is the phase and then the journey in the last phase it feels like and I feel like I am now you really know yourself who you are you really know why you are here and that's it no one can take this away from you and you just being you whether people like you or not you just becoming different person or you seeing things differently and what I see that I am much more connected with myself and love energy and seeing people from the place of love instead of judgment assumptions and I can see how this beautifully playing out in my relationship like how much I feel the relationship with my mom how different is now communication and even she's in her old patterns I no longer triggered with this I am compassionate with this and when I see someone is in a bad mood a bad day I'm sending love and compassion to them because they must be in pain so there's lots of love energy and compassion and for me it feels like lots of alignment lots of alignment and lots of peace yes I still have some days that absolutely it's a constant growth that's never finish I also reach out to my amazing guides to support me on my journey but it's a different journey than when you are at the beginning of this first phase or even second phase of this journey like I feel like this is like my third phase of this journey like you're really going now up up up and now you're just like expanding on so many levels and this is me this is me so this is how it feels so I hope that this helped you so if you're listening this video if you have any questions feel free to connect with me and what I want to also say what is truly important on this journey it's acceptance acceptance that this is it this is your awakening process and not much you can do like I've shared with you no diet we've tried with my partner so many different things buying superfood Qigong all of this healings different modalities and guess what this is his journey he needs to go through this journey himself I am just there wherever he needs me however he wants me to support and there for him but I needed to let go of finding millions things for him and being patient with him with this process because I know for me this is it's been seven years on this journey and I hope that your journey is much shorter but it can be so long so patience acceptance not creating resistance it is what it is when you are in pain physically like he's lying he's just lying and connecting with his body and just accepting where he is when I was in pain yes at the first stage when I shared with you I was like when is gonna finish but then I remember intuitively I was just accepting where I am and trusting that universe souls angels whatever you believe will bring me the right teacher and the right mentors and put me on the right path and guess what always that happened always even when I shared with you and I suddenly realized that actually all my life I was not happy I am not happy because all these traumas and what I've gone through my life as I shared with you when I was very honest with myself and when I acknowledged that I'm not happy and something needs to change in my life because it felt like I'm going upstream all the time so downstream this is where I attracted my first mentor and from that moment I've always been guided I've always been sent the support through different teacher mentors and I just want to remind you that they cannot do this for you yes they can help you with some things give you understanding some teacher helped me to heal certain aspect of me or this old wounds and release that old trauma so then I could reconnect with me with myself on a deeper level however this is your journey and only you can go through that so patience surrendering and acceptance it's a must so I'm inviting you accepting where you are every single moment on this journey being patient with yourself surrender surrender to what is showing up and how things are unfolding for you and trusting that you are guided you are guided even if it feels super lonely you are guided so wishing you if you are going through this wishing you a smooth journey as possible and if you ever want to connect with me please feel free to do that thank you for watching and see you in the next video
