Episode Ninety-Six: The Byte-Sister Tonkabelle

Sister Tonkabelle is a Sister of Perpetual Indulgence. Listen to this shorter episode to hear how after surviving death she has gone on to change other people's lives. Sometimes it's all in what we say...and how we say it.

Transcript

Welcome back to episode 96 of Bite-Sized Blessings.

I have some super exciting news this week.

I finally started a Patreon account.

So for those of you who wish to support the show,

And I've had a few people say they'd like to,

Just go to your computer,

Type in Patreon,

And then the title of the podcast,

Bite-Sized Blessings,

And it should take you right to my page.

I have three tiers at which you can support me.

To be honest,

The production of this podcast is getting a little more expensive as the days go by.

I have to buy software,

I have to sign up for Zoom,

I have to do lots of other things that cost money,

And it would be so very nice if you'd consider sponsoring me at one of these levels.

There are all sorts of delicious goodies under each level,

And if you have questions,

Please shoot me an email.

I'll be happy to answer them.

But that's the big news this week.

I've started a Patreon account,

Because as I've said before,

It takes a village to get this stuff done,

And I'd love for you to become a part of the Bite-Sized Blessings village.

This week I get to interview another sister of Perpetual Indulgence,

Sister Tonka Bell,

And on her Instagram she describes herself as a grumpy old dog who is a happy little sister living in the San Francisco Bay area.

And in our conversation,

Interestingly enough,

We talk about Star Wars again.

And for those of you who are listening to the podcast every week,

This is the third incidence of Star Wars in about as many months.

And it seems like this idea of the Force,

This idea of the midichlorians who are all around us,

This sentient life force in the Star Wars universe,

It resonates with people.

It resonates with my listeners,

And it can become part and parcel of your faith tradition.

I love Star Wars too,

So who am I to argue?

At any rate,

There is a trigger warning for this episode.

Suicide and drug addiction are discussed.

If you or someone you know is suffering with thoughts of suicide,

Help is available.

Please call the 988-SUICIDE-AND-CRISIS hotline.

It's 24 hours,

And you can call at 988.

Or go to 988-LIFELINE.

ORG.

And at the very,

Very end,

After the credits,

I have a little special blurb,

A little follow-up on something we discuss in this interview.

And I'm sure,

As everyone knows,

I cannot stand bullies.

I can't stand it when people are bullied.

I can't stand watching bullying.

So if I get my head up about bullying,

I get a little,

Let's just say,

Grumpy.

So at the end of this interview,

There's a little extra,

Let's say,

Between me and Sister Tonka Bell.

All right.

So here it is.

Without further ado,

Here's Episode 96 of Bite-Sized Blessings.

So in my youthful years,

I was a raging drug addict.

And I made very bad decisions,

As you do in those things.

And those decisions led to not one,

Not two,

But three overdoses.

And the third overdose was so bad,

I coded,

I think it was three times on the table.

When I woke up the next day in the hospital,

The doctor came in.

And it was an ER doctor that had seen me there before.

He knew me.

He knew my issues and things like that.

And he sat on the edge of the bed.

And he says,

There's no medical reason why you should be here.

You should not.

You died three times.

I did not save you.

It goes,

Take that for whatever you want.

But you should not be here right now,

And you should think about that.

I'm Catholic.

So that means,

I mean,

I was baptized.

I went to Sunday school for confirmation and things like that.

My family was religious,

But not crazy Bible-thumping religious.

My mom believes in God and Jesus and heaven and hell.

My grandparents were devout Catholics.

But at the same time,

They had more faith and protective nature in their family than they did their faith.

Meaning,

When my mother had me at a wedlock.

So by my church's standard,

I was a bastard.

And the parish that I belonged to at the Sunday school wasted no time to explain that to me,

That I was a bastard.

And my grandmother,

Who was a devout Catholic,

Went to one of the priests or the bishops and told them off.

And she was a Puerto Rican from the Bronx.

She didn't fuck with her.

And she had words.

So yeah.

That's horrifying.

Granted,

As I said,

It wasn't necessarily religion that made it hard growing up in the South.

I didn't go to the South because I was a skinny white gay boy.

I was an outcast.

You know,

You always hear people say,

Oh,

I survived high school.

I legitimately did.

The only openly gay kid in my high school was,

He went by the gay Joe.

That's to this day,

That's all I know him as,

Is gay Joe.

He was the only gay kid.

And my high school was a split level.

So it was a two story,

But in Florida,

They're like strip malls.

So the hallways are outdoors.

And there was a big courtyard and there were pictures tables,

MHS,

Merritt High School.

And I don't know what Joe did or what not,

But he got into an altercation with members of the football team and they threw him off the second floor and they broke his back on the crossbar of the H table.

And that was that.

It's always been a tricky thing with me.

There was a moment where I didn't believe in anything.

I have lost faith.

I had lost any kind of belief into any higher power thing out there,

Universe or whatever,

Not for lack of searching.

And this was after I had started connecting with certain levels of witchcraft and tarot and things like that in my twenties.

But I really didn't grasp onto that kind of stuff until I had had.

So in my youthful years,

I was a raging drug addict.

And you know,

I mean,

There weren't a lot of hobbies in my hometown.

So drugs just seemed to be it for a number of reasons.

You know,

They numbed,

They took away and everything else like that.

And I made very bad decisions,

As you do in those things.

And those decisions led to not one,

Not two,

But three overdoses.

And they weren't purposeful overdose.

I didn't want to die,

But I was totally okay if I didn't wake up.

And the third overdose was so bad,

I coded,

I think it was three times on the table.

When I woke up the next day in the hospital,

The doctor came in,

And it was an ER doctor that had seen me there before.

He knew me,

He knew my issues and things like that.

And he sat on the edge of the bed and he says,

There's no medical reason why you should be here.

There's there's you should not you you died three times.

I did not save you.

It goes take that for whatever you want.

But you should not be here right now.

And you should think about that.

It's just weird.

It's it's it's weird how the force how the magic that surrounds us in this world,

Whether you call it God,

Jesus,

Jehovah,

Allah,

Whatever it's,

It's,

It's,

I think sometimes,

I think humanity needs these terms to under to to try to understand what we're not necessarily supposed to understand.

We need a name,

We need a label to be able to talk to it,

To be able to,

To comprehend it and have faith in it.

But I also think it's the same thing.

I think it's just this driving force that inherently wants us to be good.

And through these aha moments through these miracles through these humbling experiences,

Both in and out of phase.

And,

You know,

I had a little kid come up to me,

Not little kid,

It was a teenager.

And there's this foundation,

It's this organization called the Americans for Suicide Prevention,

AFSP,

I think it's called,

They have these bracelets,

They have these beads that they put around your wrist,

When you go to like their events,

They do a walk each year.

And you walk for those that you've lost,

You walk because you survived,

You,

You know,

You walk for your child,

Your brother,

Your aunt,

Your uncle.

And we were there as sisters,

And a kid came up and saw my color coded,

I had the color beads for someone who has lost somebody to suicide.

I had the color beads for somebody who has survived suicide.

They call it living with experience.

So I had my so you know,

They could tell you what you've been through.

And the little kid kept up to be because,

Oh,

I've got that color B2.

And he pointed to the one living with experience,

And not prepared for that.

And I looked at him,

I said,

Well,

I'm glad you're still here,

Buddy.

Because yeah,

Me too.

And he kind of scuffled away,

And I went to turn around because at this point,

I'm just I'm just holding it together by the street in water activated makeup,

Mind you.

And I went to turn to the other nun that is with and then I felt a little tug in my dress again.

And the other nun just kind of pointed out behind me goes,

And I looked at him.

And he and he just looked at me goes,

I'm really glad you're still here,

Too.

And again,

It was it was a moment of what a beautiful thing in that moment I got to experience.

But the best part,

The best part was,

I was six or seven months later,

Let's say near whatever I was in Target,

And swung through the parents recognize my tattoos,

Because my tattoos are always at home like that they go,

Oh,

We were you at the thing with the with the march and I was like,

Yeah,

Yeah,

I was in phase.

I'm sister talk about,

Okay,

Yeah,

We remember you and the kid was there and everything like that.

And he just he just gave me this big giant hug and he's arms around me.

He says,

This is because you will never try it again.

And if there is such thing as a miracle,

That was it.

That was one right there.

Thank you so much for listening to Episode 96 of Bite Size Blessings and my interview with the thoughtful and indomitable sister talk about I need to thank the sisters of perpetual indulgence,

Who when I contacted them,

Immediately sent an email out to all members asking if they'd like to be guests on the podcast.

I got several replies.

And this interview is the result of one of them.

I need to thank the creators of the music used for this episode,

Taiga Sound Productions,

Music L Files,

Raphael Crux,

Edvardas Sen,

WoHa,

Otis Galloway and Sasha End.

For complete attribution,

Please see the Bite Size Blessings website at bitesizedblessings.

Com.

On the website,

You'll find links to art,

Music,

Playlists,

And other groovy things that my guests are involved in.

You'll also find a link to my new Patreon page,

Which is where,

Yes,

You heard it here first,

You can support me in bringing this podcast out into the world.

Thank you for listening.

And here's my one request.

Be like sister Tonka Bell.

Have a sense of humor,

Never give up and be ready for those magical moments,

Those miracles that happen in our lives.

You never know when you're going to touch someone or say something that's going to mean the world to someone else.

So be ready for those opportunities,

Because those opportunities,

They're absolutely going to come to you.

I'll see you next week for episode 97.

And we're getting oh so close to the big 100.

I really can't believe it.

But I'll see you next week for episode 97.

Was Joe okay?

Joe lived a wheelchair for the rest of his life.

And I honestly I don't know what happened to him after that.

I know he lived and I know he graduated high school and in my town,

You graduated high school and you either left town or you became you went into construction,

Military or law enforcement.

Those were the good old boy options.

So the football team paralyzed him?

Yeah.

Oh my god,

I hope he sued the fuck out of all of them.

I remember there was criminal charges.

I know nothing happened to the boys that did it.

Mariner High School was filled with a lot of rich rednecks.

And you know,

Families that had big pieces of property and knew each other and knew powerful people,

You know,

It just it was that kind of environment.

You know,

It was that small town living where you know,

Those families never,

You know,

Got away with everything.

You know,

Those kids could do no wrong,

Including throw a kid off of a second floor.

Wow,

That's disgusting.

Oh,

That makes me sick.

Yuck.

And not really much has changed,

Right?

Because it's still the same.

If you have money and power,

You can still get away with anything.

Yeah,

100%.

I think it's becoming less because of things like social media.

You know,

It's and things like that.

Especially when things are not documented,

It's hard to refute them that you didn't do them no matter how much money you had.

Would that have made a difference back then?

I don't I don't know.

But you know,

I just in those four years,

If there was a God,

He wasn't at Mariner High School.

That's for sure.