Ep. 108-The Interview: Giancarlos

In this episode, Giancarlos tells a story-that of a good friend who died all too soon. Hear how they met, how they changed each other, and how this friend helped Gian dream big. Sometimes, it's all about our ability to imagine something better for ourselves.

Trigger Warning: This practice may include references to death, dying, and the departed.

Transcript

Hi everyone,

And welcome to another episode of the podcast.

I want to just apologize for the audio recently.

Not a lot of you know that I haven't had a place to live since last May.

And so I've been going from house sitting gig to house sitting gig.

And as a result,

The audio is very different for each episode.

Of course,

The ideal would be that I find a stable place to live where I can concentrate on making the audio consistent and sounding better.

But for right now,

It appears the universe wants me to travel like this.

So I'm just accepting it and going with it,

But also praying for something better.

I did want to thank you listeners for still supporting me and listening to the podcast as I go through this challenging time.

I also want to thank my three benefactors on Patreon.

You know who you are for just $3 a month,

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Or $10 a month.

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Dear listener,

Can help support the podcast and put beautiful content out into the world.

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Please click on it and help me to bring the podcast out into the world.

In this episode of the podcast,

My guest wears many hats.

He's a jujitsu instructor and soon to be jujitsu gym owner,

A professional wrestler,

A comedian,

A writer,

A hard worker,

Someone who's gone through challenging times and survived,

Someone who's lifting others up.

Giancarlo is a force of nature.

And I'll think you'll understand as you listen to the episode that he can't be stopped.

And that's what I admire most about him.

I hope you grow to love him and appreciate this human as much as I do.

And so now,

Episode 108 of Light-Sized Blessings.

You know,

We became really best friends and this was like a year or two before he was just like,

Dude,

Let's move to Colorado.

Let's leave this island and start a life over there.

Let's just start from zero there.

And I was like,

Dude,

I am so down.

So we were actually saving money to go to Colorado.

And he was arrested for just carrying like not even a gram of weed in his pocket.

Like he was just buying that and he got arrested for that in Puerto Rico.

And he was in jail.

And because of that,

He had to be on parole for a few years.

So he wasn't able to leave.

Well,

My name is Giancarlo and I am,

I guess,

I guess you could say I'm a martial artist and writer.

So I was born in Edor,

Oberstein,

Germany.

My father was in the military and he met my mom in Puerto Rico in a small town called Haya,

Which is in the mountains.

Of course,

He was there on vacation and then they wrote letters to each other for like a year.

They got married when he came back and then they moved to Germany together.

Then they had me,

I think three years later.

I grew up not knowing any languages until I was like four years old,

Moved to New York.

They kind of put me in the speech therapy until so I can learn English because they,

They thought that I'll learn more opportunities knowing English.

So then I moved to Puerto Rico and in Puerto Rico,

That's where I was kind of like first to learn Spanish.

I at least understand it at that time growing up.

I had like,

You know,

Like I said in the lecture,

An existential crisis at a very early age.

So it's that path of trying to get to know myself and the surroundings.

And then it was at the point where,

You know,

I felt comfortable,

But then I felt too comfortable and I met this girl who,

You know,

I had a relationship with,

You know,

I joke about her all the time,

But you know,

We're still good friends.

But she kind of,

She was the one that like told me at first that life is meaningless.

And yeah,

She,

You know,

Life is meaningless.

And at first I thought that was a very pessimistic way of viewing life.

But then,

You know,

I always thought that there was a meaning in life.

I was always very optimistic.

I mean,

I'm still optimistic,

But I was always very like hopeful.

And I always felt like my meaning in life was to like change the world somehow.

But of course,

That's easy to say as a bartender at an airport bar and then,

And then a jiu jitsu instructor during the day.

And I wasn't making really much money at that time,

But because of her,

It made me realize that I do need to grow up more and provide something if I ever want to have something serious.

Unfortunately,

She broke up with me.

Well,

Fortunately,

Because I'm very happy now,

But,

You know,

She broke up with me a week before I left.

And when I moved to Colorado,

I realized like it was it wasn't in life is just a lot more than I thought it was.

And folding laundry,

There was no window.

I thought like,

Man,

I moved to Colorado to see the mountains.

I came to see the mountains,

But I kind of accepted it that like,

Hey,

This is my life now.

And I was always a guy with big dreams.

And it's contradicting because it's like I've always felt like I was more than a laundry guy,

But I was also really happy to be there.

And at first I was miserable,

But then I realized I was content.

And then I met Nora,

Who is my girlfriend of five and a half years to this day,

And she she was the one that pushed me more.

She she made me grow up.

And it was crazy starting from I had nothing to my name.

I didn't even have a bank account when I moved to the States.

I it's funny because I work at a financial institution now,

But at 25 or 24,

No bank account,

Only eighty five dollars.

When I moved to Colorado,

I was living with all these people from all over the world.

These like it was just Filipinos,

Mexicans and just exploited foreign workers.

And they had us like room together and they put us like Puerto Ricans in one apartment building,

Mexicans,

The J1 interns in the other.

And I it's funny because like the Puerto Ricans that I was roomed up with were our people that I would not be caught dead with back in the island.

But it really made me learn like different perspectives.

So I feel that,

You know,

After I quit my job there and they gave me two days to move out of there,

Nora gave me the like she we were just dating for two weeks and she's like,

Move in with me,

Start on your feet.

And then once you're on your feet,

Then we'll figure it out from there.

So I move with her,

Move in with her to Boulder.

Boulder was probably my worst time.

I think I was really hungry.

I was really cold.

I really understand.

So I just there's this one time where this is probably my spiritual awakening,

I guess,

In a way,

Even though I could do consider myself agnostic or even I guess.

Yeah,

Just agnostic.

There are some days that I'm an atheist.

There's some days that I'm agnostic.

But during that time,

I was eating just one potato chip and I could just taste the intensity of just the potato and just the cheese that was like in the ruffle sour cream.

I think it was the sour cream and cheddar.

It was just I tasted every ingredient on there.

Probably the chemicals,

Too,

Because,

Of course,

You know,

You got to love those preservatives to preserve you,

I guess.

You know,

I really learned about myself.

I probably lost like over 50 pounds just being there and just I don't know.

I was working as a houseman and I would walk to work and it was like a two hour walk,

Like an hour or two hour walk sometimes,

Depending on the weather.

And it was in a February.

The snow was just thick and it was just like just remember walking and it was after work.

It was dark.

I didn't I couldn't afford like mitts,

Bins or gloves.

So my hands were just freezing.

And I just remember like being so hungry and looking down at the snow.

And I was just like,

If I just lay here,

All my problems would just fade away.

And I look back at that time and it still gets me emotional to this day because it's like I could have done that,

But I just kept walking,

You know,

And I realized that there there's a beauty in life,

But there's also some chaos in the beauty of it,

Because if you see the snow,

Like it's very beautiful from the inside out.

But from the outside in,

It's it's a very intense experience once you don't have resources and,

You know,

Living off of the food pantry.

And I look back at that and there are days that I look back at it with like,

Damn,

I should have been more prepared.

But I'm glad I went through it.

Then after we moved to Denver,

Things were picking up,

Had a good chef job,

And then Nora was just like,

I'm moving to Albuquerque with or without you.

I do.

I want to get my career straight in acting.

And I was just like,

Fine.

But then when we moved here,

Of course,

I wasn't a huge fan of Albuquerque.

But then I found my community.

I learned to love martial arts again and just learn to find my true self in the Wild West,

I guess you can say.

And being there for like almost four years and moving up here to Santa Fe,

It's just been such a I feel that moving from Albuquerque to Santa Fe feels like two different cities.

And I feel like I'm my true self here in Santa Fe.

There's a big difference between people who,

You know,

Some people would have laid down in the snow.

Yeah,

Because I can't even imagine what you're going through and how mentally,

Emotionally,

Physically exhausting all of that was.

And just to have that thought meant that you were at this breaking point,

But you kept going.

And what's interesting to me about your story is that you kept going.

And here you are now opening your own jujitsu gym.

You have a partner.

You've been together for so long.

You two clearly adore each other and are so good together.

And it's perseverance.

Right.

In that moment,

You made a choice and it's turned out so beautifully.

Would you agree?

Yeah,

It's been great.

I mean,

I got to live my dreams of competing all over the world,

Like all over the country,

I guess,

All over the world.

Not yet.

Maybe one day in Japan.

But,

You know,

I got to compete in California,

Texas,

Colorado,

Just in awesome places.

And I got to achieve my dream,

Even though it was for a few months to be a pro wrestler.

And,

You know,

I met so many cool people on there.

You know,

It's funny,

Like I would think being on the road would exhaust me,

But that was my favorite part on it.

It was just being in a car with three other people,

Just going through those long trips and it's just that camaraderie.

I even know the jujitsu community is amazing.

The pro wrestling community,

It feels a lot more tight knit just because it felt very survive.

Like it was just a survival out there.

And it was just so much fun getting to know like Gypsy Mac,

Dante King,

Those pro wrestlers,

Gino Rivera.

You know,

Those guys were just so fun to be around.

And even though like it's a rough life out there,

Especially when you're like sore after a match,

Driving 10 hours back and then dealing with traffic.

It's been it was it was fun.

And yeah,

I'm glad I kept walking just for that reason.

And it's funny because now looking back when I read more like Albert Camus and read more about absurdism,

You know,

I do feel that now at this point,

I guess I learned my lesson.

And it is true.

Like life is meaningless in a way because and there's just I liked his philosophy behind it,

Though,

And it's that there's three ways of dealing the meaningless in life.

And it's one,

Of course,

He says the first one is suicide where you just end it.

Second is faith,

Which is a philosophical,

Philosophical suicide,

In his opinion.

And then there is just living life to the fullest.

You know,

And put that meaning in your life because we're looking at it as more of a canvas than something that it's pessimist is more of an optimistic view of how meaningless is life.

So just enjoy every moment of it,

You know.

And I think my podcast would fall in that third category.

Yeah,

Absolutely.

Yes,

I was raised Pentecostal.

Yeah,

My dad is actually Catholic.

My mom is Pentecostal.

Well,

It was Pentecostal.

And it was it was a little bit intense in a way.

Of course,

She transitioned to being Protestant.

And then my dad wasn't really mostly in religion,

Wasn't really religious when I was growing up.

I just dreaded going to church on Sundays.

I remember being a kid going like,

Come on,

It's Sunday.

Just let me sleep in.

I do not want to be forced to going into this building where people are talking in tongues.

And,

You know,

Like it's for me,

It's for me.

It's a it's a like I'm not knocking any religion.

I just felt like it wasn't something that I fit right into,

Especially I went to a Christian school in back in my hometown in Aguadilla.

And I just saw the ugliness in organized religion.

And there's an ugliness in every industry.

And there's a beautiful side of it,

Because when it comes to organized religion,

There's also community,

You know,

And where you can find people that believe in the same things as you do.

I mean,

I'm here like I can't be knocking on religion where jiu jitsu guys are the same thing.

You know,

We're we're all wearing spandex meeting at a certain time.

And you can't really spell culture without cult,

You know,

So jiu jitsu culture is a thing.

But I was never really a religious person,

Especially being forced to learn Bible verses and stuff like that.

There is there are things that I do see interesting with the Catholic religion,

Especially reading Frank McCourt,

Angela's Ashes.

I was just like,

Oh,

I'm actually interested in seeing like this.

And,

You know,

There's a lot of good stories in the Bible.

There are a lot of great life lessons to learn from it.

I just never thought it was something that I could relate to.

And,

You know,

Now I look back as,

You know,

Like especially in the 90s,

Like being homophobic was such a normal thing.

And,

You know,

I remember my mom was just like always like if there was like a gay scene on TV,

She would turn it off and she was like always against it.

And I felt like she didn't really get to know herself because of that organized religion and because of her mother.

She got married at 17.

No one knows themselves at 17.

I don't I'm 30 and I barely know myself right now.

And then now when she came out to me when I was like in 2017,

It made everything made sense.

Absolutely.

I had no idea that you grew up Pentecostal.

How fascinating.

I've always wondered what that's like to go to a church where they speak in tongues.

It sounds so intriguing,

But also slightly scary for me.

So,

Yeah,

It was very frightening as a five year old.

I can't imagine.

Did they have were there snakes as well?

Not that I remember.

OK,

I mean,

There are probably people that I consider snakes,

But that's so interesting.

You know,

Obviously I know about your mother,

But now,

You know,

Just hearing the story helps me to understand her a little more and kind of her journey.

And I can't even imagine getting married at 17 like that.

Just I was so I was just thinking this morning about being 18.

My dad took me on this trip for like a year and a half.

And I was like,

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

My dad took me on this trip for like three and a half weeks to Bangkok in Bangladesh.

And,

You know,

Now when I look at 18 year olds,

I mean,

I they're so sweet,

Right?

They're like so innocent and young and they they have this optimism about the world.

And they have no clue what they're talking about when they are like,

I know it all.

But I can't even imagine.

I mean,

I thought to myself when I was that age,

I was like,

I know everything.

But looking back,

I'm like,

I knew nothing.

So I can't imagine being 17.

Right.

Getting married.

I mean,

That is crazy.

Mm hmm.

Wow.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

I mean,

You understand my mother a lot more,

Too.

I mean,

She kind of like I mean,

She had a childhood,

But she kind of missed part of her childhood because I would imagine she'd have to grow up pretty quick.

Actually,

I don't think she ever had a childhood.

Her mother was very abusive.

She was in charge of taking care of her little brothers.

And she got married at 17 to escape that.

That makes a lot of sense.

OK,

Now I understand.

Then having this kind of this life of adventure.

Talk about leaving your home and like seeing the world.

That's just what a huge leap.

That's actually very courageous.

And I'm impressed.

Yeah,

For real.

Being from a small town in Puerto Rico where there is,

I mean,

Still to this day,

There's not really much signal there.

And,

You know,

She saw Europe.

She learned German to work at a McDonald's.

And she she adapted like a monster.

My mother,

Even though we're close now and I mean,

We're always close,

But we are always bumping heads.

And it was because like we're so alike in a way.

And but it's crazy because when my father was deployed,

When he was like gone for like months,

She was the one that was taking care of me.

And she had that she had to take on a single mother role,

Even though they were still together at the time.

But she she did so much for me.

She was always the one that said,

You're capable of doing whatever you want in life.

She taught me perseverance.

She she was always a great writer.

She was always a great singer.

She was always she she was someone that had a lot of optimism in life.

And,

You know,

Of course,

As I said,

We bumped heads a lot,

But I'll never I can never forget the things she has done for me.

And I wouldn't be who I am because of her.

I have to say,

I think it's nothing like magical,

But I think it's something magical about friendship.

And there was this guy,

His name was Enrique Oramas.

He was he's one of my tattoo artists and he was such a an artist.

He went to school for art.

And unfortunately,

Due to his addiction,

He got he had to leave the art school and go back to his hometown.

So when I met him,

I was just drinking at a bar and my other tattoo artist introduced me to him and then we were just drinking and talking.

And then,

You know,

The song Hotel California came on at the bar.

He knew the words and so did I.

We bonded over that,

Especially in Puerto Rico.

Not many people would bond over that song.

But then there was this one time I was asked to do a favor for the other tattoo artist,

Johnny,

And it would be like at seven in the morning after I get out of a shift.

And Enrique was just like,

Dude,

I'll go with you.

So we drove for three hours to San Juan.

And and when I met we he was it was a joke because I was sleep deprived and we,

You know,

We talked about our lives and we talked about just our upbringing.

And he was such a brilliant mind when it comes to just paints,

Paintings and artists.

And he wanted to be a professor of the history of art.

And he was someone that took me out of my shell and made me realize that I was an artist myself,

But in a different outlet.

So I was he was showing me that school where we were in San Juan,

Where we're doing our stuff that we had to do over there.

And then we got back.

This was actually a New Year's Eve.

So we have to like stay up all night,

Too.

So we're both like pretty tired.

And we got back.

It was like a 6 p.

M.

We were falling asleep at a local pizza hut.

That's where you could like dine in.

But after that,

I got really close to him.

So then,

You know,

We became really best friends.

And this was like a year or two before he was just like,

Dude,

Let's move to Colorado.

Let's like let's leave this island.

Let's start like a life over there.

Like,

Let's just start from zero there.

And I was like,

Dude,

I am so down.

So we're actually saving money to go to Colorado.

And he this is why I.

I don't know,

It's kind of like this we're survivors guilt,

But he was arrested for just carrying like not even a gram of weed in his pocket.

Like he was just buying that and he got arrested for that in Puerto Rico.

And he was in jail.

And because of that,

He had to be on parole for a few years.

So he wasn't able to leave.

And it was funny because he was the one that introduced me to the girl I was dating at the time,

Too.

So like all these life events happen.

I moved to Colorado.

He stayed,

Of course,

Because of parole.

Then the hurricane happened.

And this was like three months after I moved to Colorado.

And when the hurricane happened,

I was just like,

Dude,

Like,

Please,

Like move up here and call up to Colorado.

Like we said,

Like we can have that life.

Sorry.

It hurts like it was yesterday.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

But,

Uh,

Sorry.

He,

Uh,

He was still struggling with addiction and I didn't know it.

And,

Uh,

Unfortunately,

He overdosed.

He was just caught with a needle in his arm and just sleeping.

And,

Uh,

You know,

It was just,

You know,

In an odd way,

It shows how fragile life is.

Like,

Who knows?

Like I could just walk out and something like I get struck by lightning,

Even though it's not raining out there.

It just shows like how fragile life is and how,

Like I said,

Meaningless it is in a way where he was a beautiful human being.

He was someone that I considered a brother,

You know?

And there are dreams that I see crows flying.

Because for some reason he was just so close to that bird.

He loved crows so much.

And I write poems about it,

About crows because of him.

And,

You know,

I look out the window where I'm sitting in right now and there's always like crows on the trees.

And,

You know,

As much as I can't really say don't believe in anything because like with energy you can't create nor destroy it.

But I always felt like his energy is just those birds just making sure that I'm all right,

You know?

He always lived life to the fullest.

And I always joke about this.

You know,

He died doing what he loved.

That's what he loved.

When you have a love like that or a friendship like that,

I like to imagine that the person wants to make sure that you know that he's okay.

Yeah.

And I'm not surprised.

I also think it's interesting that I have an animated series called Murder of Two,

Which is about two crows talking about humanity and you are going to be a voice actor in it.

Yeah.

I think that's so interesting.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's funny.

I feel like that bird kind of follows me because like even the coffee sponsorship has a crow and a raven as their logo.

And it's just like,

It just feels like that bird just follows me.

So I need to get a tattoo of it soon.

Well,

It's like it's become your totem or,

You know,

Like your psychopomp.

And I think that's really fascinating.

It's like you've been adopted by a crow.

Does that make sense?

Yeah,

It does feel that way.

Crows are very powerful.

They,

In some indigenous spirituality,

They stand at the crossroads of fate and they can see both behind and forward.

So it's kind of the only animal that knows all things.

And it's a really auspicious animal to have as a totem or as a psychopomp.

So.

It's funny because even the last song I listened to while I was in the terminal in Puerto Rico was Blackbird by the Beatles.

You can't get away.

I can't get away.

I can't get away.

Thanks,

Everyone,

For listening to this episode of the podcast.

I'd love to thank my guest Gian Carlos for being so open and vulnerable and telling this precious story.

I don't think it matters how long these people are in our lives,

But sometimes even the shortest friendships can have the most profound effects.

I wish that for each and every one of you,

That each of you has a dear friend that in some way changes your life.

I need to thank the creators of the music used for this episode.

Sasha End,

Reej B,

Edvardas Send,

Alexander Nakarada,

Henry T and Musicelfiles.

For complete attribution,

Please see the Bite-Sized Blessings website at bite-sized-blessings.

Com.

On the website,

You'll find links to change makers,

Artists,

Books and other cool things that I hope will lighten and brighten your day.

Thank you for listening.

And here's my one request.

Support me on Patreon.

I'm just kidding,

But I'm not kidding.

Even at the lowest subscription level,

$3 a month,

If enough people subscribe,

It'll build up and help make the cost of this podcast a little more manageable.

Now,

Thank you for listening.

And here's my one request.

Be like Giancarlos.

Live in the mystery.

Live for those you love.

Believe in people,

Support them,

Lift them up,

Never knowing how that one comment,

That one interaction,

That one exchange with someone else might change their entire world.