Storytime: Experiences Beyond The 3D Realm For All Of Us

What do we do with the experiences of oneness, divine connection, or simply things we can't explain that go beyond our 3D understanding of the world? Here, I will share experiences that definitely cannot be explained in simple words. Plus, we will chat about how each of us can use our own "glimpses into the beyond" to truly expand our spiritual selves here in the world.

Transcript

So today we're talking about it's storytime.

In many of my talks I've often referenced different times in my life where I've had experiences that were quite beyond the norm,

Whether it was making love in the astral plane or having experiences that were out of body and yet in the body and something beyond description.

And a number of people asked,

You know,

Could you go deeper into that?

Could you tell those whole stories,

Not just in the reference of whatever topic we were talking about?

So that's what was the birth of this talk.

And so I was sitting here this morning thinking about,

Because I have all kinds of stories about really things I can't explain.

And I was asking,

I always ask myself,

So why do we want to do this talk today?

Why is this of any value to anybody?

You know,

It's one thing for me to have had all these wild experiences,

But why is it a value to anyone?

And what really dawned on me is these experiences I'm going to share.

And I know that,

You know,

We've all had them and I think it's like we've had them in sometimes very tiny ways,

Sometimes in full blown.

Wow,

I can't explain anything.

I'm literally having a Kundalini awakening or something.

But it's beyond explanation.

And these moments that are beyond explanation.

I think for every one of us,

Our little hooks into what is actually reality.

You know,

It takes us beyond the 3D perception,

It takes us beyond what our language can describe because sometimes if our language can't describe it,

We don't think it's real.

You know,

Or if it can't be explained by the prevailing science that is accepted,

It must not be real.

I must be crazy.

I must have made it up.

I must have been imagining it.

I must,

There must be something wrong with me.

Why hasn't anyone else experienced this?

So we second guess our very experience here.

And it can be subtle,

Like it doesn't have to be something you know that's book worthy or mind blowing.

And I think what's really beautiful about when we start to experience these things and allow them to be real,

Even if we can't explain it,

It opens each one of us up to who we really are.

And I think this is really important.

So for example,

I think it's also important to know that sometimes we think that only yogis or people up in the Himalayas or whatever have these out of body experiences because they're meditating and they're separate from the world and they're able to just,

You know,

Be completely one with the divine or something.

But I believe they're meant to happen in our everyday life.

And I think the answer is simply listening within to these subtle things.

One of the first experiences I ever had that really opened me up to this is the story I tell in my book,

What if You Could Skip the Cancer?

And in that story,

If you're not familiar with it,

It's a true story.

Back in 1999,

I had breast lumps,

And I met a teacher,

This guru.

He hates when I call him the guru,

But he was.

And he,

At the end,

The final chapter,

I'll tell you what happens in the end of the book,

Is the lump in my,

It was in my left breast,

Was actually about an inch,

It had moved out.

Through over the course of a couple months,

It had moved out through my breast and was actually sticking out just below the nipple,

Right?

About,

I don't know,

Almost an inch out.

And it was,

I was in a lot of pain.

It was real.

I was having these like electrical shocks going through my body all day long.

I had sent my children away to my dad's because I really,

They were only two and four years old.

And I really couldn't care for them.

And I was just,

But I was,

It was really a journey of faith,

Of listening within and trusting every single step,

No matter what,

No matter.

I didn't share my journey with people.

There were very,

Very few people who knew what,

That knew what I was going through,

Because I didn't want any external influences.

This was between me and God.

This was between me.

And even I'm saying that,

And I know that word can be really loaded.

But for me it was loaded too.

Because before that experience,

I had studied religion.

I had been raised,

My grandfather was a minister,

My uncle was a minister,

But I personally had huge issues with the entire religious community and the whole structure and institution.

And so part of my journey was undoing all the fury within me and being able to actually embrace something I couldn't explain,

Yet felt true.

So this was my journey was to shut out all the other influences and just listen.

And that meant at this point of my journey,

I was in a lot of pain.

I had this weird growth now moving outside of my body.

And I,

I just didn't even know what to do but I just knew I had to take and my mom had just died four years before that of breast cancer and her mom had died of breast cancer and so I definitely had a history of this that I was trying to undo.

Right.

And anyway,

One day,

I was lying in the bathtub,

Which was no small thing because I was in a lot of pain and it sort of was like this systemic pain like it wasn't just in the breast it was through my whole body.

And I was trying to get up out of the tub to stand up.

And I was kind of like clutching the sides and I stood up and all of a sudden,

The breast just opened.

And this lump just opened and it just coursed out of me,

And it's kind of gruesome,

The rest of my talk won't be this gruesome.

But,

And it was just like pus and blood and flesh,

All this stuff just pouring out of me.

And I stood there and my being,

It was the first time I'd ever experienced anything like it.

I wasn't in my body anymore.

And I don't know whether you call it nirvana.

I have no words,

Right.

But I just literally went into this state of being.

And I stood there.

And it turns out later I was I had been there for three hours.

I didn't know because there was no time there was no anything.

But it was so warm and so loving.

And the words that were in my mind.

And again,

I repeat it as if I repeated these words over and over again,

But I don't think that's how it was.

It was almost like these words were in my consciousness.

But I was just sitting in the stillness of this no time,

No space and the words were by the grace of God.

Which aren't words I would ever have used.

I don't know that I ever even those words ever passed through my mind.

Far too religious for what I would have ever imagined.

And when it was all over,

My breast was practically gone.

Like it had just completely released my whole system.

And what was really weird is up until that point,

Because I know you want to know this.

Is that both my breasts had always had a lot of lumps in it in them.

Like my whole family,

Like we're sort of that family where all the women die of cancer.

Right.

So always having to go for mammograms.

But they never know which lumps to check because there's so much matting in our breasts.

Right.

And before this happened,

I used to have to wear like three or four bras just to actually do sports or anything.

Because my they were so much pain all the time in my breasts.

Well,

The wild thing is after this happened,

After the lumps were gone.

The lumps were gone in both,

I was going to say all my breasts.

All eight of them.

But they were gone in both of them.

Like it cleared my whole system of something.

But the wild thing about this experience,

This thing that happened,

This three hour out of body,

In body,

Out of time,

Out of space experience.

It wakes you up to something that you can't explain.

Like it's almost like it's a it's that.

What's that Leonard Cohen saying?

It's the crack that lets the light in.

You know,

It's that shift that says,

Oh,

No,

What you've been told is not nearly complete.

You know,

These beliefs that that confine us,

That make us believe that the world is small and scary and beyond our our.

I don't know,

Beyond joy and all these things.

It's not true.

And that's what these experience do.

They just open up something that make me realize I'm not so smart.

I have no idea what's going on in the world.

And and I think this is what's beautiful is once we sort of embrace it and we can't embrace it like a theory.

I didn't tell anybody like I didn't write the book.

What if you could skip the cancer for another 10 years?

That experience happened in 1999.

What if you could skip the cancer came out in 2009?

I couldn't tell the story.

I didn't I didn't even know what story I was telling because it wasn't founded on solid science.

And that was probably the big my big first awakening to that.

The next story I want to tell you is it happened after I was separated from my husband.

And for those of you that don't know,

I was married for 20 years and children and farming and all kinds of interesting journeys and segues in life.

And I had a partner after that and he wasn't into into spirituality or yoga or anything like that.

He couldn't even say yoga.

Yoga was just for weirdos.

Like I was strange attraction to people who have absolutely no interest in spirituality.

I don't know why.

It's like maybe it's the compliments,

Complimentary attraction or something.

But anyway,

He wasn't into anything like this.

Very entertained by me and my world.

But personally,

He wasn't into it.

One day,

One night I was lying in bed.

And I'm just like lying there and all of a sudden I could smell his breath.

I was like lying there thinking.

It's weird,

You know,

And I had never even identified that people's breath smelled differently.

Like it wasn't it wasn't like that.

I think even having been married for 20 years,

I was kind of used to only smelling this guy's breath that close.

Right.

Like who do you ever smell their breath that closely?

Right.

And but this was definitely this this man's breath.

So and I'm not clairvoyant.

I don't see auras.

I don't see spirits.

I don't see anything like that.

Lots of people have beautiful gifts of clairsentience and clairvoyance and and I don't have that.

So this is not within my normal.

This is not within my wheelhouse.

Right.

And I was lying there and I so I kind of just relaxed my eyes a little.

Right.

I didn't kind of know what I was doing,

But I just sort of relaxed my eyes and suddenly I could see his face.

And of course,

I'm open to the fact that I'm making this up right at the time.

Like I'm like,

Well,

Even if you're making it up,

At least it's a really vivid fantasy.

You know,

This will be fun.

Who knows what's really happening,

But you know,

I'm just lying in bed.

May as well.

May as well try.

Anyway,

So of course,

I kind of continue with the fantasy and I decide to start kissing him.

So I'm kissing him.

And then all of a sudden he kissed me back.

It wasn't like I was like,

OK,

I can't make that up.

Like he did something that I wouldn't have done.

Like it wasn't within my fantasy.

Like the fantasy was doing his own thing.

And I was like,

That's weird.

So then I thought,

Well,

Like,

Can we do more than this?

How far can this fantasy go?

So,

Of course,

We made love.

And it's not that I was moving my body.

It was all in the energy world.

I was just if you had just seen me,

I would have just been lying there.

Right.

Anyway,

So we make love.

It's all awesome and epic.

And that's it.

I fall asleep.

So the next day I text him and I was like.

Because I didn't I wanted I there was this I had a sneaking suspicion that this was more than a fantasy.

So I texted him and I said,

Hey,

So anything weird happened last night?

And he writes back cursing,

Like just what the frickin' bah,

Bah,

Bah,

Bah,

Just cursing,

Going,

I'm going to bed.

And I look on my bed and there you are lying there.

And he's like,

What the hairy bah,

Bah,

Bah,

Just the swear words just flying.

And I and I just and I still didn't want to because I get so now I'm like really entertained.

Right.

That I was not alone or fantasizing this.

And I said,

So like,

What you do?

And he says,

Well,

We made love.

I said,

I know I was there too.

So funny.

And of course,

Afterwards,

You know,

I told people,

Right.

So I was like,

Oh,

You wouldn't believe what happened.

But it was so interesting.

People say,

Well,

What do you think it was?

And I'm like,

I have no idea.

You know,

And I googled it and it was like,

Oh,

It's the astral plane and it's this and it's that.

And the funny thing is,

It happened a couple of times,

But we couldn't make it happen.

Like I didn't know how to.

OK,

Ready?

We're going to.

And we tried.

We'd say things like because it seemed that the place we were in seemed white.

So we kept and we each experienced that.

So we said,

OK,

Well,

Maybe we should try to find the white room.

OK.

Because we weren't in the same in the same home.

So it was like,

OK,

I'm going to at this time,

I'm going to go to bed and I'm going to try to find the white room.

But whenever we tried to do it,

It didn't work.

It was kind of just.

I don't know,

By the grace of God,

I don't know.

I don't understand it at all.

And I think this is something that I've really had to come to peace with is that I don't understand it.

And it's OK.

It's almost like embracing the mystery of life without having to give it names,

Without having to be able to replicate it,

Without being able to teach it,

Without being able to.

You know what I mean?

Like without quantifying it,

It's almost like taking the magic away.

You know,

Or it takes away from the experience because suddenly then when you're in the experience,

You're trying to remember what you're doing so that you can repeat it or something and then you ruin it.

You know what I mean?

It's sort of like being in deep meditation and all of a sudden you realize,

I've done it.

I'm in deep meditation.

But of course,

The minute you go,

Oh,

My God,

I'm in deep meditation.

I'm not in deep meditation anymore.

It's a huge discipline to allow ourselves to experience something we don't understand.

And just experience it without quantifying it,

Recording it,

Even mentally to just be in it.

Right.

So the next story I want to tell you is similar to that one.

But I want to tell it to you in the way that I want to tell it to you right from the beginning.

Because I believe all of these kinds of experiences are here for everyone.

And it's like we all have had little hints,

Little things that have happened that have stored themselves in our soul.

Almost like waiting for later.

So many years ago,

Like,

I don't know how long ago,

But maybe 10 years ago,

I read a book called Aphrodite's Daughters.

And some of you guys have heard this part of the story.

And there was a story in this book.

It was a book of all these women's stories about sort of about like that sort of taste of the divine feminine.

And of course,

This experience is for all genders.

It's not just for women,

But these little tastes that you can't explain.

So there's this one story in there about a nun.

And every night the nun would go to bed,

She would go to her little cot and she would lie perfectly still and wait for God to come to make love with her.

And she knew that if she laid perfectly still,

This would happen.

And at the time,

This wasn't in my reality.

Like at that point,

I was studying Tantra and things like that.

But I hadn't really had a lot of the experiences that that would make any sense in.

And yet it stayed inside of me like it just this story stayed inside like a we'll just file this away for later,

You know.

So then fast forward a few years and I began how I began really practicing tantric lovemaking and live in masculine feminine dynamics and feeling the masculine feminine dynamics in the body.

And for example,

In the feminine,

In the woman,

Our heart center is our positive pool and the our first chakra is the negative pool.

Right.

That's where we receive.

And again,

This can flip regardless of gender.

Right.

I've experienced the other way.

If I'm the masculine partner,

Then my first chakra is the positive pool that gives out and I receive through my heart.

Like it's not necessarily gender specific.

And anyway,

So I had this knowing that,

OK,

The feminine I give through my heart and I receive through my own.

That's interesting.

Right.

And I'd experienced that in lovemaking.

And then I can't even remember why,

How things started converging in together.

And I had this vision of I wonder if that's how it happens with the nun.

And I had had the experience with the with the nun thing before even this masculine feminine thing where I thought,

OK,

I'm going to try this.

I'm going to lie perfectly still in bed and wait for God to come to me to make love with me.

And sure enough,

Not always like sometimes my brain was too active and I just couldn't I couldn't actually lay still.

I couldn't actually come into stillness in any aspect of my being,

Just like when meditation is a challenge.

Right.

But every so often the stars would line up for me and I could lie perfectly still.

And all of a sudden my body would just go into these waves of orgasm,

Like just like you literally just have to breathe deeply just to actually not push it down.

Right.

To actually allow it.

And I was like,

Wow.

And then about a year later,

I started integrating this masculine feminine polarity.

Right.

Like that that giving from the heart and receiving through the yoni is like,

Like,

How far can this go?

So I started playing with that.

And at that point,

I had launched my course called the Radiant Woman,

All about healing women and coming to wholeness.

And I included that meditation in that course,

Like to really experience merging with the divine in the sacred feminine form.

And again,

Regardless of gender.

And so then I actually shared that meditation on Insight Timer.

One of my meditations on here,

One of the older ones is called,

I think it's called Merging with the Divine Feminine or Merging with the Divine for Women or something.

And that is this meditation.

And I thought,

Well,

That's so cool.

So a couple of years ago,

I'm doing it in my travels,

Right?

I'm traveling around the world.

And one of my students who was a man was taking one of my tantra courses in Canada.

And he and I are really good friends.

We actually met like he,

He just,

It's really beautiful.

Like,

Again,

Even meeting people like like you guys,

You just click.

Right.

And sometimes I would just click with students just through their homework.

It's like,

Whoa,

I think we're friends.

And I even stayed with him a couple years ago,

A few years ago,

I gave everything away that I own,

Because I felt called to just travel with a backpack.

And I traveled for a few years for any of you guys who don't know.

And he was one of my first stops because he had really wanted to share tantra with the community.

He was actually gay.

He wanted to share it with the gay community.

And he said,

How do I share this?

And I said,

Well,

Just let me come stay with you for a while and I'll teach you everything you need to know.

I had no idea what I was talking about.

I just knew that that was the call I was meant to go in.

We were supposed to spend time together.

So I actually did know him.

Right.

Not sexually or anything.

Just tantra is not really about sex.

Right.

We just got to know each other.

And anyway,

So I'm traveling around.

I'm actually down in the States.

But I really got thinking about this meditation thinking.

It's got to work for men,

Too.

Right.

It can't just be for women.

So I thought,

I wonder what would happen if you shifted the polarity.

And because in the meditation,

How I do it,

You have to lie perfectly still,

Like our favorite nun.

But with the women,

We receive through the yoni.

Right.

So we receive God's energy,

Whatever you understand that to be.

We receive it through the yoni.

And then I give out through my heart center.

Right.

And I feel this beautiful and it's almost like it takes that orgasmic energy and and moves it through the body as opposed to just sort of lying there.

Right.

I thought,

What if we flipped it and allowed it to go the other way that the men would receive it through the heart and give out through the vajra.

Like,

What if that happened?

So I and he and so this guy and I,

We were chatting on the phone.

And of course,

He's in Canada.

I'm in the States.

And I said,

Would you do me a favor?

Like,

Would you do an experiment with me?

I said,

I have this idea.

And so I explained this whole thing,

Although all the meditation,

All the way back to the story about the nun.

And I said,

What if we flip the polarity and you received the divine energy into your heart and then gave it back out to the world through your vajra?

What would that feel like?

And he's like,

Yeah,

Sure,

I'll do it.

I'll do it.

That'd be awesome.

So that night I'm lying in bed and I'm just kind of lying there and you know,

Falling asleep.

And all of a sudden I can smell someone's breath.

And I thought,

It's weird.

You know,

And again,

I think actually this man,

We'd had this conversation a couple of days before that.

So I wasn't connecting any dots here at all.

And I thought,

I don't even know whose breath that is.

It wasn't a familiar breath.

And I thought,

Huh?

So again,

I kind of relaxed my eyes because why not play,

Right?

I relaxed my eyes and I'm kind of looking and I see my friend in Canada and I'm like,

And again,

I'm not clairvoyant.

I don't see anything.

I can't even see an aura,

Let alone a person lying in bed with me.

And I looked at him and I thought,

That's weird.

And all of a sudden he kissed me.

And I was like,

What?

And next thing you know,

We're making love.

It's like,

Like half of me is like,

OK,

Wait a minute.

This can't be right.

This can't be right on a million levels.

Right.

But anyway,

It was like,

But it was loving and wonderful and joyful and fantastic.

So that's awesome.

And anyway,

So the next day I get a text and he's like,

It's him.

And he's like,

We have to talk.

He says,

You wouldn't believe what happened last night.

I was lying in bed.

I'm preparing to do the meditation.

I'm lying there.

I'm perfectly still.

And I'm literally like,

OK,

I'm ready.

Let's make love.

And he said,

And you showed up.

And again,

I said,

So what did you do?

He said,

We made love.

It was so funny.

And the funniest part of it was we actually were able to kind of continue and play with this a lot.

Right.

And on subsequent nights,

For whatever reason,

Again,

It's not that we planned it.

It just would kind of keep happening.

And I was kind of giggling because shortly after that,

I started seeing a man and we were very serious.

And I,

I didn't quite know how to share that there was this man that I made love with in the astral plane.

Was that cheating?

It was just a whole other.

Yeah.

Beyond understanding.

I had no idea.

It was so funny.

But these experiences,

Again,

I can't explain it.

And what was interesting about that one.

It was really born out of that first little reading out of Aphrodite's daughters.

Right.

This kind of innocuous story of the nun that sort of went in and just sort of,

What if this is possible?

What if that's possible?

What if we mixed this and this?

What if this?

Well,

Let's try it.

And all of a sudden,

We're having experiences that are beyond our understanding.

You know what I mean?

Like it doesn't have to come from a teacher.

It doesn't have to come from a book.

It doesn't have to come from a lineage.

It comes from inside of each of us.

And one of the things that Jim taught me,

My teacher Jim was the guru who hates being called a guru.

And one of the things he taught me when I was sick,

When I was going through the breast lumps journey,

He said,

You need to find new reference points for living.

He said many humans,

What we do is we imagine a reference point like a mooring on a boat tied to a dock.

Right.

That this is what makes us feel safe because we are tied to the dock.

This defines our world.

So oftentimes our reference points might be,

I am a woman.

I am married.

I am an accountant.

I am a mother.

I am.

I have a certain prestige in the community.

I have money.

I have whatever it is,

Whatever it is that defines us,

That makes us feel safe in the world,

But mostly defines us as a human.

Because one of the challenges of having reference points that are in the 3D world,

That are circumstances in this soul's journey,

Is that they're always changing.

Right.

Life changes.

The whole definition of what it is to be alive is to be in perpetual motion and perpetual change,

Perpetual growth.

Right.

And it's like if you if you walk into the woods,

Right,

Everything is always different because it's alive.

And as soon as there's anything in our life that we don't want to change,

We don't want it to grow,

We don't want it to expand,

We don't want it to flourish.

Flourishing means growth.

Right.

And we start holding tight to it.

We stop living.

We become stagnant.

We become,

We die on some level.

Right.

And it isn't that we can't be grateful,

Like let's say we're married and we're perfectly happy.

Well then obviously we don't want it to change.

But are we paying attention to what's really going on?

Are we open to what today brings or tomorrow brings?

Or are we holding fast to something?

Because this is a reference point for how I understand my soul on this planet.

Right.

And of course this has so much to do with learning non-attachment.

You know the Buddhist non-attachment,

Things like that.

That it isn't about not caring about people or not caring about life or not having passion.

But don't be attached to those reference points because they are going to change.

And not only does that attachment throw us off and stop us from growing,

When they change,

We're going to go into massive crisis because they will change.

Right.

Look at even like aging.

Right.

Look how hard we try to try to stay looking like we're 18 or something.

As opposed to going,

You know,

My son always laughs about because I have all this gray hair.

Right.

And he always jokes about that.

He calls them my wisdom threads.

I earned every single one of those pieces of gray hair.

And it's like,

What's wrong with having gray hair?

You know,

What's wrong with being older?

What's wrong with our bodies actually being as old as they are?

Right.

I mean,

I always,

I always,

I love like naturist communities.

Right.

And I always say,

You know,

I'm not afraid of anything that you get to be naked at.

And people often would say things like,

Yeah,

But you know,

You don't want to see all those naked bodies,

You know,

At that age and at that in that state of being whatever.

And I'm like,

Why?

It's like,

It's like my body is literally the picture of everything I've ever been through in my life.

It's the,

I don't know,

Having gained and lost 1000 pounds in my life,

Who knows,

Right?

But it is the body that's brought me through five decades of life.

How awesome is that?

Right.

So to have attachment to the body not aging is weird,

Right?

I get talk about stagnation and frustration.

Right.

So this is where Jim said we need to find different reference points.

We need to find eternal reference points.

Because when we find these are these moments,

These are these,

Like for me,

This might be,

You know,

You know,

Making love with my friend in the astral plane,

But it doesn't have to be and it certainly wasn't like that.

1999,

20 some odd years ago,

When,

When that all happened with me,

I had had no such experiences.

And he said,

You have to find new reference points in life.

And it was simply things like lying under the stars.

And when your whole being knows you're part of something bigger,

Something beyond your mind,

Knowing that my soul is here,

Regardless of whether I'm married,

Or I'm a mother,

Or I'm on the farm,

Or this soul exists regardless.

And it's almost these moments where we experience that soul,

That eternal soul,

And it can be watching a sunset or a sunrise.

It can be making love.

And it's interesting the whole making love thing because this is truly one of my great calls to Tantra.

It's like when I was first married,

Or even for most of my marriage.

Again,

We had the perfect 3d marriage.

Right,

We had it,

We were literally that perfect couple,

Great business part,

Like we really worked well together.

You know,

We had great kids,

We had the boy and a girl with the whole million dollar family,

Whatever you want to call it,

Right.

But I deeply knew my soul knew there was so much more possible between two people,

Even though what we have is what we're supposed to want.

Right,

When we split,

People were like,

What?

Like if you guys split,

There's no hope for any of us.

Because we really,

We were just that really friendly,

Loving couple.

But I was like,

There's more.

And he just,

You know,

That wasn't his journey,

Right?

I was meant to go off and,

You know,

Have astral sex with strangers.

No,

They weren't strangers.

Maybe that's what's coming next.

Who knows?

And but then when I went in,

So and that's why when Tantra became the answer to that prayer,

Because that's,

This is the magic of being human.

Right,

For every single one of us that all we have to do is ask a question.

And we really do get answers.

But this is where we have to sort of break apart that systematic thinking that says,

The answer is going to look like this.

I mean,

Maybe the answer was just that little thing I read.

And then I just had to have the patience to know that it would eventually fit in as other pieces came.

But there's sort of a great piece in knowing that.

Well,

That's an interesting question to ask.

We'll let that float around in the ethers for a while or a decade.

Who knows?

And in the meantime,

We will continue to live and have interesting experiences.

Right?

Because when we're open to mystery,

We can't plan it.

We don't even know what we're looking for.

We don't even know what the other ingredients are.

So we just have to kind of walk around with this open heart going,

Okay,

Well,

Like,

Let's see what's next.

So Tantra comes into my life and I begin my study and that's a great big long story.

When I really began to experience it in intimacy,

Like I studied the spiritual aspects of it in philosophy for a long time.

And when I finally experienced it in intimacy,

Again,

All I was really doing was bringing.

We were sort of like shaking up that system,

Shaking up that 3D model and even asking the question,

What else is possible?

You know,

And so at the time,

My husband and I,

We went to Jamaica and all we did was say,

Because he didn't know anything about Tantra.

It wasn't his interest.

And I didn't want to be teaching him.

So I just said,

Well,

Let's take ejaculation off the table,

Like no more trying to make each other orgasm and stuff like that,

Because that's kind of a 3D thing.

And I said,

And we'll play with these masculine,

Feminine polarities in the body.

And miracles happened.

Like we had absolutely miraculous experiences that we could not explain.

And there was no rules.

There was no and here's the ritual we performed.

And then we had a seventh chakra awakening or something.

It wasn't like that.

We just played like it was just like playing in the mystery.

Okay,

Well,

What else is possible?

You know,

With piles of passion and fun stuff.

Right.

But in that,

There were these little moments.

And I believe that that's this is one of the things that calls a lot of people to the study of Tantra is that,

You know,

You kind of may have sex,

But every so often there are these little moments of like divine connection with this other person.

And it could be someone who you you're married to or in a long term commitment to.

It could be a one night stand.

It could be a first date off of Tinder.

It could be anything.

But you felt something new.

You felt something different.

And it connected your soul and opened something up in this moment.

And you went,

Wait a minute.

There's something there.

And those moments are the point.

Those are the reference points.

Those are the things that never change.

Right.

And that's what Jim always said.

He said,

If you find these reference points and that's your mooring,

That's your connection to the doc,

That's what you're doing.

Nothing can shake you.

Right.

Whether you age,

Whether you're in relationship,

Not a relationship,

Whether that's your job,

Whether you have money,

Whether you don't have money,

Whether people know you or they don't know you,

It makes no difference.

Because your reference points are internal.

When I close my eyes,

I know who I am from these tiny memories of my eternal self.

And then I become free to experience this world from that place.

You know,

Then it's like we really do become that spiritual being having a human experience.

And we kind of go,

Whoa,

You know,

And if things are difficult,

We are able to have that witness mind and watch ourselves with great compassion saying,

Wow,

This is really hard.

But we don't lose ourself in it.

Because we have these reference points.

We still remember who we are.

I think that's why it's really valuable to even just as an exercise for all of us to just simply sit down and one day,

I did a video many years ago called my mystical experiences.

And I just talked about a bunch of these experiences,

But it was really valuable for me to actually just itemize them and go,

Whoa,

Yeah,

There was that.

Yeah,

There was that.

Because sometimes we define our life based on the 3D experiences.

Sometimes the good days,

But often it's the traumas and the hard days that we believe that this person I am today is the accumulation of all of those experiences.

But what if I'm even also the experiences that I can't explain?

Like what an interesting weaving we become,

Right?

What an interesting tapestry we become that,

Yeah,

There were those years on the farm.

Then there was the ecstatic lovemaking.

And then there was this other time,

Right?

And then there was this moment when I have this friend and we've been friends for,

I don't know,

25 some odd years,

Maybe longer.

Probably 30 years.

And she's a complete atheist,

Right?

Like just we are worm food when we die.

There is no point in anything that happens.

So for many years we have really difficult conversations because of course I'd be like,

There's got to be purpose in this.

Let's look at this.

And she'd say,

There's no purpose,

Katrina.

For God's sake,

Get your head out of here.

And then eventually we kind of came to this realization that we just really live in different worlds.

So if we were having a deep conversation,

She would actually say,

All right,

Katrina,

Whose world are we going to discuss this in?

Because we don't really actually have common ground,

Right?

One day she was,

I don't know,

Maybe 10 years ago,

She was climbing Machu Picchu and she got to the top of the mountain and she was sitting on the edge looking at the beautiful vista and something happened.

And she sent me an email and she said,

Don't read into this,

But I have to tell you,

I was sitting at Machu Picchu and I was looking out,

Something went through me.

And I have an idea.

I know what you're talking about when you talk about God.

She said,

But we're never talking about this ever again.

And we never talked about it ever again.

But it was so funny.

But it's those moments,

Right?

I remember reading the book Tantra Quest,

I think by Daniel O'Dier and the story of he goes to find this tantrica to study with.

And at one point she says to him,

She said,

What was your moment of tantric awakening or spiritual awakening or something like that?

And he said,

Well,

I don't know.

I don't think I've had one.

And she said,

You wouldn't have come to find me if you hadn't had one.

Right.

The very fact that we're on this path that we're seeking this means we've had moments where the fabric was broken open and the light came through.

And her whole teaching was every single practice you do,

Every meditation,

Every choice you make must be founded on that moment that you don't understand.

That's your beginning.

That's the foundation of your growth on your spiritual journey.

Without that,

If you don't focus on that,

You're just studying on sand.

Right.

It has no foundation.

We can't have a spiritual journey founded in the 3D model.

Right.

We experience our spirituality within the 3D world.

But that's not the foundation of our growth.

It is in these moments that we cannot explain.

The other beautiful thing I want to share is that when we've had these little reference points,

We've had these experiences.

And even if we remember the tiniest thing,

It can be a moment when someone said something to you,

And it just filled you with joy,

And it filled you with love.

And you'll never forget that moment.

When you focus on that,

And then we go out into the world.

It's like we've heard a note,

Like we've heard a musical note.

And all of a sudden we start to hear that musical note out in the world.

And we hear it over there and we hear it over there.

Like we become attuned to it.

We become attuned to that frequency.

And suddenly we see it everywhere.

And we also know where it when it's not there.

Like it somehow becomes part of our navigation through the world.

And I think this is when life gets really interesting.

This is when we really get to start expanding on that seed within each of us.

And it's interesting when then because then what happens is you go and you find people,

You find kindred spirits just like everybody here,

Who have also felt that they've heard that note.

They felt that frequency before.

And then you're walking down the street with them and someone says something and you kind of just look at each other and you go.

And you don't even have to say anything.

Because you both heard the note.

And it's there's something about it.

There's something about looking into someone's eyes and going,

Oh,

You've heard the note too,

Huh?

And there's no words.

You just know it.

And it just makes life so interesting.

So I have one other story to tell you.

I've told you guys some of this story.

I've told you this story before.

Some of you guys.

About five years after the lumps left.

I was on the farm.

My kids were,

I don't know,

Six and eight or five and seven.

You know,

That age that they like to fight about nothing.

And I don't know,

Things were hard on the farm.

I was exhausted.

It was difficult.

And I'd had a day and I just said I.

The kids were fighting and I just couldn't do it anymore.

So I walked out of the house and we had this wraparound porch.

And I sat down on the porch and we had the laneway that kind of went out to the road.

And then these maple trees along the lane way.

There was this one maple tree that had this low hanging branch.

I'll never forget.

It was like low and it kind of went out and up as if you would sit on it.

Right.

And I just sat there in total despair.

Like genuine.

I can't fathom how I can ever change anything.

How am I ever.

I didn't imagine I'd ever get off the farm.

I didn't imagine we would ever things would ever change.

I just I was just at the end of myself and I just kind of looked up at the heavens and said,

I give up.

I don't I don't even know what to do.

And all of a sudden this.

Cool breeze just floated down over me.

Just it just that's all the best I can explain it was a cold shower of air just floated down through my body.

And my whole body just went into this.

I can't even explain it.

All I know is this cool thing.

And I just sat there almost like it's like when you're in the shower and you just feel the water flowing over you and you're just experiencing the water.

And then all of a sudden you realize you've been in the shower for half an hour.

It's kind of like that.

Anyway,

I'm sitting there.

And I have I can't explain it.

I just know that it sort of felt like I was floating above the above the lawn.

But what I remember the most was this amazement almost like a lucid dream because I was so amazed that I could experience.

All of time,

All of space,

Every person on the planet,

Every experience of my life,

It was all happening in that moment.

But it wasn't overwhelming.

It was almost like my brain is designed for this time space continuum.

It's almost like we are filled with infinity.

But we're meant to be on the earth experiencing it chronologically in this incarnation only.

And it's almost like our brain is designed with that pre wiring to say,

No,

No,

No.

You are Katrina boss.

You are five seven.

You live in Canada.

This is your incarnation this time.

And it's the only experience you're going to have.

It's almost like that is the role of my brain is to hold this incarnation solid.

But as soon as it's gone,

I get to experience my infinite self.

And it's easy.

Like it's effortless.

It's no,

You don't have to try.

It's bizarre to be able to say that I can hear seven billion people talking at the same time.

And yeah,

Like,

It's nothing.

It's so easy.

And I remember being lucid enough in it,

Observing that thinking,

Wow,

This is bizarre.

And I could hear my kids arguing kind of it was sort of muffled.

Like I could hear them,

But it was sort of muffled.

But it didn't bother me.

I wasn't upset about it.

I wasn't all emotionally loaded like I was when I was.

I don't know,

In this brain.

So I'm floating around.

This is how it felt.

I was floating around the lawn,

Just kind of in this amazement that I could experience all things.

This interesting feeling.

It was kind of like the matrix.

Like it felt like that.

Like,

Like there was this information just coming down through me like this.

And then next thing you know.

And I,

Of course,

My physical body is still sitting on this porch with my feet down on the steps.

Right.

Sorry.

And then all of a sudden,

My husband comes walking out behind me,

Sits on this big Muskoka chair,

This Adirondack chair.

Behind it,

Behind me with a beer.

He sits the beer down on the on the on the arm.

On the arm and says.

What are you doing?

I will never forget the distance between where I was floating above the lawn and him like my 3D reality saying,

Hey,

What are you doing with a beer?

I just didn't know what to do.

And then this realization came to me that I had to come back.

I had to somehow get back into that body.

And I didn't quite know how to do it.

And I didn't kind of know if I wanted to do it.

But I knew I was supposed to go back.

And it really did feel like,

You know,

The genie having to squish back into the into the bottle right into the lamp.

But it was really painful.

And I remember as I was sort of squeezing in,

My body started to cry like my eyes started to tear.

And I just looked at him and I said,

I'm somewhere else right now.

And I don't know how to walk between these worlds.

And luckily,

This was only a few years after the breast lumps and he had come to all my most of my sessions with Jim.

So he was really used to kind of this different world I was now playing in or navigating or how I was perceiving the world.

He wasn't it's not his wiring,

But he he understood that I was in a different world.

So this wasn't a huge shock to him.

He just kind of went,

Oh,

All right.

Bit of a beer and let him let me come back into my body.

And then I mean,

I must have shared it with him once I had words.

But that feeling I can answer to your question that when you feel this oneness and then you get popped out.

My sense is that this is a normal part of the journey.

It's almost like we have these moments and then we come back into reality.

But we just remember the oneness.

It's almost like storing it like that experience.

It can never leave me.

Just like every moment of oneness you experience can't leave you.

It stays in your heart.

It stays in your soul.

And it just it's almost like the story of the nun lying on the bed.

It just sits in there waiting to find a friend,

You know.

And I think it's slowly like osmosis just moves out into different aspects of us.

Like intuitively.

That's my that's my.

It's like,

You know,

When you do energy healing.

You trust that your hands will go where they're meant to go.

You trust that your mind will know what to do next.

And what this is,

Whether you're doing healing on yourself or you're doing healing on another.

You listen and you become a channel.

And it's kind of the same when we have these experiences of oneness.

That we just ask,

You know,

Where do I place this?

What do I do with it?

And the answer comes.

Right?

It's different for all of us.

So thank you so much for being here.

Yeah,

I look forward to seeing you again soon.

I hope you have a wonderful day,

A wonderful evening.

And we'll see you soon.

Reviews

Ohh 😮…… I am so glad you are my teacher. I have no other words 🙏🏻🕊️

What an interesting topic! I always enjoy listening to your experiences and ways of navigating this human life. 🙏🏻🌀💜

Thank you kindly for the lovely offering❣️♾️⚛️
Namaste🙏🏽✨️🖤🪔🕯🕊🌟💫⚘️☄️

I love Katrina’s alternate views on life. Thank you ! ❤️🕯🙏

Soul sister, I’m spending the day allowing the oneness infinite moments to bathe this 3d experience. Deep bow and a giggle!

Thank you for sharing🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻Very interesting, helps me to “place” some of my own experiences. The story of the nun definitely touched me as well🙏🏻🌟🙏🏻🌟🙏🏻🌟🙏🏻

So great...laughed out loud a lot! Lots of food for thought too...loved it.

Wonderful. Thank you Katrina 🙏❤