Healing from a traumatic clinically diagnosed depression with a capital D and mental illness has truly been the gift of a lifetime.
I do not want to sugarcoat the terrible and horrendous torment that I experienced while in the depths of its grips.
I begged for mercy,
And ultimately I received that,
But nothing is guaranteed in the case of mental illness.
There are a lot of unknowns and experimental aspects to trying to get help.
The portal itself of having to accept that you have mental illness is an absolutely demoralizing,
Heart-breaking thing to go through in my experience.
I felt like I had been given a terminal life sentence for doing absolutely nothing wrong,
And there was heartache,
And there was anger,
And frustration,
And downright rage.
I wanted to get at whoever was in charge of all of this who had let this happen to me.
The truth,
Though,
Is we do not know where mental illness comes from,
And the biggest lesson from my healing that I can offer to you is that there is no anthropomorphized male-like deity on a cloud with a beard,
Acting in human ways,
Deciding who will have a nice life and who will suffer.
That alone is the answer to my salvation.
I had a whole bunch of resentment towards the so-called creator of this place and my situation,
And felt like there was no way to access his domain to seek my revenge.
The truth,
Though,
Is that there is no such domain,
And there is no puppeteer pulling all of our strings,
Both the things we so-called choose for ourselves and the things that so-called happen to us.
Knowing this releases all of the fear,
Doubt,
Worry,
Shame,
Rage,
Anger,
And resentment.
We are not victims.
We never were.
We are the creators working in tandem with God itself as the is-ness of this place we call reality.
God in this way is an intelligent life force pervading all things that is not human-like at all and is something much more akin to the terms nature and spirit.
The more we tap into this truth,
The more we tap into our own capacity as an aspect of this God,
This nature,
This spirit,
In order to fully take care of ourselves to the best of our abilities.
Life is full of challenges,
But this does not mean that there is some all-knowing,
All-judging creator who has the capacity to be fickle and vain and woefully decide to punish people he deems not to be up to standard,
As it were.
There is no such creator.
There is creation itself and evidently a life unfolding all around us,
As us,
Through us,
That we get to embody as incarnate beings,
But no one really knows what this place is,
Where it came from,
Or where it is all going.
There is a grand mystery to being itself,
And the more we can lean into this mystery and identify it as sacred,
Including ourselves in that determination,
The more we can alight in God-given potential and really rise into our highest selves,
Which is after all the meaning to life's unfolding and evolution.
It is a symphony,
And we have a fractalized part to play,
Where the part is in the whole and vice versa.
Tap into this subtle yet oh-so-powerful knowing,
And you will see the real you,
Which is love,
Begin to emerge from the catacomb of doubt,
Fear,
Worry,
And shame,
And see the light of Almighty Day,
For which we are born.
Complete the holiness of the day with your very own soul.
This,
My friends,
Is health.
This,
My friends,
Is healing.
This is the God we dream of,
And that is dreaming us.
Awakening from victimhood is the answer to the illusory riddle of time.
You are already home.
You actually are home itself,
In the constitution of your being.
Know this deeply within your existential heart,
And you will know the cosmic flame of life that will burn through all blocks in your life and awaken the sanity in your soul,
Which is nothing but Almighty Nature itself,
Completing the cosmic web of nature itself,
Of God Almighty,
Of Being,
Of Being with a capital B,
Itself,
As our life.
