Another night,
Awake again,
Running through the same questions.
Should I stay?
Should I go?
What if I'm making a mistake?
Am I overreacting to that last argument?
When you can't sleep because you're trying to decide about your relationship,
Maybe you're stuck in a cycle of the wrong questions.
Stop asking,
Should I stay or should I go?
That question will keep you spinning forever.
Start asking these questions instead.
Am I staying because I want to be here or because I'm afraid to leave?
There's a massive difference between choosing to stay and being too scared to go.
One creates possibility and the other feels more like a closed door.
Am I leaving the relationship because it's unhealthy or imbalanced?
Or is it more because I haven't acknowledged the patterns that I'm repeating?
So let's say you shut down during conflict,
Maybe you withdraw,
Or you create your own version of what happened without ever talking to your partner about it.
If this is a problem for you,
It might be beyond the relationship.
It might be more about you not knowing how to navigate conflict or intimacy or vulnerability.
Leaving this relationship is not going to fix that.
The painful truth is you're just going to go on to recreate that with someone else.
You might want to ask yourself,
What am I actually afraid of?
Being alone,
Starting over,
Losing the life that we built.
Hurting somebody that I care about?
All of these can be important factors,
But we want to understand if you're deciding from a place of fear or something that feels like you can move forward in your life.
In a good way.
Before you fall back asleep,
I want you to imagine staying for another year.
How does your body respond?
Not your thoughts,
Your body.
Does your chest open or tighten?
Do you feel a sense of relief or is it more like dread?
Do you feel a spark of hope?
Or is it resignation?
The truth is,
Your body knows often before your mind does.
Here's what I've noticed in the work I've done with clients over the last 20 years.
The decision to stay or go is not one decision.
It's a series of smaller choices.
Can I stay calm when a stressful situation comes up between us?
Do they stay present inside of that important conversation?
Do they show up for repair with honesty and curiosity?
Can I tell the truth about what I need?
Do I feel supported most of the time?
These are all examples of small choices toward connection.
And if they're present in your relationship,
That's something something to notice.
If they're not,
My guess is you already have one foot out the door.
