Nico walked the streets restlessly,
Smoking more than he had in years.
Every time he closed his eyes,
He saw Nathan's face after Lauren confessed.
Nathan had shown up at his home,
Overflowing with rage.
He could feel the betrayal,
The shattering emanating from him.
Nico carried his guilt like a stone,
Lodged between his ribs.
He wanted to run to Lauren,
To make up for when he'd shut down in Europe,
To make up for all that lost time.
But the cost felt unbearable.
The destruction of his brother,
Who had once defended him from their father's fury.
It's as if his guilt could swallow him whole.
He felt this deep in his bones as he lit another cigarette,
Inhaling the smoke into his lungs,
Didn't seem to stop his mind from racing.
He continued walking,
As if one step after the other could take him away from this impossible situation.
Nico flicked his cigarette into the gutter,
His jaw tightening.
He knew he had to face Nathan,
Even if forgiveness was impossible.
The more he turned the story over in his mind,
The more he saw it wasn't just their story.
The betrayal wasn't born the day of the barbecue when he met his brother's new girlfriend,
Shocked to see Lauren again.
His memory immediately leading back to their apartment in Europe,
When he'd fallen in love with her.
This whole mess had been seated long before,
In the silences of their childhood home,
In their father's violence,
In their mother's shame,
The way no one ever spoke about what was really happening.
Nico realized that he and Nathan had grown up breathing in the same unspoken lesson,
That love and hurt were always intertwined,
That somehow loyalty meant silence,
And that needs too big would somehow take the family apart or end it in some sort of destruction.
What they were living now wasn't new,
Was the echo of wounds their parents had never faced.
Nathan carried their mother's grief in his silence,
Her way of turning away when the truth cut too deep.
Nico carried their father's fire,
His hunger for more than what was given,
His willingness to break what was sacred,
When the love felt too big to forget.
Standing there in the dark street,
Nico understood with a clarity that hurt,
None of this began with them,
And none of it would end with them unless they dared to face it.
He hadn't planned on it,
But he ended up at Lauren's.
All of his thoughts and realizations came spilling out.
Lauren listened intently.
The truth landed so hard it knocked the air out of her.
It felt like the right time to share her family constellation experience from the previous weekend.
Nico listened with his usual intensity,
The way she felt heard and understood felt like medicine.
He shared with her that while living in Europe after their breakup,
In all his searching after his father's death,
He'd also experienced a family constellation,
A private session with a facilitator that had been recommended to him by a friend.
They shared how different it was from other things they'd tried before,
Giving a deep understanding,
Releasing long held hurts,
Seeing with a fresh perspective that had released something he hadn't been able to pry loose any other way.
Nico shared that it had given him language for things he'd carried for years,
A depth of understanding that let some of the long held ache finally soften.
They stayed that way,
Looking in each other's eyes,
Realizing that they had both found a truth through the same medicine,
Through a similar approach,
And the depth of understanding they had for themselves in this situation led them into a deep,
Long hug,
One that transcended words.
