Change

In this session, I talk about change. Change can be very difficult for many people, whether autistic or not. For some change can be an exciting and adventurous time. For others, it is the exact opposite. Change is not impossible, it's just that some of us need a little more time than others.

Transcript

Hello to all my neurotypical,

Autistic and Buddhist friends.

It's me once again,

The Autistic Buddhist Joe.

And in this session,

I'm going to talk about change.

Change can be an exciting thing for many people.

And it can be a difficult thing for many people.

For autistic people,

It's a very difficult thing.

Sometimes change can be wonderful,

It can be exciting.

Other times it can be uncomfortable.

However,

As an autistic person,

I need to share with you that for me,

Change is terrifying.

As a Buddhist,

I recognize and accept the teachings of impermanence.

In Buddhism,

Impermanence is change.

Not only does the state change over time,

But things are changing all the time.

As an autistic person,

Change represents suffering and fear.

Because of my autism,

I need a lot more time to process change than other people.

And when I say a lot more time,

I mean a lot more time.

Here's a good example.

I have a routine at work.

I get up,

I perform some tasks,

I get to work,

I set up for the day,

I start the day,

And then my work begins.

The routine is very predictable,

Right down to the minute where one of my colleagues could say it's a quarter to nine,

This is what Joe is doing right now.

When my workplace started to strongly promote and provide resources for working at home,

I became frightened.

I was frightened because my entire work routine from start to finish was going to change,

And it was just too much,

Too fast.

Although the vast majority of my colleagues at work started to work from home,

My workplace still required a few people to be physically present in the office,

And I instantly volunteered to be one of them.

Why?

To maintain my routine and preserve it,

To stop change from affecting me.

So I continued to work in the office five days a week.

There were not many people there,

But at the very least,

My routine was intact.

Now as I'm speaking to you today,

I work from home four days a week,

And I only work at the office one day a week.

Whereas my work colleagues made the change from working in office to working at home within a day or two,

It took me a lot more time,

About nine months.

Think about that for just one minute.

Think about something you can complete in one or two days.

Now consider that that thing that takes you one or two days to complete takes me nearly a year.

To people without autism,

Sounds rather ridiculous and absurd,

And I understand that completely.

But if I had to make that change in a day or two,

The suffering,

Pain,

And resistance that I would experience would be tremendous.

So because of my autism,

I need more time to adjust.

My Buddhist practice helped me a lot with this.

It didn't fix it,

But it helped.

What my Buddhist practice taught me over time is awareness.

Awareness of this process that requires me a lot more time to adjust,

And that has helped quite a bit.

I also learned from my Buddhist practice that when faced with change,

When I am asked to make a change,

I immediately say no.

Here's an example.

Joe,

Do you want to attend this event tomorrow?

No,

I don't.

What I learned in my practice specifically is that no doesn't mean no.

It actually means give me more time.

Give me more time to process the request you're making.

And in some situations,

I have learned to replace the answer no with exactly that statement.

Joe,

Do you want to attend this event tomorrow?

Let me think about that a little bit more and I'll get back to you.

And that has been a significant change in how I react to people when faced with something that is going to change my routine or my plans for the day.

I have struggled with change all my life,

And to a lesser degree,

I continue to do so.

Another aspect of Buddhism that helped me navigate this was the Buddhist teaching of impermanence.

How could a Buddhist teaching like impermanence,

Which states that every being is in a constant state of change,

Help me to manage change?

It helped me in two ways.

First of all,

It allowed me to understand or to become aware of temporary states.

In other words,

Nothing lasts.

In Buddhism,

That is a literal statement.

Truly,

Nothing lasts.

My fear about the change to my work routine did not last.

It took me a little bit longer,

But it didn't last.

My anxiety and suffering around that didn't last.

My desire to continue to work in the office didn't last.

It all came to an end.

So everything,

Including how I felt about it,

Didn't last.

And being aware of that at the very beginning causes me to focus more and be more calm about the issue that I'm being faced with.

Also,

My Buddhist teaching taught me self-awareness.

I am an autistic person and I will require more time to process things than neurotypicals,

Which are people without autism.

I need more time to assess,

To cope and adapt.

I'm not broken.

I'm not deficient.

I just need more time.

For my autistic friends,

Change is difficult.

I know it is.

But anything that helps you,

Whether it's Buddhism or something else,

To navigate that process and the suffering that comes with it is something that you will find beneficial and useful.

So don't be afraid to ask or look for it.

I often remember a phrase I picked up from a movie.

And when I heard it,

It spoke to me so strongly that I often repeat it when dealing with change.

And the phrase is this,

The bells of the temple ring out the sound of impermanence.

There is a truth and a beauty to that phrase that calms me,

Causes me to relax.

You may find or develop a phrase that you can use yourself,

Something that touches your heart that causes you just to take a step back,

Whether it's a big step back or a tiny step back and allows you some comfort,

Creating a space that allows you to pause.

There's two aspects of impermanence in Buddhism.

The first is impermanence of the material world.

It's not necessary to discuss in this session because it speaks specifically to how elements of the material world don't last.

Your brand new cell phone one day is going to be an older cell phone and no longer be beneficial to you.

Same with other possessions.

The other aspect of impermanence that I would like to focus on is the impermanence of mental states,

The impermanent nature of thoughts and emotions.

Let's do a quick exercise together.

Think of something that you want,

Something that will make you happy,

That will bring you a sense of satisfaction.

Now think about getting that thing,

That desire fulfilled.

Think about getting exactly what you thought about.

Now imagine the feeling of happiness that results from you getting what you want.

You thought about something that you wanted,

That you felt would make you happy and you got it.

Now answer this question for me.

How long will you be happy for?

This is the essential point of impermanence.

We believe on some deep level that when we get what we want that our happiness will be permanent,

It will be forever.

And that sounds kind of silly,

But we do think that sometimes.

We cannot envision a time when this state will end,

But the reality of it is that it will end.

It always does.

And I'm not advocating or promoting a sense of nihilism or negativity where everything that happens I look at and say,

Oh,

I got what I wanted.

This makes me happy,

But it's going to end sometime.

So what I am promoting is the ability to cherish those events and those times,

To keep them sacred because they won't last.

Once again,

Thank you for the gift of your time.

I hope that you found something in this session useful.

One short announcement is that I started a group called the Autistic Buddhist.

I'm not very good at technology,

So I don't know if it works or not,

But you can look it up through Insight Timer and you can post there if you have questions or need clarification.

That's where you can go to post messages or you can also connect with each other there.

Again,

If it doesn't work,

Then I'll find out pretty soon and I'll fix it.

Reviews

Nothing truly last, that makes this moment sacred. Thank u for the reminder.

Thank you so much Joe ! Now I'm going to find a personal phrase that reminds me I can handle change better . It's one of the biggest reasons I meditate . 👍🏻🙏🏻

Thank you for such a wonderful honest talk. Truly a talk that needs to be shared and recommended to everyone you know who needs to hear it. Autistic or not.

Thank you for the insight. Thank you also for the example of self-acceptance, basically this is me and I have to make the best of it. This is something we all have to do. Once again, many thanks.

A nice simple discussion on how change can be hard for autists, helped me to accept that and useful to share with neurotypicals who don't understand.

Clear, concise explanation on change through the eyes of Autism, Level I. Invaluable! I want to hear all you have to offer on anything and everything. I loved how you transformed the immediate and nervous “No” response into a recognition of needing more time to process.
My heart was changed instantly as I listened to this simple and humble teaching. 🙏❤️