So I came back from an especially arduous trip from Africa.
It was one of those 36-hour ordeals where I had multiple layovers and delayed flights and I think it was a,
I think it was,
It felt like it was days until I got home.
And finally I got to JFK and I was so happy to just get to my destination,
Which was back to my apartment and to my bed.
And it was pre-Uber days and so I was taking a taxi and I was standing and there was one of those long,
Circuitous taxi lines.
And finally after what felt like an eternity,
I got to my taxi and I was just planning to kind of pour myself in.
And I opened the taxi door and something was strange about this taxi.
There are these beautiful,
I mean absolutely exquisite Persian carpets lining the floor of where the taxi driver had wanted my feet to be.
And there was this ethereal music playing.
It was sitar music.
I can still remember it to this moment.
And the taxi driver had a long white beard and a turban.
And instead of looking in his rearview mirror,
As taxi drivers do,
And asking me,
You know,
Where can I take you,
He turned around and he looked at me and he said,
Where are you going?
And I said,
And I felt my shoulders sort of relax and I said,
I'm going home.
And he looked at me and said,
I will drive you as carefully as I would drive my own daughter.
And that moment,
And well of course I've never seen that taxi driver again.
I never will see that taxi driver again.
I'm sure even me at a taxi driver quite like him.
He really profoundly impacted me because I knew that this taxi driver saw his work as more than just a job.
He saw his work as a calling.
And there's a big difference between our work as a job and our work as a calling.
And of course,
While none of this is disaggregated,
That he needed to make money in order to live,
He also clearly saw that his work was an expression of who he was as a human being.
That he felt a privilege.
I could tell he felt a privilege every day to connect with people on a deeper level and to provide people with safe passage on their way home.
And so this has been an interesting journey for me since that moment and really even earlier on in my career.
But I grew up,
Like many of us,
With that aphorism being told to me as a kid,
Are you going to live to work or work to live?
As if those were our two choices.
Meaning,
My parents of course wanting me never to work to live.
I'm sorry,
Never wanting me to live to work,
Which was I was going to work all the time just to make money and advance and in my spare time be able to do the things that I really wanted to do.
The other option,
Which they much preferred,
Was that I was going to work in order to live so that I could do the things that I wanted to do outside of work.
And that always felt like a really false choice to me.
Because it felt like why can't both things be integrated?
Why can't we both work and live and find meaning in our work in that way?
And so not that long ago I was doing a workshop with a group of very successful human rights activists.
They were philanthropists and social change agents and nonprofit leaders.
And we had this intense,
Very intense day talking about the work that they were doing all over the world.
Really hard,
Really difficult work.
And at the end of the day we were sitting around just having a glass of wine talking about decompressing after this intense workshop.
And I said,
How do you find,
How do you not burn out this work that takes you all over the world every single day,
Day in,
Day out,
And you're seeing some of the most horrific and atrocious atrocities that humans can inflict on each other.
How do you restore yourself?
And it was interesting because they said things like,
Well,
I go to a movie,
I escape into a movie,
Or I take a family vacation,
Or I exercise,
Or I read a book.
And not one person,
Not one person in that group,
All of whom I would say would say that they were working in their calling,
Not one person said that they turned to the work itself as a place of refuge.
Not one of them said that I look at a story of someone whose life I touched.
And it wasn't that they don't do that.
I'm sure they do.
It's just that they weren't mindful of that.
And none of this is disaggregated.
And this is my own story.
I started as a fundraiser 30 years ago.
I know it's hard to believe.
I used to say,
I used to make jokes when I would give talks that I know what you're thinking.
I started when I was 14,
But nobody laughs anymore.
So I guess it actually looks like I could have been doing this for 30 years.
But in any event,
I started as a fundraiser.
And I was working for my little liberal arts alma mater college in Pennsylvania.
And I was really lucky because my college president had himself been a fundraiser.
And he said very wisely,
And I still agree with this,
You cannot raise money sitting behind a desk.
As I recall,
He was sitting behind his desk when he said this.
But nevertheless,
He said,
Go out and make 350 face-to-face visits this year.
We're raising money for a new science building.
Here's the blueprint.
Go.
And he said,
Oh,
And by the way,
You're covering New York City.
I grew up in Pennsylvania and had been out of Pennsylvania exactly one time to go to Disneyland with my family.
But undaunted.
I was undaunted.
I took the blueprint.
I put it in my little,
I had gotten a coach briefcase,
In those hard coach briefcases for a graduation present.
And I just threw myself out into the field.
And I was calling on alumni and parents and friends.
And I'd go into their offices and I'd sit down and I'd make small talk.
And at a certain point,
I'd pull out the blueprint and I'd say,
We really need your help.
Your name goes here.
And I was having no luck.
I mean,
Absolutely no luck.
I wasn't even getting second meetings.
So about halfway through the year,
Halfway through the year,
I remember I was walking up Fifth Avenue and I felt like I had those,
You know,
Those sandbags that they used to stop,
You know,
Flooding.
I felt like I had those,
Like,
Strapped to my arms and my legs.
And that briefcase that had been so full of promise of the new science building felt like it had lead weight,
A lead weight in it.
So I dragged myself up Fifth Avenue to my little,
Tiny,
Nonprofit-sized hotel room.
And I sat down on my bed and I thought,
I hate this work.
I have got to get a new job.
What am I going to do?
What am I going to do as a philosophy and English major in college?
But something wasn't adding up to me.
Something just didn't make sense because I knew for a fact that the people I was meeting with,
They cared about education,
They cared about science,
They cared about technology,
They cared about the leaders of tomorrow,
And I cared about those things too.
So what was the disconnect?
And it was clear to me that the disconnect was that I was putting money at the center of the relationship.
I was putting help at the center of the relationship,
Not work.
And so I made the decision from that moment on,
All these years ago and many,
Many years of doing this work later,
To never again put money at the center of any relationship.
That any time money goes at the center of any relationship,
And I would argue certainly not just the relationship between fundraiser and potential philanthropist,
But between partners and spouses and families and employers and employees and business relationships,
Any time money is at the center of a relationship,
There is going to be a power dynamic that exists where whoever has the money,
Ostensibly has the power,
And whoever is looking for the money is in the supplicant position.
And I never wanted to be in that place because I knew the work I was doing was a calling,
And I knew I was inviting people to join me in that calling.
And it's interesting because I'll get interviewed or people will talk to me and they say,
Oh,
So you're saying money is not important.
And I say,
Of course money is important.
An idea is just an idea unless it gets a resource.
We have to get money flowing toward the work we're doing.
I happen to believe that if we're infusing money with values that we too often do,
Like scarcity,
Empowering,
Control,
It is a much more difficult conversation than if we're infusing money with values like courage and justice and change.
But nevertheless,
Money has to get flowing to the work we're doing.
But the question is,
Where is money?
And so for me,
Money is just the gas that goes in the car.
It's not the car.
It's not the driver and it's not the destination.
And when we get confused and we make money the car or the driver the destination,
We are going to be back in that power dynamic.
And we're going to limit our ability to get work done.
About 10 years ago,
I started a nonprofit with the great music composer,
Quincy Jones.
And we decided to call it the Quincy Jones Music Consortium because the word consortium comes from the Latin word constare,
Which means to stand together.
And that's very different than the word client,
Which comes from the Latin word clientum,
Which means to lean against.
A client relationship is potentially a very fragile place to be,
Right?
Because you're negotiating all the terms of the contract up front and then you're trying to live up to it.
A consortium,
A group of people,
No matter what you're working on,
A group of people who are standing together,
Working together,
Changing,
Being able to take risks and adapt.
You have the capacity to create such a different level of change.
And in the way I see it in my own head is I ask myself the question all the time,
Am I attached or am I committed?
Because if I'm attached,
I'm going to be probably in this client relationship.
Client being asking the question very often,
What can you do for me?
And you know in your own lives if you're attached to anything,
Not just your work,
But to your relationships,
To your relationship to yourself,
To your relationship to your money,
There's going to potentially be,
You're going to potentially be in a place of competition,
Of over time making it more restricted,
Of it limiting its growth.
If you're in a place of commitment,
If you're in a place where you're really committed,
The question isn't what are you going to do for me or what can I do for you,
But what are we going to do together?
And over time you have this capacity to grow and to change and to learn and to iterate and take risks.
It's an entirely,
Entirely different dynamic.
Client consortium,
Attached committed,
Transactional,
Transformational,
Where are you on this spectrum?
And again,
It's a spectrum.
But where are you most of the time?
Because that's the question I ask myself.
Now I think there are two tools that really help me to remember to be in this place.
And so I'm going to share these with you.
And hopefully they are something that you can take away as something to practice in your own lives.
The very first one is just basic presence.
Just presence.
Now we hear all the time about mindfulness and presence.
But the truth is there isn't that much time that we actually spend being present with each other.
Where we actually are listening with our fullest selves and sharing with our fullest selves.
Aristotle called it the primacy of experience.
Which means if you're listening to music,
Listen with your fullest self.
If you're fighting for justice,
Fight with your fullest self.
If you are engaged in the conversation,
Be present with your fullest self,
Listening and receiving and sharing.
And so there's an exercise I'll share quickly that I do a lot of times with my Harvard cohort or with workshops I do.
I'll have people bring a poem or a stanza or a song lyric that means something to them.
One of those things you have in your wallet that you pull out when you want to be reminded of something that matters to you.
And I'll have them pick somebody out.
Maybe there's 30 of us in a room.
But I'll have them pick one person out.
And I will have them read or share that poem,
I should say.
Share that poem or stanza until you can feel that invisible web of connection.
You know that moment when like time stops and you're in that zone with somebody and you feel like there's infinite creativity and trust.
Like kind of like the outside edges blur and you're just in that space.
And so they bring that poem and they'll pick one person out.
And I say share it until we can all feel it.
And what happens every time,
It's pretty much consistent every time,
Is the person will start reading it.
Which is great.
And you hear a poem and it's interesting and meaningful to you.
And people are moved but not in that space.
And then after a couple of times,
They'll start selling it.
Every time they start to sell it.
And they'll pitch it.
And if they could create a PowerPoint presentation to share with you why that poem matters to them,
They would do it.
But nobody's feeling it.
You're not feeling it.
And then there is this moment and maybe they've read it 10 times,
15 times.
There is this moment where they drop the need to sell,
The need to read,
And they are sharing it just because it means something to them.
And in that moment,
In that moment of pure authenticity where I'm sharing what I'm called to do,
Or what something's calling me,
In that moment there is that field that's connected.
And you can feel it.
I mean people in the audience are crying and feeling the sense of just deep connection.
The other exercise that I do is an exercise that I was taught many years ago by the great wisdom keeper and Dr.
Rachel Remen.
And we started it when my kids were little.
My step kids.
Instead of saying how was your day?
And they'd say fine.
And we'd say what did you do?
Nothing.
We started creating this exercise.
It's called SIM.
S-I-M.
SIM.
And it's a really simple exercise of self-reflection.
Something that's surprised,
Inspired,
Or moved you.
Something that's surprised,
Inspired,
Or moved you.
And so at the end of a day,
I will go over my day like a journalist.
And I will say what today surprised,
Inspired,
Or moved me?
What in this conversation surprised,
Inspired,
Or moved me?
What in this interaction?
Because if I can't answer that,
I wasn't present and I wasn't listening.
So the two techniques really are pretty basically this.
Presence,
Awareness,
Sharing from your most authentic self why something matters to you.
And then this act of self-reflection.
And in those two tools,
You can see yourself moving from a place of attachment to commitment from transaction to transformation.
So I'll just end by sharing a quote that inspires me and moves me all the time because it was a quote that is so clearly coming from this person's place of calling.
And that's a quote from Mother Teresa.
And she said,
I serve the world not because it's broken,
But because it's holy.
Holy as in whole.
And so I just want to thank you so much for bringing your whole selves to this conversation this morning,
To this conference,
And to whatever you're called to do.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
