Have you ever wondered how to actually set healthy boundaries?
What do I say?
What is too harsh?
Am I being rude?
Hi,
I'm Janessa,
And this question comes up all the time from the women I work with.
And here's the truth.
As women,
We often feel guilty for setting boundaries.
We struggle to uphold them because we're afraid of being seen as mean or rude.
And the truth is many women aren't taught how to set boundaries.
So we default to overgiving and overextending ourselves.
But the reality is that setting boundaries is how you love yourself.
And prevent resentment from showing up in your relationships.
In this video,
We're going to break down setting boundaries into four simple steps.
You can use these steps anytime that you need to set a boundary.
Observation.
What's happening that you don't want to have happen anymore.
Step two.
How does this impact you?
What's the impact?
Step 3.
What are you going to do?
This step is easy to slip up.
You see,
Women instead tell others what to do.
But the truth is,
We don't have control over others.
So when we set boundaries,
We're going to tell them what we're going to do.
This might require a little bit of practice and that's okay.
Step four,
Follow through.
This is the one that makes or breaks your boundaries.
If you get anything else wrong,
This is the most important one to get right.
If we set a boundary and don't follow through,
It isn't a boundary.
It's a request.
So let's play with some examples.
You have a reoccurring meeting that ends at four o'clock.
You need to leave to grab your kids and this meeting constantly runs over.
You're left feeling rushed,
Stressed about traffic,
And racing to get your kids.
That doesn't feel good.
So what do we do?
Step one,
Observation.
When the meeting goes past 4.
Step two,
Impact.
I feel overwhelmed.
I will be logging off the meeting at 4 o'clock.
Step four,
Follow through.
It's four o'clock.
I have to run.
Thank you so much and feel free to fill me in on the rest of the meeting via email.
How about a more personal example?
Your partner constantly doesn't empty the dishwasher.
And this has been going on for a bit,
And you're annoying.
We're gonna do this one a little bit differently though,
So pay attention and see if you can see the steps in action.
You observe over the last week that they haven't emptied the dishwasher once.
You feel annoyed and are growing resentful of always doing the dishes.
You are going to ask them to empty the dishwasher.
Nicely,
Of course,
Right?
The dishwasher is done,
And it's ready to be emptied,
And you kindly ask them to do it.
This one is a little different because not everything needs to be spoken out loud.
It's okay to,
And it's also okay to notice.
That this is a boundary you need to set within yourself.
And that's what's interesting about this last example,
Is that it's actually a boundary that you're putting on yourself.
You're not going to go straight to the dishwasher.
Instead,
You're asking for support.
When it comes to boundaries work.
Often it's ourselves that we need to boundary.
It's our own behaviors that we need to shift.
I hope this gave you a new way to understand on how to set boundaries,
And more importantly,
What you can do to start to shift this in your own life.
If this resonated,
I'd love to hear what is one area that you can apply this to.
And if you're ready to really dig in deep with this,
I've created a free boundaries guidebook called The Sacred Yes,
Just for you.
In it,
I provide you with somatic tools and journal prompts.
To help you set boundaries that feel regulated and clear.
And it's linked below.
Make sure you like and subscribe so you don't miss more conversations like this around boundaries,
Relationships,
And coming back home to yourself.
