The Circles Of Connection: A Heart Mapping Practice

Not everyone should have the same level of access to your time, energy, emotions, and heart. In this guided boundary exercise, you'll create your own Heart Boundaries Map — a simple but powerful tool for understanding who belongs in your inner circle, who belongs further out, and where stronger boundaries may be needed.
Together, we'll explore the different levels of relationships in your life, from your closest connections to acquaintances and strangers. As you map these relationships, you'll gain clarity about trust, emotional intimacy, reciprocity, and the boundaries that help relationships feel safe and healthy.
This practice is especially helpful if you've ever found yourself over-giving, people-pleasing, or feeling responsible for everyone else's needs. By the end, you'll have a visual representation of your relationships and a deeper understanding of who truly has earned a place close to your heart.

Transcript

Have you ever walked away from a friendship feeling drained, Resentful? Like somehow you gave more than you meant to again. Like you keep showing up, Being the good friend, Being supportive, But something feels off about it. And you're left wondering, Why do I feel like I'm being taken advantage of? Is there something wrong with me? Hi, I'm Janessa, And this is something I hear all the time from the women I work with. And here's the truth. If you feel taken advantage of in your friendships. It's usually not because people are intentionally using you. It's because your boundaries are unclear, Unspoken. Or not being upheld. In this video, We're gonna break down why this pattern shows up and how boundaries can completely change the way you experience your relationships. You see, When we don't know how close someone should be to our hearts, Or we don't have a clear idea of what is an appropriate level of closeness for a person, We often default to giving and overextending. To be honest, Maybe that person hasn't earned that position of being that close to you. I heard an interview one time that I loved about how we should treat people. That we should accept everyone as they are. And that we should be the CEO of our lives. Meaning we hire, Fire, And promote people accordingly. I loved it. In a company, There are different positions, Different expectations for different roles. There are different requirements for those positions. This is why I created the boundaries map. I use this tool with the women I work with to clearly define positions and expectations and to map out those positions that people hold in their life. And we're going to take a look at it. This is the Boundaries Map. As you can see, Right here is your heart. It's your heart. And the people right here in your inner circle. These are the people who are safest with your heart. You can show up and be yourself with them and they're not going to judge you. They're going to know your flaws. Maybe some of your insecurities. And again, They love you unconditionally. We're going to extend out to the second layer of the circle. And these people are safe and trusted. You can pretty much be yourself around them. But you may not share everything with them, And that's okay. Next, We have close relationships. You know, People we feel connected with. We feel like this is a cool person. I enjoy hanging out with them. And we have acquaintances. You know, People that we know in our personal life that we feel familiar with. We know them, But we're not gonna share with them all of the details of our life. And the final layer is everyone else. Okay, These are the people at the grocery store, The strangers walking down the street. They might even be people in your office building. Maybe even people you work with. They could be other students at school with you. But you don't really know them, So they're not your acquaintances. You also see on this map this little square down here, And I call it the timeout square. We watch a lot of sports in our house, And so I like to equate this to the penalty box in hockey. The thing about this timeout square, Though, Is it can be temporary. Or it can be a little bit more permanent. It can be a place where someone goes while you figure out, Do they need to be in a different place in my circles, In my boundaries? Do they just need a quick break because something happened, But we're gonna get back to it and work it out eventually. So no big deal. Or is this a permanent place for them because they've done something that has harmed us? One of the things that I do. And like to do with the women that I work with. Write this out. We're going to start putting names in these circles. Who are the people in your inner circle? What are the requirements for people to be there? What are the expectations for them? And same thing with people who are safe and trusted. How do they earn the right to be in that layer? What about close relationships and acquaintances? What are the things that these people need to do in order to make you feel safe? Yourself. How authentic can you be with them? The other thing about these layers is that they're not black and white. We don't jump from acquaintance to close friendship. There's like a gradual shifting that happens. I think about this in terms of like martial arts, For example, Taekwondo. In Tae Kwon Do, You'll earn tapes as you master new skills. And once you master enough skills and you've earned all of the tapes for that belt, You get promoted to the next belt. So, You know, Two people in a gold belt, One may be closer to promotion than the other person based off of how many tapes that they have. Well, This is true with the boundaries map too. You know, If I have a close friend, You know, Did they just become a close friend because they were an acquaintance? That might look different than somebody who's been a close friend for a long time and we've actually built a lot of trust and maybe they're starting to be more a safe and trusted person in my life. That's gonna look a little bit different than someone who's gonna be in my inner circle. I hope this gave you a new understanding of what's been happening in your relationships. And more importantly, What you can start to shift. If this resonated, I'd love to hear. Do you notice yourself over giving or holding back your voice?