Conscious Aging II: Grieving The Narrowing Of Opportunity

In this short presentation, we reflect upon the sense of grief we may feel at the narrowing of opportunities we have as we age. By naming and assessing the experience, we can better position ourselves to recognize what opportunities now open to us even as we accept the finality of past constraints. In so doing, we can more joyfully explore new opportunities even as we make peace with our pasts. Music by Harumachi Music; Image by Taoyuetong; both from Pixabay.

Transcript

How many of us, At one time or another, Haven't thought what we might have been able to do had only circumstances earlier in our life been different? How many of us haven't assessed our skills and intelligence now and wondered what we might have done had we had other opportunities? Now as we age and as we look back, We can see perhaps other paths we might have taken, Certainly other paths that were close to us, Due to our race, Our class, Our sex or gender, Our family of origin. So many constraints, Many of which we were not even aware of. We can be aware of them now, Since as we age, We can better see the artificiality of the playing field. We can see that those in power, Say, Or those with great wealth, Are really no different than we, Are no more intelligent or perspicacious. In a sense, It was a matter of luck, Good looks, Wealthy parents, A happy childhood. With that realization, We might experience a yearning to go back, To try it again, To have another chance. That draw is a powerful one. We might even indulge with our imaginations for a while. We know, Of course, There is no going back. Way leads on to way, And our paths have led us here, And here is where we will be. But ahead of us, In the years or perhaps decade or two we have remaining, There are other opportunities, New paths we can explore. Travel, Leisure, Relationships. For a few, Perhaps, That means a closing-out career, Perhaps getting a law degree after retiring from business. But most of us have left or are leaving behind our working lives, Our working selves. And so, Some opportunities open to us that for the young are more challenging, Their cruise to the Greek Isles, For example. But for the most part, Our choices are greatly limited, Not by necessity but by wisdom. Unless financial necessity dictates, Most of us would choose not to take a starting job in a new field or go back to college as an undergraduate to pursue a new career. Awareness of where we are and where we have come from and how alternate paths we might have taken in the past are now permanently closed to us might give rise to a profound sense of loss. We might grieve the narrowing of opportunities, The closing off of ways we can express our potential. What remains is not nothing, But it is different. In that grieving, Though, We might also find a softening. Gone is the anxious uncertainty that we have likely lived with all those years as we fought our way ahead. That's the thing with memory, Neuroscience tells us. It softens the pain, Enlightens the good. It's partly why many childhood memories are bathed in light. So we can be here now, Accept that the opportunities we had, We had, And that is all that ever shall be. We can cut the tie that binds us to hoping for a different, A better past. And with that will come a kind of freedom in the here and now that allows us to look about the fields we're in with fresh eyes and to love the opportunities of this day and these years before us. And in so doing, We won't waste a single moment. Wishing you great happiness.

Reviews

Your wise words are so true. I'm loving life more than ever in my sixties. Less striving and more exploration and appreciation for all that I have! 🙏🙏