Hey everyone!
My name is Hannah,
And today I wanted to make a video about what to do or not do when you're feeling intense shame rejection,
Anxiety,
Just discomfort in your body.
Specifically as a result of feeling or being rejected or criticized by another person.
Or maybe a group of people.
I am a new teacher on Insight Timer and so the practice of making a video or a track and putting it on an app where people can rate and review not just your content but you is new for me.
The end.
I wanted to make this video right now because I just had this experience.
I saw that a video of mine was featured on the homepage,
Which is amazing.
And with that came a lot more eyeballs.
And so as I'm looking through the reviews,
Which I want to read the reviews and I want to respond to them.
There were a few that Sometimes there is a lot of anger.
Whether it's at the content that's being shared.
The way that it's being shared.
Something that I did or didn't do.
And that anger is reflected in,
You know,
A one-star review.
The stars are fine,
But the comments themselves can be incredibly harsh.
And that's new for me.
And so I thought in the moment.
Let me just notice what's going on inside my body.
Let me just notice.
Because I immediately felt the prickling of tears.
I felt a really intense weight in my chest and a tightness.
And my body's response is to,
You know,
X out of the app and maybe go find a distraction.
But that's not what I want to be doing.
I want to turn towards whatever the sensation is,
Whatever the feeling is,
If it's safe.
And just be with it.
And so I just.
.
.
I just breathed.
I noticed that I was trying to intellectualize my way out of feeling really hurt and ashamed.
And instead I just.
.
.
Practice some self-compassion.
Hey,
It's okay that you feel this way.
It's scary.
It reminds me of the Theodore Roosevelt quote about the man in the arena.
And if you've never read it or heard it,
For me,
It's really powerful.
So I definitely suggest looking that up if it calls to you.
And I just got curious about the sensations.
And this is still going on inside of me right now.
And this happened probably four minutes ago.
But I just got curious about the sensations and just sat with them.
Oh yeah,
My chest is tight.
Okay.
I feel the prickling behind my eyes.
I might cry.
And just noticing.
And every time I bring story.
A narrative to it,
Just noticing that too,
Without judgment.
Oh,
There it is.
And that's okay.
Often we want to change our state of feeling as quickly as possible.
And we'll say things to ourselves and maybe to others like,
Oh,
It's a reflection of them.
And that sometimes is helpful.
But for me,
I don't want to elevate myself by putting someone else down.
Nor do I want to put myself down and elevate someone else.
But the line that I read in the Doubt Aging this morning said,
When we don't see the self as self.
There is nothing to fear.
So what is it that's really being?
What is it that really feels like it's under attack in that moment?
The self.
In the self.
Which is constructed of ego and identity and stories about me and who I am.
And can I just be with the sensation?
Before bringing a narrative to it.
And you may watch this video and hate it.
Give me a one-star review and tell me all of the reasons why,
And that's okay too.
I found that,
You know,
I prefaced the last video with this is just my opinion and it might not work for you because I was trying to mitigate any backlash.
And then,
You know,
Someone was really upset that I started the video with that and it was really offensive to them.
And so.
I'm making this video,
I think for myself,
Just as much as I'm making it for you.
If you ever don't do something out of fear.
And it's the fear of this,
At least for me.
I really took my time.
Joining Insight Timer as a teacher.
Because I was scared of this.
I was scared of this feeling,
And this feeling feels in the moment like tightness,
Clenching,
And a knot,
And maybe some warmth.
And when I take away the story,
Which inevitably comes back.
And just be with the sensation.
It might crescendo,
It might have a peak,
And it passes organically if I allow it to.
And instead of saying,
Oh my God,
I'm worthless.
You know,
So many people said nice things and someone did not say a nice thing and so I'm bad.
I can just notice that and say.
Oh yeah!
I've done so much work around detaching my self-worth from others' approval.
And this is just an opportunity.
To sit with discomfort and allow it to pass.
And it does every time.
And so when you think about fear,
And what it is you're afraid of.
And what it is you'd be doing differently if there was no fear.
Would your relationships look the same?
Would you try a different career?
Would you put yourself out there?
Would you join Insight Timer as a teacher?
Because you have something to say too.
If there was no fear,
What would be different in your life?
You know,
And for me.
If there was no fear,
I probably wouldn't feel the way that I was feeling a few minutes ago when I read this comment.
But that's what makes me human.
And this video is incredibly vulnerable.
And you may watch and say.
You talk too much.
I just want to meditate.
And that's okay too.
And I say this with kindness.
So you don't have to keep watching.
Connects out at any minute.
And if you are so moved to share your story.
Offense and anger,
Know that you're allowed to do that too.
I know that I can hold space for that.
While also not internalizing it.
But that doesn't mean I'm not still going to feel the sting.
Of criticism,
Of rejection,
Of embarrassment,
Of shame.
I want to share this because I just think it's so human.
And I don't know if we talk about it enough,
That feeling.
In this video,
Which is going on eight minutes.
There is no solution.
There is no,
Oh,
Just think about this and you'll be immune.
There is just this.
Can you be with it?
Can you notice it?
Can you breathe through it?
And can you practice self-compassion for the part of you that does care what other people think?
When I tell myself,
Oh,
I shouldn't care,
That doesn't actually do anything.
I do care.
Now I hear my dog trying to break into my office,
So I think that's time for me to wrap up.
Thank you for giving me a space where I can,
In real time,
Feel the sensations brought upon by you know perceived judgment and criticism.
And walk directly through it.
And give me an opportunity to learn from that.
So thank you.
Also.
.
.
I do want to pose the question.
If there was no fear,
What in your life would be different?
And what is the fear?
Have a wonderful day or night.
And I will be back with more videos and some courses.
