The Biggest Regret Of The Dying

In this video, I discuss author Bronnie Ware's research findings while working in palliative care, and the biggest regret of people who are on their deathbeds. This video is for people who want more experiences backing up against the fourth wall, which is to say that turning towards death truly infuses the experience of living. Please note: This track discusses death and dying, which may be sensitive for some listeners.

Transcript

Hey everyone! Today I wanted to talk about the top five regrets of the dying. And this is from author Bronnie Ware, Who is an Australian nurse. She worked in palliative care. She worked with people on their deathbeds, And she ended up writing a book about it. As I often am doing, I was listening to an episode of the Secular Buddhism podcast with Noah Reschetta, Phenomenal podcast, And the most recent episode was, As of this point in time, Was called The Audacity to Live. And it was about death and. . . You know, In different Buddhist traditions, I think backing up against the fourth wall, Which is what's referred to as really turning to face death and notice death and leaning into the fundamental truth that we all will die, Right? Impermanence is something that can actually really infuse our lives. And so I wanted to talk about these top five regrets because I think it is so important to talk about while we're alive. And so I'm going to be reading them, But the first one. The first one, Which was vastly the most common across the board. Say heavy, You know, Is I wish I'd had the courage to live a life truer to myself, Not the life others expected of me. I wish I'd had the courage, And I think courage is significant there, To live a life true to myself. Not the life others expected of me. I mean, I think that that's the whole thing, Right? That's the whole thing. We as human beings can really struggle with. Self-centered fear. What do other people think? What do they want from me? What are others perceptions of me? How do I manage that perception? And we build a wall in between us and our true selves, Whatever form that may be. We come out of the womb a baby. No one expects a baby to prove their worth. No one expects a baby to perform in a certain way, To show everyone, Oh, I'm worthy of belonging. I'm worthy of your love. This baby is pure and just existing is enough. And so what happens between that point in time and our adulthood? Where we completely lose that. I'm not enough. I haven't succeeded enough. I'm not attractive enough. I'm not fit enough or skinny enough. You know, I'm running back a. An interaction that I had and I shouldn't have said that I should have done this differently. Why am I like this? I mean, We're just riddled with shame and I believe shame is at the core of everything that keeps us stuck. But, You know, How much of our lives are we. . . Living for someone else, Whether or not we know it. And I think this is a wonderful opportunity to take a quick stock of that, To take a quick stock of if no one else had a say. Because they don't. If I was not putting stock in what other people expect of me, What would I be doing differently? And when I take that inventory at this current moment in my life, There's not one thing I would be doing differently. I mean, We live in a capitalist society, So I have to work. And I actually like my work, But it's still work. And I don't believe that if you do what you love for work, It's not work for me. That's just, That's just not, That's not how I feel. It's still work. Um, But like, What would I be doing differently? And right. I probably have some blind spots, I'm sure. Um, But at the end of the day, Like what friendships am I in that feel more like an obligation because I'm scared of hurting their feelings or them getting mad at me. Am I questioning my relationship with my significant other? Am I in a career or a field that I think I should be because that's what I was trained in? I'm a therapist, And in 2023, I made the decision to stop working with clients, Partially because I was going on a reality TV show, But partially because I was really burnt out and I had compassion fatigue. And I remember someone saying to me, So you're not going to do the thing that you went to school for, Which was like very shaming, But I didn't internalize that shame. I did at the time, I did, But I've unlearned that. Right? How much of our lives are we living because we think we should be doing something a certain way? So number one, I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, Not the life others expected of me. And I'm not going to get into the other ones in detail, Because I really wanted to keep that the main one. For our I wish I hadn't worked so hard. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends, And I wish I had let myself be happier. So again, That's Brani Ware, And this is what she learned from working in palliative care and how meditation saved her. She has a lot of writing on that, So. Chew on that if you want to. And yeah, I'm gonna keep making, I'm so new to this. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm doing, But I'm just gonna keep making videos about things that call to me.