Saying “I Do” To Moments You Don't Want GF Live 9-14-24

Unconscious suffering is the negative effect of our (own) incomplete understanding of why life seems to keep giving us moments we don’t want. To see the real reason hidden in this reoccurring relationship empowers us to let go of our resistance to life, and to enter into its unseen Divine flow.

Transcript

So the talk title for the material we're going to cover today is The Secret of Saying I Do to Moments That You Don't Want.

The Secret of Saying I Do to Moments That You Don't Want.

And of course we know I do relates to this idea of a union,

An abiding relationship.

If you had to guess what's the most common response that you have to an unwanted moment?

Is it,

Yes,

I do.

Or is it,

Oh,

No,

I don't want this moment.

Is it,

Yes,

I do.

Great,

Bring it on.

Or not on your life.

Yeah,

Nope.

Nope.

Nope.

I look at you.

I look at the news.

I look at my health.

Nope.

There's no I do.

There's mostly I don't.

Which means that we are in a fairly constant relationship with a form of resistance that we don't even know resides within this nature.

And that it is the first to respond to any moment that comes along and seems to challenge who and what we are and what we've expected the moment to be.

What is that about?

What is all of that about?

This is what we're going to look at together this morning.

And if you will,

Don't pose for a moment,

I'm going to ask Kate to bring on the key lesson for the talk.

We'll look at it together and then we'll move right along.

Connecting the opening of idea of should be I do,

But it's I don't.

Here it goes.

Unconscious suffering is the negative effect of our own incomplete understanding of why life seems to keep giving us moments we don't want.

To see the real reason hidden in this recurring relationship empowers us to let go of our resistance to life and to enter into its unseen divine flow.

To realize that there is a definitive relationship between this body of resistance that lives in this unconscious nature that never stops comparing and measuring everything that comes into it and finding it short,

Not up to expectation,

Summarily resist the moment.

And in that resistance,

And key to our study this morning,

Is that we think we see and understand the meaning of the moments in our life.

We're sure of it.

We think we understand the moment.

But in truth,

What we see and essentially what we're in relationship with moment to moment is our own reactions and associated thoughts about the moment we see unfolding.

And key here is that it isn't we who are seeing the moment unfold.

We are experiencing the way this mind sees the moment,

Which means our actual relationship is not to the revelation,

Let alone the experience of the actual moment that's taking place.

But rather,

Our relationship,

As well as the choices that are born out of it,

Is limited,

Literally,

To the content of this conditioned nature.

And it is this conditioned nature when it meets moments that challenge its conditioning,

Its identity,

Its beliefs,

Opinions,

That summarily resists the moment,

And once again,

Puts us in a relationship where instead of saying,

I do,

I want to see,

I want to understand,

There is,

I think I understand,

And therefore,

I don't want anything that challenges who and what I have believed myself to be prior to that moment.

Are we on the first page together here?

I want to make sure we're setting the stage properly.

Because we're going to look at something,

And I won't have time to go into it as much as I want.

We do have talks coming up in the next couple weeks,

And of course,

In December,

That I'm going to be able to look at this with great depth,

And I hope you'll be able to join me.

So,

Nice deep breath.

Why are we drawn,

As we are,

To whatever relationships in the world that we're attracted to?

Maybe you've never thought about this.

Like,

When I was a boy,

I was drawn to animals.

I was drawn to the ocean.

I was drawn,

Of course,

As all of us are,

Drawn to the person that seems to be the one that I am inexorably drawn to,

Where not only is something,

Someone,

Some kind of event,

Drawing me to that relationship.

We all know that feeling.

But it's equally true.

If something is drawing me to that relationship,

Then there must be some character or quality in me that is being attracted.

Something is drawing me.

There must be something that is being drawn.

This is a relationship.

I hope,

Trust,

You see it.

And on the other side of the equation,

It's quite evident that without us even thinking about it,

People,

Conditions are drawn to us.

Repeated,

Difficult relationships,

Certain kinds of events and circumstances.

We always think that things that come that we don't want have come by some strange accidental relationship with life,

Where,

You know,

Somebody throws the dice and says,

Well,

Let's throw craps to guide,

You know,

Double snake eyes or whatever it is.

No,

That's not true.

There is something that is drawn to us.

And we know how sticky these things can be,

Do we not?

Like,

I think to myself,

Well,

Why did that come into my life?

And then I avoid it.

I fight with it.

I try to control her to change it.

A time goes by,

Seems to go away.

And then the next moment,

It may not be exactly the same face,

The same person,

The same predicament,

But along comes something else that I don't want.

And I don't think I have any responsibility that there's no relationship to what is coming into my life as if there's nothing in me drawing it to me.

And it is a fact.

You can argue it till the cows come home.

There is something in us that is attracted to what it wants.

And there is something in us that is attracting to it what something in us wants for reasons yet to be seen.

And so we go,

As it were,

From relationship to relationship almost endlessly,

Like bees to buttercups,

In search of a relationship that will finally heal all of the other relationships and bring us into something in life that is worthwhile and sustaining for us.

So summary first,

We're drawn to the relationships we're drawn to,

Because there is something in us that wants to discover the depth and breadth of itself that doesn't say,

Guy,

You're going to be drawn to bonsai trees or wildlife or the ocean.

You're going to be drawn to math.

You're going to be drawn to spiritual studies.

It doesn't say you're going to be drawn to that because there is something drawing you to it that in that relationship will bring about a completion.

No,

It's unconscious to us what we are drawn to and what we are drawing to ourselves.

It's summarily an unseen relationship.

Are we communicating?

Yes,

Please.

But inevitably,

What we discover is that all of these relationships that seem to just unfold seemingly quite accidental,

No matter how profound our unconditional trust in them,

Is that because of that dependency and attachment,

We become deeply rooted.

Something in us becomes deeply rooted in the continuity of these relationships.

And that's why we struggle all the time to keep relationships in place,

Even ones that don't work for us.

We all know what that's like.

And so summary,

Our search for ourselves,

It just never comes to an end.

There's an old story.

A young disciple goes to see the master.

And the master asks the disciple,

Why have you come?

And he says,

Well,

I'm looking for truth and go away.

And the young disciple says,

Well,

What should I be looking for?

And the master says,

To find yourself.

Not to find some opinions,

Some conditioned belief,

Some religious tract.

To find yourself.

That is,

All of our relationships,

The root of them,

Is this incessant,

Constant need for something that we are not present to within ourselves,

Seeking to enter into a relationship that will fulfill the purpose of that nature.

And because we don't understand this constant need to be in relationship with that which completes us,

Our search never ends.

Because we no more find someone or something,

Some belief,

Some structure,

Some group,

We enter into it.

Now I belong,

I'm complete with this relationship.

Then the conditions that created that relationship crumble.

And when they do,

That relationship suddenly becomes a relationship.

And that's why we struggle all the time.

It becomes worthless,

Not worthwhile anymore.

And the next thing you know,

We have to go look for another relationship.

Can you see this is true?

How many relationships we enter into,

And then instead of completing us,

We become a captive of them because we're afraid to leave them.

We don't know who we are,

At least with not wanting to be with that person,

With not wanting that job,

With not wanting that moment.

So our relationship starts seemingly in the affirmative,

But because of attachment,

Identification,

And the fact that conditions change,

That affirmative always turns into some form of resistance.

Now I'm trying to show you a bigger picture here.

Because at some point,

And I don't know when it is for you,

I know it was very early for me,

We realize that these relationships,

They come and they go.

They're inconstant,

And they're inconstant because they're based on passing conditions in time,

And the conditioned nature that is drawn into that search,

Seeking what it needs to complete itself as it imagines itself to be.

And that gradual revelation leads us to this point where we realize if we're going to find and discover the truth of ourselves,

We're going to have to find and enter into a completely different order of relationship,

One that isn't conditional,

One that isn't conditioned by that which entered into it,

Looking for a way to complete itself as it imagines itself incomplete.

Because why do we love,

If we love them at all,

You know,

These pastoral scenes,

These valleys,

These vast mountains,

These oceans,

This night sky,

The sound of a river?

What is it that draws us to that?

The sound of a river,

What is it that draws us to that?

Other than in that moment of relationship between the observer,

That which is drawn,

And the observed,

That which is drawing us to it.

We're looking for a depth and breadth of understanding about ourselves,

Where in that moment,

For a split second anyway,

The revelation of the unity of ourselves,

Of this relationship between seemingly two different things,

Is the same as the realization and liberation of ourselves in that moment.

I don't need one more thing.

There's no thought of wanting,

Of regretting,

Because in those moments,

Where,

However it comes about,

We are drawn to something that draws the part of us looking to know itself through that,

Into some kind of impression,

That as it's realized,

Brings about this unity.

And in that unity,

The unity is the fruit of that relationship.

The unity is the fruit of that relationship.

And we are,

For all intents and purposes,

Missing this sweetness,

Because there's something in us that keeps telling us,

This relationship is what I need.

I need more money.

I need my health.

I need this person.

I got to get away from that group.

This situation is driving me crazy.

And we no more want to leave something than you can't leave something without being drawn to something else.

And so we go through this process of substituting relationship after relationship,

Never suspecting until God willing,

At some point,

We need a relationship with something that doesn't need to be substituted,

Because it is completing us and supplying us with everything that we need to know in order to be complete in that moment.

We have to see the big picture.

And we do understand,

To some extent,

The necessity of a new relationship.

But what happens is,

Simply put,

I need a new relationship with food.

I eat wrong food.

I eat too much food.

I do this.

I need a new relationship with this habit.

And then we're quite convinced,

Quite confirmed,

We're going to do this.

We're going to start over,

La,

La,

La.

And then we walk into a store,

And there's a rack of donuts,

Or there's the smell of fresh bread.

Or we look out,

And there's this beautiful dress,

Whatever it may be.

And everything that we were going to be in relationship with,

That we fulfilled for that moment,

Just out the window it goes.

And we're back in a relationship with the same old nature that doesn't change.

And the old nature doesn't change because it is the steward of our present set of relationships with life.

It is the one that determines for us what we are drawn to.

Fortunately for us,

Just because we're drawn to something doesn't mean that there isn't something drawing us to discover and learn something about this unconscious nature that never stops trying to confirm itself through what it believes will complete itself,

And then having to do that 10,

000 times.

So I was trying to think of a way to show you this idea,

Relative to as above,

So below,

As within,

So without.

My relationships in life are very much an expression of my interior life.

So I don't know how many of you know,

It was a movie,

A fairly well-known movie called Jerry Maguire.

I wrote about it to some extent in depth in a book I wrote called Relationship Magic,

But I want to go more deeply into it than I did in the book.

This story,

Jerry Maguire,

Whether you know it or not,

Ever so briefly,

There is this sports agent,

Played by Tom Cruise,

Who's so full of himself it's unbelievable,

But he has this little existential threat to his consciousness and realizes how inequitable their agency is to the athletes that they represent.

And he writes this memorandum,

He sends it to all the employees and the owner of the business,

And rather than this wonderful response,

He gets fired.

And when he's fired,

He can't believe it.

He's walking out the door,

And he's trying to muster like a captain would,

Who's going to follow me into war?

Who will go with me?

Who wants to start over and have a real life?

And only one person in the entire office out of 50 raises her hand,

And her name is Dorothy,

Played by Renee Zellweger,

I believe.

And she says,

I'll go with you.

Now,

We know that she has a crush on him.

We also learn that she has a son and that she's divorced and is trying to find someone in her life.

And so in her mind,

This is a chance,

Of course,

To get Jerry into her life.

And he,

On the other hand,

Doesn't want to be alone.

So he says,

Come on,

We'll be great together,

Which is what she wants to hear.

Anyway,

The story goes on,

It unfolds.

And because I've got to get to the crux of it,

Dorothy,

The woman,

Along with her child,

In this story represents a certain kind of trust and naivete,

A certain conditioned relationship to this idea that without a man in her life,

Without someone to support her,

As good as that could be,

That she would not be good enough on her own.

So there's a constant conflict all the time in this consciousness.

On the other hand,

This man,

Jerry Maguire,

He is filled with an endless capacity to deceive anyone that he needs to impress in a certain way so that they will want to be his partner in life,

Whether in business,

As they start out to be,

Or as a partner.

We all know what that's like.

So what these two people represent in this story is a certain order of relationship that begins quite mechanically,

Full of deception on each other's part,

And full of deceiving themselves as to why they're going into this relationship.

But as time unfolds,

And you'll forgive me for the brevity of this summary,

She begins to realize that he's not the right person.

Because she can see and sense,

As is evident to those watching,

That he's all about himself,

And just bringing her in as a support,

A column in his need to complete himself through becoming an all-important,

Powerful sports agent.

That's all that matters to him.

That's why that line,

Show me the money,

That's where it comes in.

That's all he's interested in.

That which he believes completes him at that level,

Show me the money.

He only has one sports star who goes with him,

Played by Kuba Gooding Jr.

At any rate,

Kuba Gooding Jr.

,

The sports star,

I think his name is Rod,

He has this wonderful relationship with a woman,

They love each other dearly.

And Maguire begins to see a little bit about this relationship,

Which is nothing like the relationship that he has with Dorothy,

Where it's all about what I want,

But in their relationship it's about a mutual attraction,

And that they complete each other in that relationship.

And that's what Jerry feels,

That's what he sees,

That's what Maguire recognizes.

Comes along a certain moment,

Where because it looks like Dorothy tells Jerry Maguire,

Look,

I gotta go,

I gotta take care of my kid.

I got a job offer in another city,

I'm headed there.

And suddenly he realizes the one member of his support team that he didn't really care about,

He may have had some affection,

And he liked the little boy so forth and so on,

But that wasn't the level he was at.

He was pretending.

And she says,

I'm going,

And then that brings out of him a marriage proposal.

Now the story unwinds where she realizes she was in it for all the wrong reasons.

And she says no.

And in a kind of synchronistic series of events,

Something happens in Maguire's life where he sees on one hand his one athlete suddenly catapulted to great fame because of a certain series of plays in a football game,

And now Rod the star has all the adulation which makes him one agent that he can build his entire company on.

All this is unfolding.

But then Rod gets hurt right at that moment,

And his wife comes running over,

And you can see that neither of them care about the exuberance of everyone around them.

All they care is about themselves and their relationship and that he's okay.

And Jerry Maguire sees this,

And it triggers in him a realization of his whole life has been about something where he was seeking to complete himself through the money,

The power,

The authority,

Through the world,

And that all of that time what he was looking for was being played out right in front of him in this revelation of this relationship between two people.

And it awakens his heart.

You can see this in the movie.

I don't know how well I'm explaining it.

And as his heart is awakened,

He realizes that he does want Dorothy in his life.

He does want another order of relationship that can complete him as it is instead of him trying to always complete himself through these conditions that he has no control over.

So the telling part is he goes running home over to Dorothy's house where these ladies are all sitting there with her.

I guess they're talking about she's getting ready to go.

And he comes in,

And it's a very cute moment.

And he kind of stutters and stammers.

And at a certain point,

She says,

What do you want?

And he says these three words.

He says,

Now,

That's such a wonderful moment,

Because what he's saying is that in her,

In their relationship,

He has found something that completes him.

But here's where this is what's missing in this moment.

It's inherent in the story.

I don't know if you've ever heard of it,

But it's inherent in the story.

It's inherent in the story.

It's inherent in the moment.

It's inherent in the story.

I don't know if the writer was aware of it.

But when he says you complete me,

It's not just that I have this wonderful feeling about you.

We have good sex.

We're going to be together.

We'll have a family.

We'll get a house.

We'll build a business,

And we'll go through life together,

Which is fine at that level.

But what he's really saying is that if it weren't for you,

And what you brought into my life to bring me to this revelation of how self-centered I've been,

Of how conditional and easily I'm brought into deceiving others so that they can complete me and my imagined sense of self,

I would never know anything about myself that I can no longer be.

Because I don't want to be that anymore.

And I wouldn't even know that I was that.

If it weren't for you.

So it's actually the things that you have shown me about myself that I don't want to see.

It's that relationship that first brings up what I'm completely resistant to seeing that then heals and reveals for me what's been concealed.

And similarly,

She would have never known that she was willing to sell her life out for the sake of companionship of someone who was empty and void as a man when she first meets him the way he is.

So he completes her by awakening in her a new kind of conscience that was ready to sell itself out and become a codependent human being instead of a truly independent human being,

Allowing life as it did in that moment to show her that what you need to complete yourself has nothing to do with this person that you imagine will complete you.

But rather,

If you'll allow it something that is showing you this,

Please,

Something that is showing this to you about yourself through that relationship.

That's what's completing you in this moment.

Because it is bringing an end to who and what you have been that you didn't know you were.

And it is bringing out of you a new order of conscience in a new relationship with what has revealed that to you,

So that you can begin to develop a relationship with a completely different order of yourself that is by and large the real relationship that you've been seeking all along and where you find yourself.

Sorry,

I poured out quite a bit there in 10 minutes.

Is everybody following that?

Can you see that with me?

That in a worldly relationship,

It isn't just what our partner that we imagine our partner does for us.

Yeah,

They make me,

She makes me coffee.

Yeah,

He makes this and he cleans that.

All that's fine.

That complicity is fine.

It's natural.

But what really makes a relationship between two human beings in this instance,

Isn't where one is saying,

Show me the money and the other saying,

Here it is.

It's where both of them are saying,

Show me what I don't know.

Show me what I haven't seen.

I may not want to see it.

In fact,

I don't.

But I understand that you have been drawn into my life and I have been drawn into your life so that we can help each other see what has been concealed.

And through the love that holds us together to go through whatever that transformation requires to give up what sits and sets us apart when it becomes negative and full of resistance.

This is the secret story in Jerry Maguire.

Now,

I want in the next eight minutes or so to take that secret story where we can see that there was a third partner in their relationship because he was drawn to something in her,

Right or wrong,

Whatever he was drawn to.

You can see that it was part right,

Part wrong.

She was drawn to him.

You can see it was part right and part wrong.

And when you have part right and part wrong and you put those four parts together,

You don't get something that's complete.

What you get that is complete is the part of us that starts to understand.

You know what?

I was drawn to this relationship because there was something in me that needed it to be able to discover what I had not yet seen in myself.

I was drawn to this relationship because there was something in it that I had not yet seen in myself.

And equally so,

Whatever it is that I was drawn to was drawing me because whatever was drawing me had the same requirement.

So it seems like there's two separate people,

Two separate events being drawn together for purposes that ostensibly seem to serve the individual himself,

Herself,

When in truth it's serving the third party,

The aspect of love,

That which brings things together for the purpose of purifying them,

Fulfilling their purpose as given.

Now,

If you can see that with me,

Because I'm trying to get to a difficult transition,

If you can see that with me,

Then can you see this idea,

You complete me,

At one level is kind of a childish idea,

Because with you I'm whole and in scale that's true enough.

But the real meaning of you complete me is as we've been describing.

At some point the conditions necessary that ordinarily I can't bring about myself reveal a consciousness I had no idea I was living with and from,

A conditioned consciousness that only knows how to meet moments in certain relationships with resistance to them,

Because that conditioned nature just wants the continuity of itself.

It says it wants something new,

But every time something new authentically happens,

And by the way,

What a strange thing,

We say we want new,

We want new,

But when a moment comes along we don't want,

Instead of seeing this is a new moment with a new opportunity,

We refuse the moment summarily,

Because it isn't the new we want.

I can't say I do to the new,

Because it's not the new I want,

So we say I don't.

Now,

If you can see this with me,

Can you make the leap?

What if the divine is divided up into Jerry and Dorothy?

Meaning there's no separate Jerry and no separate Dorothy,

Just one expression of a level of being manifested through a certain nature,

And another expression of that divine nature manifested in another human being,

And in order for the divine,

In essence,

To bring about the development of its own creations,

In which it has imbued these characters and qualities,

It must allow them to,

It must bring them together,

So that they can,

These conditions,

Characters,

Qualities can be purified.

So I'm asking you to see that the moment you don't want first can't be separated from the one that you do.

There will never be a moment in your life that you don't want,

That exists as it does that exists as it does,

Without something that you wanted other than what it's bringing to you.

So what if every moment is divided up secretly into Dorothy and Jerry,

So that this event,

I think I've told stories about the jewel and the jeweler,

How in life we've heard the story,

Sometimes you're the jewel,

Sometimes you're the polishing wheel.

Well,

I'm trying to get you to see that,

Well,

What would happen if I,

Here comes this moment,

Here comes this event.

I don't want this event.

I don't want to see this.

I don't want my health to be going to hell in a handbasket.

I don't want to go through this.

I don't want,

I don't want to,

I don't want to.

My husband,

My wife,

My children,

My relationships at work,

So many things I don't want.

But what if I understood that there is something in me that has drawn what I don't want,

Meaning this conditioned nature,

But that another I,

A true I within myself requires in order that it be brought into a relationship where we can begin to see through the eyes of that light what it is that has to change,

And for the love of it,

Allowing it to take place.

Whether we see it or not,

We are drawn,

And things are drawn to us.

And the things that we are drawn to,

Whatever their nature are in that moment,

For lack of better words,

They are our Jerry or our Dorothy.

And that when we are drawn to that Jerry or Dorothy,

That event,

And that event suddenly begins to show us things about ourselves.

For instance,

I didn't know that if I became secure in this manner,

That my security would be the source of my fear.

I had no idea.

Fear was connected to the desire to be famous,

Rich,

Or wealthy,

Whatever it is.

That's not in my mind.

And yet here comes this moment.

Suddenly,

Wow,

What's all this about?

And then this relationship begins to complete itself.

So that I'm no longer looking outside of myself for a relationship that will complete me.

Rather,

I discover I am that relationship.

I'm not looking for a relationship to complete me.

I am part of a divine relationship that never stops completing itself.

I may be saying this poorly,

But I couldn't possibly affirm it more as a fact.

That every moment is a revelation of a certain relationship that we have with that which has brought us into existence.

And that which has brought us into existence wants us to be perfect,

Even as is the Father who makes the sun shine and good and even light.

It wants the relationship between heaven and earth to be complete.

And it can't be complete if every time something in that relationship brings up something in me that says,

No,

I know what perfection is,

And that's not it.

And so I reject the possibility of discovering something in myself,

That rock in the stream that stands in the way of seeing that there's no moment that isn't completing itself.

And that I am inexorably inseparable from that.

See,

Jerry was inseparable from what Dorothy was helping him see about himself.

Because without Dorothy,

Without what was acting on him,

He would have never known how passive he was to his own self-centered nature,

And how terribly painful it was,

And limiting,

And stealing from him the very completeness that he was seeking.

And so without Dorothy,

Jerry couldn't have found that out.

Without Jerry,

Dorothy couldn't have found that out.

Without the event I don't want,

I can't find out the nature in me that believes it knows how all events are supposed to unfold.

So as strange as it sounds,

Every moment in one way or another is our Jerry and our Dorothy.

You go to a restaurant,

It's noisy,

You can't stand it,

Children screaming.

Do you think to yourself,

Oh,

There's Dorothy or there's Jerry?

No.

You are invited into a relationship,

Not that it's pleasant.

We're not saying to live with unpleasant things or with people that abuse you.

Jesus,

Not a chance.

I'm saying,

If we can't learn to understand that it is this relationship between what seems to be opposites,

Dorothy and Jerry,

Yin and yang,

It seems to be opposites.

Doesn't something seem to oppose you in an unwanted moment?

Well,

What if what seems to oppose you,

You have drawn to you so that you can see you live with a nature that can only oppose things it doesn't want,

Which means it's limited constantly to the content of its own conditioned nature.

So we can start to realize and allow these moments to act upon us as they will,

So that we begin to develop as human beings,

Because we're allowing this yin yang,

This beautiful movement between positive,

Negative,

To reveal they're not opposites,

But they work together to create and reveal a much greater whole that as participants in that relationship,

We realize and are liberated by.

There is no liberation apart from realization,

And there is no realization in resistance.

What resistance does is prove to the nature resisting the condition that it knows what it needs to be complete,

Even as it tears itself asunder,

Tormenting itself over the situation.

Realization is the outcome of an interaction of relationships and being at the heart of those relationships,

And as they unfold,

Is the realization.

Let go,

Not because you want to,

Not because you're trying to complete yourself,

Because you can begin to see that every time a moment comes that you don't want,

You are refusing in essence,

A relationship that love has brought together so that love can be revealed as the third partner,

As that which has brought you together and brought you to that moment,

So that you might discover how gracious and merciful,

I might add,

Is this divine nature.

If I communicated at all,

Maybe it will help you look at these moments a little bit more with a little more of an open heart,

A little more receptive to what it is that you're being shown as opposed to fighting with what you don't want to see.

That's it.

It's that simple.

Love brings together what it needs to bring together so that love can reveal itself as the source of that attraction and what is attracted to,

And you participate in that relationship and you find yourself because that is yourself.

That is yourself.

Instead of show me the money,

Show me myself.

Reviews

Thanks Guy

Thank you 🙏