Managing Expectations

Everyone has expectations, whether it be for people, or situations. We discuss how managing your expectations can open you up to more rewarding experiences.

Transcript

Welcome to Life,

Lessons,

And Laughter with your host Glenn Ambrose.

Hello,

Welcome to the podcast.

This is Glenn Ambrose with Life,

Lessons,

And Laughter.

And I'm here with Ben.

Ben's back.

Hey,

I thought I was going to lose my job.

Well,

It's close.

It sounded close.

That was a,

That Dave,

He's a better host than I am.

You guys are both good.

Dave did a great job filling in.

I appreciate him stepping up.

But we're glad to have you back as well,

Ben.

Thank you.

Absolutely.

So,

Know what we're going to talk about today?

I have no idea.

I beg to differ,

But I'm going to go and say it anyway.

We are talking about expectations and not having them and why we shouldn't.

What?

Let me rephrase that.

Expectations,

Not having them.

I don't understand that preface because I have expectations for everything.

And I think we all do.

I think as soon as an idea pops into your head or a person comes into your,

You know,

You cross paths with a person or you find out about a person,

I think it's just natural or a situation you have expectations for everything.

Not necessarily.

Really?

You don't think that anything that you would have a chance to think about before hand you end up having expectations for?

No,

I think we usually do have expectations.

But it's a matter of,

It's like a lot of things in life.

It's not that we don't necessarily have thoughts on something or even that our thoughts are always healthy or unhealthy,

But do they control our lives?

Right.

So,

It's not that we're never going to have expectations,

But we can work on,

One,

We can work on not having them,

And two,

Even if we do have them,

We can recognize them for what they are,

Especially when they don't come true.

So I think that that's the mode of staying happy and staying healthy emotionally and mentally that we're discussing today.

It's not that we're never going to have expectations or that they aren't somewhat just kind of an unconscious natural thing that can pop up,

But just how to deal with them and how to,

A healthy view on them,

I guess.

So I'll go off on that healthy view.

How do I do this?

I'm very intrigued.

Well,

Basically,

We need to know that eventually,

If we have expectations,

Especially of people,

Eventually we're going to get let down.

It's just going to happen because nobody can climb inside of me and know what I need all the time in every situation.

I mean,

Sometimes I'm even unconscious of what I need in a particular situation.

So nobody's going to be able to know what I need,

Be able to fulfill that need,

Be aware of it,

And take the action to do so in every situation in my life.

So if I have this expectation that somebody's going to make me happy or they are the perfect person and they're never going to rub me the wrong way or these unrealistic expectations of people,

Eventually they're going to let me down.

And when they do,

If they are ruling my reality and I'm leaning very heavily on that,

I'll be crushed.

And that's the unhealthy aspect of it.

So we have to be aware of those expectations.

And if somebody does let us down with those expectations,

We have to recognize it for what it was.

It's not necessarily a shortcoming on their part as it is us having unrealistic expectations for them and then them not living up to them because how could they?

Right.

So what do you do?

Because obviously sometimes people can exceed your expectations.

Right.

And that's a good thing,

You know,

At first.

But then if you look at it,

It's like,

Well,

Why did you have such low expectations of them,

Which can be a negative thing?

And it's a lot of it's about staying open and not really marrying into those expectations so deeply.

You know,

That's why when we recognize that us having expectations,

We need to try to let them go to the best that we can.

Or if we're developing a resentment,

And I'll talk about this a little bit more in a minute,

But if we're developing a resentment towards somebody and we look at the situation and we can see that it's because they're not living up to our expectations,

We have to we have to deal with that and let those expectations go.

And,

You know,

When people exceed our expectations,

It's a matter of staying open to possibilities,

Staying open,

You know,

That that's why like,

You know,

It's it's interesting,

Because the way that you opened up this show was kind of perfect,

Because I think it touched on the trickiest part of it.

And the trickiest part is not thinking that we're going to walk around never having expectations.

But when we recognize them,

You know,

Not getting locked into them and having them control our reality,

And that,

You know,

People exceeding our expectations is a good,

Good example of that.

Because if you go in with a very hardcore locked in expectation of somebody,

And it's especially if it's a negative one,

And you say,

Oh,

This,

This isn't,

You know,

Let's say you go into a business deal,

And you go,

Oh,

This person I'm meeting with is just,

It's never going to work.

I know it's never going to work.

It's never going to work.

And you go into that meeting,

And then all of a sudden,

They're presenting some good things.

And they could exceed your expectations,

And actually could be presenting you with something that's really good,

You're not going to allow yourself to see it because you have set low expectations of the situation.

And you're so locked in on them,

That you don't allow yourself to see the truth.

And that there really is something good here.

You know,

And it's that's something that can really hold you back in life.

So what,

Um,

What do you do to to manage that?

Because like,

I have,

You know,

As I said,

I have expectations for everything.

I had expectations before I met you.

I had expectations looking for when we were looking around at real estate for the for an office to rent.

You know,

I had expectations going to see a movie that I had been a fan of the book,

You know,

Like,

What do you do?

Like,

Expectations are big and small and good and bad.

And like,

You know,

How do you how do you identify that this is an expectation?

Identify that this probably isn't a realistic thing?

And then and then go about letting letting it be you're letting it happen,

I guess.

Yeah,

Well,

A lot of it is about staying open.

You know,

It's it's been dawning on me lately,

That not only in this podcast,

But in my life that a lot of a lot of the roads lead back to the same place,

You know,

And which is a good thing,

Because it's,

You know,

If you want to get closer to the truth,

Then simplify.

If you want to get further from the truth and complicate,

You know,

So the fact that a lot of the roads lead back to the to the same thing is,

Is a good sign,

You know,

And in this case,

It's staying open.

It's just staying open to the possibilities.

It's not locking into a belief system,

And letting your mind control the situation.

You know,

If I mean,

There's,

There's nothing wrong with having an expectation and expectation and wanting something is different,

Too.

Like,

If you're going to look for real estate,

And you go,

I would like this,

I would I would like three rooms and plus one large room,

Because I think that that would be my best best thing for my business.

Well,

That's not an expectation.

That's something that you would like to see happen,

Because you think it'd be good for your business.

But it's still a set mind belief system.

And if you stay open,

You know,

If you call up a real estate agent and you say I want three small rooms and one big one,

And they go,

Well,

What about is it three small rooms and a big one?

Well,

No,

Not exactly.

Well,

Then I'm not interested.

Well,

She might have just offered you five rooms and a big one that you could sublet for cheaper and it would have been a better deal.

And you just cut yourself right out of it.

Right.

So so that's why you,

You know,

Staying open and not being too locked in,

For things,

Understand that there might be a possibility of something even better coming,

You know,

And not getting too locked in on on an expectation or a belief system.

And it's staying in,

You know,

Staying in the moment.

And like you were saying,

Letting things happen,

Just life is going to happen whether you fight against it or not.

So just allow it to happen,

Notice what's happening around you,

And make the best choices for you out of what's unfolding.

You know?

Yeah.

And I think that negative expectations hinder opportunity.

Oh,

Yeah.

You know,

You know,

I don't know if I yeah,

It makes a lot of sense.

But like,

I know that a lot of the a lot of the people that just for example,

No specifics right now,

But some some people that I'm friendly with now,

And were people that for whatever reason that I,

You know,

Were they were business owners or did some random something that I thought was,

You know,

They wouldn't,

They wouldn't care who I was,

They're busy,

They're more important,

Like,

And I consider them friends now,

Or friendly with them,

I had negative expectations of them,

Not necessarily on a personal level,

But negative expectations of what would happen if,

You know,

If I approached them with something or or from a business sense,

Negative expectations,

If you,

Well,

If I try this,

Then I expect that it's going to go badly.

And,

And I think that that hindered a lot of opportunities.

Yeah.

And I think,

You know,

I think it probably did hinder you in ways.

But one thing that you have a strong ability to do is to stay open.

See that and that's kind of the the big point is,

Is it's not everybody thinks that they have to be perfect to do good things.

And you don't need to be perfect.

You just have to not let the negativity control you.

You know,

So it's so you may have had these negative,

You know,

Thoughts about these these people like they wouldn't be interested in doing business with you and stuff like that.

And that's not a good thing.

You want to try to recognize it and not have that.

But you even though you had them,

You were open enough to allow the the different reality to to come out.

You weren't so locked on to those negative beliefs.

I mean,

Literally,

People can be so locked on to a negative belief system like that,

That the person that they want to do business with,

That's too good for them,

Could literally call them up on the phone and say,

Hey,

I want to do business with you.

And they would say,

No,

I can't do it and hang up the phone because they are so locked into that belief system that they're like,

No,

It could never work.

There must be something wrong with it.

You know,

People can get locked in so hard that they can literally shut down something like that.

You know,

Whereas you don't do that,

Obviously,

You know,

It doesn't mean that negative expectations can't hinder you.

But you seem to be open enough that they don't control your reality.

What about expectations in a business sense?

For example,

If you are starting a business and you want to get a loan,

Or whatever,

And you make a business plan,

Well,

If you make a business plan,

Or even a personal plan that that is,

You know,

Supposed to set out for about five years,

You know,

Where are you going to be or three years even?

Where are you going to be?

How much money do you expect to make?

What do you expect to be the overhead and the roadblocks and the income and the revenue streams and stuff?

There are except there are expectations that you have to set out for yourself and something like that that are very on a grand scale.

And you have to you have to look at expectations.

And then when you go about implementing that,

Do you think that that like that's got to be incredibly frustrating when those expectations aren't met?

Because now you've put together like it's a it's a literal thing that like,

You know,

They teach you to make these big expectations.

And that if you try to follow these expectations and meet these goals,

Then that dictates success or failure.

And in a large portion of,

You know,

Ways,

That's how the world works.

I mean,

That's how kind of stocks go up and down because of expectations of stock prices.

Like people buy and sell them and then all of a sudden the economies crash and like,

Or stocks crash and a business goes out or people lose millions of dollars.

Yeah.

And that's because of expectations.

So how do you limit expectations in a business sense while still being smart about it?

Yeah.

And that's that's great real life examples too.

And the stock market crashing,

That's that's like a big subject because that's that's a good example of how expectations do run things,

Even though they're not reality.

It's just mind made thought forms that people depend on,

You know,

Oh,

The economy's up.

Well,

Things must be good.

Well,

You know,

A lot of times that that means that pharmaceutical companies are doing really well.

So that means we're selling more drugs to people.

And that the prison system is expanding.

Well,

That means there's more people in prison that we're producing more weapons.

Well,

That means we're at war.

So these are all negative things,

But yet the stock market is soaring and we think that we're doing better.

So it's,

You know,

That's it's not reality.

You know,

Expectations are just a mindset.

And,

You know,

You mentioned the word goals.

And that's more of an appropriate word when you're planning a business plan.

You have goals.

Goals are things you're striving for.

You know,

That doesn't mean that you're going to hit that exact mark,

Or you're going to hit that exact mark that when you say you're going to hit it,

You know,

I mean,

Anybody that's been successful in business knows that you can't set a business plan for five years or 10 years,

And nail every mark and have consistent marks along the way and nail them all.

It's just life doesn't work that way.

You need to be flexible with your business plan.

You know,

So you if you take somebody that has a business plan,

And they map it out for five years,

And then all of a sudden,

They go,

You know,

The first year and they don't hit their expectations in that first year.

If that happens,

And they go,

Oh,

Well,

You know,

I'm screwed.

Like I didn't hit my expectations in my first year.

I'm off my business plan.

This isn't going to work.

They fold it done.

Failure.

Now,

Anybody that has succeeded knows that,

You know,

Things aren't going to go exactly how you have them laid out.

But if you adapt,

You overcome,

You persevere,

You keep moving forward,

Eventually you'll get there.

That's success.

So that was really a beautiful example of the difference between healthy and unhealthy.

You know,

Healthy is having a goals and an outline to where you're walking towards,

But you can't get married to that specific expectation.

Because if you do,

And you think that if you don't hit that expectation,

But things don't work out exactly the way you wanted them to,

That means that you failed and you cop a resentment towards the situation.

You're never going to succeed at anything.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So yeah,

I think that that's,

That I guess that that is the biggest way that expectations are affecting my life at the moment,

At least our business expectations because personal expectations.

You're right.

I fortunately,

You know,

I don't know if it's naturally or through working with you or whatever,

But I have,

You know,

Allowed myself to stay more open with stuff like that.

Sometimes.

Yeah.

I'm a pretty,

Pretty closed off person sometimes too.

But yeah,

It's very,

It's very tricky to set out X because you want to set out goals for yourself.

Right.

And it's hard to not let those goals turn into expectations and then get frustrated when you don't meet those.

Right.

And I think,

You know,

It's,

There's a really good little experiment that,

That you can do to,

To help.

Like I can talk about things,

But until you really apply it into your life and have it become part of you and it really clicks inside,

Then it's just me talking,

You know,

And you,

And you can sit here,

Listen to the podcast and go,

Oh,

Glenn,

That was awesome.

Amazing.

And then you go off and you live your life the way that you've always lived it and nothing changes.

So,

You know,

That's not my wish for this podcast.

I want you to try to implement,

I want people to try to implement different strategies in their life.

And this is a good example of how they can do it.

You can look at,

Make a list of things that you have resentments about or things that you're angry about,

You know,

Just anything,

People,

Situations,

Whatever.

And if you look,

If you make a list of things that you're angry about,

You have resentments about,

You're going to see a huge portion of those.

If you're honest with yourself,

A huge portion of those is because you had expectations of that situation turning out differently or you had expectations of that person behaving differently and you were let down.

So,

So if you're,

You know,

Look,

If you're sitting there feeling frustrated about business expectations,

Make a list of the things that are that you're frustrated with,

Literally write them down on paper and look at them and be like,

Okay,

How did I have an expectation of this situation that didn't get met?

And that's,

Can you think?

I mean,

You know what?

I mean,

Right now,

I can't think of an example.

And I'm sure there are some,

But I can't think of an example of something that would make me angry that doesn't have some sort of a connection to an expectation that I had.

Most situations I think would.

Most situations that would that make you angry have some sort of expectation.

Right.

I mean,

The only things that I can think of are things that would make you angry that are just horrific things of people being terrible.

But that's because you have an expectation that people should be good.

Right.

And I don't think that that's a,

I wish that that wasn't a bad expectation to have.

Well,

It's unrealistic.

Yeah.

I mean,

Like I had a neighbor once years ago that he was throwing a fit because somebody stole his wallet out of his car and threw it up the path that was right near the parking lot.

It having a fit.

And what happened was that he left his car parked right in front of a path with those windows open.

Now.

That sounds like something I would have done.

Well,

The fact is,

Is you,

It's not that you should be able to or shouldn't be able to leave your windows open.

That's not the point.

The point is,

Do we know that there are bad people in the world that make poor choices?

Yes.

Okay.

Good.

So,

So if you know that there are bad people in this world and you choose to leave your windows down and your wallet sitting there,

Some bad person,

Especially that's parked right on a path that people walk on,

Probably not good people when it gets dark out.

I don't know.

You know,

It's kind of a risky proposition.

So they steal anything from the wallet.

Oh yeah.

They just,

They stole the,

They stole the money out of it and then they threw all the rest of his crap all over the place.

Oh,

Okay.

You know,

Cause I was going to say,

If you just,

If someone just came along,

Grabbed the wallet and went up,

Man,

It'd be hilarious.

What's this,

A rock?

That'd be bad,

But it'd be hilarious.

Yeah.

No,

But yeah.

Okay.

So what about,

Because I think that expectations are just so all consuming honestly,

Like,

Um,

I think that they're,

They're probably,

And then you just said like,

I can't think of a thing that would make me mad that didn't have expectations tied to it.

Right.

I feel like expectations are probably what do most relationships.

Oh yeah.

That happens a lot.

It does.

And know what's funny about that is like in relationships,

You know,

Everybody calls it the honeymoon period.

Well,

What happens is when we enter a relationship and there's that spark and you're like,

Ooh,

You know,

This,

This person really makes me feel good.

Well,

What we,

What we do is we think it's actually them making us feel good.

So in actuality,

It's,

It's,

I'm not going to get too deep on this,

But it's basically them reflecting back to us,

Our goodness.

We're seeing ourselves in them.

So it's not actually them,

But like I said,

I'm not going to go too far down that road.

But what happens is when we first meet somebody that,

And they were happy around them,

We,

The things that are catching our attention are the things that we like about them.

And then the thing,

And we're focused on that.

And we're like,

Oh my God,

She's,

She's so pretty.

She's so funny.

Oh,

We have such a fun time together.

She's so spontaneous.

She's this,

She's that.

And we're focused on all the things that we like and we focus on it more and the love grows deeper and more and more.

And it's exciting.

And it's,

And then eventually at some point she does it.

She does something that we don't like.

And we go,

Oh,

I didn't like that.

Then she does something else we don't like.

Whoa.

Whoa.

She,

So basically she's not living up to our expectation.

Oh,

I didn't like that.

Wait a minute.

She,

She actually might not be perfect.

I thought she was the most perfect person on the planet.

She might not be.

Oh,

Maybe I didn't know her at all.

Then we start looking for the negative things.

Oh,

What's she going to do next?

Oh,

What?

And see how our attention shifts.

And then we start focusing on the negative and the negative and negative.

And you know what we see more of the negative because we're focusing on it.

You know,

Um,

People that say,

Cause,

Cause I feel like a big thing when people,

Um,

You know,

Break up or separate in some way is you're not who I thought you were.

Yeah.

Um,

Well,

That's the,

That's the key,

Isn't it?

Like that I am who I am.

The fact that you thought that I was something different.

That's your expectations.

Right.

Right.

That's other people's expectations of you that you could never live up to ever.

And that's,

You know,

That's not to go off on the relationship tangent.

You know,

That's why somebody else isn't going to make you happy.

You have to make yourself happy,

You know?

So it's,

Yeah,

But that's exactly right.

It's a perfect example of,

Of having expectations of,

Of somebody else and then them not living up to it.

And then,

And then we feel like cheated.

Like,

Geez,

You,

You,

You fooled me.

Like,

No,

They didn't fool you.

You were seeing what you wanted to see when you wanted to see it.

And then your expectations weren't met all the time.

And then you started seeing the negative and then you focused on that and you saw more negative and it's,

You know,

It's I've seen relationships get saved by one thing and that is focusing on the positive.

I mean,

Especially,

Especially like long term situations,

You know,

Where,

Where people were truly,

You know,

I mean,

Of course that there's relationships that you just shouldn't be in after you get to know somebody.

But I'm talking about the long ones,

You know,

That people were really deeply in love.

And then 20 years later or even 10 years later,

They,

They,

Five years later,

The seven year rich,

You know,

You hear of that.

It's like,

You know,

People,

If there's,

You're really love somebody,

There's a real good chance that you're just focusing on the positive.

I mean,

On the negative and the negatives growing,

You know,

People,

If they focus,

Just do that one thing,

Focus on the positive about their spouse.

They can actually bring back that relationship back to the way it was.

I've seen it happen.

You know,

That's assuming that the negative isn't something horrifically negative.

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Somebody's back handing you.

Yeah.

That's,

You know,

That's a bad thing.

You should get out of that situation.

But I'm focusing on the positive.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But he's got soft hands.

That's not a healthy perspective.

That's better than the sitting in your own.

Back-ending me,

But he has soft hands.

Oh man.

So yeah,

Don't stay in that relationship.

I'd like to put that out to the listeners.

Okay.

So,

Um,

I don't even,

All right.

So basically,

Um,

Is there ever,

We'll end on this.

Is there ever a time when expectations are good?

Should we not have the expectations like the bare minimum expectations?

Like if I'm in a relationship,

I expect you to not cheat on me or,

That's not,

See,

That's not,

This is where,

This is where it gets tricky because we think we don't understand the word expectation and the negative aspect of it.

There's something called healthy boundaries that we can have a healthy boundary is I choose not to be in a relationship with somebody that cheats.

So if you are in a relationship and you find out somebody's cheating,

You end the relationship.

It's,

You know,

The,

The,

All the personal aspect of it is it's,

It's a bunch of drama,

You know,

That's,

We have the right to be treated the way we choose to be treated.

That has nothing to do with expectations.

We have the right to be treated with respect.

If somebody doesn't treat us with respect,

Then we can either,

You know,

If it's on a minor level,

We can approach that situation and say,

Listen,

You didn't treat me with respect.

We need to discuss this and find a different way to handle it.

And then you move on with the relationship.

That's working on a relationship.

If they continue to do so and they refuse to change and you don't like the way you're being treated,

Then you should choose to leave the relationship,

Period.

But the implem,

See,

Expectations are the emotional version of that.

That's very factual.

That's,

I'm not going to be with somebody that cheats.

Okay,

You cheated.

Sorry,

I'm not going to be with that type of person.

Goodbye.

That's very factual and it's very healthy.

It's that emotional aspect.

Oh,

You shouldn't have cheated on me.

You know,

Why?

It's got nothing to do with you.

It's got to do with the person cheating.

You know,

They have the right to do whatever they choose to do.

You have the right to not be with that type of person.

So that has nothing to do with expectations.

When we're sitting at home and we break up with that person that cheated and we sit there and we go,

They shouldn't have cheated.

And I did everything for them.

And they're wrong.

And then that's expectations that you had the expectation that they shouldn't cheat and you're deeming them evil and wrong and sucking the humanity out of them,

Quite frankly.

And now,

So you feel better,

You know,

And it's all that emotional drama that goes with it.

That's the unhealthy stuff.

You know,

So you can set healthy boundaries for yourself and live a wonderful existence and set beautiful goals ahead of you and strive for them.

And you can even be an optimist and expect wonderful things to happen all the time.

But if they don't sometimes,

You got to stay open to that too.

You know,

So I think,

You know,

The big lesson today is not that you can never have an expectation or even that it's not a realistic expectation to think that you're not going to have expectations.

You know,

We will.

We will have expectations,

But don't let them rule us and cause all the drama in our lives and wreck things for us.

You know,

Identify them for what they are.

Well if you were expecting us to have a question on this show,

You shouldn't have.

Oh wow,

Very nicely done.

Very nice.

Because sometimes we like to change it up.

We got a little carried away there.

But we do take questions on the show.

We try to have that every week.

So where can people send questions?

Send them to life-enhancement-services.

Com.

You can find a link to message me there.

And on my Facebook page,

Personal one,

Glenn Ambrose,

And my business one,

Life Enhancement Services Facebook page.

And that'll do.

So thanks for joining us for Expectation Show.

Thanks for having me back.

Thanks for coming back,

Ben.

Thanks for producing,

Dave.

And we got the thumbs up.

All right.

And we will talk to you soon.

Until then,

Have a good two weeks.

This podcast is presented by New Shore Productions.

Executive producers,

Glenn Ambrose,

Benjamin Barber,

And David DeAngelis.

Reviews

Great talk, great conversation. I especially liked the discussion about the difference between expectations and healthy boundaries. That’s where I am right now. 🙏🙏🙏

Brilliant discussion! It really got me to delve deep into my expectations and how I have been disappointed in a relationship when these haven't been met. It got me thinking about the Law of Attraction and if I've Bern aligning to the principles wrongly and cutting off opportunities! Thanks for another great talk.

Sound logic & advise. 😊

Always Positive full of Inspiration Podcast!! Thak you

Enjoyed not really to informative but amusing approach to discussion

Really nice talk, thought provoking and fun. Thanks guys!

Excellent talk on expectations and out attachment to them infused with some good humor towards the end! Thank you!🙏🏾✨

I would expect nothing less❤️ HeHe Awesome Guidance as usual🌷🌟🌈