Love Me When I'm Wrong - L,L,&L W/ Glenn Ambrose

In society we experience positive feedback when we're right but very rarely when we're wrong. We need to lean into unconditional love for ourselves and others in order to move forward in a healthy way.

Transcript

Welcome to Life Lessons and Laughter with your host,

Glenn Ambrose.

Hello,

Welcome to Life Lessons and Laughter with yours truly.

How are you?

Answer me.

Okay.

So,

So today,

I don't know.

I think this is kind of unique.

I think this is kind of cool.

To some degree.

So the,

The title of this episode is love me when I'm wrong.

So the way,

The way that this came off is I was doing some,

I was doing some dishes and I had some music playing and I was jamming out.

And there's this,

I think it's a three doors down,

Maybe.

I don't,

I think that's who it is.

Anyway,

There's a song and it's,

Um,

What is it now?

I can't think of the actual,

Uh,

Lyrics,

Uh,

Love me when I'm gone,

I believe,

Um,

Is the song.

And I know this song and,

You know,

I like this band and I've,

I've listened to it multiple times.

And for some reason I'm doing dishes and I'm not,

You know,

I'm just kinda in a zone,

Just whatever,

You know,

Jamming out to some tunes.

And all of a sudden I start,

I'm singing along with the song and instead of singing,

Love me when I'm gone,

I started singing,

Love me when I'm wrong.

Just like on a couple of verses.

And I'm like,

And I,

And I was like,

Wait,

That's not,

That's not the lyrics.

Like,

What am I singing?

I've heard this song so many times.

I know that's not the lyrics.

Why am I singing this?

It was completely unconscious,

You know?

So when something like that comes up,

It captures my attention and I'm like,

Whoa,

What,

You know,

What's,

What's that about?

Um,

So I started thinking about it.

Love me when I'm wrong.

What does that mean?

And I was like,

Oh,

Wow.

This is actually a profound thought because,

You know,

I flashed to my childhood and,

You know,

I was always wrong.

I mean,

I never fit into society,

In school,

At home,

You know,

I was,

I was,

What's the word?

Not spontaneous.

I would just,

Impulsive,

That's the word.

So I was impulsive.

So I would just do things.

And then,

You know,

Sometimes people would be asking me,

Like,

Why did you do that?

I'm like,

I literally don't know.

It's just,

I found myself doing it,

You know,

And that's how things were,

You know,

Not all the time.

But some,

As a kid,

I think we see kids doing this all the time.

They're just in the present moment and an action flows out of them.

Like,

It's not a conscious thought.

They're not sitting there going,

Oh,

I think I will go do this.

It's just all of a sudden,

They just go do it.

And it's probably based in some level of curiosity or something.

But it's just flows through them.

So they're not actually aware of why they're doing it.

I know I wasn't.

I like people,

People would ask me,

Why are you doing this?

And I was like,

I don't know.

And they'd get even more angry.

Like I,

Of course,

I have to know why I'm doing it.

No,

I literally don't.

I don't.

Like when you stopped me was really when I realized what I was doing,

Because I didn't really realize it before that.

So yeah,

So it's,

It's this,

You know,

That,

That was one aspect,

The,

The,

The impulsivity,

And just doing things of my childhood,

That was just one aspect of it.

But,

You know,

Then there was times when I was just doing,

I just never bought into society,

You know,

Everybody said,

Like,

I don't know what was worse,

Not being able to do something or not wanting to do something,

You know,

People were like,

You,

You have to be able to just sit at a desk,

And not do anything for six hours.

And I'm like,

I can't.

But so I physically couldn't.

But I also didn't understand why they wanted me to,

Like,

What,

What,

Like,

Why?

You're throwing all this information that I could care less about.

And I'm probably,

You know,

As six,

I knew I wasn't going to use most of the stuff in real life.

Well,

I didn't know I had an inkling,

You know,

Eight,

10.

Like,

And I was right,

I don't use most of the stuff.

And half the stuff I learned,

I found out it either one changed,

Because they found something different to be true.

Or was lies that,

You know,

Like the half the history we learned was lies.

I don't know.

So I was always wrong,

Was my point in one way or another.

And,

You know,

Look at how society teaches us,

You know,

I'm not,

I'm not picking on,

You know,

My particular childhood,

This is,

Well,

It's not global.

It's probably global in developed countries.

But really think about society,

It's punishment based,

You know,

You either do what you're told,

Or you're punished,

Period,

That it's,

You know,

And it was very simple,

Before,

Like,

Now,

We're starting to get out of that and trying to go,

Okay,

When we're constantly punishing people,

One,

It doesn't change negative behavior,

We've proven that scientifically.

But also,

It's messing with people's minds and emotions,

On levels that it didn't used to in the past.

I really believe that we are getting more sensitive generation to generation to generation.

You know,

I think it started maybe in my parents' generation,

Where we started getting more sensitive.

That's,

That's when,

Like,

Some of the changes began,

You know,

The hippie movement in the 60s,

And stuff and going,

Hey,

Maybe I won't beat my kids all the time.

And questioning organized government and organized religion and corporate America and things like that.

Like,

That's when it all started.

And I think it's because that's when the spiritual shifts started.

We so we're coming in more and more sensitive each generation.

So we're trying,

You know,

And we're,

There's a learning curve,

You know,

We're going from 100,

000 years of beating your kids and telling them to shut up,

And everybody does what they're told to questioning everything and actually having our feelings hurt sometimes.

And trying to find another way of doing things that doesn't,

Isn't so just shut up and listen.

Mentality.

And we're in that,

That shift right now.

So we're going from just do what you're told into finding another way,

Which I don't think we're,

We've done a very good job at replacing consequences.

Yeah,

I think that that's the main reason why we're struggling in this particular growth curve,

This growing edge is because we found out that beating people and not questioning things and stuff like that is probably not the best way to go about it.

But we haven't replaced it with anything.

You know,

People,

Including children need to be held accountable for their actions.

So what we're doing is we're just not yelling at people,

We're trying to not beat our children.

And,

But we're not replacing it with anything.

You know,

Of course,

I'm generalizing some people are.

I know,

I tried to to the best of my ability with my son.

But we need accountability.

I taught my son accountability big time.

And this is why he's accountable today.

You know,

I didn't have to beat him to make him accountable.

It wasn't an option for me,

I wasn't going to do that.

So I found other ways to hold him accountable without the the typical punishment mentality.

So it's,

We need accountability,

But we have to let go of the beatings and the non just shut up and no respect,

You know,

That and I'm like,

I'm not saying that that was bad.

Like it actually worked for a long time.

But we're just we're evolving as a species and it doesn't work anymore.

So always being wrong when when you're young and being,

You know,

I was very sensitive.

Probably.

I mean,

There are plenty of people in my generation that are as sensitive as I am.

But I would probably say I am,

You know,

Myself and people like me are a small percentage of our generation that are that sensitive.

And then the next generation,

Like let you know,

Throw some numbers out there.

Let's say 25% of my generation is as sensitive or more sensitive than I am.

And then the next generation,

Maybe it's like 50%.

Then the next generation,

It's like 75%.

You know,

We're coming in more sensitive.

And understanding sensitivity is is it's a it's a risen frequency level.

It's a higher vibration,

Which is more love based.

Right?

Like if you know,

Think about,

You know,

I'm talking about adult and children dynamic,

But relationships are our relationships,

Like,

There has to be a foundation of respect.

Now,

When we were when,

You know,

A few generations ago,

It was all one way,

You respect your parents,

You respect your elders,

You respect your government,

The priest,

Whatever,

Blindly,

With no questions,

You're not allowed to question anything.

And that worked for a long time.

But it fell apart more and more and more when,

You know,

That that funnels power upward,

You're going to have people drunk on power when you have that dynamic.

So this is why we had more sexual abuse and more like,

The respect was one way like there was no respect towards children.

There was just respect up.

So you can't have a healthy relationship like that.

No,

Like I said,

It worked for 1000s of years.

So it was manageable.

But now that we're changing as human beings,

And we're becoming more sensitive,

It doesn't work anymore.

We're trying to usher in a new way of being.

So we need to have mutual respect.

So we actually have to be conscious of our children's feelings.

You know,

Because now if like,

Three generations ago,

A kid being wrong all the time,

It didn't affect them like it does,

Would affect the kid now.

Society was different people were coming in different.

It was just how it was back then.

And everybody was treated like that.

So like,

If your feelings ever did get hurt,

You probably were like,

Talking to your friends,

And they're like,

Oh,

My God,

My father called me a jerk and an idiot.

Like,

So like,

Everybody's father calls him a jerk and an idiot.

What do you complain?

Oh,

You know,

Like,

That's powerful.

Of course,

Man,

Before,

You know,

Now it's like,

Oh,

That hurts.

Oh,

Yeah,

That bothers me,

Too.

Like,

We're changing,

Right?

So we need to evolve new ways of doing things.

And since when I was sensitive,

You know,

I,

I didn't,

I could feel that love being withheld,

Because we're in a punishment society,

Is that I'm not picking on my parents,

For sure.

I mean,

I had wonderful parents who did the best that they could.

And they,

You know,

This is what a learning curve looks like.

Of course,

They didn't know how to deal with a child that was as sensitive as I was,

Because I was the first one they saw,

Like,

They weren't the same as me.

So how,

How would they possibly know how to deal with somebody that was completely different than them in this way?

Right?

They wouldn't.

So it's not about blame.

And,

You know,

I want to talk collectively about this,

Because some of it,

Maybe I experienced as a child,

Some of it,

Maybe I didn't.

But it's all in alignment with this.

So it's not about,

You know,

Picking out my personal experience.

It's about the collective experience.

And it's not about blame.

This is just the the learning curve that we're going through.

And it's helpful to understand it.

So we didn't get love when we were wrong.

We got punishment,

And scolding and bad grades.

And just in every way possible,

We were told we were wrong,

We were bad.

You know,

Things would be withheld,

May it be love or reward,

Or like,

It was just,

If you didn't do what you were told,

Or you made a mistake,

It was implied that it was unacceptable,

For the most part.

You know,

Because like,

The the way the the worldview was back then,

It hadn't completely changed.

So it was just,

If,

If the outlook was,

If somebody made a mistake,

We have to correct it,

How do we correct it by pointing it out,

That it was wrong,

For one,

And a lot of times punishment.

And or withholding love,

That's the same as a punishment,

Right?

So this is how it just went,

Like,

All the time,

Like a machine.

It was just,

You know,

You're wrong.

Very rarely,

Did somebody ever show me love,

Like,

Or let me off the hook,

You know,

And now granted,

I had a I had a bad reputation,

Too,

Which didn't help,

Right?

If you have a good reputation,

And you make a mistake,

People will look at you and go,

Well,

They do the right thing 90% of the time.

So hey,

Everybody makes a mistake,

Let's let this slide.

Um,

That wasn't my experience,

Because I was always doing something wrong.

So I got blamed for stuff that I didn't do pretty regularly.

I mean,

I didn't get caught for at least half of what I did do.

So I'm not it's not about being fair.

It's about what information is being internalized by a human being.

You know,

And if you're,

If you have a bad reputation,

Which quite possibly you earned,

You know,

Like I did,

To some degree,

I guess,

When I was younger,

I guess I didn't earn it,

I was just not able to fit into a system as I got older and decided to rebel against the system,

Then I guess I earned it.

And that's really where my reputation got bad.

So whatever,

It depends on how you look at it.

But it doesn't really matter how you got there.

You know,

It's,

It's cool to have a little insight and stuff.

But what's more important is where you're going.

So there was all this.

I was never loved when I was wrong.

I was never told it was okay to make a mistake.

It was not much.

I mean,

I'm sure a couple people did here and there.

And it was wonderful when they did.

I was probably shocked.

I do remember the few moments that I did experience it.

Like,

Um,

My grandmother.

Um,

You know,

I,

I had my cousin talk about this at our funeral.

You know,

He wanted us,

The grandkids to each have a memory.

And I remember just,

You know,

Getting,

Doing something that I wasn't supposed to be doing.

I don't know what it was,

But I was little.

And,

Um,

I thought I was about to get in trouble.

And my grandmother just hugged me and just,

She was just like,

Come here,

Come here and hugged me and told me that I was,

That I was good and that it was okay.

And it was like,

What the hell,

You know?

And I remember that.

I remember that feeling,

You know,

I,

Oh my God,

I don't know how old I was,

You know,

Who knows,

Maybe eight or something.

But all these years later,

Almost 50 years later.

Um,

I remember that,

You know,

As a child,

Because it was so rare.

And then as I got older,

My friend,

Um,

Ed Ed's mom,

You know,

We were,

We were insanely wild in our,

Late teens,

Early twenties.

And,

And we were just,

Uh,

This one,

Man,

We had it all.

We had drugs,

Alcohol,

Um,

Car crashing,

Hiding from the police,

Telling the police off,

Like all kinds of stuff.

And,

Um,

And we went over his mom's house,

Uh,

You know,

After the police had been there looking for us and stuff.

And,

Uh,

She just,

When we walked in,

She just called us over and just gave me and him a group hug.

And she just said,

You guys are better than this.

You guys have to stop this.

I love you.

You have to stop doing this type of stuff.

You know,

His mom Edie.

And I mean,

It was just getting that type of unconditional love,

Even though you were acting like a moron.

It was just so profound to me.

I remember it so clearly,

You know,

That there were beautiful moments,

But that wasn't my,

My experience in life.

You know,

I wasn't told it was okay.

I wasn't told that I was a good person.

I mean,

Every once in a while,

You know,

Like I,

Again,

When I was younger,

Like a lot of my teachers would say it to me.

Or put it in my report card.

Glenn's a good kid,

But you know,

And I wanted to hear the Glenn's a good kid.

And I did hear it.

Um,

Because it blew my mind because nobody treated me like I was a good kid,

You know?

So when I would hear that,

I would,

I would want to hold onto that.

Oh,

Glenn's a good kid,

But,

And then that,

But would come in and all the energy would be aligned with the,

But it wouldn't be aligned with the good kid.

Glenn's a good kid,

But we have to punish him because he did this.

And it's like,

Well,

Which one do you think you're going to hold on to?

Right?

Do you think you're going to hold on to the fleeting comment?

Or do you think you're going to hold on to the action based reinforcement that you're wrong and that you're bad?

Of course,

You're going to hang on,

You know,

Actions speak louder than words.

So that's what you're going to hang on to.

So,

You know,

What we seek is unconditional love and support,

And that's what makes us feel safe.

And I'm,

You know,

Again,

I'm not saying that we can throw accountability out.

We cannot.

And I think quite honestly,

We need to do a better job at holding people accountable,

Having clear boundaries,

Having clear expectations and voicing them.

And,

And having natural,

Just,

Just natural repercussions.

When,

When people are going against that,

Especially children,

We have to teach them accountability,

That there's natural consequences if they don't follow through.

And it's like,

You know,

That's what I tried to teach my son.

And I did teach my son.

And I think I,

You know,

Now he's an adult.

So I guess,

I guess it worked,

Because I find him very accountable for his actions.

And I never punished him,

Per se.

I gave him natural consequences.

But that's how I explained it.

So listen,

Like if you this,

At this stage of your life,

You just have to go to school,

Like,

I'm not saying you have to do it perfect.

But you have to turn into your assignments.

These are your responsibilities.

And if you don't do it,

Then your life is going to have natural consequences.

Like I can't pull you out of school,

The law doesn't allow me to,

You know,

And when he was real little,

His mom had had full custody,

So I had no rights.

So like,

I couldn't make decisions whether he was going to stay in school or not.

So I had to play with the system.

So it was like,

You know,

This is just what you have to do.

And if you don't do your work in school,

And then you fail,

Then you just have to keep repeating it.

And that's difficult,

Then you'll probably end up quitting.

And,

You know,

And then you have no high school education,

And you can't get a job and blah,

Blah,

Blah,

You know,

It was just like,

Your life,

That's,

See,

That's natural consequences,

Your life is going to get,

You're not going to have options,

If you don't do what you need to do here.

And your life is going to get worse and worse and more and more difficult.

So I need to show you that life isn't real fun,

When you don't do what you need to do.

That's accountability.

And this is where you are.

And this is what you need to do.

So,

So I took that approach explaining it to him,

I never told him that this that school was right.

And that his teachers were always right.

I didn't that that that to me was bs.

It's not true.

And I'm not going to lie my to my son,

The teachers aren't always right.

The educational system,

In my opinion,

Is a joke.

And I like I don't really believe in it.

So like,

I didn't lie to him about it.

I just said,

Listen,

This is where you are.

This is reality.

This is where this is what you need to do at this stage of your life.

Are there problems with it?

Yep.

I see all kinds of problems with the educational system.

But like,

I don't make the rules.

So and neither do you.

So there's really not a heck of a lot we can do about it at this particular time,

Except be clear on what needs to get done and undo it.

And if you're not doing that,

Your life is going to get worse.

It's just natural consequences.

If if a lion doesn't go hunt,

It gets hungry.

That's a natural consequence.

It doesn't like that feeling.

If if it doesn't follow that feeling and learn from that feeling and then go hunting,

Then it will eventually die.

That's a natural consequence.

It's not a punishment.

It's just if you don't do what you need to do to advance your life,

You're going to suffer period.

It's so but people might not see a big difference with that.

But there is a big difference.

It's the energy in which you put it out.

And it's and it's explaining it to somebody and going,

You're not the problem.

And the problem is society,

This is this is just what needs to be done.

And you know what?

The fact that you're questioning it is good because it's stupid.

So for you to question something stupid is intelligent.

Way to go.

Now we have to face reality.

Reality is,

Is,

You know,

This is the law right now.

And we don't have any other choice.

So,

So we need to figure out a way to work within this system.

You know,

So I used to explain it to kids like it's,

It's like,

Okay,

You know,

I was doing this talk with some kids and I said,

You know,

Who likes sports and they're like,

Oh,

I do.

So I picked soccer,

Because that's what my son played.

And I said,

Listen,

You know,

What do you like about soccer,

Running,

Kicking the ball,

Playing with my friends,

I said,

Okay,

So if the ball came to you,

Every time the ball came to you,

You kicked it out of bounds,

Or at your own goalie,

What would happen?

They'd be like,

Well,

The coach would pull me and I'd be on the bench be like,

Right.

So if,

If you got pulled out of the game and put on the bench,

Would you be able to run with your friends and kick the ball and have fun?

No.

Okay,

Well,

That's how life is.

That's how school is like,

You got to play by some of the rules,

Whether you agree with them,

Or whether you don't agree with them,

Doesn't really matter.

You have to play within these rules.

And if you do,

You can actually have some fun and enjoy things and enjoy your life.

But you got to play,

You got to learn to play with some basic rules here.

So that's how I explained it to the kids kind of just spontaneously.

And that's kind of how I tried to teach it to my son.

So,

You know,

Now,

We understand,

You know,

The dynamic of what we're dealing with.

It's like,

Okay,

How do we move forward?

How do we,

You know,

What's a good projection into the future?

And it's,

You know,

Love and support is,

Is huge,

Unconditional love and support.

This is what makes us feel safe.

We know we're okay.

And we all want to feel safe.

You know,

So especially as children,

We want to feel safe.

We want to.

And a lot of times we don't.

So how can we do this?

You know,

I'm sure adults are listening to this.

So,

You know,

I talked about the kids and stuff.

But one of the big points I wanted to make with this is not just the childhood stuff,

Right?

Where,

Where,

Where adults need to be.

You know,

I'm in my twenties now,

And I find myself singing a song that says,

Love me when I'm wrong,

Even though that's not the lyrics,

Right?

So on an unconscious level,

I still want to be loved,

Even though I'm wrong.

And I looked at that and I'm like,

Yeah,

I am wrong sometimes.

And you know what,

I've accepted that I'm a human being,

And I'm going to not do things perfectly on a human level,

Like ever.

Most likely,

I don't see how I could,

You know,

I don't know,

Maybe if I blew open,

You know,

Completely enlightened,

And I floated around like Jesus,

Maybe,

But even Jesus was running around flipping tables over and stuff.

So who knows?

I guess I guess I'm not holding my breath.

Okay,

I'm not holding my breath to be perfect on a human level,

Because it doesn't exist.

Everybody has different perspectives.

So I can be all wonderful and loving all the time.

And somebody might be like,

Well,

You're not showing the negative aspects of life,

Glenn.

Oh,

Well,

I screwed up.

So I'm wrong in their eyes.

Right?

So there is no perfection for us to have in a human perspective.

Now,

From an eternal perspective,

We're completely perfect,

Completely divine.

So we can anchor into our safety from the eternal perspective.

You know,

We are perfect in an eternal perspective.

And we have to accept ourselves as we are and let go of the judgment.

The judgment we have towards ourselves and others is just such a gigantic blocking point.

Every time I transcended another level of judgment,

I feel myself open up spiritually.

It's happened.

Oh,

I don't know,

Probably,

Maybe three times over the last 20 years,

Where,

You know,

I just had this new level of abandoning judgment towards myself and others.

Maybe it crept back in,

And I have to do it again,

Or whatever it was.

And I could always in the days that follow,

I could always feel like,

Wow,

I just took a big spiritual turn.

By dropping that judgment,

It always uplifts me.

So what's important about love me when I'm wrong,

Is,

You know,

Everything is like this,

By the way,

To everything that we're seeking,

That we don't have,

Or we haven't experienced is all within.

So as I was,

As I was initially listening to this song,

And then the song ended,

And I'm thinking about this concept,

I grabbed a card,

And I started writing some notes,

Because,

Like,

Oh,

This is this could be helpful for my journey,

You know,

So I'm writing down the notes.

And the last one I put is I can give this to myself.

That's safety that I've always been seeking.

I can give that to myself.

The unconditional love that I'm seeking,

I can give that to myself.

The the voice that says,

Glenn,

I understand that you made a mistake,

But it doesn't make you a bad person.

And I love you anyway.

And it's fine.

You don't have to hold yourself to the standard where you think you have to be perfect.

That's,

It's unrealistic.

And I love you anyway.

And I love you the way you are,

Not even anyway,

Just exactly as you are.

I can give that to myself.

And each one of you can give that to yourself.

And this is what we have to start getting used to.

You know,

Some of the work that I do with with my clients is,

You know,

Different versions of things that we think we need.

You know,

We think we need the support of a spouse or acceptance of from a boss,

Or support from a friend,

Or whatever it is,

We think that we want,

And we think it's outside of us.

And we're not getting it.

And that drops us into victim mentality.

Oh,

I should be able to be.

Oh,

I just need somebody to love me unconditionally.

Like,

Oh,

I need I need I need.

I saw this video the other day,

It was somebody talking about there's no such thing as neediness.

And I understood the point he was making.

Like,

Of course,

It's important for all of us to have love in our lives.

But that's not what neediness is.

Like,

Because you can have somebody that that is like completely awakened,

And is not needy.

And they have to keep or not even completely awakened,

Just not needy,

Just able to give themselves love and have a strong foundation and love themselves and be in that energy.

And they can get into a relationship and have a healthy relationship.

Whereas if you take somebody who is incapable of loving themselves,

And they just not incapable,

They're just not loving themselves.

And everybody's capable of loving themselves.

But they're just not doing it right,

Then love from another can help support.

But oftentimes,

People that are needy will latch on to that,

And it feels like it fulfills them.

And then they don't do the inner work to get it for themselves.

And then the relationship falls apart.

And then they're all alone.

Again,

They don't know how they got there.

You know,

That cycle happens all the time.

This is why it's so important.

Like when a relationship ends to give yourself a little time and introspection and do the healing,

Look back on that relationship,

What can you learn?

There's so much you can learn.

My God,

I've had brief relationships,

Very brief that I've learned a ton from.

And the longer,

Deeper ones.

It's almost unquantifiable how much I've learned.

Like there's stuff that I'm still learning about myself every it's pretty rare now,

But I'll still get a little flash of something of awareness about myself or something.

And I can draw relying back to a relationship I was in 15 years ago,

Like literally,

You know,

And I learned a ton from that.

Relationship and I can still get little nuggets.

So we have to learn from from these relationships and we can't be dependent on others.

That's not what relationships are for.

Relationships are not to get something from other people.

Oh,

I need unconditional love.

So I'm going to get it from them.

I need support.

So I'm going to get it from them.

No,

That's not what a relationship is for.

A relationship is to to share who you are,

To share life experiences.

It's about sharing.

It's not about getting from one another.

So when we give ourselves the unconditional love.

An anchor into that safety that only we can give ourselves it because,

You know,

This is the other point.

It's not that it's not just that we can give it to ourselves.

It's that we are the only ones that can give it to ourselves.

That's my point.

That's my point.

I'm not saying like,

Well,

You can you can,

You know,

Give yourself unconditional love or you can get it from somebody else,

Which one resonates more for you.

No,

You can't get unconditional love from somebody else because they're human.

They're not perfect either.

And they don't you don't even know what you need half the time.

How are they going to climb inside of you and know what you need all the time if your well-being is based on somebody else?

They are going to let you down.

It will happen.

And if you're constantly trying to feel good about yourself through them,

They're going to get sick of it,

Most likely.

Because they get a big enough job handling their life and now that they got to handle yours,

Too,

You know,

So we are the only ones that can give this to us.

We are the only ones that can give ourselves true,

Actual acceptance that we're looking for.

We are the only ones that can give ourselves true,

Unconditional love 100 percent of the time,

Regardless of the situation on a deep level.

Now,

I'm not saying now that people like other people can love us unconditionally.

But their actions aren't going to always show that because they're human.

You're going to get into an argument over the frickin toilet seat or the dishes in the sink or something,

And somebody is going to handle it wrong because they're in a weak moment or they dropped into unconsciousness.

And if every time somebody handles something wrong,

It's like a dagger into your heart because you're so insecure.

You have no self-love.

So what their opinion of you in every single moment determines your reality.

You're in deep trouble.

That's what I'm saying.

Okay.

So the only one that can truly give us what we seek,

Really the safety that we seek,

The love that we seek,

The unconditional love that we seek,

That we we all want and we all know we need it.

But most people are looking externally to try to find somebody to fulfill it for them.

It's within.

We're the only ones that can give it to ourselves.

And I know I've told this story before,

But it's my favorite with this type of dynamic.

You can use it in different situations.

It wasn't about loving me when I was wrong.

Okay.

So maybe this can help you guys understand what I'm always talking about with the dynamics,

Paying attention to dynamics.

It's not about the topic.

So it's about the dynamic.

Excuse me.

It's about the dynamic.

So even though I'm not talking about love me when I'm wrong,

This particular dynamic was back when I was in family court and every once in a while it would get to me and I was just overwhelmed and I was telling somebody about what I was going through and they were like,

Well,

Maybe you should do this.

Maybe you should do that.

And I flipped,

I just had nothing left in me and I lost my mind.

And I was like,

Well,

Maybe you should just wait a minute and maybe you should maybe you should work on your delivery.

I was like,

You know,

For 10 years I've been busting my ass with this family court stuff,

Taking the high road.

And then maybe after you give me some of that,

Then maybe you can tell me what to do.

And I heard silence and my friend Nancy said,

That was beautiful.

Not what I expected after losing my mind on her,

You know?

And,

And she said,

Yeah,

She's like,

That was beautiful.

You,

You needed that.

You needed that.

You thought you wanted me to say it.

But actually,

If I would have said it,

It wouldn't have given you what you needed.

Only you can give you that.

And you just did.

And it was beautiful.

And I was like,

Mind blown.

You know,

This is,

We need to give it to ourselves.

It's only real if we believe it.

If somebody says,

You know what,

You're good,

Even though you made a mistake.

If we don't believe that we're good,

Even though we made a mistake,

Their words at best are going to make us feel better for a very minute period of time.

Because deep down,

We don't actually believe it.

Nobody can change how we feel about ourselves,

Except ourselves.

And that's where the strength comes from.

That's the freaking depth,

Man.

That's how you change your life.

By changing who,

How you think of yourself.

You know,

I've worked with so many people over the years.

And one of the things that I tell them to do all the time is be who you're becoming.

Stop for a moment.

Look at how well you handle things now.

Look at where you were when we started working together.

And look at where you are now.

And pat yourself on the back for all the progress.

Instead,

It's like,

We'll handle life a thousand times better than we used to.

But we'll focus on the things that we're not doing perfectly right and be like,

Oh,

My God,

And question our spiritual path and all this stuff.

And it's like,

We have to stop that.

And we have to view ourselves because this is how we enter.

We change the way we interact with life is by changing how we view ourselves.

If I don't love myself,

I'm going to interact with life in a different way.

When somebody attacks me,

I'm going to feel more hurt.

If things don't go my way,

I'm going to be scared.

That's what's going to happen if I don't love and trust myself.

And if I do some work,

Like,

You know,

Sometimes we do spiritual finance work.

This is just one example of many.

So like,

If I never if I do all this,

Like spiritual finance work or any other type of spiritual work,

Where like,

I work on embracing abundance,

Right?

So I understand why I used to sabotage myself with money because of,

You know,

My childhood upbringing,

People saying rich people were bad and all this stuff.

So I understand all that.

And then I try to change it and all this stuff.

And then I go about my life.

If I don't slow down and look at myself and go,

Okay,

I believe that I am abundant.

I actually that I am abundant,

Not because I see it externally,

But because I know it about myself.

The universe is abundant.

The world is abundant.

Go count the blades of grass and tell me that nature isn't abundant.

You know,

Like we live in a world of abundance.

We this we have the ability for abundance.

And if we don't see ourselves as that,

Believe that about ourselves,

We're not going to experience it externally.

So don't wait until the outside is going like,

Oh,

I have a million dollars in the bank.

Of course,

I'm abundant.

No,

First you're abundant,

Then you get the million dollars in the bank.

So it depends on how we look at ourselves,

Because we're going to change,

It changes the way we interact with life.

So like,

You know,

This big land deal,

I keep talking about,

Like,

I don't know what I'm doing with this big land deal.

But I know I'm capable of doing whatever anybody else is doing.

I know that.

I know that.

If I didn't know that I wouldn't be able to do this.

Doesn't matter how many people line up and tell me,

Glenn,

You're capable of doing this,

You're capable of doing this,

You can do this.

If I don't believe that I'm capable of doing it,

I won't be able to do it.

I've had enough experiences that I know that I'm capable is anybody of accomplishing whatever I want,

Basically.

Whatever I really want.

I mean,

You know,

Like,

I'm not going to be like,

Oh,

You know,

I want to be an astronaut.

And then,

I mean,

Even that,

Who knows,

With this,

You know,

I might even be able to do that with with the with the private trips going up into space.

But,

Um,

You know,

What is it totally,

I think talks about tennis,

You know,

Hey,

Like,

If I'm sitting here going,

Hey,

I'm,

You know,

I'm 55 years old,

I've never played tennis,

I'm going to take up tennis.

I'm going to be the number one tennis player in the world.

That is probably unrealistic.

And that isn't to me,

That's not a heartfelt desire.

Somebody might really think they want that at 55 years old,

But I don't think they really do.

Because it's unattainable.

So so like,

Why?

I don't think that that's actually a heartfelt desire.

I think it's just something that that,

Like,

Oh,

I wish that,

You know,

I wish I was a rock star.

Yeah,

Cool.

You know,

Like,

If you latch on to it too tightly,

That could be a problem.

You know,

If you're at and who knows,

I mean,

There's maybe you could be a rock star at 80.

You know,

I don't I don't want to rain on anybody's parade.

If you think you can,

You want to go for it.

But my point is,

There are,

There are heartfelt desires.

And there are just things that we think we want.

I'm talking about the heartfelt desires.

It's,

Why,

Why wouldn't I be able to buy a bunch of land and section it off and sell it to some like minded people?

And why wouldn't like,

Why wouldn't I?

Because I don't know about it.

Nobody knows about anything until they do it.

But I truly believe that.

And that's why I know that I'm going to be able to do this.

So whatever my point is,

Whatever we need,

We have to give it to ourselves.

Maybe somebody can support us.

You know,

It's,

It's wonderful.

Like I talked about my grandmother and my friend,

Ed's mom,

Edie,

Like,

It's wonderful to get those people in your life that come along and believe in you.

And and can give you unconditional love.

It's cool.

And that happens.

But again,

If you don't adopt it within yourself,

It,

It just feels good for a few moments,

And then it goes away.

So like my friend,

Well,

My guys,

I guess my grandmother,

Too,

You know,

Like,

Though,

That was said to me at an early age,

And I didn't believe it.

So I didn't live it.

Then when it was said to me,

I think we were,

I don't know how old I were back then.

Maybe I think we're like 19 or 20 back then.

But you know,

I didn't change my life until I was 35.

So her words,

Their words didn't change me.

It felt real good.

It felt real good in the moment so much.

I remembered it.

But it didn't change me.

It didn't change how I interacted with life.

Why?

Because I didn't believe it.

So even if we do get it from somebody else,

You know,

And it's easier,

Like,

If,

If we can,

If we can actually embody it,

Right,

Love ourselves,

And love ourselves,

Even when we're wrong,

Even when we make mistakes,

And just love ourselves unconditionally,

If we can do that,

Most of the time,

Then we can develop good,

Healthy relationships,

Quality people around us.

Because if anybody's a jackass,

We don't want them in our lives,

Right?

So we're not going to have that.

If we love ourselves,

We're not going to have a bunch of people that don't love us in our lives,

Just not going to happen.

So we have good people around us,

Then all of a sudden,

Like,

Let's say we hit a difficult time in our life.

Can we make it through on our own?

Yes,

We probably can.

If we really love ourselves and believe in ourselves,

We can make it through on our own.

But when you're going through a weak moment,

And you're struggling a little bit to have loving people around you,

Sit there and go,

Hey,

I love you.

I believe in you.

You're still good.

You're going to be all right.

I mean,

Oh my god,

That is one of the most beautiful things.

It's like,

I can feel a little emotion just a little because I'm like,

Kind of caught up talking in the moment.

But when if I slow down,

I can feel it already happening.

Now my face is getting a little flush.

I don't know if you can see it on video.

That is one of the most beautiful things to me.

It's when I just really slow down and feel the vibration of somebody just holding me and going.

I love you.

It's okay.

It's going to be all right.

Having that level of support.

It's one of my favorite things.

Forget about it,

Man.

It's it's one of my freaking favorite things.

It's just that unconditional support.

Why?

Why is it so fulfilling and so loving and so wonderful for me to experience that energy?

It's because I haven't gotten it much in my life.

You know,

It's just the way my life I'm not a victim.

I'm not saying poor me.

I would be better if I had gotten that.

No,

It's just it just wasn't in the cards.

It's just not how I lived my life.

You know,

Who knows?

Maybe I was never meant to.

Maybe it was because some of the choices I made,

Whatever.

It just wasn't in the cards.

I just didn't.

And but I think that that energy feels wonderful for everyone.

Like I think I think some of my friends have been high school sweethearts that got married,

You know,

And now we're 55.

And like,

I remember them together when we're 15.

55.

And they're they've already been together 40 years.

That's like mind blowing to me.

And beautiful.

I love it.

You know,

I think it's so cool.

I'm sure it hasn't always been easy.

But but it's beautiful.

And you know,

To have somebody there from a very young age through your whole life to be able to just when you're going through a difficult time,

Hopefully,

Some of these couples do this for each other.

I know not all couples do.

But just to have somebody there by your side through your whole life almost to be like,

I got you.

I'm here for you.

I love you.

When you're down.

Oh,

My God.

Oh,

It's just to me,

That's one of the most beautiful things.

I love it.

But I,

You know,

Foundationally,

I give it to myself.

So when somebody does that,

If when I do experience it,

It's not,

It feels wonderful.

But I don't depend on it.

I know I'm gonna be okay.

Even if I didn't have that person there to say that to me.

I know I am.

So to me,

It makes it that much better because I'm not dependent on it.

I'm not sitting there going,

Oh,

Thank God,

Thank God I have this person to save me because I would have fallen apart if if I didn't have this unconditional love to save me.

No,

I'm fine,

Whether they're there or whether they're not there.

If they're not there,

I'm still going to make it.

So I don't need it.

They're not fulfilling one of my needs.

And to me,

That makes me freer because I'm not my happiness isn't contingent on it.

So I'm freer with it,

I can just accept it unconditionally for for the energy that it is.

It's unconditional love,

And I can receive it unconditionally without an attachment to it.

See,

If you need something,

Then you have an attachment to it.

You're like,

Oh,

I,

If I don't have this,

And I then I can't be happy.

No,

Like,

That's,

That's not,

That's not how to find freedom and peace.

Find freedom and peace that you're good.

And then when you get this stuff,

It's just like icing on a cake.

And it's just this free,

Loving,

Wonderful feeling.

Because it's just happening,

You'd be okay if it didn't,

But it is.

And how wonderful is that?

And that's what I want to leave you guys with.

So I love you,

Even when you're wrong.

Love yourself,

Even when you're wrong.

Love others,

Even when they're wrong.

We have this tendency in society to pick out,

You know,

As soon as somebody makes a mistake,

We label them as their mistake.

Oh,

They,

They did this.

And that's who they are.

No,

That was 30 years ago.

Like was I was watching some documentary.

I forgot which one it was.

But it was,

I was watching something.

And somebody was,

Oh,

I know what it was.

It was that new Arnold documentary on Schwarzenegger on Netflix.

And,

And they were that when he was running for office,

They were saying,

You know,

They were publishing stuff that he had.

I'm just gonna leave this light.

He was rude to some women.

Okay.

And his Maria Shriver,

His wife at the time,

They showed her with the microphone going up and saying,

Hey,

I know this man,

And how he is and how he's been for the last 20 years that we've been together or something.

You know,

These people are talking about something that happened 30 years ago.

He's not that person anymore.

And I thought that was a good point.

I'm not saying that we let everybody off the hook,

But it's like,

Geez,

And especially for something like that.

You know,

I think those are topics we have to take seriously.

So I don't want to make this about the topic.

My point is,

Is just that,

Like,

I did stuff when I was 18,

That I'm a completely different person now.

I mean,

I,

You know,

For me,

It's very obvious,

The coin flipped at 35.

So everything before 35 was one Glenn and everything after 35 was another Glenn.

So it's very clear,

But everybody,

Some degree,

We grow and we learn.

And when we make mistakes,

We go,

Whoops,

I shouldn't have done that.

I'm not going to do that again,

Then we don't.

And we have this tendency in society that as soon as somebody makes a mistake,

We label that,

Well,

They are that mistake.

That's the type of person they are.

That's what they are.

That's who they are.

That's what they do.

It's like,

Whoa,

Whoa,

Whoa.

One thing,

I mean,

It could any one of you,

If you were labeled by a mistake that you made,

Would that be fair?

It wouldn't be fair for any of us,

You know?

So let's love ourselves and not label ourselves and one another as mistakes.

Again,

It's not about letting go of accountability.

There's certain aspects of when people make a mistake and they hurt other people,

They should be held accountable.

So there is an aspect of that.

And maybe it even applies to Arnold.

I don't know.

I'm not getting into that conversation.

That's not what this podcast is about.

It's just my point is,

Is that we are more than our mistakes.

And we have to accept and love ourselves and one another.

That's where it comes from.

All right,

Peeps.

Peeps.

Hope that helps.

Take care.

And I will talk with you soon.

Peace.

Transcribed by https://otter.

Ai