Moving Through Fear and Setting Boundaries Pt. 2

In this episode, I will continue my conversation about the Archangel Michael and the importance of setting good boundaries. Episode aired March 30, 2017.

Transcript

Hi friends,

It's Gladys here.

Today we will continue our conversation with the Archangel Michael and the importance of setting good boundaries.

Hi friends,

Gladys here and we're going to continue our conversation with the Archangel Michael.

Last episode we talked about fears with the Archangel Michael and this episode I'd like to go a little further and talk about setting boundaries with the Archangel Michael.

So Archangel Michael as we talked about is this strong force.

He's like this warrior energy.

He was seen on battlefields to make sure that people are taking care of themselves.

So he's this force.

When we think about boundaries,

We think about it's kind of like a scary thing sometimes because it's hard because people don't like confrontation.

They don't like to speak up.

But I'm finding that one of the big lessons that we're learning this year are setting good boundaries.

So when I think about that word,

Because I have to admit for a very long time,

I had no boundaries.

I had no rules for myself and people really just kind of walked all over me and I was okay with that.

Well,

I wasn't okay with that,

But I told myself I was okay with that.

Until this kind of breaking point when you're like,

Enough is enough.

My life is in my own.

I'm doing everything for everybody else and you have to kind of throw your hands up in the air and give yourself a big timeout.

So I started to kind of sit with this word boundaries.

I'm like,

What exactly does that mean?

Well,

In society,

We have boundaries everywhere.

So think about the Jersey barriers on the highway is a boundary.

Think about when the kids are playing at the preschool outside.

They have the fences,

Which is their boundary.

You have boundaries with traffic lights.

You have boundaries with laws.

You have your cubicles at work maybe are a boundary for you.

And so really boundaries are everywhere and the idea is really to kind of maintain order so that everybody knows where their spaces and where they need to be.

So to go even further,

We as people also need boundaries for ourselves and that's really where it starts.

And so I kind of had to dissect and be aware of who is taking advantage,

What my boundaries even were and what was even okay for that.

And so kind of pulling back a little bit,

I had to kind of look,

Take a hard look at myself and say,

Okay,

What is acceptable and what's not acceptable?

Who am I?

And what is it that I even want out of setting boundaries?

And I see this with a lot of practitioners who are in the holistic field,

But I also see it with counselors and nurses and teachers and many caregivers out there where we're in these jobs where we want to help or even if you're not working in a job and you're staying at home with your children or you're working from home,

The key is to really get to know yourself before you can set boundaries with other people.

So I'd like to kind of talk about that for a little bit.

So a lot of times who we are is defined by other people's expectations of ourselves.

People usually comes in to kind of teach us to kind of be this force.

What he does is he kind of pushes out all those people that are coming at you.

When you invite him in your life and you ask him to surround and protect you,

What he's going to do is he's going to kind of remove or kind of push out these forces.

And then what happens when he does,

What are you left with?

You're left with yourself and you're left to deal with yourself and really kind of come to terms with where you're at and the space you're in and why.

And so that was like a hard thing for me to kind of sit back and digest that a lot of the struggles that I had,

I created.

Now I'm sure maybe a lot of you out there are like,

Oh yeah,

We can totally see you create this and you create that.

But when you're in it,

Maybe somebody who's in it now and you got family members running all over you,

Kids that have no rules.

When you kind of take a step back and you kind of look and you're like,

Oh God,

I created this and it's because of this and this and this.

And you know,

It's part of society,

It's part of upbringing.

And I feel like this year is a year for us to kind of take a step back and really look at who we are and really to get to know ourselves.

And the only way you're going to know what your boundaries are is if other people are testing them.

So I know that even when I'm standing next to somebody,

One of my boundaries is I need space.

And I noticed that because I talked to a lot of people,

You know,

I'm at a lot of events and you know,

There are a lot of people coming and going.

And I realized that one of my boundaries is I like space between me and that person.

And so sometimes I'll take a step back,

Sometimes I kind of do something else.

And I laugh because it's again,

It's another way to get to know myself.

And by doing that,

I'm paying attention to my body,

I'm paying attention to how I'm feeling and I'm kind of going within.

So you know,

For the last few months,

I've been kind of playing with this whole boundaries thing and realize,

Yeah,

I can set boundaries with other people,

But it really starts with,

You know,

Myself.

So as now I get to know myself and I'm aware of what my boundaries are,

How do I express that?

How do I put that out there?

Well,

You know,

Even my business,

You know,

I've had to kind of set clear boundaries with scheduling and voicemails and emails and,

You know,

Social media,

You know,

I kind of had to let it or it not I didn't let it just happened where it kind of got out of control,

Where I had to say,

Okay,

I need to set some rules here,

I need to set some barriers,

Just like the Jersey barriers on the highways,

Just like the laws,

You know,

I kind of have to set that for myself and I also have to learn to respect and honor it,

You know,

And so it's a hard thing,

You know,

When you have to speak up because what's going to happen is it's going to create resistance.

You know,

If you have a work environment and you have a job to do and you have people coming in and out of your workspace all day and you can't get anything done,

There's no boundaries there and what happens is you get stressed out,

You end up staying later,

You know,

Over compensating so it comes a point when you know you say enough is enough either shut the door or,

You know,

Start telling people,

Hey,

You know,

I need,

You know,

Some space or some time and it's not always the easiest thing to do.

So you know,

What I've been doing is kind of calling the Archangel Michael in and asking him to kind of be like a guardian,

Kind of being like a buffer so that I'm aware of how I need to speak up and kind of set rules and I found that as you do that,

As you know yourself,

As you respect your own time,

Your own energy,

Your own body,

Your own space,

People will naturally begin to respect that,

You know,

So when we talk about boundaries,

It's not about you telling everybody you can't do this and I don't want to do this.

It's really starting with yourself and really saying,

Hey,

You know what,

I'm going to go out and this is how I'd like to be treated or this is how I'd like to be respected and allowing yourself to do that for yourself first and I have to say,

You know,

That was a hard thing,

You know,

As a caregiver,

I wanted to be all about everybody and I wanted to be liked by everybody and I wanted to appease everybody but I'm realizing that,

You know,

In order for me to maintain my lifestyle,

In order for me to be able to continue to do this work,

I have to take care of my energy and boundaries is really at the root of it and so with the boundaries with other people,

You know,

I like to kind of tell the story.

It's kind of like children.

So you know,

Say you go into a grocery store or you go into a toy store and every time you go in there,

You buy that child a toy or a candy and it goes on and it goes on and you get anxious about it and you get anxiety and they want more and more and they want something and now,

You know,

And now it comes to a point where you've got to set a boundary.

Well,

What's going to happen when you say no,

That child is going to pitch a fit,

You know,

I'm sure maybe some of you out there have experienced the tantrums and what happens is they don't want these boundaries.

They don't want these rules,

Right?

But yet to live in a society,

A healthy,

Thriving society,

We need it.

You know,

There are laws for a reason.

There are traffic signs and stop signs and stuff for a reason.

So we have to kind of see that we need this for our personal space as well and so we have to know that once we start setting boundaries with ourselves,

We're going to want to rebel against it.

We're going to want to resist just like people in our lives.

You know,

We have young souls.

We have old souls.

When you start to change,

When you start to say,

Hey,

No more,

I'm not going to pick up the phone every time you call and there's a crisis or I'm not going to always give you the money in my pocket because you didn't manage your own money or I'm not always going to do your work for you because,

You know,

You came in late or you're wasting time on the phone.

You know,

When you start to set these boundaries,

I'm not going to lie,

It's you're going to get resistance,

You know,

I'm not saying,

You know,

All the time,

But it will happen,

You know?

This is that part of you really knowing yourself,

Kind of standing your ground and saying,

But you know what,

This is going to allow me to kind of function and thrive and continue to be a productive person in society.

You're not going to want to live your dreams and pursue your goals and come up against,

You know,

A force moving ahead when you have all these people and this energy kind of weighing you down,

Right?

So this is kind of one of the big lessons that I've learned.

So,

You know,

I've talked to,

You know,

Clients and family members about these big dreams that I have and I realized I cannot get to those big dreams if I don't know what the boundaries are for myself and energetically,

You know,

It can't match.

And so,

You know,

I've been kind of,

You know,

You know,

Setting these boundaries in my own personal life and it does create resistance.

And of course,

It's with people that I love and I care about and it gets hard.

But you know what,

I have to say I love myself enough to say enough is enough.

And also too,

What's good for you today isn't necessarily good for you tomorrow.

So those boundaries are going to shift and change.

You know,

Sometimes,

You know,

At first I had to kind of like clear everything out and saying,

Okay,

You over here,

You over here,

I need to take some time off.

I need to take a break.

And I have to say,

You know,

When I did that,

The first couple days,

All I did was sleep and kind of regain my energy.

I was tired,

You know,

And after a couple days of sleeping and resting,

I started to kind of come out of it and saying,

Okay,

I feel good again,

You know,

And then I had to start to get on a regimen for myself,

You know,

For my mental health,

For my physical health and I'm like,

Okay,

These are good boundaries.

And I have to say I was going to the gym twice a week and working with a personal trainer and I was,

You know,

Going to,

You know,

A mental health professional,

You know,

And what I was doing is first off,

It was too much,

You know,

I was trying to run a business,

Maintain clients,

You know,

Maintain my relationships and now trying to do all this stuff for myself.

So I realized,

All right,

This isn't working.

Even though I knew it was good for me,

I still had to adjust even further.

So as you start to set boundaries,

As you start to make changes,

You know,

I say set realistic expectations for yourself,

You know,

It's kind of like,

You know,

Going to the gym,

You know,

For the first time after a while and you kind of just,

You know,

Get back to what you were doing before and the next day you're completely sore,

You know,

You're tired and depleted and you're like,

What did I do to myself?

So I say start small.

So if you have this bully boss,

Let's say in your life,

They're probably not the person that you want to start right off the bat with setting boundaries,

But what you can do it in other ways.

So if you have a friendship,

You know,

That's taking a lot of your time or,

You know,

You can set boundaries with coworkers a little bit or even boundaries with yourself,

You know,

Sometimes,

You know,

I'm,

You know,

Not necessarily a morning person and you know,

Like,

Cause I have to kind of get up and set boundaries with myself and say,

Okay,

By eight o'clock you're out of bed,

You're getting in the shower and you're moving through the day because if not eight 30 rolls around eight 45 rows around,

And then I'm running around like a crazy person.

And so if you're,

If you're,

If you're kind of like me,

If you're,

You know,

A person who's maybe not necessarily a rules follower or,

You know,

Somebody who kinds of marches to the beat of their own drum,

What happens is when you start setting rules for yourself,

It becomes a challenge because you feel like,

You know,

You don't want to be told what to do.

And I found,

I find that,

You know,

So I would start rebelling against myself.

I was eating healthy and I'm like,

You know,

Inside I'm like,

Well,

Nobody's going to tell me I can't have that ice cream or nobody's going to tell me I can't have that cake.

And so I have it and then it becomes more and more and more.

And now I have no boundaries for myself again.

And once again,

How do I,

If I can't have boundaries for myself,

How am I setting that for other people?

And so I really kind of called on the Archangel Michael and I asked for his assistance.

So you know,

He is the patron saint of police officers,

The military,

There are stories where he has been on the middle of the battlefield making sure that,

You know,

They're not going to destroy the world,

You know,

That,

You know,

The,

The,

The,

The,

You know,

The battles are,

Are,

You know,

Kind of maintaining the integrity.

And so by inviting Archangel Michael in your life,

He's kind of working with these battles inside of you.

He's working with these boundaries and these,

These resistances that you're getting from other people and yourself,

You know.

So nobody says that you have to do this alone.

I think that was one of the most exhausting things.

You know,

Being in business for 10 years,

You know,

I had collaborations with people and then I was also in times where I worked with myself and nobody was in the office with me.

And I have to say,

I liked them both,

You know,

But I went from one extreme to another.

I was with a collaboration of people and then it went to nobody with me and I had this big giant space that I was maintaining,

You know.

And,

And,

You know,

It was those extreme experiences that allowed me to kind of realize like,

Okay,

What works for me?

You know,

I like to be working and collaborating with people.

I like to have my own space.

And so this is that part of when you invite this angelic energy,

When you invite God into your life,

They're kind of a support system for you.

You know,

You no longer have to do,

You know,

This work yourself,

You know,

And this is where they say,

Invite us in.

They abide by the law of free will and they can't really intervene unless we're asking.

So,

You know,

I love these podcasts because I can share them many different ways that you can invite them in your life.

And remember,

It's part of your boundaries,

You know.

And so,

You know,

I invite the Archangel Michael in my life when I feel like I'm kind of going against resistance and challenges and he's this force,

He's this guardian of light and his job is to help us maintain so that we can continue to shine our light on the world,

So that we can continue to comfort,

Support,

Teach and inspire others,

You know.

And so he's happy to do it.

I have to say,

You know,

Michael isn't one of those warm and fuzzy,

Fluffy angels.

He's a warrior.

He is a force.

He is a masculine strength that helps us to persevere and move through fear and pioneer forward so that we can shine our light on the world,

So we can pursue our dreams,

So that we can help others and be of service to others.

And so,

You know,

Setting boundaries is just not with other people.

I mean,

You know,

We have boundaries with work hours.

We need to set boundaries with a schedule.

Even the amount of chores that we do,

Setting boundaries with coworkers,

Even setting boundaries with your bills.

So you know,

I used to be the one that was,

You know,

11 o'clock at night,

I'm getting ready to go to bed and I'm jumping out of bed because I remembered that I have a bill that's due by midnight,

You know,

And I'm like,

Gosh,

You know,

I don't even have boundaries with my finances or my bills.

And so what I started to do was go into my phone and set reminders.

And so whenever a bill is coming due a couple days before,

I get a reminder and I feel really good because I know I don't have to worry,

Did I pay this bill?

Am I going to get late fees?

Is my credit score going to,

You know,

Get,

You know,

Played around with?

And so it really starts with setting boundaries in your personal space.

It starts setting boundaries with,

You know,

Work.

And then,

Like I said,

The only reason or the only way you're going to know that you need to set a boundary is you're going to feel the resistance.

You're going to feel the challenge.

You're going to feel the uncomfortable,

You know,

Feelings.

And when you're taking care of yourself and you're paying attention,

You know,

You're going to be aware that you're comfortable a lot sooner.

You know,

I recently hurt my back and,

You know,

I know this stuff.

Like I know boundaries are important.

I know,

You know,

About pressure and,

But I have to say,

I know the reason why my back went out is like,

Once again,

I was putting a lot of pressure on myself.

I wasn't sticking to my boundaries.

My room was a mess.

I had voicemails and stuff that,

You know,

We're kind of adding up and I kind of had to take a stop and look at it and saying,

All right,

I'm feeling the same feeling again,

Because we know life is cycles and we know things come back over and over again until we learn.

So once again,

I'm lying on the couch staring at the ceiling saying,

Here I am again,

You know?

So it's part of instead of beating myself up,

I had to just comfort myself and saying,

Okay,

We're here again.

What did we,

What do we need to shift?

What do we need to change?

What do we need to do?

And one of the big things was really asking for the time off.

So I had to adjust my schedule.

I had to call people and reschedule things.

You know,

I had to say,

Hey,

You know what,

I can't be there today,

Which was really hard for me,

You know?

And you know,

I realized that,

You know,

People were okay with it,

You know,

They could adjust,

You know?

And again,

I made that commitment to myself to recognize how I'm feeling and how I'm not setting boundaries for myself early on.

So I asked God and I asked Archangel Michael to show me,

I invite you in my life to show me when I'm not taking care of myself,

When I'm not setting good boundaries for myself.

And then what happens is once,

You know,

I do that,

Then I get the warning signs or I get people talking about it and I hear,

You know,

What's happening in the world and,

You know,

And I'm like,

You know,

The energy freeze up and,

You know,

I feel good again.

So you know,

This is just another way that,

You know,

You can call on the Archangel Michael,

You know,

He's this force for good and really for your happiness,

For your peace of mind,

For you to really kind of move forward and kind of pursue those goals and those dreams,

You know,

That you really want,

It really starts with you.

One of the big things that we're learning this year is about boundaries.

So I thank you for listening.

We're going to take a quick break and when we come back,

We're going to have questions from Ben.

Hi,

Friends.

I want to share with you a new project I'm working on.

It's a YouTube channel called Consider the Source.

I work together with two other friends and our first episode airs April 2nd.

You can find the link on my Heavenly Hugs Facebook page.

And we're back and I have been here with a few questions with regards to our topic on setting boundaries.

Hi,

Ben.

Hey,

How are you?

Good.

Okay.

So I was taking some notes and the first thing that I think that I want to reiterate that you said is we create our own struggles.

So what we're,

You know,

You talked a lot about recognizing boundaries by,

You know,

That feeling of resistance or feeling uncomfortable and how we put ourselves in those situations.

So can you just talk a little bit more about,

You know,

How to,

What is it that you're looking for exactly when you're feeling that uncomfortableness and how you feel like you've created this problem?

Absolutely.

So kind of goes back to when I was talking about hurting my back,

You know,

And I could look back and saying,

Okay,

I wasn't taking care of myself,

You know.

And I was putting a lot of pressure on,

I was doing too much.

And so I think a big part of it is taking responsibility because a lot of times we want to blame,

We want to blame the kids,

We want to blame the boss,

We want to blame the parents,

We want to blame the siblings.

But I think it's important to recognize where we're playing that kind of victim a little bit and saying,

Okay,

Yeah,

These things may be happening,

But how am I not teaching people about these boundaries?

How am I letting people walk all over me or how am I putting even,

Not even other people,

How am I putting this pressure on myself and overdoing it?

So recognizing,

So for me,

It's my back.

It's a reoccurring thing.

So I know it's a pressure thing.

I'm putting too much pressure on myself.

I'm trying to figure it all out.

I'm not asking for help.

And of course now something needs to kind of shift.

Now that doesn't mean that you always have to feel pain.

And we talked about this a couple episodes ago.

You don't always have to feel pain in order to kind of learn you've got to set a boundary.

But what you also have to do is start recognizing how you're feeling when you're so disconnected from how you're feeling because you're taking care of everybody else,

That uncomfortableness and that stress and that pain starts to increase.

Does that make sense?

Yeah,

One of my,

Another thing that I want to talk to you about was who we are defined by others' expectations and like setting workplace boundaries.

One of my favorite books that had a lot to do with setting boundaries was The Four Hour Work Week by Tim Ferriss.

I love that book.

And I kept thinking about it over and over again when you were talking about work boundaries.

Two rules that I could think of that he set in that book were one,

He only answers emails at two certain times a day.

And he just told everyone that email them,

Look,

These are the times that I'm checking these.

This is when you'll get your response.

And you kind of trained everyone,

Retrained everyone how to treat you.

And you change their expectations because I think what you were saying was if you're letting yourself be defined by what others' expectations are,

Then you're not setting boundaries at all.

Or they think how you should be.

Because I have to say,

We live in a society where people work round the clock.

I worked in the real estate field for a long time and there were no boundaries.

You stayed when there were closings,

You stayed when this one said this or you sent whoever needed what.

And so we live in a society where people don't set boundaries for themselves.

So they're always working.

Even going on vacation,

People are still on their phones.

They're still chatting.

And I find the weird thing I always see is like,

I travel a lot and I travel with a lot of different people.

And a theme I see is that when people are saying they're going away,

Everybody and their mother wants something from them.

They're on the plane,

They're just landing,

They're getting to the place.

I need this all of a sudden and I need that.

And it's like you've got to and it's your opportunity to say,

Hey,

I'm on vacation.

I deserve this.

I need this.

And I need to set this boundary.

If not,

It doesn't matter if you're on vacation.

It doesn't matter if your children are sick.

It doesn't matter if you got the flu.

There are people who are still going to call and try to get things from you.

So it's got to start somewhere.

We've kind of created this society where everybody's at your beck and call.

And why can't people start to change that?

Why can't we say,

I mean,

I say it on my voicemail.

I don't always have the ability to get back to people.

I'm in the office a lot.

And if I'm not,

I'm at an event or I'm at a function or I'm home trying to eat dinner and rest for the night.

So I even had to set that on my voicemail.

You can book an appointment online and you can contact me via email.

And a lot of times I respond late at night.

That's when I'm available.

So things like this work.

But the thing is you've got to stick with it.

So he can say,

Absolutely,

These are the times,

But you've also got to stick with that because that one or two times you respond to that person outside of that,

They're going to think,

Well,

I'm special and I'm going to respond to you all.

I'm going to email you at all times and expect a response.

So it's smart and saying you've got to set these boundaries,

But us ourselves,

We really got to stick with that.

And that's really the hardest part.

Absolutely.

And I think that one of the biggest challenges to this whole boundaries game is wanting to be liked and wanting to appease,

Especially for,

We've talked about it in every podcast,

The caregivers.

If you're a caregiver,

I imagine it is.

I know personally,

It's incredibly hard to set boundaries and you have that desire to just make everything better for the other person.

It doesn't really matter what's happening.

And this goes back to liking and knowing yourself,

Because you only have yourself.

People will come and go.

And the problem is we've become such external people.

We don't even know who we are and we validate ourselves based on how many likes we're getting,

How many friends we have,

How many people we're connected to,

How many people need us.

And it gets to the point where it's just enough is enough.

And I'm seeing more and more people being stressed out by it.

And this is where you've got to love yourself regardless.

When you start setting boundaries and people saying,

Fine,

I'm not going to call you anymore.

Fine.

You don't have to know and love yourself enough to saying,

Okay,

I'm going to survive without that person.

I'm going to be okay.

And I feel really good.

But again,

A lot of times is a lot of us don't like ourselves.

We don't like to be around ourselves.

Honestly,

A lot of us don't act that much differently than the toddler who wants to play with the toy that you take away.

Absolutely.

And that's,

You want to,

You want to appease that,

But you're going to just create negative.

Become part of our identity.

It's come become,

But again,

It comes to a point when we're getting injured,

We're stressed,

Our health is declining.

And this is where we're talking about,

You know,

A couple of episodes about our pain,

Like when is enough enough.

And I have to say in order to pursue your goals,

In order to,

You know,

Take things at the next level,

In order to have the energy and the time,

You have to start with yourself.

You have to,

But you don't have to necessarily do it alone.

That's why I love to incorporate the angels in because I find that they make it easier.

They open energy,

They open open pockets of time.

They send beautiful people into my life.

They can teach me and show me how to do these things.

And when you,

When you were talking about how to notice where you need a boundary,

If somebody wants to make a change,

Right?

Do you think that would it would a good suggestion be,

Why don't you look at the area of your life right now where you feel the most uncomfortable?

Yes,

Absolutely.

The,

You feel the biggest pain point.

And then that's like,

Where's your focus?

Yeah.

You know,

Where is your focus?

Is it on your health?

Is it on your messy room?

Is it on your finances that are a mess?

Is it on,

You know,

Your relationship with your spouse?

Is it on the challenges that you're having with your parents?

Where is your focus?

Is it not only where is your focus,

But where is your focus right now and where do you need it to be?

Absolutely.

And this is what I mean about taking a step back,

Giving yourself time to kind of clear out all those have to's,

Should's,

All those responsibilities and kind of think,

Remember our guidance is within.

God is not outside of us,

But he's within us and he's talking and he's communicating and so are the angels all the time.

But when we're stuffed with all this other energy,

It's hard to listen.

You walk into a club,

Right?

And you got some awesome music playing and there's lots of entertainment and things going on.

It's hard to take a step back and think,

Right?

And so this is what happens is we live in a society with noise all around,

You know?

And so this is again where these boundaries start with yourself,

You know,

And saying,

Okay,

I have to take a step back before I even know what I need to do.

I have to take a step back and know myself before I can start setting those boundaries.

Awesome.

Well,

Thank you very much.

You're welcome.

And so I thank you so much for listening and I send you love with heavenly hugs.

You've been listening to Heavenly Hugs with Gladys Ellen.

Gladys invites you to join her on Facebook and Instagram where she continues to teach and inspire.

If this podcast was helpful and you would like to experience more,

Gladys offers private sessions at her office as well as over the phone and via Skype.

Connect with loved ones in the afterlife.

Explore past lives with past life regression therapy.

Or receive clarity about your life purpose,

Love,

Relationships,

Prosperity,

And more with spiritual intuitive sessions.

Book your appointment online anytime at GladysEllen.

Com.

Reviews

Very interesting! Thank you!

This was great I learned more about myself and behaviors that are contributing to my stress anxiety and not living my highest and best life. I will listen again to this on.