Loyalty - How Much Do We Need It?

Being loyal and having loyal friends is important in our life, especially when we grow older. But we all face the fact that in this world loyalty is decreasing and it lost important value. This lecture is about how loyalty affects our life and being. Loyalty has two ways to work. The first and most important way is the one inside ourselves. Ask yourself; how loyal am I to myself, to my principles, my self-love, and my health?

Transcript

Loyalty.

How much do we need it?

Being loyal and having loyal friends is important in our life,

Especially when we grow older.

But we all face the fact that in this world loyalty is decreasing and it lost important value.

This lecture is about how loyalty affects our life and being.

Loyalty has two ways to work.

The first and most important way is the one inside our self.

Ask yourself how loyal am I to myself,

To my principles,

My self-love and to my health.

The second question is to ask who am I loyal to and do they deserve it?

Both questions are important to the value of our own life.

Our problem is a fading of loyalty in every aspect of our lives.

We are no longer loyal to a gym,

A school,

A teacher,

A friend and sometimes even to our partner or parent.

Loyalty seems to be very flexible,

Outdated,

Old-fashioned and no longer of this time.

To some people loyalty is to be humble and display that in public.

Others consider loyalty as being at the surface of other people.

The knowledge of loyalty is limited by what you know and what you see.

One of the reasons why we are no longer loyal to many things is that we are so-called well informed.

Our information is in general mistrust,

Negative and often very one-sided.

Our vision of the world is clouded by the thoughts that we know a lot.

We doubt the value of loyalty and do not trust the messenger who tells us that we need it to survive.

Real loyalty is based on unlimited will to be at the surface of someone or organization.

In the past warriors did show their loyalty to their masters and even took their own life just to show how loyal they were.

You must hear it about seppuku or harakiri in Japan.

But the same loyalty to the death was common in other parts of the world but mainly without the ceremony.

Let me explain the need of loyalty.

As a marine or commander trooper,

Yes our special forces,

You need to be 100% loyal to the cause and follow the orders to the letter.

Your partners must rely 100% on you and you on them.

In danger you must be sure that each of the team members will give his or her life for the team.

That loyalty must surpass life and death itself.

It is unconditional.

If there is any doubt about your loyalty,

The team is in danger and it will fail the mission.

Loyalty and belief are not the same.

You can have a conflict with the person or organization.

You do not need to trust or believe the person or organization but be completely loyal to it.

Loyalty is faith that the other person will do you no harm.

Your life is safe in their hands and loyalty is expected to be two-sided if we talk about persons.

Even when you are loyal to each other it is possible to disagree or not even like each other.

Loyalty is based on the trust that when something seriously happens the person or organization stands by you,

Right beside you,

In all situations as you do the same for them.

But there is also another form of loyalty which is interpersonal.

It goes above any superior.

This loyalty to an institute or historical foundation.

That is loyalty through tradition.

Take as an example the militaries like before.

Besides the loyalty to each other they have to be loyal to the country they serve.

To all orders they receive and even they do not agree they also have to be loyal to the organization.

Loyalty is something that goes above emotions.

It is of another mental level and it can give peace of mind.

When you give your loyalty to someone or something you show vulnerability and expect little in return.

A country or organization seldom rewards a person for its loyalty.

Given loyalty is without expectation.

Now you understand a bit that what loyalty is and what you can expect of it.

It is important to know how we can be loyal and get loyal people around us.

How do organizations solve this problem?

The first word that comes in mind when we talk about loyalty and the organization is the word selection.

Every organization selects people before training them to be more loyal.

They select on different mental topics.

Loyalty is one of them and is ingrained in a person and that is why they check it for.

It is a part of their fundamental character.

They can be loyal as they do not question your intentions.

They do trust your vision and personality.

Loyalty does not make you feel safe not even comfortable or sheltered.

It is a state of mind a part of your character of you as a person.

Currently our friendships are under pressure and very few of us have real friends let alone loyal people around them.

Check it by yourself.

Look around.

Do you find anything like that?

One of the strongest foundation of loyalty is the family relationship.

Behind this is a genetic factor.

A growing up together,

A blood binding and the parent or caretaker that orders without saying to be loyal to each other.

Friendship or personal relationship is based on less permanent factors.

We get friends or relationship based on attraction and cooperation.

What we miss in most of these relationships is responsibility.

Loyalty carries responsibility in itself.

Being loyal is also being responsible for something.

An inner driven responsibility.

Something near devotion.

Most people who are loyal show this unconditionally.

They do not demand returns or expect favors.

A normal parent gives unconditionally loyalty to the children.

They are there for the child anytime needed.

They never ask for a returning favor.

Loyalty is not driven by love.

It is a state of mind that is separate from the emotion of love.

So then we finally come to a question that borders us all.

Can you promote loyalty around you?

Is it possible that me and then the question comes again in mind.

How loyal am I to myself?

Can I ask loyalty from people around me?

To answer this question we should go deep inside ourselves.

Am I able to be unconditionally loyal to a person,

An institute or organization?

Or am I ready to be loyal to something?

When you are sure of that,

Please write down to what you are loyal to.

So after writing down,

Look again and read it out loud.

Real loud.

So just pick up the paper and read what you wrote.

Do you feel pride when you speak out to what you are loyal to?

Is the feeling of pride comes up?

You are likely sincerely loyal to what you wrote down because pride is one of the feeders of loyalty.

Pride gives a positive energy.

It empowers most of the people.

Being proud of something about someone is important in your life.

You can value something which you consider important in your life.

It is a part of your personality,

Sometimes hidden but always there.

If you can be loyal,

It is very likely you can find other people who are loyal too because it is a kind of attraction.

This hidden magnet that attracts people with the same mindset.

Some people discover that they are not loyal to anything in life.

Do not let it be a shock to you.

The majority of people lack this attitude.

Realizing this and accepting it is the first step in understanding yourself better.

What personal influence does loyalty have in your life?

A complete luck of loyalty is like a ship in the ocean without any anchor to harbor it anywhere.

It is lost and a play ball to the sea.

Finding the right person or target for your loyalty is not easy.

But first,

Get inside your head and let us search for something or someone you have a sense of loyalty for.

First we search for a topic such as your country,

A school,

A gym or any organization.

Remember that sense of pride I mentioned before?

Let go of your mind over all this topic and keep a close watch on your emotional status.

Let each topic pass.

Stop and focus in.

What feeling is developing in your head or heart?

Do you feel any change?

Write down the topic that gives you a feeling,

Even a minor one.

You get back to it in the later states.

Loyalty to a person is emotionally stronger,

More complex and intimate.

Your loyalty is based on something.

There must be a connection of some kind.

It can be genetically or family relation,

Admiration,

Desire or other emotional connection.

Let each person in your direct environment pass by in your brain and then again check your emotional state.

Loyalty.

Feeling does not give you a warm feeling like being in love.

There is a feeling of being connected.

It is like a wire in between you and that person.

Through that wire is electricity that runs up and down.

The feeling is not devotion which fills your mind and being under the rule of someone.

There is no difference in level but a play field between equals.

Your loyalty to a person gives some sense to your life.

A feeling of care,

A fulfilment.

To many people it is scary to be loyal in the current time.

The reason of our growing mistrust is that we watch programmes where people are cheated for honest and loyalty.

Churches misuse their loyal devoted visitors.

Organisations show complete disloyalty to their employees.

Relationships end in divorce and family break up.

All these events give loyalty a negative image.

The fear of loyalty that increase in past decenia and it is making a society where disloyalty,

Dishonesty and cheating gets a place and starts to be considered as the new normal.

Question,

Is that your way?

When I teach my martial arts there is loyalty to the sport,

To the ancestors,

The venue and training partners.

When we enter a joyo,

A gym or whatever we greet the place.

Not because it is a god or something inside.

No,

No,

No.

It is just a matter of respect.

It is a loyalty to the respect for everything and all what has been passed on to us.

We are dependent on each other for results and improvements.

Our connection is the future of our health and we need each other to support and to accomplish our personal goals.

A teacher is nothing without its students.

Neither the students is nothing without a teacher.

Loyalty between them and the sport delivers results.

Loyalty is reliability and a positive mindset towards others.

Being loyal is a pride,

Is an honor and it is a state of mind.

Your loyalty is important.

Find where your loyalties are and you know more of yourself.

Question and answer.

Question one.

I have been loyal to the army all my life but they dropped me like a bomb when I could not perform well enough anymore.

Why is that?

Answer.

Loyalty to an organization is a one-sided agreement and that seems to conflict with all we learned before but it is not.

Organizations are not people.

They don't have a mind of their own.

They only reflect the opinions of superiors and others and everybody who contributes in this organization.

The organization chooses you for the ability to be loyal to your tasks,

To the organization and to the people who order you.

That is loyalty by selection.

It's your mindset which is honorable and made you in the person you are.

But an organization is task oriented and when you cannot reach the task they have in mind and how can you guess what kind of task,

You are no longer useful and a potential risk to the organization.

The goal of each organization is to perform exactly according to order to a task and if you do not suit it you're out.

Just like that.

No gratitude.

Just out.

Question two.

What is the difference between loyalty and love?

Love is an emotional attachment.

With love you reach out from heart to heart.

It's an emotional rewarding event.

You give and you receive.

Loyalty is most of the time under a condition like bringing up children but from a sense of duty.

Loyalty does not come always with a duty or attachment.

A feeling of duty and having a duty is different.

A feeling of loyalty can be directed to something imaginable.

Such as a country or a flag.

So you don't have the duty with the flag.

You don't have the duty for the country.

But still the feeling of duty is there.

Love needs a focus,

A goal.

Loyalty does not.

Question three.

Can you create loyalty or build it?

Answer three.

In general loyalty is a built-in part of a character.

It is ingrained in the personality.

If there is no sense for loyalty it's very hard or near impossible to grow it in a person.

Meaning if the person itself does not have any ability for loyalty you will not be able to let it develop or grow it.

You cannot be built a system of loyalty when the ingredients are not there.

Question four.

Is loyalty everlasting?

No.

Loyalty can last a lifetime but also a shorter time.

It is possible to break loyalty.

Real loyalty should be everlasting like in the time of the samurai or the knights.

But we are living in other times.

Organizational loyalties as I mentioned before have a time limit.

Personal loyalties should be lifelong but they can decrease by time and distance.

One of the reasons why loyalty decreases is by moving to another location.

If people are no longer in contact with each other or live from a long distance apart from each other there is no real sense of loyalty anymore and honestly it slowly will decrease.

Loyalty needs to be fed with action and connection,

Contact.

Without action and contact it slowly fades away but it does not imply that the person becomes disloyal.

Question five.

Is loyalty between lovers important?

Yes.

That's my answer for sure.

When people fall in love they should bring loyalty in the relationship as a sense of respect,

Commitment,

Determination and make it a lasting success.

As said before,

Loyalty needs to be fed and kept active.

In a relationship true loyalty is a sense of duty,

Honour and respect for the other person.

When people have no loyalty it's impossible to keep a relationship standing.

Loyalty thrives on openness and honesty.

This is the end of this lecture.

If you have any questions or remarks please contact me.

By any means possible you are always welcome.

My name is Arnald van de Veer from the Netherlands.

If you like to know more about me please check the internet,

Check my website.

Thanks for listening and I hope you follow more of my lectures.

Reviews

That was amazing. This needs to be talked about more. We have too much disloyalty, dishonesty, and cheating being propagated and normalized everywhere. We have forgotten what loyalty means. We need to revive loyalty in our society. You answered a lot of important questions. This is a talk that I will save. Thank you.

Excellent and timely lecture. Could have been shortened, but that’s his style.

This lecture really brings clarification between love and loyalty! Thank you for that 🙏❤️

TY TY
That was enlightening to hear your perspective on this subject. I too was in the military previously, so loyalty was very important, especially when I was at wars.

At first, I wasn't sure if you were going to clarify yourself about blind loyalty & blind love. Yet, you clarified both at the end w/ questions 4 & 5.

Namaste. Peace Shalom 💃Tee🐒

I truly appreciate thoughts from a person who follows their own path. You provided much insight and food for thought. I would add one more dimension and that is loyalty can even survive death...the ultimate test of love. Peace and thank you for for sharing your perspective 💕