Fear Of Speaking | Finding Your Authentic Voice

Afraid of public speaking? Feeling stressed anytime you need to speak in front of others? You are not alone! Amina Luc and I decided to share our stories of overcoming the fear of speaking. We discussed the reasons behind our fear, what actions to take to manage it in order to speak up freely from our hearts. How to get rid of the fear of judgement or rejection? How to stop postponing while waiting the perfection that never comes? Join us on this journey towards a powerful voice.

Transcript

Hello guys,

Isabelina here.

Today I have a beautiful guest,

My sweet friend Amina,

And I'm so happy to have her here.

And we will talk about fear of speaking,

Because that's something what both of us struggled in our life a lot.

Like I had really bad blockage of my voice,

I was not able to speak in front of people.

Whenever I would stand in front of the group of people and I had to speak,

I would feel like my stomach is getting squeezed,

Like my heart is beating up like crazy,

My hands were sweating,

And I was just so afraid to speak up.

I was just.

.

.

I don't know,

It was overcoming me completely.

And now you can see I'm doing the video,

So maybe I'm not perfect with this what I'm saying,

With the way how I'm communicating.

And I'm fully aware of it,

But now I learn just to speak up my truth in my own way and to allow myself to do mistakes,

To not be perfect,

Because it's totally okay.

And that's something what we want to talk today,

Because Amina,

She just inspired me to do it and to share with you,

From our hearts,

From our experience of being afraid.

Thank you,

Elina.

Okay,

So tell me,

Amina,

What do you struggle with?

Yeah,

I'm struggling with myself,

Just first to look really on myself,

How I'm speaking.

And it is actually so difficult to do this.

For me,

I just imagine how I can look in front of the camera,

Because I feel that I used to struggle to be the best and most perfect in front of everyone,

In front of myself.

And nowadays,

I kind of struggle more because with all the social media,

Everything is online.

And I just realized that I really have to go through this fear.

And so that's why I'm doing this.

That's really great.

Because we always see people talking so beautifully,

Communicating so clearly.

And we think like,

Wow,

How they can stand in front of camera,

How they can speak,

How they can actually share with so much confidence,

Which we are maybe lacking in this moment.

And then we think,

I will never ever be able to speak publicly,

I will never be able to record some kind of video,

Because maybe you're freaking out being in front of camera,

And you just become a completely different person,

What we just discussed before.

Like when I was starting to record the videos,

I would put the camera and I was just so fake.

Oh my god,

I was all the time super straight,

Smiling so perfectly,

All the time trying to,

You know,

Say every single word perfectly.

And if I would do any mistake,

I would just delete the video and try over and over again.

And then I just realized,

Wow,

That's just bullshit.

Like I don't have to do it perfectly.

If there is something,

What I believe is meaningful to share and what I want to talk about,

I can just talk and I can be myself.

I can allow myself to do mistakes,

To say something wrong,

To say something funny,

To look not perfectly,

It's totally okay,

Because we all are human,

Right?

And when we share from our heart,

That's where the most beauty is coming out.

Like when you are sharing with me,

I mean,

About your life,

About your experiences,

About your journey with yoga,

You just inspire me so much.

And you just shared so much from your life.

And this is actually the same.

If we talk to a person just being face to face and or if we talk to 10 people,

To hundreds,

To millions,

It's just the same thing,

Because the same words can come out through you,

From your throat.

It's just our fear,

Which is being projected by maybe some past traumas,

Maybe some past experiences,

Which made us think that our voice is not meaningful enough or not strong enough or that who will listen to us,

Who will care about what we want to say.

So we just really dig deeper into that fear and notice why it's there.

Like I remember from my past,

I had some experiences when I was a kid and I wanted to speak up,

I was shouting,

Screaming,

Crying,

But like my parents were not listening to me,

Because they were in their own arguments,

In their own words.

And like my voice was,

You know,

Like meaning nothing.

And I was trying to shout for help,

Trying to shout for them to listen to me,

To stop arguing,

But they were just not doing that.

So I just felt,

I think this first time when my voice just doesn't matter,

Even if it's as loud as I can,

It was not mattering anything,

It was not changing.

It's really interesting because it's really appealing to me when I say that now.

I never really realized,

But when I was young,

Yeah,

I came from a family with Asian roots and the communication is not the best thing that we can have in the family.

So how is the communication?

You don't speak that much.

I know,

I'm more about the emotions we don't speak.

And then like now today,

Because I'm an adult,

It changed because I was one citizen.

When I'm actually cis,

I just show them and yeah,

I just like give them like the love that I used to be,

To give to everyone.

So the culture is completely different.

But that's true.

When I was young,

I was not meant to express when they were not tired.

But you are not talking about what you feel,

How you feel or what you want?

I feel like there are a lot of families and actually I had similar experience with my Japanese friends.

She was telling me also,

There are always certain ways how you're supposed to behave,

How you're supposed to speak.

And if you are feeling something,

There is not everything what you can express,

Not everything what is appropriate to be expressed.

Exactly appropriate,

That there's a lot of shame because you cannot behave like that.

You cannot talk like that.

And I'm a girl and the thing is,

Yeah,

I have a strong character and my mom,

She used to say like,

Oh,

Just I should prefer that I'm not saying anything.

It's better just to stay quiet,

To play this role of the girl really quiet.

And I'm not like this.

And I remember so many times I wanted to express myself just to say something,

But it was way better to not just shut up.

And that's why it was better because it shows,

You know,

Like this repetition because when you have like this big open mouth,

It wouldn't be seen really as a feminine sound.

Okay.

That's interesting.

Yes,

It's really interesting.

Like this image of the girl,

You know,

The culture,

Like this beautiful Asian girl who doesn't speak,

Who is shy.

Yes,

And just follows this good girl.

Yeah,

A good girl and who stays with every side of the man,

Don't do anything.

And I'm actually not like that.

I'm really like a more strong woman.

And if I want to say something,

If I want to express myself,

I'm telling things.

And that was really interesting because I have a brother and he's more shy than me.

And my mom,

She used to say,

Oh,

It's strange because I'm behaving like a boy and he's behaving like a girl.

So we just exchange the character,

Which shows exactly how hard it was working.

So for sure,

I didn't have the space to communicate properly.

So it was more than swallowing the words inside and just letting go.

But at the end,

Just for some frustration.

So that's why after it's all about how he looked like,

And I think like this perfection shows today in life is important.

How strong it was when my parents,

Because I just have to be there just to be perfect and just to show to my family that I was good educated,

That I was good at school,

That I was all the best.

That's interesting,

Like how deeply we have put into our head,

Exactly how it's supposed to be.

And there are so many different pictures in our head painted by so many different situations from the past.

Like here,

For example,

Is that like from your culture,

From your family,

Actually also it comes just that woman,

Proper woman,

Supposed to be quiet,

Supposed to be peaceful,

Supposed to not speak up too much,

Not shout for sure,

Not express herself loudly because it's just like ugly,

Rude or.

.

.

So this is totally in the head.

And even though,

As you were saying,

You're a strong powerful woman,

But somewhere at the back of your head it was always looking you.

That's what I prefer to not do,

Or having worries and thoughts,

Or should I speak or not,

Because it was so deep in my education that I was really always thinking,

Okay,

What should I do?

It's kind of hard to be just ourselves,

To find a way to be ourselves.

And to let go all these layers of conditioning,

Because there are so many different things in our head when we are just trying to be perfect,

Trying too much,

Trying to fit in.

Maybe you are watching some kind of video with the person who's speaking and you see them so beautiful,

So perfect,

So clearly expressing themselves and that's why you are maybe not starting to do the videos,

Because you are waiting for this perfection,

Waiting for this moment,

Until you will be there.

But if you will be waiting,

There will be nothing happening,

Because we have to start and we have to record the shitty videos at the beginning,

We have to look funny,

Look weird,

And then just see it and then just let it go a little bit and free ourselves.

And that's all,

Because that's when you start feeling comfortable with your voice.

And actually,

Camera is a great trainer for us to speak up.

And also I think it's so important,

That was something what I really experienced myself.

Like when before I was in the school,

Let's say,

And I had to stand in front of my schoolmates and speak up on some topic which I didn't care about.

Maybe I had some essay about whatever,

History,

Something that I was not really interested in,

But I had to stand up in front of them and speak.

And I swear I would try to read it for like hours and days and try to like remember by heart and I would still not remember anything.

And my voice when I stood up in front of all those other kids would be just.

.

.

I couldn't speak.

I was not able to,

You know,

Like say something with my own words,

Because I had to remember by heart,

Otherwise I would be completely lost.

And then when I started to teach yoga,

I just explored that if I really care about some topic,

If something matters to me,

If I want to share something from my own experience.

So like yoga helped me to heal a lot of things,

Starting from the physical body,

Because it started physically,

Then going deeper into my past traumas,

Into emotions,

Into strength of my mind,

Into so many different things.

So then just by step I wanted to share more and more and then this sharing just comes out naturally and then I don't have to remember by heart the words,

Because they are from the heart.

So you don't have to remember them,

Because they just come out from you.

I think you had similarly when you started teaching yoga.

And I remember exactly at school what she said on the experience.

I remember it was in German,

Like for the German lesson,

I had to present something and because I'm actually not shy and I was speaking all the time,

But not in front of the people,

But with many of my colleagues.

So that was my turn and I was like,

No,

I cannot,

I cannot,

And that's a joke.

I was like,

Yeah,

Sure,

I mean,

No,

You can't.

And I was just in front of the class and I had to speak out.

I can't remember the subject,

But it was really an interesting subject.

And I just started in front of the class and I was looking to everyone.

They were staring and I remember that shame came in my face and I just panicked and I was like,

No,

No,

No,

I cannot.

And I just run away just behind the class and I was sitting just behind my colleagues and the teacher was like,

What's happened?

I was like,

I cannot,

I cannot,

I cannot,

I cannot,

I cannot.

And he was like,

Okay.

And he was really nice.

He was like,

Okay,

Tomorrow you can take any subject that you like and you just come again and to prison again,

The subject.

And I was like,

No,

Please,

Please,

Just do whatever you want.

And I choose the Beatles.

I remember I choose and I still have the portfolio,

The Beatles,

Because I love at that time,

The Beatles and I came and I did this German presentation about the Beatles and everything was fine.

Amazing.

Exactly.

That was really the example.

That's so good.

Exactly.

If you like something,

If you care about something,

Something is interesting for you.

That's what we should share.

Yeah.

And more of a,

Like,

Because it was in German,

As you said,

I was learning the perfect sentence to say without any mistakes because like,

It was,

Yeah,

French,

Exactly.

And the second is German.

So that was like,

Really like another language and it was like so easy to learn by heart,

But because I was in front of the people and I didn't care about the subject,

I was like blocked with the words and start to panic because I couldn't remember because I have this shame and all these people,

They were starring in me and I was like,

No way.

No,

It's really interesting.

But yeah,

It's all like a journey to find your voice,

It just comes step by step.

And even if someone's voice is like completely suppressed,

There is always the way to open it.

And I think the way is,

First of all,

Just looking into your past and looking at your fear and realizing where does it come from?

Why is it there?

Just instead of avoiding it all the time,

Instead of pushing it away,

Maybe if you're afraid to speak,

You just decide,

No,

I just don't speak.

I don't like to speak,

I will not speak.

That's pushing away the fear.

But if you are actually afraid to speak and you sit up like we are sitting right now,

Like you're sitting right here and talking,

This is this beautiful step when you are crossing the border of your fear and then this fear starts to disappear.

So we'll see.

Yeah,

We're gonna see this is my first time.

But look at yourself.

If you would see her a couple of minutes ago when I just proposed it out of nowhere,

By the way,

To make a video,

She was like,

What,

What video,

Video,

What?

And now we are sharing so many videos with me.

Yeah,

No,

It's really easy.

And I also take this opportunity because I think we have to face our fears every single day.

And if it's happening now,

Like there's always a reason.

And it doesn't mean it's all it doesn't mean because you are fear,

But speaking that you cannot do that.

And this is really,

I think it's all about perception because we have things in our mind and we just made up things and it's not a dream.

Yeah.

It's like video games are all about practice and just going through the fear.

Yeah.

And it's all about the journey.

Yeah.

Nothing comes like this.

It always takes time.

And actually fear,

I think is like our best friend because it's not fear we would never ever grow.

We would all the time be stagnant.

Nothing could be changing.

So we should really make good use out of this best friend who is the fear and just keep going with him,

Going out,

Hanging out with your fear,

Making him closer to your heart.

Because then that's the only way when it's not fear anymore.

It's actually your strength,

Your super power.

That's how your voice can become your really super power.

If you are crossing the fear of speaking,

If you just speak,

Finding the topics which matters for you,

Which are close to your heart,

Which you believe are important to be shared with others.

This is the best way just to find your own voice and to drop also the past.

If there were some blockages before some events,

Which made you think that your voice doesn't matter,

Just look at them.

I'm looking now when I was shouting and crying when my parents were not listening.

Am I still the same girl?

The little six years old girl who is crying and funneking and is hysteric because parents are arguing?

No,

I'm not.

I'm an adult woman without this lack of control,

Which I had in this moment.

With all the new experiences,

I'm a completely different person.

Am I still the girl who was in the primary school trying to speak up in front of classmates and they were not listening to me,

But I was not able to speak in front of them?

No,

Because today I know what I want to talk about.

I know what matters for me and I know that my voice is important and that it has power.

The people who I'm meant to connect with,

They will be there to listen and I will be there to listen to them and we just keep exchanging and growing together.

No?

I love you.

Thank you very much.

So can you give some maybe tip?

If you have,

You know,

If you know someone who is super afraid of speaking,

What would you tell to this person?

Just try because we always judge something that we think that it is right but it is always wrong and actually trying to cross our boundaries are the best thing and it's actually not so hard.

And there's a lot in our mind and about the past and I think that really just trust,

Trusting ourselves and try.

Thank you.

Thank you guys so much for listening.

I really hope you enjoyed it and that it was helpful for you because I think for us it was super helpful for both of us.

It's healing and it's just,

It's a long,

Long journey of finding your voice but it's a really beautiful journey and really fulfilling.

Thank you.

Bye.

Bye.

Oh my gosh.

Oh my gosh.

Oh my gosh.

Reviews

You guys are so cute! I love it! Thank you! Namaste 🙏

Great to hear, thank you for the inspiration.