I Don't know if you've ever felt This way when you've been out in crowds and then more crowds And then you had to move from one thing to the next there was no time to process no time to release And you just felt like you were buzzing all over the place It felt like I was buzzing all over the place and I couldn't sleep.
I had I was so ungrounded.
I couldn't sleep I got up.
I made some more milk with honey and tumeric and I tried to listen to meditation music But nothing was working.
I finally dozed off around three up at six.
I was fried again the next day so I realized that And so I had this feeling inside right so the feeling I talked about where I was like,
Ah I want to move the energy out of me and I was thinking to myself You know,
I could go climbing right now.
My daughter was at her dad's I had some time after work to myself I Could go to the gym.
I could go climbing.
I've really embraced indoor rock climbing.
It has been It was something I've discovered during the pandemic and I feel like I'm totally at home on the wall I just absolutely love it and it's been a real godsend to my to my mental health the thing about rock climbing versus Art making which is what I really needed to be doing and I'll get to that in a second Is that one of the things I love about rock climbing is that it's exercise without Me realizing it's exercise because when you're climbing You have to figure out these routes and you have to figure out how to move your body on the wall to best to best use grips and movements to send the wall and then to You know,
Blah blah blah blah blah.
So as cathartic as it is it still involves some mental activity What's amazing about painting is Which is what I needed is that that's the place where you fully surrender and you fully let go and you just Allow yourself to float into the ether.
So you're not using your mind You're not using your energy you're in a process of just opening yourself up to the canvas or at least I am and Allowing this incredible divine creative synergy to come in and work through you and it's like you're co-creating with this silent Comforting nurturing partner and while you're doing it the partnership the dance of creating art is healing you it's pulling out All the energy just sifting through all the energy You don't need that you've been carrying around all the muddled feelings all the toxins all the dust in your soul it just cleans it and It feels so good And so with this time that I had I thought to myself,
Okay I could go to the gym and I could work out all this like I feel right now Or I could paint and I really could not figure out which one I wanted to do I was like,
I know I go to that gym.
I can get some exercise in work on those legs It's leg day every day is like day my mind It's like day.
I want to build up my you know and get physically stronger And I just put my hand over my heart and I was like,
What do you want to do and I just heard go home and paint and I did and I went home and I painted and I I did the I opened the Magical portal of music and art.
I was listening to some Leon bridges and I was just Grabbing those colors and I didn't even have the canvas on an easel I put the canvas on the floor and down dirty with my artwork I got down and dirty with those oils and I mean it I mean I had oil paint everywhere I am literally the messiest painter ever I went to have found paint on the back of my knee and I had been wearing pants Like I don't even know how I got paint on the inside of my clothes.
I'm such a messy painter.
So So I got this canvas.
I hadn't worked on it in ages and I was like,
I just want to Throw some colors down on this thing and I put some Leon bridges in my ears and I didn't have to think about anything and I could feel the pull of emotions and experiences and wants and Disappointments and frustrations and doubts just being pulled out of my soul And I was immediately Transformed I was completely transformed my daughter came home shortly thereafter and When I answered the door and I her dad dropped her off it was like hi.
I was just like so Hugs and smiles.
I was beaming from ear to ear.
I had felt like light Shooting through my body.
I was so overjoyed.
I hadn't been so happy like that in so long I had it painted in so long and Another thing that occurred to me was that I was feeling that amazing and That amazing feeling I had was my own pure energy I was running on my own energy.
I Was running fully on my own energy,
You know,
I recently gave up coffee and I Don't drink alcohol because I honestly can't figure out how I mean I parent so low and I just I can't risk the headspace Um,
And the only thing I would possibly drink is a very expensive glass of wine And I just can't even justify buying a really expensive glass of a really expensive bottle of wine to have a couple glasses So I've just kind of given it up to no point really So I don't drink alcohol I don't drink coffee the caffeine just I didn't feel like it was really helping me and Don't really drink black tea.
I'll have a chai tea from time to time.
I feel amazing Because of it I cannot express In words how great my body feels having stopped drinking coffee,
But that's a story for another day And I Crap,
I mean my daughter got to the door.
I grabbed her and I hugged her and I was like mom is so happy right now And this is all my energy like I had cleaned out the closet of my soul I had removed the dust the debris the chaos the distortion I freed myself,
Right?
It's like when we gather so much energy we build these barriers to Ourselves from within ourselves.
Isn't that crazy?
And then we're trying to operate and have these like normal lives where we're Creating desires and wants and needs but we're not allowing ourselves to fully receive them or to align with them Because we are not in alignment with ourselves We are there it's like Russian dolls.
We're there underneath all these other All this energy and inside of that Russian doll when you peel off the layers of the doll of the doll of the doll And you find this core Unique doll that is who we are that is who I am and so It was a really liberating feeling To get back to me again and To peer out from these cloudy windows and to start to see clearly again And I highly highly Recommend that wherever you are Whatever you're doing if you feel like you are an observer of your own life peering through panes of glass Hoping to be able to reach out and touch the authentic version of who you are And what you want and what you came to discover Grab some pain Create some artwork get a pen and a pen And scribble scrabble and doodle and draw lines draw characters Allow your mind to Not have to think about anything for a minute and open yourself up to receiving that comfort of co-creating With your higher self your divine self Whatever it is that comes in Soothes the soul releases the dust and opens you up to yourself again so That is when I wanted to share with you today and on this beautiful Wednesday I hope that you realize you're worth discovering again That everything that you are wanting is wanting you and all you have to do is line up and receive it And by lining up I mean get into alignment with yourself Clear out the noise clear out the voices clean out the thoughts Move back into the wellness discover the doll Hidden among the other ones that is you Doll hidden among the other ones that is you.
Oh my gosh.
I love you so much
