Heart's Desire

In a quiet meditation, seek out your heart's most pure and mysterious wish. Take a journey within to answer, what do you most desire in this world? What would you devote in return? (based on Jacob's conversation with God and angels, Genesis 28; photo by Kevin Malik)

Transcript

Begin at this very moment, Where you are in this precise body, In this exact space, In whatever environment you find yourself, Accepting the weather around you and the weather inside you, Any patterns of turbulence in your spirit, The comfort and discomfort of your body, Wherever you are right now. Settle into that with a kind acceptance and a generous awareness. It may be time to close your eyes if you feel comfortable doing so. Take stock of your body. How do you feel right now? Weak and tender in places, Strong or stiff elsewhere. Can you be loving, Even amused, With the formation of your body as it is? Take note of your mass and volume, The weight of gravity on your organs, Cells, Even each atom, The space you take up right up to the limit of your skin, Where it interfaces with air or clothing. The wholeness of you is very delightful. Maybe the corners of your lips go up a little in a tentative smile, A layer of all that you possess, And you're breathing. You're breathing in and out in whatever pattern you started. Don't seize control of it, Just notice with a casual curiosity. And then gently shepherd it toward a deeper inhale and a slower exhale, A little bit deeper in again, A little bit slower again out, And then a little deeper still, And a little more slowly, Treating yourself kindly, Even playfully. Settling in, Thoughts come and thoughts go, And just let them unspool and drift. You can't stop thoughts. There's always blood flowing in your brain, Firing neurons, But you can become less structured in your thinking while you meditate, Letting the internal dialogue unspool into something more like gibberish, Letting the mind's imagery start to become more random, Dreamlike. If you get locked in, Just come back to your body, And your breath, And gravity, And the quiet and stillness around. You get trapped in a cycle of thinking, Just come back to my voice, Come back to this moment, And let your mind drift again, To an almost dreamlike consciousness, Random sequences of awarenesses, Letting the thoughts unspool and unwind. You're breathing, Your heart is beating. Through breath, And letting go. See if you can bring your energy level down, Letting some of the resistance and anxiety drift away, Like a photo of light from a lightbulb just spreading outward, Leaving you a little bit powered down. A deep breath, Even a yawn might help you to bring your state a little lower, Energetically, Almost into the liminal space between waking and sleep, Drifting, As though rocking back and forth on waves, Side to side. Maybe your perception of light becomes a little bit dimmed. In truth, Or just in your mind's eye, You might find yourself in a darkened space, Comfortable, Your head resting, Breathing in slowly, And out slowly, Settling in further, The weight of your body connected to the ground, And its gravity pulling on each other, The earth holding you close, Listen for a small, Still voice within you, An ember, A speck of desire, Breathe into that wishfulness. With generous awareness and playful curiosity, Listen to that deeper voice. What does it want, Most of all, At this very moment? Secured to the ground, What would it ask and request of the world? Listen. What do you hear from within, Your heart's desire? And what would you give in return? Listen still. What do you want, And what would you devote? Attend to that voice. See if you can draw it out from the secret fastness of your heart. Allow it to teach you something you may not have known yet. If you find yourself distracted, Just return to your body, My voice, Your breath, Whatever helps you settle. Continue listening. Continue breathing. Continue settling in.