When 'Trying Everything' Isn't Enough

Hi friends,

I'm at the most special place in Russia for me.

I'm at the lake Baikal right at the shore and the weather today is amazing.

And there is something that I really want to talk to you about and it is not something from coaching or professionally related.

As you know,

I prefer to share something deeply personal and.

.

.

Just something from my life that I hope will be helpful for some of you.

I'm Diana,

Mind Water Connection and Meditation Coach,

And I've been a digital nomad for the past 11 years.

And that is why I offer one-on-one coaching and meditation sessions tailored specifically for the unique rhythm of our lifestyle.

As I mentioned.

It will be a very personal and very vulnerable video.

And I'm not shy anymore to talk about that.

It is something that.

.

.

Very painful,

Hurtful,

And I would say problematic for the past.

I would say for the majority of my life.

It's about.

Family and especially about the parents.

Child dynamics and relationships.

Oh,

Okay.

I will not go deep into the details and into the story but what I want to share is that I haven't been.

.

.

Visiting my home country.

Which is Russia where my parents live for the past three years.

The main reason was that I just wasn't ready.

I wasn't ready to experience it all again,

To be closer to not only the culture,

The country,

But to my family,

To my parents.

It was until when I.

.

.

Felt confident enough in myself when I felt confident in the world when I knew who I actually was.

And when I would say became.

The person I always wanted to be,

The woman I always aspired to become.

I felt that,

All right,

Perhaps it is the time,

I'm ready.

I was,

Of course,

All this time,

All these years missing my family and my parents.

I love them.

But at the same time we have to.

Kind of complicated relationship.

So.

Took a lot of courage and a lot of preparation like for half a year I was not ready to buy the ticket I was postponing that and of course I was waiting for a better time which came and I knew we planned to go traveling together to this very special place for all of us we haven't been here before none of us and I do feel and during this trip which has been lasting for already a month three weeks I guess There were a lot of moments when I felt were truly unique.

And.

.

.

I was so grateful to live through them.

At the same time,

They were very hard moments.

When conflicts were escalating,

Especially between my dad and I,

And me,

And.

.

.

And you,

In some families,

It is okay to argue.

In our family.

It's a normal dynamic since I was a teen.

So I was kind of prepared for that,

Yeah.

Even though I changed,

I couldn't change completely,

But of course my parents.

.

.

Are still the same and so on.

But,

You know,

We arrived here.

At the lake.

I was so happy.

That night I had one of the last calls with my meditation teacher program buddies.

It was our live session where we were defending our final talks and it was a very,

Very emotional,

Very warm online session.

I was so happy.

It was at 1 a.

M.

Here at the local time and 1 p.

M.

In New York.

There is no reception in this place.

I had to ask my dad to drive me 25 kilometers to the entrance of this national park where there is the Wi-Fi signal and I had to beg the guards to let me in their.

.

.

Sort of office for an hour to have this call but anyway it was a very special time I was so happy and deeply touched and on our way back it was only my dad and I in the car we saw some wild animals and it was truly special and I felt so warm and very connected you know I was happy that we could share that moment together It was until then.

.

.

You know,

One more moment.

I was imagining that we would be here,

Three of us,

My mom,

Dad,

And I,

And.

I already had a few questions in my mind that I wanted to ask them.

Philosophical,

Very deep,

As the topic of life and the meaning of life has been very profound very special to me the last year or two years so anyway I was sort of waiting for a perfect moment to talk and you know to connect on a deeper level to get to know my parents more like you know persons not only my mom and dad,

But.

.

.

Yeah,

We were in a car with my dad and I felt,

Oh,

That is just perfect.

I got this thought and I thought,

I should just go for it.

Yeah,

I know,

I know.

It sounds kind of crazy that I have to prepare for this kind of talk,

But anyway.

It was my intention and when I asked him about What is the meaning of life for you?

It all escalated into an argument.

It wasn't a long one because I had to stop that,

But it was a very serious argument.

Conflict.

It all escalated very quickly and I.

.

.

Already realized that.

Yeah,

You know,

I just got all the answers that I had inside of me and And now I know that Our relationship just cannot get better.

It can't.

And I'm saying that being deeply Disappointed very hurt that night.

I just left and went to the shore to cry by myself there was kind of stormy weather and big waves so I was just like you know letting all of the emotions out so they will not get stuck in my body doing some of the mind-body connection practices,

So I'll just release it all and not forget about the moment,

But you know,

Kind of shift my state,

Which helped.

Yeah,

Of course,

But.

That is what I wanted to basically share of what happened and there is no morale here in this video.

I will not give you guys any sort of advice.

I know that all families,

Each family is unique and each situation is unique and it's up to us what we decide to do or not to do.

I'm not here to teach you anything but just to share what I feel and to share my experience which hopefully will be helpful to reflect for some of you guys,

You know.

But what I want to do is to encourage you guys.

To encourage.

To try with your parents at least.

One more time and perhaps.

One last time if it is something that you hesitate about or have been thinking about.

Because I know that I will be always regretting that.

Not having a great relationship with my mom and not having a special relationship with my dad.

Hmm.

And not having you know this perfect family that I know that all each one of us has been dreaming about,

Of having at one point of my life,

But what I will not.

Regret is at least not trying.

And I know I'm rest assured and I'm just at peace that I tried.

At least one last time.

Maybe there will be another time,

Another attempt to.

Try to get this connection or to shift the dynamics in our family.

I don't know,

Maybe this time will never come,

But at this point I am.

.

.

At ease.

I'm at peace.

It doesn't say that I'm not hurt.

That I'm not sad,

But.

.

.

Oh but i am I hope this video.

.

.

Will not be in vain when I was feeling deeply sad.

I don't even know how to describe those deep emotions.

I was listening to my own meditations on the inside timer.

How to work through.

Difficult emotions,

How to release emotions.

I have been receiving really warm reviews to these practices which I'm forever grateful for and I know these practices work.

At least for me and some other people.

So if you find yourself at some point of your life in a you know difficult situation or right after the conflict try out these meditations and one more time I just wanted to encourage you guys to reflect on whatever you were thinking about.

Family-wise,

Parents-wise.

Just to reflect on it one more time and perhaps try it out.

Thank you so much for listening.

For watching today's video.

I truly appreciate your attention and our space that we have here.

Thank you guys so much.

I know that.

I'm not alone in this situation.

I'm sure that There is nothing wrong neither with me,

Neither with my parents,

It's just.

.

.

Doesn't work out perhaps yet,

And I want to remind you guys that there is nothing wrong with you.

Never never doubt yourself Always trust your heart,

Trust your gut.

Do what you feel is right for you in your situation.

And if you ever feel like working together in mind-body connection or meditation,

Please reach out to me,

Especially if you're a digital nomad or entrepreneur.

I'll be really happy to connect.

And until next time.