This was, by far, the single most helpful thing I have heard in weeks on a purely practical level. I earned a Master's degree in 2007 with intentions to continue on for my PhD in quick succession. Life, family, injuries, and disabilities derailed those plans. I was able to resume my plans in recent months, and my first class as a formal doctoral student (albeit with much credit transferred in already) begins Monday. As is the case with my school and the nature of my accommodations, I received a copy of the course syllabus a week in advance and the class opened yesterday. I did the necessary preliminary things, contacting the professor with my accommodations letter, working on re-designing my coursework tracker since the in-house tracking has grown so much more robust since 2007... I even have my eTextbooks downloaded and physical copies of two in hand.
And I'm stuck.
I used to work a week in advance because I never knew when my health would flare up or my job ir child would have an emergency. I no longer work in that job and my child is now in university, about to be 20 years old.
I am a solid academic researcher and writer. And suddenly I am frozen. I can't seem to focus on even reading the brief assignment being used to ease us into the first week of study.
My PhD-in-progress is in General Psychology. My M.S. is in Counseling Psychology. My embarrassment at these facts and my apparent inability to use what I know to break out of this procrastination and paralysis is tremendous.
With that said, the key point you made here is something I had forgotten. Late in my Master's work, I was exploring the role of executive function regulation and procrastination, particularly with respect to ADHD. (I carry that diagnosis myself, among other things.) I remember coming to the conclusion that it was not really executive functioning, nor was it generally impulse control deficits, but rather something more fundamental, something in the processing and interpretation of stimuli that created this procrastination and distraction.
It was at that point where the course ended and I began my final capstone project, a research proposal which had nothing to do with that subject. It has nagged at me for years though.
I believe you are very much on point when you say it is emotional regulation that is the issue here. The technique you highlight - taking the next best action - is one I have employed with clients and on crisis holiness fir years, even utilizing myself- when I remember. I may have been leaving too much work at the office and not bringing enough home with me for a change.
The emotional regulation piece has been a running constant throughout my life, not only due to the ADHD but also because I fall on the Autism spectrum (formerly classified as Asperger's, now in the USA as ASD level 1, though I still personally use Asperger's for community purposes). Deciphering emotions - other's as well as my own - has always been challenging, and I worked around this by memorizing early on fairly standard body language "tells" which could clue me in while observing others. Doesn't work so well on myself, particularly in interacting with others.
The "next best thing" technique is one I use often - but only in the context of fear-based anxiety. I have no fear of my academic work. I never thought to employ that technique here, for that reason.
In listening to this recording though, three things became abundantly clear to me.
First, there IS fear present, but it relates to my physical stamina as my disabilities have progressed and now have a much greater impact on my ability to type for long periods of time and sometimes on using my voice. (Next best step: List all the assistive technologies I know- in one place this time - and put together a couple combinations that will work to keep up with coursework. My professor is already aware of these challenges.)
Second, I need to commit, really commit, to following a schedule to ensure my self-care and other needs are met while I progress, so I do not introduce unnecessary stress and concern and fatigue into the equation.
Third, a careful re-evaluation of my current obligations and roles is imperative. I cannot focus on something if I am always worrying that I should be doing something else, or doing it better. Time to trim the deadwood.
I had thought the procrastination was impulse control or executive functioning issues, or just general unease as returning to class after so many years. Speaking with my professor yesterday, getting prepared- there was no fear there though. Simply joy and excitement and anticipation. No fear. No anxiety about the work.
The fear and anxiety came from other sources, and my challenges with emotional regulation are plentiful. This is in no small part because I have difficulty even identifying what my OWN emotions are. I can determine if I feel "good" or "not good" but really have to think hard and analyze the circumstances to be comfortable assigning a more nuanced name to any given emotion, such as disgust versus irritation or thrilled versus pleased.
So yes, this recording was and is invaluable to me. Back to basics I go. What is the next best step? For me, in this moment, it is setting aside the textbook, resuming some workshop audio lectures I began last year, and utilizing that information to help me more rapidly move forward with the life changes necessary to bring more peace and less anxiety into my life. Knowing this is underway will take that weight off my mind, and the decreased anxiety will provide mental space and cognitive energy to focus instead on my studies.
Bookmarked this track, downloaded, and added to my student-specufic Playlist that sits next to my study music Playlist, full of binaural beat tracks, Sokfehgio frequencies, and white, pink, and brown noise backgrounds to enable me to study as I have since since the early 1990s and I was first an undergraduate.
Thank you so much for providing such a wonderful, targeted, beneficial track here. It's one of only a very few I have found do far dedicated to advanced students. I hope more will be forthcoming! 😊
Thank you again, so very much. I see you and the light within you. Be well. 🤲🏻❤🤲🏻
