161: The 4 Pillars Of Success

"Success" is definitely a buzzword in today's culture. In this episode, Tudor Alexander talks about a simple formula that you can follow for the rest of your life to find success effectively, practically, and repeatedly. He shares the four pillars of any successful relationship, business, and life - and they're simpler than you think.

Transcript

This is episode 161,

The four pillars of success in life and business.

My name is Tudor Alexander and this is the Dance of Life podcast.

Every week my goal is to inspire you to take action towards what you love,

Live a transformed life,

And enjoy the journey there.

Are you ready?

Let's go!

What's up,

What's everybody?

Thank you so much for joining me today.

Happy Friday to you as we dive into success.

What an awesome conversation.

I'm so grateful to be able to share things we're going to be talking about today.

We're talking about the four pillars of success.

Such a big word,

Success.

I have a great quote to help anchor us,

Anchor this conversation for today.

That's from one of my role models,

I'm sure in some way he's been yours or has affected your life.

That's Tony Robbins.

He says,

Success without fulfillment is the ultimate failure.

Very,

Very important quote in my own life because success is one of those words that's so broad,

Kind of like love or or discipline or anything else that's gotten so many different meanings and it's so vague in the same way,

Right?

So we always want success,

We want results,

We want impact.

But what is it that we really want?

What is it that we really want in life?

And in my own life I believe that a simple formula for that that you can use,

Feel free to steal this,

Is the true success is being able to be in good health and enjoy your time without obligation.

So what that means is obviously being healthy,

Being in good alignment with your body.

Because if you have all the money in the world,

If you're unhealthy,

It doesn't mean a darn thing.

And of course,

Enjoying your time without obligation,

What that means to me is number one,

Mentally you're not out of alignment with the present moment,

Right?

You don't feel obligated.

And be able to do things that you enjoy,

Whether it's following your passions,

Doing and traveling if that's something you enjoy,

Being able to enjoy life without obligation and being healthy.

Success is something that we all want so much of in our life.

And unfortunately,

I think that in the pursuit of success,

It's very easy to fall into what I call the biggest trap,

Which is success without fulfillment,

Which is what Tony Robbins quote anchors us in today.

And my point in creating this episode today is to give you four tools,

Kind of a simple formula,

I guess we're gonna expand upon a very simple formula that you can use in your own life to avoid the biggest trap,

Which is success without fulfillment.

So I'm gonna give you four pillars that I've used to anchor my own life that I have written about,

That I've talked about.

These four pillars are actually from,

So this whole principle of success I'm talking to you about.

I expand upon this in my book,

The Gratitude Map.

It's towards the end of the book.

It's a great book,

Free book for you,

Free mini course.

Go check it out,

Thegratitubemap.

Com.

All the stuff we're talking about today is gonna be in there.

Some of the course materials that come with it,

You're gonna have some lessons on this kind of stuff too.

So really,

This is a huge can of worms,

Guys.

But my goal with this episode is to give you some practical tools,

Mindset tools that you can look at in your own life and anchor your own approach to success.

So what success means to you is gonna be very different than what it means to me.

But in either case,

We wanna make sure that we're practicing these principles that help anchor us to getting what we want and being fulfilled and avoiding that biggest trap.

So super,

Super excited to share these really powerful tools that have made a big difference in my life with you guys.

If you like this kind of topic,

Make sure you subscribe for weekly content,

Then share this with one person in your life who needs to hear today's message on success.

You can also hit me up on Facebook and Instagram at Tutor Alexander Official.

With your feedback,

Your biggest breakthrough is your takeaway from today.

Once you learn,

Let me know.

I'm always curious to hear what makes a big difference in your life.

That's all that matters for me in the show and I truly,

Truly hope today's gonna make a big difference for you.

So with that,

Let's jump into the four pillars of success.

All right,

Guys.

So the four pillars to success,

Let's get right into it.

We're gonna use the success formula.

This is just a mental model that I created that will help anchor us.

Obviously,

I'm talking to you right now.

This is auditory.

If I had a visual on a chalkboard,

I could show you.

If you go to the gratitudemap.

Com,

You get a free book,

You get a free mini course,

But some of the course materials included in that,

There's gonna be some training videos on this exact principle of success.

And we go through basically this in a very visual way.

So if you're a visual person and you like this kind of stuff,

You really wanna dive into it,

Go check that out,

Thegratitudemap.

Com.

You'll be able to dive into it.

But for now,

We're gonna use the mental model of this formula for success.

And then what my personal formula is,

It's very simple.

Success equals value plus practice.

You can write this down if you want,

If you're listening,

You gotta,

If you have a notebook available,

Success equals value plus practice.

So we're gonna be breaking that all down in this episode.

So value right off the top is,

What does that mean?

Success equals value.

You have to,

If you wanna be successful,

You have to give value,

You have to put value as your number one priority.

So step one is you gotta get out of this me,

Me,

Me mentality.

What are you providing?

What difference will you make for other people?

The market rewards,

Problem solving,

Being authentic,

Moving in the direction of other people's interests,

Supporting them,

All these kinds of things.

When you're out to give value rather than get a reward or get money,

Your whole approach to success and your rewards are going to change.

And that is the key.

So when you are looking at this part of the formula of value,

How do we create more value?

How do I bring more value to the people around me,

My job,

My career,

My life?

And that breaks down into two subsets.

So again,

Success equals value plus practice.

Value breaks down into two things and your practice,

Which is your actions over time,

Break down into two things.

So value,

We're gonna break that one down first.

That one breaks down into skills plus heart.

So the first one is skills.

And what that means is part of your ability to bring value is the number of,

The set of skills that you have.

So for example,

I use this example quite a lot,

It's a bit of a silly example,

But let's say you can carve leaves.

You have some intricate,

Talented skill that you can like make a little artistic,

Kind of like jack-o'-lanterns,

But with leaves.

And you know,

That's a very unique and very different type of skill.

But if that's your only skillset,

You're only able to contribute a set amount of value to society.

There's not too many people who are gonna be interested in your work.

Maybe there'll be a few,

But let's say that you add to your skillset the ability to use social media very well,

To take pictures,

To create Facebook ads,

To market yourself,

To really connect with other people,

You know,

And to sell.

Let's say you have really good selling skills.

Then suddenly your ability to generate value to the world around you is going to grow,

Because you'll be able to leverage those skills to create more impact,

To create more relationships,

More connections,

More sales,

Whatever else.

So your part of the value is the skillset that you have.

And we're gonna come back to this in a little bit.

But the second part is heart.

You know,

So what does that mean?

So I'll give you another example.

Let's say you have a two people.

One of them is a cashier at like a McDonald's or a fast food chain,

And the other is like a brain surgeon.

Now on paper,

That brain surgeon is gonna make way more money than the fast food cashier,

Because the value that they bring based on their skillset is much higher on paper,

Right?

So we reward that because it's a very high level skillset.

You need training to be a surgeon.

You need,

You know,

Years and years and years of practice.

There's a lot of risk involved,

That kind of thing.

But there's part of this formula that's unseen,

And that's the heart element.

You know,

So now let's take these two positions,

Which there's a very different level of skill involved,

And we're gonna change the heart factor.

So the person who is a surgeon,

I'm gonna take away their heart factor.

They're gonna be able to take away their heart factor.

They're gonna be super cold-hearted.

They don't even want to do what they're doing.

They hate their position.

They only did it because it's,

You know,

Let's say you can make money out of it.

So they are in it for all the wrong reasons.

On the other hand,

We're gonna take somebody who is a fast food worker,

And we're gonna give them as much heart as possible.

So they go above and beyond.

They love everybody who comes in.

They're treating everybody with massive respect and care and concern.

Even though these two positions are very different in terms of skill and compensation based on that skill,

The fact that we're using a different level of heart makes a very drastic different result in the value that they contribute.

And the reason for that is because the brain surgeon is at a much higher risk of doing some major damage to somebody with the level of skill that they have versus the person,

Let's say cashier register,

Cash register person who is,

You know,

Giving 100% of their energy and heart and care and concern to everything that they do.

So when somebody comes into that store,

For example,

Let's say they're wanting,

They're really depressed,

And that person treats them with so much love and care that turns their world around.

What's the value of that?

You just maybe save someone's life.

Maybe they're gonna kill themselves later that day.

I know that sounds really morbid,

But look,

Let's say you take them to the surgeon too.

Somebody comes in,

They're super happy,

But then you have the surgery.

The surgeon who doesn't care,

Doesn't have any heart,

Doesn't put any passion in their work,

Messes up their surgery or gives them more surgery than they need or whatever else,

You know,

Because they don't care.

Now you've just ruined somebody's life.

So part of bringing value to the table is not all skills.

That's the main point.

It's partly heart and it's partly skills.

And I would say a big part of it is heart because again,

It's a great quote.

I think JFK said this,

Not 100% sure,

But it's been quoted a lot.

It's people don't care how much you know.

They just want to know that you care.

And that's really the point.

You know,

If somebody,

If you care,

That's more important than what you know in most of the time,

Because ultimately skills can be trained.

Skills are always going to be trained.

They're always going to be improved upon,

But if you don't care,

That's a major problem.

That's going to lead to a lot of misuse of the tools that you already have.

So heart and skills are what allow you to create value and to be successful.

And the key with this and with understanding this is,

For example,

Let's say you want more success in life.

You want to create more value in where you're at.

You can look at this from both of those perspectives.

Number one,

Am I giving 100% of my emotions,

Of my heart,

My passion?

Am I carrying 100%?

If the answer is no,

Then you need to care more and see where that takes you.

If the answer is yes,

So start with your heart,

Guys.

If the answer is yes,

And you are giving 100% of your effort,

Your passion,

Your talent,

Your attention,

Then the issue is skills.

You need to learn some new skills.

You need to improve your skills.

You need to improve your technique.

You need to delegate,

You know,

Something.

So basically there,

It's a skill issue,

Right?

That will allow you to create more value.

So this is a very practical way to evaluate your own actions,

The value that you bring to the world.

So success equals value.

You got to flip the script,

Get out of the me,

Me,

Me mentality,

Put value first in everything that you do,

And you will be successful.

And in order to do that,

You got to look at your heart.

Do you care?

How much do you care?

And your skills.

Like what are you able to do?

What can you bring to the table?

Now,

The second part of this equation,

If you've been writing it down,

Success equals value plus practice.

So the second part is practice,

Which is basically your actions over time.

You know,

Value is kind of your mindset and what are you able to bring to the table?

And practice is your actions over time.

Like what are the,

You know,

What are the things that you do on a repeated basis?

What are your habits?

How do you deal with failure?

This kind of thing.

And that practice,

You know,

Practice everything.

Success is a practice.

You know,

As Earl Nightingale said in The Strangest Secret,

It is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal.

I love,

Love,

Love that quote because it is true.

You know,

Success is not an outcome.

It is a practice.

And in that practice,

There's a lot of things that you add to your practice,

But I'm going to break it down into two.

I'm going to break it down into two and that's going to be resourcefulness and gratitude.

So the first part of that equation of practice is resourcefulness.

And what does this mean?

So resourcefulness means your ability to deal with failure and to see,

You know,

Opportunity in the things that happen.

You know,

Failure,

The only failure is failure that you don't act on.

Right?

And as Tony Robbins said,

Success without fulfillment is the ultimate failure.

So having reached an outcome,

Right,

That you don't want,

That you're totally unfulfilled about,

Even though other people may say successful,

That is the ultimate failure to be totally out of alignment with what you've achieved.

And that is a shame.

So we want to be resourceful with the failures that we get and see opportunity in them.

You know,

Like,

Let's say you go and set up an appointment with somebody that you want to learn something from them.

It's one of the action items on your to-do list and you don't learn anything with them.

It was a terrible appointment,

Whatever else,

Right?

If you just get depressed and get,

You know,

You want to quit and you stop taking action at that point,

Then you've truly failed.

But if you see that as an opportunity to say,

Okay,

Well,

What did I learn about this?

You know,

This source,

How was my own interviewing process?

What did I make a mistake on?

Maybe,

You know,

That person actually led me to another person because they mentioned one thing in the interview or the conversation we had that made me think about this,

You know,

So always see the silver lining,

The silver lining.

Always see something that you can take and take action on.

You know,

Look at all these different examples,

Like basically MC Hammer or,

You know,

Athletes that basically go bankrupt.

And you don't want to be a one-hit wonder.

You know,

Being successful is not about making an outcome.

It's about that practice of continually dealing with failure and continually dealing with trial and error.

That's a huge part of success of life.

You know,

It's not this long,

Scenic road.

Most of the time,

It's like climbing a flight of stairs over and over and over and over again where the scenery doesn't really change.

Maybe it changes a little bit if you look outside,

But it's just a lot of repetition.

So you have to be able to deal with that.

You have to be able to deal with seeing failure as an opportunity.

Another important thing to mention is that there's a difference between resourcefulness and economy.

Being economic.

Being economic is based on scarcity,

On playing it small,

Saving,

You know,

Minimizing everything.

That's not what being resourceful is about.

Being resourceful is based on growth.

It's based on seizing the opportunities,

Seeing failures as rich,

Fertilized areas of opportunity that we can plant new ideas and take more action.

You know,

There's no,

Another quote by Tony Robbins is there's no such thing as failure.

There's only results.

And that's really,

You know,

Keep your eyes on the prize.

There is no failure.

There's only results.

If something happens,

It just happens.

It's up to us to decide whether that is something we can use or if we're going to quit and not do anything about it.

You know,

It's part of it is success.

Part of success is the quantity of work that you have to do.

Like I said,

Climbing a,

You know,

A flight of stairs over and over and over again.

The other part is dealing with your own ignorance.

And this is why resourcefulness is so important because,

You know,

The quantity part is repetition.

Being able to like deal with those mundane moments over and over again.

But the other part,

You gotta be,

You know,

For ignorance,

You gotta be willing to deal with failure.

And the part of it that you just don't know,

You have to confront the fact that we don't know 90% of the stuff that we get into.

And that is the cause of our own failures,

Of our own missed expectations.

And so if you can confront that and accept it,

Then you can become much more resourceful when those things do happen and say,

Okay,

Well,

You know,

What can I learn from this?

I need to learn.

So what can I learn from this?

Whereas if you think that you know it all,

Then there's no room for you to accept an opportunity when a failure happens.

So very important to be resourceful.

Otherwise you're going to be stopped in your tracks by the first sign of failure.

And that's a big part of your practice as you climb those flights of stairs.

And the fourth and final key to that practice is gratitude.

You know,

The journey is meaningless if you can't appreciate the ride there.

I always say that.

It's a big motto in my life,

Especially with the book that I wrote,

Like I said,

The gratitude map,

You can check it out,

Thegratitubemap.

Com.

You get a free book,

Free mini course,

A lot of really cool stuff in there to help you put this in your own practice of success.

Remember that quote guys in the beginning by Tony Robbins,

You know,

Success without fulfillment is the ultimate failure.

And that is what the biggest trap is in the book.

I have a whole chapter on just this idea,

The biggest trap of falling into this,

This trap of being totally unfulfilled by the thing that you're doing,

That you thought that you wanted to do,

But now you don't want to do anymore.

That is a terrible place to be.

And that is because we've gotten out of touch with our basic habit of appreciation and,

And gratitude and tuning into,

You know,

I have to do this every day guys.

And I don't say I have to like in a negative way,

But for me to stay sane,

I have to do it.

If I don't do it,

I feel totally out of sorts.

And there's going to be days you're going to be really challenged.

Learn to take a little gratitude breaks,

Learn to take a little five minute break of appreciation,

Learn to build this in your habit.

I've got 12 powerful habits in this book,

And it helps you create your own daily gratitude practice.

So check it out.

If this is something important to you,

It's a huge part of any,

Any successful person.

You look at their life and they have a practice of gratitude.

Absolutely key to success.

A lot of good stuff in there.

Science of success,

Science of gratitude.

You know,

There's so much stuff with gratitude that impacts motivation,

Performance,

Relationships,

A lot of great stuff.

And that's why it's such a big part of my life.

I can't tell you how important it is.

That's why to be successful.

I believe truly,

If you want to have a comprehensive formula for success,

It has to include gratitude.

You know,

On those special series on Mondays,

I'm going through all those different habits of how to create your own daily gratitude practice.

But what it comes down to is practicing your ability to see the good,

Because on the road to success,

Inevitably,

You have to see what's missing in order to move forward to improve,

To take action.

You have to see what's not there.

Now that's an important skill.

You know,

There's nothing wrong with that.

We have to see what's not there,

But it's easy to get trapped in that.

That's the biggest trap.

You fall into this loop of seeing what's not there all the time.

And if you're not able to balance what's not there with what's there,

With what's already in your life,

What's what's already amazing and beautiful,

You're going to get so wrapped up in this what's not happening,

What's not there,

What's not on,

You know,

What hasn't been done yet,

That you just burn through your time,

Money,

Energy,

And you end up one day totally unfulfilled and cynical and unhappy,

Even with the things that you once really enjoyed.

And that,

That is the ultimate failure.

So gratitude is key number four for your practice.

Super important.

So we have gratitude,

Being resourceful,

Heart and skills.

All of those are super important.

That's your formula for success for today.

I have one more little suggestion and that's making your own formula.

You know,

This idea of modeling.

This was a fun little idea that I kind of worked on in some of the other stuff I created in these courses.

They're all available to you.

GratitudeMap.

Com,

Thegratitudemap.

Com.

But one of those little things that I use a lot with myself and with my students and clients is making your own formula.

And what I mean by this is,

You know,

Pick five,

This is very simple.

Look,

Just model your own behavior.

You're already successful in one area of your life,

At least one area you're successful at it.

Even if it's playing video games,

If you're really good at that,

Or you know,

Making crafts,

Whatever it is that you're good at,

You got good at it because of a certain set of habits that you've done on a regular basis that's given you an extraordinary result.

So look at that area and pick five reasons why it made you successful.

What made you so good at it?

You're already a master at it,

But you're not worried about masters a lot of negative things too.

Procrastination,

Complaining,

Blaming others,

You know,

Whatever,

Avoiding.

We're masters at those things anyway.

But look at the things that you're masterful at that are good and positive and make a list of five reasons why.

And then once you find your five reasons,

Apply that to an area that you want to be successful at.

It's pretty simple.

So let's say you want to be successful at this new business venture and it's just,

You know,

You're having some trouble,

You're having some resistance.

Look at an area in your life that's working,

That's going really well,

That's gone well,

That you've been really masterful at.

Make a list of five reasons and then compare it to your current situation and see where are you not following your own advice.

This is a very simple exercise,

But it's very powerful.

I'm going to share with you guys a formula for success from one of my own students.

If you're listening,

You know who this is.

Very,

Very good formula.

I absolutely love it.

I think it's so,

So perfect.

And I asked her what were the five things that had made her a good mother.

You know,

She had two kids that she raised,

You know,

Pretty much single mom,

Very busy with her own life and everything else.

So what made her successful as a mother and how could we could apply those five things into other areas of her life.

And so the first one was that she made it fun.

When it wasn't fun,

She still showed up and tried to make it fun.

Number two,

She didn't care about other people's opinions.

Number three,

She learned as much as she could,

In this case it's about parenting,

Right?

But you can apply this to anything.

Number four,

Dealing with,

She dealt with problems immediately.

Didn't wait,

Didn't procrastinate.

Number five gave it 100% attention and focus.

So if you follow,

I think,

You know,

This is,

You could apply this to literally anything.

I think it's such a great formula.

And again,

This was something that she experienced on her journey being a parent.

But now when you apply it to something else,

Now you already know what that's like as a parent.

Let's see if you can apply it to starting a business or starting whatever else whatever else,

A new life path,

A new project in your career and see where are you not following your own advice.

So pick your own five reasons and make your own formula for success.

Like I said,

I've given you my formula for success.

I've given you this other little kind of a structure with picking five things.

That is really what you want to do is create a structure for your own life and and pursue success in your own way.

Success is different for everybody,

But you want to avoid the biggest trap.

And the key to that is having your own formula for success.

So that's it for the four pillars of success.

All right,

Guys,

And that wraps it up for today's episode.

Success is such a broad category.

You know,

This is just the tip of the iceberg,

But these are some concrete tools that have made a big difference in my life and the lives of others that I've worked with that will help you take action and avoid the common pitfalls of success,

Like burnout,

Getting trapped in your own expectations,

These kind of things.

You know,

My goal was to help you create your own formula out of all this,

As well as help you evaluate your life in new ways that are not just based on results and achievement and all these external things,

But really to empower you.

I want to empower you guys to be truly free,

To be authentic,

To be truly successful.

Remember,

Enjoy to be in good health and enjoy your time without obligation,

To be fulfilled,

As Tony Robbins says,

With your successes.

That is really what matters.

And I hope this has helped you with some concrete tools to be able to do that.

And,

You know,

I hope you guys have enjoyed this episode.

As always,

Don't forget to share it with one person in your life that needs to hear today's message.

Success is such a big part of our lives,

And I think that this kind of stuff can go a long way for anybody.

I'm always curious to hear what makes the biggest difference in your guys's life from these episodes,

So make sure to tag me with your biggest breakthrough,

What you learned on Instagram,

Facebook.

I'm at Tutor Alexander Official.

Let's remember today's quote from Tony Robbins,

Success without fulfillment is the ultimate failure.

In my book,

The Gratitude Map,

I always say it doesn't matter what you do or achieve,

It's all meaningless if you can't enjoy the journey there.

So make sure you check that out,

Thegratitudemap.

Com.

A lot of useful tools for you guys to practice everything we talked about today,

To be fulfilled in life,

And to truly make success on your terms.

Thank you guys for listening.

I hope that you have an awesome rest of your day.

Tune in on Monday as we continue our special series on making gratitude practice.

We're going to be talking about making gratitude lists,

Really super important,

Have been very useful for your daily life and your practice of success.

Remember,

Remember,

Your life is a dance,

So go out there and dance it well.

For more episodes and weekly content,

Stay connected at danceoflife.

Com

Reviews

Loved it thank you so much!
I have trouble with self criticism, trying to be perfect and this has paralysed me for years. This talk was very useful to me.

Thank you very much 🙏

Perfect message for me today. Find the silver lining, learn from disappointment, grow... ❤️